Jump to content

What did I do wrong?


Recommended Posts

So, an old family friend invites me to stay with her temporarily after I had a health crisis and lost my housing. She reassured me her husband wouldn't mind. I refrained from accepting the offer for weeks until my situation and health deteriorated. I needed respite for at least a few weeks for my body and mind to recover.


Long story short, her husband is rude to me by being passive agressive behind her back. He flip out on me a few times, overreactions to minor things that aren't legtimemt issues. It was like he was really reaching to have a basis to yell at me. So, in response to the most mundane things he would snap at me.


There were times I didn't even do what he was flipping out on me about and he knew it. It seemed like microaggressions. He would balently ignore me when I tried to speak to him even if I was thanking him for something. There was this underlying irritation with me from the start. It was abusive, rude, disrespectful behavior and unwarrented.


Meanwhile, in front of his wife for the most part he would pretend and act like he was accepting of me. It got so bad though he started snapping out on me im front of her.


At first she would try to deny it "he is not that type of person" then just told me to "ignore it" or he didn't mean it "that way" then to cap it off with becoming defensive of me even bringing up his bad behavior. She wanted to gloss over it and wanted me to be effacing and quietly receptive of his inappropriate behavior. A few times it was so balant she stepped in passively only to never do it again. It seemed easier to try to silence me, refocus attention back on me as being the problem for bringing it up.


I spoke plainly about it, how it made me feel uncomfortable ect and then she ultimately flipped out on me saying that "I didn't like her family and thought they didn't like me" it upset her, she yelled, was over dramatic. She wouldn't let me respond so I just walked away in silence at one point. It was her yelling tripping out and me not being able to speak. I never yelled once.


She is his trophy wife and refuses to deny her anything whether he feels okay with certain request or not. Her family even says this. So, I think he accepted she was going to have me come but was never truly okay with it. Instead of express this to her he became resentful and bitter towards me in some twisted way.


Now her family feel I am the a**hole because I stand by what I experinced though now that I have left he tells everyone he misses me, cared about my well being,wanted me There. It is maniplative and balant lying. He was the so rude to me and mean I cried some nights feeling stuck with no where else to go. I fly from another state to stay with them. He was so mean spirited to me but why? Now that he scared me away now all of sudden he "cares" about me and ect His wife is vilinizing me to show support for him and protect his reputation. So now IAA.


She doesn't work and he takes care of her adult son, two teen neices, her adult grandaughter, and her 5yr old grandson. She didn't tell me all these people were already living there bevause she said she knew I wouldn't have come. She us right. If he decided to never say no to to the point he is overwhelmed amd being a jerk why am I the a**hole now? I worked my a** off for them while there cleaning up after 7 people, helping wife cuz she has health problems, helping take care of 5yr old with ADHD and Autism Spectrum, and their bad dog. Yet, this man would be so cruel to me no matter what I did. Yet he set me up bu being sneaky and manipulate to be the a**hole. Am I? People who know all involved are now considering me to be one. I lost 3 quarts of blood. My health was waning. This man did not care. It felt like he was being mean and nasty just to do it. I talk about this and now I am supposedly the a**.



Link to comment

It is obvious her husband didn't want you there. I don't know what your friend was thinking inviting you when the inn was already so crowded, to be honest. It was not cool of her to let you room with them when she knew he was not alright with it. That put both you and him in an awkward position.


I don't think I'd have any further contact with either of them. There's too much drama and rewriting of history. If anyone else brings it up, just say that you appreciated their hospitality at a time when you needed it, and leave it at that. No need to get into details or a mud-slinging contest.

Link to comment
She is his trophy wife and refuses to deny her anything whether he feels okay with certain request or not. Her family even says this. So, I think he accepted she was going to have me come but was never truly okay with it. Instead of express this to her he became resentful and bitter towards me in some twisted way.


This is definitely the crux of the matter. He was taking his frustrations out on you.


It's just an unfortunate situation. At this point, I think what you all need is a lot of space.


