Girlfriend going on cruise with single friends

[Starlight925]

I am going to ride it out see what happens with the cruise. I know in my current mindset if the cruise is still on I'd end it most likely right after she comes back as not to ruin the trip or make her feel down so that she can enjoy herself.

 

I am also not going to bring the cruise up at all to her I'll just see what plays out and if I feel the same way once she back home after cruise I'll let her know the state of relationship.

 

Are you serious??????

 

You'd end it because she went on a cruise with her friends?

 

Please, for her sake, end it now. Trust me, she'll enjoy the cruise much better, knowing there are guys out there who will wish her a great time and welcome her home in his arms, vs. someone who's going to be p*ssed off because she "dares" to go on a cruise.

 

My my. Seems you will be "AloneAgain", rather than AloneNoMore.

[Capricorn3]

I've been dating a girl for about 3-4 months previous to us dating she had a cruise scheduled for this September with some single friends

You seem to overlook the fact, time and time again, that she booked this cruise before you guys started dating! You make it sound like you guys have been together for years and then she went out and booked a cruise with her single friends. YOU are twisting things around and making massive mountains out of molehills. Dating only 3-4 months and already YOU are showing signs of massive insecurity, clingy, neediness and control issues (imo).

 

This was booked before you came along - she has every right to go with her friends. Don't be a jerk about it.

 

I am going to ride it out see what happens with the cruise. I know in my current mindset if the cruise is still on I'd end it most likely right after she comes back as not to ruin the trip or make her feel down so that she can enjoy herself.

 

I am also not going to bring the cruise up at all to her I'll just see what plays out and if I feel the same way once she back home after cruise I'll let her know the state of relationship.

Seriouslly!!!! Man, I have no words. Truly gobsmacked. You'd seriously end a relationship just because she goes on a cruise with friends - which was booked BEFORE you even came into the picture? This isn't about her. This is about YOU!! I'm not trying to be mean, but seriously dude, you've got issues. You need to look within, deep within, and figure out where all this is coming from, because if you don't, before you know it, you'll be alone once more. Get help.

[Andrina]

When I was single I went on a 7 day cruise with a friend who had a bf. She was faithful, because either people are or they are not. Being in a hedonistic environment doesn't suddenly make an ethical person unethical.

 

If your plan is to break up when she gets back, it's the opposite of what you think. She'll kick herself for not seeing the red flag that you can't handle a girls-only vacation, and wish she'd been single for the cruise so she could've banged the hot entertainment director.

[Normm]

The problem appears to lie entirely with you. It's not about her at all. If she had done something to betray you or even something to question her trust and loyalty that would be another matter.

 

Seems like you aren't even exclusive and it's only been 3-4 months.

 

My gf went on a cruise within the first 6 months I didn't give it a second thought.

 

Work on your insecurities or they will come back to bite you.

[shellyf62]

You automatically assume that your GF is going to be unfaithful to you while on this cruise? Break up with the poor girl now!!!

 

I have been on many cruises, drunk quite a few cocktails, met some lovely people, and not once have I dropped my knickers for anyone. And guess what, I am single!!!!!

 

Yes there are some people that go on a cruise to get laid, but if she has a wonderful bf waiting for her when she gets home, why would she even consider it?

 

You need to realise that there are people in the world who will always cheat & others who never will.

 

The ones that will dont need cruises, or alcohol, or anything out of the ordinary, they will just cheat. Be it their work colleague, neighbour, friends, blah blah blah.

 

Most girls go away with their gfs to have fun with their gfs. We arent on the prowl for men, we go to laugh & have a great time.

 

If you really feel this strongly break up now, dont string the poor girl along for 10 more months.

[superfan]

Do this poor girl a favor and break up with her now.

 

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. You may not think you're making demands of her but an invisible ultimatum is an ultimatum all the same.

 

You've essentially decided that you'll break up with her if she doesn't pass your invisible test of deciding not to go on a trip she had planned long before she met you.

