What did I do wrong?

[CarinaW]

@j.man

Again, I hope you focus on being a better person instead of trying to antagonize me and other people. You are better than this j.man, whoever you are. Be better.

[CarinaW]

J.man, if you had actually read my post and comments you would know I am no longer there, lol

 

Also, I can go back anytime I want. His wife welcomed me there and both have stated supposedly they wanted me there (to save face of course). I don't know you and you weren't there so would appreciate it if you didn't imply I am lying or that you know them personally so can speak for them or a sisutaion of which you weren't indivoled directly. Its a free country though so do as you wish.

 

I decided to leave. So, this comment is irrelevant and met just to provoke a negative reaction and antagonize. All you have done is take an opposing stance to anything I have said cherry picking. You don't have a good intention in responding, which is why I refered to you as trolling or flaming my post. Constructive cristsim is always welcome but that is not what you are doing. Please comment something productive and that is relevant to my post/comments and show you actually took the time to read up on the situation so your comments can be relevant, factual, and serve a purpose other than to try to get an inflamed response and take an oppsing view just to do it. Thanks

[j.man]

You write a lot, and you don't write it very well. Forgive my oversight.

[CarinaW]

To anyone who would have comments like j.man's, when someone is recovering from a major health crisis and has another one while still recovering from the orignal one, when somene flys to stay with someone for the sole purpose of recovering from a health crisis they aren't suppose to be out looking for work and running around town. I have a job by the way. Also, when someone lives in middle of nowhere, can't drive, and promises they will havea ride for them, it makes no sense to comment that the sick person should be up and running around time when they don't have a sufficuent bus system, a bus near them, no car, and are dealing with major health issues. Please stop agatanhnizing me and being non-sensical adn cruel. Some of the negative and most critical posters act as if they know every single detail of my health sisutaiton adn every other aspect well enough to comment ridcluious comments that make no sense in contect of my sustuation.

[CarinaW]

To anyone who would have comments like j.man's, when someone is recovering from a major health crisis and has another one while still recovering from the original one, when someone flies to stay with someone for the sole purpose of recovering from a health crisis they aren't supposed to be out looking for work and running around town. I have a job by the way, I work in tech if you must know. I work on accounts online I have a job stop saying I should be looking for a job. :eek:I have one!!!!

 

Try reading my post before you respond please. Be accurate if you are going to try to imply I am being lazy or some other critique. I have a job for the last time!

 

Also, when someone moves to middle of nowhere, can't drive, and the host promises they will have ride for them as needed, it makes no sense to comment that the sick person visiting should be up and running around town with no care in the world when they don't have a sufficient bus system near them, no car, and are dealing with major health issues. It isn't being lazy recovering from a major health crisis. I needed downtime. Yes, sorry that is an issue for some of you. Sorry you feel that j.man and the other persons who felt I this way.

 

Please stop antagonizing me and being nonsensical and cruel. Some of the negative and most critical posters acted as if they know every single detail of my health situation and every other aspect well enough to comment ridiculous comments that make no sense in context of my actual situation. You aren't dealing with my health struggles so don't tell me "what I should or shouldn't be doing" in light of my circumstances as far as activity. I am doing best I can.

 

I don't get paid by the day. Just like you j.man I get paid on a schedule and I have to finish the work first. Just like you, I have a right to recover from my health issues without drama that I didn't create, yet I have had to deal with due to this situation arising the way it did. I invested my money into coming that man didn't pay for my food, airfare or anything. I covered all my cost.

 

((((((( Let me say that again! I covered all my cost. )))))))

Which is why I am low on funds at the moment and out of savings. Not that I had $1000s or anything but still.

 

When I offered what I could my first month they refused. Again:eek: as already stated, she said they didn't need my money and just wanted to help me. Point is he didn't want my money nor did she. I would have been only adult paying and contributing to the bills if I had stayed. She doesn't work and neither other two adults in home pay rent (35 year old son) working not paying rent, (21 granddaughter) working pizza hut not paying rent and hasn’t for a year. I come first month offering what I could and guaratening full rent the following month if I had stayed.

 

So, get your facts straight. I helped them out in house something they can't deny to lessen their load and help. So, get your facts straight if you are going to come at me.

 

I offered gas when I needed a ride he refused. This isn't about money (he is very comfortable financially) nor anyone taking advantage. You are just being a mean nasty spirited person. I hope you grow as a human being. Attacking a random person isn't very nice. Everything I stated is fact about my situation even with her own family acknowledging a lot of the things I wrote like the nature of their dysfunctional relationship. So, unless you know personally please stop saying and implying things that aren't true just to flame my post!

[DancingFool]

I'm sorry what you are going through and I hope your health is getting better. It seems that your initial instincts about not taking up your friend on her offer were spot on. You already knew it was not likely to end well. As for the husband and your friend defending him, I mean you have to realize/accept that spouses will defend each other...normally....even if what they are doing is horrible and wrong. You can't really expect your friend to side with you in the grand scheme of things. Especially when you say that she is just a trophy wife, aka depends on him and his whims, not to mention she has to stay and live with him daily.

 

What it boils down to is that your friend likely had good intentions, but they didn't pan out and now she is fighting for her own survival, meaning she has to stand by her spouse no matter what an azz he is and a man who'll keep a trophy wife...you can rest assured is a bigger azz than you know. Her life isn't a picnic with him. You've now seen the naked truth about their whole clan.