Is the friendship over? I don't know. That depends on you guys.


I know it's frustrating and unfair, but you have to put it behind you. Move forward with your life. Focus on better things.


So now IAA.


What is IAA?

Link to comment

I know it's frustrating and unfair, but you have to put it behind you. Move forward with your life. Focus on better things.


Yes, friendship is over. They are slandering me now. He should have man uped and been honest about this not secretly be mentally verbally abusive the claim victim and that I am lying. One day he yelled at me in public. It was humiliating and came out of left field. He spoke to me is such demeaning way people turned and stared. To now, maniplate the situation, because he doesn't want people to know he was scapegoating on me, is wrong. Worse try to tell an narrative entirely different that from what actually happened to make himself look better.


His daught-in-law and I got into a verbal altercation because of this and are no longer on speaking terms. It has turned into a nightmare. Now I am in a state a city with literally no social services, going to be homeless, durning end of Winter here. 3 shelters in town. All of them full for indefinitely. No resources here. If I knew this was going to happen would have never accepted her invitation to "help". They all disgust me

Link to comment

I am not sure if she noticed or cared. She is so use to him just going along with whatever she wanted that I don't think it ever crossed her mind that he would respond any differently to this request or need she had of me moving in. Like she told me not yo worry about transportation. I get here and he doesn't want to give me a ride even down the street. Then she goes from "Two cars here you will always have a ride" to "Well, you can walk"... In 20 below freezing weather uphill no sidewalks not to mention I had no Winter gear (jacket or boots, gloves). Her husband though says "Can't she walk".


Um, you are driving right up street why can't I ride along to grab something? He had no care or concern for my well being at all. Then she followed. "Well, you can walk. I mean if you had no other option you would have to."


Um two people have cars here. You promised I would have a ride when needed when I first came now I need yo pretend like no cars are here and walk in hifh snow wearing converse low tops and a spring jacket...


I think even she was shocked he wasn't as willing to do what she asked right away.

Link to comment

It's time to leave. They don't want you there and its your friends fault. She encouraged you and has now allowed her husband to villainise you. Can you go to your own family? You really should get out of there as soon as you can. It probably would be impossible to stand up to him. Please get yourself away from these nasty people.

Link to comment
now that I have left


Put them behind you, you're out of there. It made no sense for her to invite you there without consulting husband and getting a definite yes, and it made no sense for you to move in there without speaking with him directly prior to doing so in order to learn whether he was on board. So you played a role in positioning yourself badly. That's not about blame, it's about learning how to navigate better in the future. Victimization robs you of that, so I'd skip it and take the lesson instead.

Link to comment

Initially I was nervous about the offer to come stay with her and husband, on a temporary basis; it was always supposed to be on a temporary basis. The only reason we became in contact again was due to my mother’s death. When her, my mother, and one other woman were in their younger years they all became best friends. As the years passed everyone lost contact. I became even further removed from them being taken away from my mother due to abuse.


Flash forward years later to right before I came- about a month out. My mother and father mysteriously died during name month, week, year (November 2018). I was in progres of going to help take care of my mom when when passed away before I could reach her. Which was going to be hard in and of itself because we had such a dysfunctional relationship. I was still willing to try to help her in her time of time and old age at that moment.


I hadn’t seen her in a year because her boyfriend put a gun in my face and threatened my life. When I threatened to report him to his parole officer she freaked out on me. In the aftermath of him stabbing my oldest brother, admittedly unprovoked, she cared more about him not going to jail than the fact my brother almost died. She was so concerned with not dying alone and felt she gave up her life because she had us that it really didn’t matter what he did her loyalty was to him. He was a drunk, drug userm ex-convict, who stole from her and was violent. Both had anger issues and were codependent. When my oldest brother was at his worse he bullied him to the point of encouraging him to kill himself and eventually gave him the bullets to do it one night and he did. The bullying took place post the stabbing, him doing some time, and him getting out early for good behavior. He got drunk and made mocking jokes about my brother at his funeral and laughing. He is still paying restitution to my niece for him stabbing and almosting killing my brother. The judge was lenient on him because he had a documented history of addiction. Which he claim lead to the situation. I have never seen someone get off so easy so many times.