 

Whatever your values are, expecting a partner to drop everything and simply because she is dating you now is beyond unreasonable, if for no other reason than the money she has likely already spent on this cruise. I don't know about you, but if I had spent that kind of money on a trip and some dude I had been dating for less than 6 months wanted me to stay home because he was insecure I would laugh him out the door.

 

Just dump her and find a woman who is as codependent as you are.

[bluecastle]

I am going to ride it out see what happens with the cruise. I know in my current mindset if the cruise is still on I'd end it most likely right after she comes back as not to ruin the trip or make her feel down so that she can enjoy herself.

 

I am also not going to bring the cruise up at all to her I'll just see what plays out and if I feel the same way once she back home after cruise I'll let her know the state of relationship.

 

Yeah, well, this got batsh*t quick.

 

Dude, I don't know what happened to you to have this little trust in people in general and women in particular. Whatever it was, I'm sorry. Hope you work it out. I mean in that in total sincerity.

 

Because to be preemptively breaking up with someone, ten months from now, for something they planned to do before knowing you existed on the planet—whoa. Just trying to imagine the degree of manipulation and neediness that will surface over the next 10 months makes me really feel for this woman.

 

Just know that, if she's a keeper, she's going to spot this stuff in you long before Sept and she's going to be the one to end it. If you can find it in yourself, now, to understand that truth then maybe, maybe you can go about getting a grip on this so you can treat a fellow human with the independence and respect they deserve, rather than policing them.

[Wiseman2]

Yes. Use a wait and see approach. You don't even know if you'll still be dating by then anyway, so why stir up drama now when there is no guarantee you'll still be together 10 mos from now.. Also make sure you do a baggage inventory if something like this is already bothering you.

I am going to ride it out see what happens.

[spunkmire]

Just tell to have a great time on the cruise because you know you will while she’s gone. Then drop the subject and don’t speak about it anymore

[Normm]

Just tell to have a great time on the cruise because you know you will while she’s gone.

 

What does that mean? She might think he's got other plans to keep busy while she's away.. not plans that are conducive to the best interests of the relationship if you know what I mean.

[abitbroken]

Think that's where some of it stems from and cruises have allot of stigma for hookup culture the whole on a boat, lots of alcohol , and I know staff get fired for hooking up with people outside of staff but they still do it and they on a boat for awhile. Lots of partying and the thought of it's not life since your pulled into this illusion.

 

Everyone I've known that did cruises when single didn't go to take in the scenery they went to party and meet girls or guys that they could just have fun and not have attached to life or reality.

 

On top of that people don't go-to the grocery store to let loose, party, get drunk, or as carefree.

 

She scheduled this cruise because she was going through a tough breakup and wanted to use it to make herself happy and I am guessing desired or to find herself.

 

On top of that her safety in these countries especially areas like Honduras isn't really having the great of safety or the best of news.

 

 

I went on a cruise. guess what. There were a lot of old people there. There were some people where it looked like a few girlfriends/sister groups in their 20s and 30s were there but there was no corresponding bands of young men who were there as a group to meet women. It seemed like it was retirees, single/or at least women going without their guys and young couples. And some mom and daughters -- ie, 45-60 year old mom - teen to 20s daughter. In september, the college kids won't be on the cruises. Everyone is back at work and at school.

[Sportster2005]

Trust people until they give you a reason not to. Not trusting people as a default, is going to lead to a s*****y life.

[AloneNoMore]

Well I ended it this past weekend for totally unrelated issues or concerns that came up since I posted this.

 

I found out that she had been unfaithful in all of her previous relationships straight from her mouth. a couple she cheated on them and then they cheated on her and the others they cheated on her so she took revenge and cheated on them.

 

I also found out because she told me that she smokes weed which I don't want around me due to personal preference and also career.

 

She also told me that she due to previous relationships one which was 8 years it was abusive and that she feels unloved and that no one cares about her.

 

It was a world wind couple days and all this came out in a couple days.

 

It was like a flip of a switch bubbly personality humor go getter to complete 180

[AloneNoMore]

Chalking my suspicion of the cruise as a gut feeling that ended up probably being pretty spot-on for concern

[reinventmyself]

She's single because she's had unsuccessful relationships, right?

