I screwed up big time. Will he ever forgive me?

[abitbroken]

Girl. the only thing you have to apologize for is for what you are doing to YOURSELF. you are accepting a very low bar for behavior and you are welcoming/allowing disrespect. That smacks of desperation - you are trying to make yourself into such an insignificant person who deserves this treatment just to keep him instead of deciding you are more than enough and dating quality men. The only way this wll work is if you are okay being a doormat and a punching bag. You need to sever all ties with him.

[katrina1980]

Girl. the only thing you have to apologize for is for what you are doing to YOURSELF. you are accepting a very low bar for behavior and you are welcoming/allowing disrespect. That smacks of desperation - you are trying to make yourself into such an insignificant person who deserves this treatment just to keep him instead of deciding you are more than enough and dating quality men. The only way this wll work is if you are okay being a doormat and a punching bag. You need to sever all ties with him.

 

Amen!

 

 

 

 

 

 

............

[figureitout23]

Ok got to page 19 which was pretty good because my eye was twitching the entire time.

 

Telling this woman she’s abused will not help her,

 

A.)because it’s their dynamic, it’s a mutually destructive thing happening here and

 

B ) she’s just gonna go find another dude willing to put up with her crap.

 

That’s what some abused women do, I know I was formerly her, we find men willing to put up with our issues rather than fix them, the only men willing to deal with crap such as obsessive texting (which I can almost guarantee you even though it was glossed over was abusive towards him) is a man who has his own demons, so this whole idea that she’s somehow different from him is just mind boggling to me, they’re the same which make their toxicity work!!!! It wouldn’t work if one of them was healthy if one of them wasn’t verbally abusive if one of them had an ounce of self respect!

 

Ok whew got that out... the twitching stopped

 

 

The constant harassment from you is a big problem. It's almost like an obsession. You can't stop. You are both at fault.

 

But you said he should excuse your behavior if he loves you! Now you're reversing yourself.

 

You refuse to accept that this is an unhealthy toxic relationship. Instead you want to pretend everything would be fine if he just did whatever or if you just didn't do whatever. But neither of you has done a single thing to correct or realign your toxic behaviors.

 

You seem categorically unable to stop yourself from obsessively texting. Saying "well, I won't do that anymore" is inadequate. If you don't find out why you won't stop.

 

And why on earth do you want to stay in this awful relationship anyway? "But I LOVE him!!!" or "it could work if we both stop doing this and that" is not based in reality.

 

Smart guy.

 

Maybe he's appalled by his own behavior and decided to stay away for good this time.

 

Please do the both of you a huge favor and don't text or call him trying to lure him back with promises of "things will be different this time".

 

Agree with the above

 

If you don't understand it, you set yourself up to be abused by next guy.

 

Perhaps even physical abuse as verbal abuse tends to escalate.

 

Would you accept physical abuse if you felt it was your fault?

 

Where do you draw the line?

 

That’s exactly right Kat which is why she doesn’t need people beating her over the head... nothing gonna change until she realizes where she’s at in her journey.

 

You think he’s smart for leaving me? Someone that is willing to make changes so the relationship could be healthy.

 

You could prove yourself to him by giving your life to him it wouldn’t matter, unhealthy and toxic cannot a home make.

 

My ex husband beat me black and blue and I’m not exaggerating. Easiest conclusion is he’s a piece of sh*t right? Nope, it was our dynamic we literally brought out the worst in one another. I am so ashamed of the things I did and said in that marriage, the things I allowed...

 

But it was us together oil and water.

 

He hasn’t touched his new girlfriend from my understanding, he’s probably one of the best fathers I’ve ever met and I’m being honest here but he was a monster of a husband to me.

 

This relationship does not define you. You are not an obsessive crazed desperate woman but with him that’s who you are so until you disengage that all you will be.

 

You deserve so much more. Take it from me, I’m a whole person again, I was a shell with my ex and honesty? He was too.

 

 

It's how you are together that's toxic.

 

Your mutual dynamic. Together.

 

Some couples are just toxic together, they bring out the absolute worst in each other!

 

You and he are that couple.

 

Stay away from each other is my best advice, this isn't gonna get better.

 

Bingo

 

There you go with your "if he REALLY CARED about me he would act like a completely different person and CHANGE for me!!"

 

Doesn't that tell you everything you need to know? The right man wouldn't have to "change", wouldn't tell you to eff off and wouldn't send your anxiety sky high and compel you to text obsessively.

 

Bingo again

 

I wish you luck, I really do, please don’t hesitate to PM me, I’ve been where you are, I’ve been as low as you are right now.