So, needless to say, my mother and I weren’t on good terms but still I was willing, hesitantly, to give notice on my rental and travel to her state to help with her. She dies before I could get there. I wasn’t able to make it to her funeral and ended up staying in state I was passing through to get to her state. It is there I met a guy who I ended up in an abusive relationship with. Something that I won’t go into much detail about. It is at this point my mom”s friend and I came back into communication again. At first, it was just us texting and calling casually. I would tell her briefly about what was going on in my life at the time and she would do the same. So, when we first started talking it wasn’t about me coming to see her. We had just got back in contact and were just casually getting to know each other again after a long gap of time.


As my partner at the time, started to become controlling and abusive I mentioned it briefly here and there but not to the point I was being overly dramatic about it. The abuse and control started with little things then gradually but quickly became full fledged primarily because I kept trying to enforce boundaries instead of be submissive in the face of his behavior.


I was still dealing with complicated grief due to my mother’s death. No matter how poorly a mother she was, she was still my mom, and death is hard of anyone. A week later, I find out my father also passed away but no one wanted to tell me because they thought two deaths in one week would be to much for me to take. Though he we were estranged I still grieved for never having the chance to get to know him and understand why he wasn’t a part of my life when he could have been. It is a surreal feeling to lose both parents in same week even though I didn’t learn about my dad’s untimely death until the next week.


To make a long story short, when we first started talking there wasn’t an urgency for me to come stay with her outside of her feeling like I needed to be around people I was familiar with while dealing with the grief process in the wake of both of my parent’s untimely deaths. She had offered and said she wanted to me see me very badly since she hadn’t seen me since I was a little girl as well. She kept saying she had a large house that had many rooms. So, she had more than enough space if I needed or wanted a place to stay. I kept telling her that I would be alright and everything was going to work out where I was despite any difficulties I had expressed. This, even though, I was holding back to some degree because it didn’t feel like it was her burden to bear. Though we knew each other prior it still had been about ten years since we last were in contact, probably more so she felt like a familiar person but still a stranger in some respect. We were going to have to get to know each other all over again with me as an adult now. To her, I got the feeling, in her mind, I was still that same little girl her daughter use to babysit. She remembered a past version of me that existed only in memory at this point.


As I did start to open up more and more she began to start pressuring me to come due to concern for my well being. As it was clear, in retrospect, that I was headed to a crash and not in the best of situations. So while it was nice of her to offer, I probably did need the help if the offer was legit, and it was nice that she wanted to see me, I wasn’t going to go most likely. I was trying to build a life where I was and handle any difficulties in my life on my own. I had been on my own for so long that it was what was most natural to me. No matter what, I was going to figure something out, because I always had only me to rely on.


So, I put on a strong face and boldly told myself I could endure anything as my situation worsened by the day. From the abuse, control issues, and harassment in my relationship and with his friends, to other things, to grief. My mother dying brought up thoughts of my oldest brother committing suicide. Towards the climax of my situation deteriorating I started asking her “what if’ questions toying with the idea of coming but still giving her a firm refusal. What if I come and your husband doesn’t like me. What if I come and this and that. To the point I think she felt frustrated with me because in the midst of asking her these questions I still was firm that I wasn’t going to be coming. So, I am sure it seemed pointless to be asking the “what if” questions yet I did.


I knew of the area where she lived and it was remote. If you had a car stores and other things weren’t too far away but enough away from her home that it still felt like you were living away from everything “in the country”. So, I asked her a bunch of hypotheticals.


“If I were to come how would I get around. The area you live in doesn’t have good transportation and while there are buses in the main area of town there are none near your home.”