Why are you single, exactly?

 

It looks like you tried hard enough to assassinate her character so you'll have justification.

You win.

[AloneNoMore]

Nope didn't assassinate she just has too much going on for what I'm looking for. I don't judge her for it nor do I think she's a bad person.

[katrina1980]

 

I found out that she had been unfaithful in all of her previous relationships straight from her mouth. a couple she cheated on them and then they cheated on her and the others they cheated on her so she took revenge and cheated on them.

 

I also found out because she told me that she smokes weed which I don't want around me due to personal preference and also career.

 

She also told me that she due to previous relationships one which was 8 years it was abusive and that she feels unloved and that no one cares about her.

 

 

I am curious to how all this suddenly came out? I mean you've been dating her 3-4 months, right? Why would she choose to tell you all this now?

 

People don't typically suddenly blurt these types of things out, especially all at once, unless they were somehow provoked or felt attacked or something.

 

Were you questioning her about her trip, accusing her of things she had not yet done?

 

Just asking, because again I find it curious she would suddenly blurt all this out, almost sounds like she did because was was tired of your accusations and insecurities; it was all said in sarcasm, like "yeah you're right, I'm a cheat!" and/or she just wanted out and wanted you to end it.

 

Doesn't really matter, I was just curious how it all came out.

[katrina1980]

Sometimes, people will say anything to avoid having to be the bad guy and end it.

 

I have a friend who recently told a guy she had been dating that she served time in prison for killing an ex boyfriend!

 

Not true, she got it from the movie "Double Jeopardy" but it worked like a charm, much to her relief, he never contacted her again!

 

Not a big proponent of lying but this guy had been generally making her life miserable with his insecurities, jealousy, accusations and basically NOT going away.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent. You gave it a shot, but with this info about her weed and chronic musical beds, she rightfully goes in the trash folder.

Well I ended it this past weekend for totally unrelated issues

I found out that she had been unfaithful in all of her previous relationships straight from her mouth.

I also found out because she told me that she smokes weed which I don't want around me due to personal preference and also career.

[AloneNoMore]

I am curious to how all this suddenly came out? I mean you've been dating her 3-4 months, right? Why would she choose to tell you all this now?

 

People don't typically suddenly blurt these types of things out, especially all at once, unless they were somehow provoked or felt attacked or something.

 

Were you questioning her about her trip, accusing her of things she had not yet done?

 

Just asking, because again I find it curious she would suddenly blurt all this out, almost sounds like she did because was was tired of your accusations and insecurities; it was all said in sarcasm, like "yeah you're right, I'm a cheat!" and/or she just wanted out and wanted you to end it.

 

Doesn't really matter, I was just curious how it all came out.

So the weed topic came up because she had a weed pen that her room mate gave her and I thought it was a vape up until I could smell it. She knew I support legalization but not something I want around me.

 

The cheating topic came up different day when we we're driving she brought up her most recent ex who I guess is trying to sue her for some security deposit or something. I guess he also told her he wouldn't sue her if she promised to go on a date with him once a week.

 

She also told her room mate that when her lease ends in November she was going to move in with me. That for me was something she discussed with him without me and we only been together 3-4 months that's a pretty bold move to think about moving in to someone's house you only been dating short time and not discuss it with the person your dating.

[Normm]

You dodged a bullet

[AloneNoMore]

You dodged a bullet

While I know I did it doesn't make it hurt or sting any less.

 

Even things we know aren't good for us we still hurt for them.

 

I know the big red flag was her moving in basically after a month ( I know I allowed it which I shouldn't have). First month she was at my house 4-5 days a week and she even moved her dog in.

 

Doesn't make it hurt any less. She is already on dating apps using pictures of us with me cropped out, changed her hair color, and her pictures have her all drinking.

[Wiseman2]

You dodged a bullet. She sounds too flaky.

She is already on dating apps using pictures of us with me cropped out, changed her hair color, and her pictures have her all drinking.