 

The more you fight for justice, the more this drama will continue and continue to backfire on you. Time to distance yourself from ALL of them as much as you can. The more you fight them,the more you give them the opportunity to slander you, as counter intuitive as that seems.

 

Since you are working now and have funds, can you try to rent a room at least temporarily? Sometimes you can find a retiree willing to rent a room in exchange for a little extra income. It could be another avenue to look into for you. As for all those people, honestly, just drop off the face of the planet with them. Understand that sane people will see through their bs and everyone else doesn't matter. Take care of you and forget them.

[CarinaW]

DancingFool, I think you are right about that. She is older, with no savings, and grandchildren(family) she has to take care of. She has to think of our stability in this. I fully understand that. It hurts what happened but I can also see it from that perspective because the struggle is real and she isn't working right now. He is complete control of the finances. It is sad to see someone in that position. Especially a woman.

[CarinaW]

Dancing Fool,

 

I have never called her that in person. Even her 40 something-year-old daughter and her other son ( she has a few) have stated that fact. Everyone knows it. I guess I feel hurt so was just saying it here to vent. I never expected her to take sides. I also didn't expect her to lie for him, slander me, throw me under the bus. Just because I understand doesn't mean that I agree with it or it is less of a betrayal and hurtful. I mean she heard him a few times and out of respect for her I kept my mouth shout. She then spoke out and challenged him telling him I hadn't done anything. He was being illogical and I am glad, at least a few times she didn't just let him bully me unreservedly while she stood by silently; esp without a justifiable reason. Especially, when he like promised me everything would be okay.

 

 

You are right, I should have listened to my intution. I do think her intentions were pure but that things became a mess. Primarily due to things or circumstances- a home environment was happening before we got back in contact. It was dymanicis that already existed before I arrived. She takes people in or has, really just family. I just don't think he is always on board to do it but goes along with it. I think it is a messy situation that I had no idea I was walking into.

[DancingFool]

I didn't think even for a minute that you called her anything in real life. Just responding to the venting words on here. Of course, understanding rationally and agreeing with it are two different things and no amount of understanding can help your sense of hurt and betrayal. Unfortunately, the only cure is just time, venting here and seeking to let all this go once you are ready.

 

No question that the issues and the toxic dynamic was there all along. The man sounds like a passive aggressive nightmare as in that he says "yes" when he really means "no" and then lashes out at people about his own impotence. He saw you at a disadvantage, aka vulnerable, and therefore an easy target for himself to take out his rage. I'd guess it's not the first time she opts to pacify him and not the last. It's a dance they both dance, I'm sorry you had to get burned by it.

[CarinaW]

I'm sorry what you are going through and I hope your health is getting better.

 

Yeah, thank you. I feel too young to have these types of health problems. I hope things start to improve soon in every way including concerning my health. When you are healthy it makes most challenging situations easier to endure. When your health is shot it affects you mentally. I was supposed to be coming to get better. I hadn't been out of the hospital for a week and I flew to her city. So, when I first started realizing things may not be what they seem I my body was still healing. IN midst of this another health concern happened and I had to Uber myself there. It started to settle in that I was going to have to take Uber a lot, something I couldn't afford to do, indefinitely. I am not rich. I was suppose to have help with rides and I found myself having to catch Uber everywhere. Uber will drain your funds quick because you need a ride there and back. It adds up really quick. I started blowing through my savings just to survive there. I went shopping at a grocery store not far from where they live. He wouldn't wait for me so had to pay Uber to take back. Uber for here and there. That day he didn't go back to sit at the house all day yet couldn't wait for me. He grabbed two things and was acting impatient and left. I had no food to eat and was one of the first times I needed to go shopping to buy (my own food). I was getting tired of paying for everything when I barely had money left and they were suppose to help some. It is over now just not sure what to do...how to get out of this situation at her daughter's house... Thank you for responding/

[Hollyj]

I'm sorry, but I do not understand why you left your home city with no income? I also do not understand why you chose to move in with a stranger for a couple of weeks? Or is it months? Is there not any family or friends in your home city that you can stay with?

 

I am sorry with everything that you have had to deal with, but confused on your choices?

[Rose Mosse]

Carina, I read your first post and the feeling behind your other posts seem to be carrying the same sentiments. Your outlook is remarkably lacking in humility which I think is incredible but I'm also shocked. I can't ascertain if you are also dealing with depression or other mental health issues or if you are truly not able to see how your life and your choices have impacted the people around you or what it means to place yourself in another person's home. For your sake, I hope you seek more options to heal yourself and overcome these setbacks. This cannot (and I don't imagine you see it to be) a permanent solution or even a long term solution. You should try as much as you can to get yourself back on your feet and start making a life for yourself in this new neighbourhood and town/city.

 

Don't be too wrapped up in what your friend or her husband think of you and try not to think ill of them - move forward! You need to pull yourself together and pick up the pieces as soon as you are able and in your free time, dwell less on the negatives and your setbacks and focus more on solutions on moving out of this home and getting back on your feet.

[Hollyj]

Why are you at the daughter's house? I also don't understand moving somewhere remote when you don't drive? Doesn't matter if people offer, that is a great burden on others.

I don't understand so much of this!