Don’t worry about that. MY husband will take you wherever you need to go. I know how remote the area I live in is. You will always have a ride when you need to go somewhere. Whether appointments or the store. One of my sons is always here and he has a car as well. He can take you where you need to go if my husband can’t. There are two cars here for use so you won’t have to worry about getting around.


“Is your husband okay with me coming. I am essentially a stranger that would be moving in. Are you certain he would feel okay with this. Have you spoken to him yet about it?”


Yes, we are excited about you coming if you want to come. We want you here. You are like family. He wants to meet you and wants you to come to. Stop worrying. Be positive. Why do you worry so much?


“How many people live in your home? When I come, that first month, I will be broke after having bought my ticket so may not be able to give you much to contribute financially my first month but after that I can pay fair share rent. How would your spouse feel about this?”


Don’t worry about anything. We have a big house and we are doing just fine. We don’t need your money. You need to focus on getting better and saving some money so you can move out on your own eventually. You can’t do that without saving up enough money. We are finicallically stable. We don’t want or need your money. We just want you to get better and stabilize. We want you to come be around family. The door is open if you want to come. Even if it isn’t now. If you change your mind you just call me.”


Note: We are not blood family though I understand the sediment of it feeling that way due to out history but not so with her husband who I had never met.


I kept asking questions and all her answers were disarming and now I know deceptive. This went on for at weeks of going back and forth texting and calling as we updated each other about our daily lives. I thought about it, mauled over it in my mind but kept coming to the same conclusion- I wanted to stay and fight on my own going head first against any challenges I was experienced. It turns out I wasn’t indestructible.



I was in a dark place and I ended up attempting suicide at a certain point. I have been through a lot of trauma and I reached a breaking point spurred on my grief and a mixture of things. I almost died and lost a lot of blood. I requested my belongings be sent to my mom’s friend who I had just got back in contact with because I knew she would get it to my family who I was estranged from or properly store it until she could. I thought I was going to die and wanted my stuff given to next of kin. I guess it would have been my suicide letter that state this with her number. I didn't end up dying but this is how she found out. At this point I had lost my housing, was living in hotel I was about to have to leave because it was to expensive, left my place of living due to the domestic abuse situation (it was just easier to leave than stay and fight). There were a few issues that compounded on top of me already being a depressed person. I just gave up. I ended up accepting her offer to come after this but not before I questioned her about everything that could go wrong. Before I lost all the blood I wasn’t sleeping well, was super stressed, wasn’t eating well, my health wasn’t doing so great before the attempted suicide. It worsened and I have heart issues now. My lack of insurance they didn’t do a blood transfusion so I was sickly and weak. I was having trouble with my balance, heart, and breathing. I had to leave the hotel which the bathroom was awash in blood, mainly the bathtub. Three quarts of blood was in the bathroom surrounding me. It got on floor and ect so paramedics could take me to hospital. I was losing my life with every breath as my blood drained out of me.


Within the next week I fly to stay with her never expecting things to go so horribly wrong. From day one her husband was just so cold towards me, dismissive, indifferent. While she was all hugs, kisses, excited and overjoyed I was there. You pretty much get the gist of what happened. It hurts that she couldn’t remain neutral and be transparent about what was going on. Her husband was just down right a jerk and mean spirited towards me. Having lost my parents and being estranged from my family and having almost lost my life entering into a situation where someone was being so nasty and mean spirited to me, trying to make my life more difficult sent me into even deeper depression. Her wilful denial made it worse. Not knowing I was entering a house with a (35 year old) one of her sons, a (21 year old) her granddaughter from one of her other sons, her (5 year old) grandson from a different son, her two great nieces from her brother’s daughter (13) (17), her husband, her and now me. It was overwhelming. Her and the (17) year old were always fighting high intensity fights. The girls didn’t really take to me due to her kicking one of them out of her bed to so I would have a bed to sleep in. There wasn’t even really room for me. The house is large but also packed and everyone already had their space. So, when I arrived there really wasn’t a space for me. I ended up insisting the girl (13year old) have her bed back which lead to me sharing a room with the 5 year old who had ADHD and was on Spectrum with behavior problems.


They wouldn’t discipline him so he could be obnoxious at times and a lot of handle. Her son staying there didn’t seem to fond of me and warm towards me though I never knew why. He stayed in his room a lot, smoked weed, and I heard him express him not wanting me there. I didn’t catch the reason why. He was kind of cold towards me. I knew he struggled with depression so some of the distance was probably due to that but he just didn’t care for me. He didn’t understand why his mom was letting me stay there. It started to feel like the only person who was happy I was there was her- his wife, my mom’s old friend. To everyone else my presence there perplexed them and they all weren’t thrilled about it. Her 21 year old niece seemed freaked out by me because I had been homeless before as if that made me a bad person somehow.


It was one of the most uncomfortable situations I have ever been in. The whole while she kept speaking for everyone saying “everyone” was happy I was there “everyone” wanted me there “everyone” this and that. I was just sitting there thinking is she blind or something. IT was very clear my presence made some people feel uncomfortable and others uncertain how to feel. It seemed like me coming there was a mistake and shouldn’t have happened… apart of from her husband’s antics. She only really focused on that she felt happy I was there. No matter how many times she spouted bs people’s behavior in the house didn't match up to her expectations and assumptions of how they “should feel” about me or according to her how they did supposedly feel about me. Its like she was in 24/7 denial. I don’t blame her everyone around her plicated her. They smiled to her face and did claim everything was fine but it was glaring obvious it wasn’t by their contradictory behavior and at other times their direct words.


Her husband was by far the most obnoxious rude condescending, dismissive mean spirited brut of the bunch. He would go to the store for her multiple times per day whoever many times she would call and say she wanted or needed something. Why couldn’t I ride with him? It was like literally freezing cold outside and he didn’t want to let me ride in back seat. When he would eventually give in he would act like a major jerk to me as soon as we got in car together to the point I was afraid to ride with him anywhere even if he was willing. I knew to expect him being intimidating and a jerk to me. It just stopped being worth it but how was I supposed to get to the store? The closest bus stop near town was 30-45 minute walk probably longer due to uphill with snow and ice. Many day sit was snowing and the temp kept dropping but he didn’t want to give me a ride. “Can’t she walk!” I heard it direct from his mouth. I was still recovering from my health issues, another developed and I Had to take Uber to hospital. She totally abandoned me along with her husband though with her it was gradual not right away like with him.


Now, they tell people I was always welcomed in their home and they are sad I left. Who….? Her husband? Really? They guy who wouldn’t even give me a ride to a gas station that he was already going to anyway? A guy who was a jerk to me since I first arrived. Whatever! That man couldn’t stand me. The day his wife flipped out on me her adult daughter came to pick me up. I was staying with her until I can figure something else out but we recently got into a fight about the situation that she brought up. I didn’t want to talk about she brought it up. In defense of her mom and stepdad.


She claimed her mom had been trying to reach out to me but when I asked for concrete examples she couldn’t give them to me and kept avoiding answering that but kept trying to use to guilt trip me. Saying “My mom tried to reach out to you but you are being dismissive to her and not even trying to work things out, blah blah blah…. Something to this effect. Really? I asked her when did her mom call or text me. Her response, “Oh, that is between the two of you ask her.” Wait, what? You using it as an example of how I am supposed doing your om wrong by ignoring her but when I asked for facts, like concrete explained that back up her mom’s claims she revirts the question away from her. She claims they both love miss me and have tried to reach out to me. When? She is crazy.


I showed her actual proof that I had tried to call and text her mom and she was ignoring me. The day before yesterday she asked me to call her and she noticed she didn’t pick up when he saw it was my number. Then she called and she picked up right away. Even acknowledge thing she still kept claiming I was being mean by ignoring their attempts to reach out to me. My number hasn’t changed and she knows where her daughter lives and that I am at her house. I asked for times, dates, and examples yet she couldn’t give any but was coming to her mom’s defense using hearsay second hand info she couldn’t even confirm. I stood my ground and kept correcting her that esp not her husband- that jerk didn’t “miss me” nor care about me. They are telling other people this for sure too. It is upsetting for me that I came back to hometown to be slandered by people I could have rekindled a relationship with who know them as well but now I am being thrown under the bus and talked bad about. The whole family is just manipulative and they upset me so much. It is hurtful. I can’t even defend myself because they do it behind your back while smiling in your face like a bunch of Judas.

Link to comment

Um, it is not my fault. She told me she had spoken with him and he was okay with it. This is entirely on them primarily him for not being honest with her about not feeling comfortable with the idea. I didn't have his number. I had never met the man. The person I did know, who knew since I was a kid told me she had spoken with him and that he was okay with it. What reason did I have to doubt her? She is in her late 50s. Why would she lie to me? I don't think it wouldn't have received well if I implied I didn't believe and demanded to speak with her husband. I asked her repeatedly before I ever accepted the offer to come did he feel comfortable with this. She told me repeatedly that he did. I still have the text messages. I asked her so many times she became a little annoyed. I kept asking her a bunch of times about different aspects of me coming before I ever accpeted the offer. SHe kept reassuring me. So, to me I don't feel I misstepped. Neither of them were being fully transparent with me. We texted and spoke of the phone for weeks leading up to me coming. At any time he could have told her "Babe I really don't feel comfortable with this" but instead, as I saw when I was here, and as her family confirmed like he said, "he doesn't say no to her" "she gets whatever she wants". This is dysfunction in their relationship that leads to this. Even if I had spoken to him he would have told me the same thing he told her, the same thing he said when I was there in front of her- that he was okay with me being there. He never admitted, as far as I know, openly, that he wasn't okay with me having been there but that didn't stop him from contradicting himself and acting like a jerk to me all passive aggressive and rude. We spoke for weeks. I didn't know her husband and naturally assumed she wasn't lying to me when she lead me to believe he was okay. Again, he never said he wasn't he just acted grumpy, rude, mean spirited. So, still to this day, as far as I know in the presence of others claims he was okay with me being there. I was a housekeeper for 7 people, and a nanny for th 5 year old, and helped with the dog, shovel snow, driveway stairs, ect doing whatever I could to make their lives easier even feeling the hate or dislike from him. I think in this case I didn't do anything wrong. I trusted that they were in unity because that is the front they gave. He isn't an honest person. He accepts certain things, I think, for fear of losing her. I can't read minds. I had to go on what was told to me. Which was they he was on board. I am not upset bu what you wrote but simply repsonding.

Link to comment

I feel like people need to be honest with their spouses and how they truly feel. When spouses lie to each other or don't have boundaries to their relationship trouble happens. This man couldn't stand me since day one. It was hard for me to deal with that and the stuff I was dealing with internally apart from it. I did everything I could to ensure he was okay with this but like with many things in their relationship that I noticed he does whatever she ask by his choice. He lives to make her happy even if he doesn't agree with something. I have seen her spending money and him trying to refrain and giving in. He is well off but I could tell sometimes he thinks she spends to much. Does he say anything really. Not really and he usually says yet. His stepdaughter has said this and that she thinks eventually it will wear on the relationship but so far as long as she is happy he finds different ways to deal with doing stuff sometimes he doesn't want to do or agree to. In this case, before I came and after I have left he still maintains he was fine with me being there but this man wanted me to walk in snow 30-45 minutes drive right past me going to the store just to be a jerk. He was being unesscaryily cruel. Yet, according to him, have him tell it, he wanted me there just as much as his wife did. This is on them. They have a dysfunctional relationship that isn't entirely based on honesty. Its is easy to say put it behind me but my savings in gone and now I am in a worst position than I was before I arrived. At least I had savings before. I am starting from scratch in some small town with no social services and help. This is a nightmare. I don't have a sugar daddy to make all my worries go away. Both my parents are dead. I am on my own. I can't just move on that quickly. I am stuck here now trying to figure this out on my own when this wasn't the plan. Catfeeder, I honestly feel like they should have been honest with each other and then in turn she could have been honest with me, which would have prevented me traveling to her. I never even asked her she was teh person who kept bringing up me coming to stay with her temporarily. until I could get back on my feet. I refused her many times over weeks then finally caved. BUT she did tell me more than once that he was okay with it. There was no way for me to know any different.

Link to comment

When you're rehashing all of this negativity in words, you're stirring up all those negative feelings inside yourself. You said the friendship is over, so it's time to leave that incident in the past and start being proactive about your situation. Put all your time and energy into how you will get on your feet again--programs that will help you get a job, etc.

Link to comment

I already have income just no savings now. I can't focus on a job anyway with nowhere to live. There are no resources in this town. Three shelters. One for families with childern. One for men. One for women. 25 beds. I can't get in. I have been calling.

Link to comment

I agree Andrina, we all have to continue on living but that doesn't mean that we shoudl pretend like something major didn't happen and act like we are okay. I posted for support and feedback. It goes without saying I will move on with my life but what is wrong with seeking support and venting when I have no one in my life at this critial moment to talk to? I am moving on. Moving on to where? A street cornor? It it takes time to save up money to even get a ticket. So, when you say move on what is the intention behind that? Does my post and me venting irriatet you? I posted for support. I was responding to comments left. What is wrong with this? Did I trigger you? Do you feel I attacked or was unkind a a response to someone? I am asking sincerely. I am moving on, a day come adn another begins and it keep sgoing. I am still stuck in a situation connected with their family without any options right now. So, I no I can't fully move on. I don't have that option right now to just pretnd all this isn't happeneing. The argument with the daughter (40s) just happened yesterday. So, no I haven't fiully moved on. I have no where to go and I am dealing with a lot. If you feel I did something wrong tell me. I don't know if I am misreading your comment'response or not. I need to community and to hear their thougts and to respond. This is life saving and more helpeful to interact with peope not in the situation than you know. We all need someone some time. Right now I needed to be heard and interact with others. about this.

Link to comment

I felt alone going through this. It had helped just interacting with other people on here. I can't explain it but it does make you feel less alone even though we all don't know each other and probaly will never meet in real life. It just feels good to talk to someone. Thank you everyone who replied. This has been a lot to handle. I am gratful for a place to vent and talk about it instead of let it eat me alive. I am actuvely working on trying to figure out how to tranisiton away from them compeltely but nothing is instant. I hope by next week something will come up. Also, I met to write, there are three shelters in town. One is for men. the other for families and the last one for single women like myself. I keep calling and they tell me to call back every day in the morning. They have limited bed space and keep saying they are full and keep calling back to keep my name on waiting list to get into shelter. I need to leave though. I don't know how long that will take. I work online. It is going to take a few weeks to earn enough to get a ticket. There isn't much in this town. I wish I had never come here.

Link to comment

I am coming from a place that I find it fruitful to bring up things when you have a decision to make to get others viewpoints to help make that decision. You did vent, which is fine, but to continue on and on with more lengthy posts about it keeps the bad feelings bubbling to the surface which is bad for your mindset and your health. I'm giving this advice because I noticed what happened when I did the same thing, bringing up the bad things that happened to me in the past. It made it seem like I was reliving that thing once again.


I'm sorry for your bad situation. There might be resources you don't know about so you might try to do more research in that area or look into nearby towns that might have better resources.

Link to comment

Honestly, the tone of your responses make it difficult to take at face value just how "abusive" this husband has been toward you, and how illegitimate any of his gripes are. Why are you even around enough for these moments to frequently transpire? It isn't necessarily for a lack of honesty that someone may persist in preferring to have you around even if you're an annoyance if it would otherwise mean you'd be living on the streets. But it's no secret he isn't and now she and her family aren't fans of the imprint you've made. Speaking personally, if I were offered a warm bed, that's the extent I'd ever take the offer. Don't care if it's picking up a part time gig at McDonald's during my evenings or loading up on hobbies outside the house, but I definitely wouldn't be lounging about the house or otherwise stacking my presence on top of all the other folks around for whom he and she actually are responsible for. To the absolute best of your abilities, you should be out at 8:00 in the morning and back no earlier in the evening.


Choose one between a place to stay or a friend to hang around with and to gripe to. You're not going to get both and have it come out to a happy ending.

Link to comment

Your response makes no sense at all to the point I won't respond to it besides making this mention @j.man. There is a saying that goes don't bother trying to explain yourself to people who don't want to understand you. Don't bother explaing your story to someone who doens't want to listen or understand.

Link to comment

Andrina, the thing is that it isn't the past. I am living it right here and now. I have continued on because people kept responding so I responded to what they were saying besides that one big post trying to explain everything. This is helping me to get it out. My mindset is bad right now regardless because I am living in her daughter's house and we are bad terms right now after the argument. It is helping me release it, I promise you, to vent here. As people leave comments I feel like I have an obligation to respond and at other points clarify certain things. I appreciate you wanting to give me advice that you feel will be helpful to help me stay in a positive mind frame. The fact you took time out of your day to do that makes me feel a great appreciation for you. At first I wasn't sure how you met the comment. I understand now, that you have explained, that you intentions are pure and you want to help. Which is why this website exists. If no one else responds then I won't from here on out but I promise you, speaking for myself, that I am fine responding. It is helping me. It feels so good to get it out and interact with others. This town is so small with little to no funding. It is pitiful. I have been reading therapeutic articles, doing cognitive therapy worksheets, and reaching out to people even outside of my area for help. I haven't had anyone to talk to so it was nice posting here and getting responses. It makes me feel less alone or like I am not going through alone. Which means a lot to me. These feelings, the bulk of them aren't going to leave until I am completely gone from the situation. I can't entirely avoid them which is why I reached out. I am not going to feel comfortable being here. I appreciate your heart, good intentions, you taking time to respond out of your day. I am grateful for you. Thank you for explaining. Sorry, I was so reactive.

Link to comment



I don't have to answer to you or any of of your questions. I hope you find something productive to do with your day instead of trolling post. Have a good day J.man. Bye. I am adding you to my ignore list. I won't let you provoke me which is clear is what you hope to do so I am going to put you on mute my friend. You are better than this.

Link to comment

I'm guessing the husband is less abusive and is more inclined to an abrasive attitude stemming from a common sense awareness he's got a lady who would exploit his and his wife's hospitality and home sitting on a forum for hours at a time, scrutinizing him and his marriage rather than employing every best effort to improve her situation and get out of their hair.

Link to comment

As I have already stated more than once- I did and the small town I am doesn't have the resources of most cities. I don't understand why you would ask this when I already covered it in past comments. EVery town esp one as small as this doesn't have access to funding for everything you wrote. I Have contacted the social services in town and I have been waitlisted for help. Moving on. I won't address this question again as I have already have multiple times. This town's population is very small and those needing social servies even smaller so there isn't funding for all the stuff you spoke of. To even go to major store you have to travel to next town over from where I am now. Of course I have reached out to them. This is just common sense. Please stop asking about this. I can't control the fact this town is very small and without the help that I need most right now. I mean they have some stuff but resources are so low as of right now there is no help immediately. The only thing I can do is keep calling back and exploring other options beyond its boarders. Which I am doing. Thank you for suggestion, hun but I have already explored help leaving. Job trianing? I Have a job for the last time. If you are going to post to be atangnistic then please don't post at all. Anyone who has read through my comments and post knowunderstand the siutuation adn know I have addressed a lot of this stuff.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...