Confused. Was I rude?

[Batya33]

I agree with this.

 

I didn't get why anyone would need someone to walk their dog. So asking if he had friends confused me a little.

 

Yes the cinema should be a lone activity. I hate the suggestion of doing this with friends or a date (unless you still act like teenagers). I don't do it as I'm not a massive fan of the cinema but know people that do and people are shocked when they say it. Bizzare!

 

The thing is the guy complained to her about walking his dog alone so he initiated the negativity. Which to me is odd- he's a stranger so why inject negativity other than maybe "I walked the dog and it was so cold out!"

[Jellybean9]

The thing is the guy complained to her about walking his dog alone so he initiated the negativity. Which to me is odd- he's a stranger so why inject negativity other than maybe "I walked the dog and it was so cold out!"

 

I do think the whole thing is odd!

 

I would just say "walking my dog" it doesn't need anymore to it.

 

I think I mentioned in my post he was seeking sympathy or for her to join him next time.

 

Although I do think dog walking is a solo activity. I have joined people on a dog walk but because I was there.

 

All in all it is odd to me.

 

I think the OP had a lucky escape.

[Starlight925]

That's true about why he'd even mention anything negative WRT walking his dog. I mean, dude owns a dog.

 

You walk it when it's cold, you walk it when it rains, you walk it in the house, you walk it with a mouse....ok now I'm getting silly.

 

Bullet: Dodged.

[catfeeder]

Bullet dodged! What does it tell you when a total stranger starts off with such a whining dose of passive aggression? Your reach for some kind of practical answer to his complaint was awkward because he positioned you that way, on purpose. He was manipulating some kind of coo of sympathy, which would have prompted me to inwardly groan, close the convo and want zero more to do with him.

 

When someone won't even put his best foot forward to put a positive spin on meeting you you, what does that say about him?

 

Use your app, initial convo's and quick coffee meets to screen out flakes and bad matches. There will be plenty more of those than good matches, which is the point. Most people are not our match, and the biggest mistake you can make is to try to turn a bad match into a good one. It doesn't work, and it deprives you of learning and better opportunities.

 

Head high, you did fine with what this guy gave you--which was negativity right off the bad. Good riddance!

[purplepaisley]

Very interesting exchange. He was either expecting you to say something like, "Aw, maybe some time in the future," or maybe he was genuinely upset that you weren't available to him--not that you'd be walking alone with a stranger and go to his place, but I suppose he was either fishing for a pat on the head and some assurance you would like to meet, or he's just a little strange to be offended by having your own plans. Either way, seems to me you dodged a bullet. You weren't rude, and this guy needs to learn to speak up instead of being so cryptic.

[Capricorn3]

If anyone was rude, it was him. He showed you what he's all about and now you know you should head for the hills and never look back.

[itsallgrand]

When I was reading your post, I thought this guy was leading with a lot of negativity and it just didn't sound promising.

When I was online dating, there was this chunk of people who were on there with really bitter attitudes - and it shocked me they'd lead like that, with strangers, people they were ( supposedly) wanting to meet. They filter themselves out really and it usually comes out pretty early.

 

I think as you online date more, you'll get an eye for it. Move on and don't feel bad :)

[Batya33]

When I was reading your post, I thought this guy was leading with a lot of negativity and it just didn't sound promising.

When I was online dating, there was this chunk of people who were on there with really bitter attitudes - and it shocked me they'd lead like that, with strangers, people they were ( supposedly) wanting to meet. They filter themselves out really and it usually comes out pretty early.

 

I think as you online date more, you'll get an eye for it. Move on and don't feel bad :)

 

Yes I had the same experiences - I can even remember what they said because it was so shocking that a stranger would behave that way especially.

[Eliza50]

I decided to message him one last time just to say sorry if I had offended him in any way and wish him good luck.

 

I didn't expect him to reply (I did it because I hate feeling I may have hurt someone, even unintentionally) but he did with a long message where he posted the part of conversation that had annoyed him and said that I made him feel 'worthless' and I had no right to imply he didn't have any friends and he had been depressed (he had never mentioned that to me) and I made him feel worse and I have no manners and he 'can't forgive me'.

 

I think I've dodged a bullet, indeed.

[boltnrun]

I hope you've now blocked him from any and all means of communication.

[Wiseman2]

Yikes, what a weirdo. So the great lesson here in order to make online dating more efficient and less of a burn-out, is to keep messaging to a minimum and focus on meeting asap.

 

Also that humor and banter between two strangers and through texting can be very misunderstood, (not to mention pointless) which underscores the first point... minimize texting and meet asap.

 

Also don't waste time on this type of thing. As soon as red flags or some sort of creepiness such as this appear, shift to 'thanks, but no thanks', delete block and move forward. Don't try to build rapport through messages and certainly don't try to fix anyone you've never even met.

I decided to message him one last time. he did with a long message where he posted the part of conversation that had annoyed him and said that I made him feel 'worthless' and I had no right to imply he didn't have any friends and he had been depressed (he had never mentioned that to me) and I made him feel worse and I have no manners and he 'can't forgive me'.

[Zippy2000]

but he said ''you're a grown woman, think about it''.

 

He`s asked you to think about it? I mean you`re now expected to read his mind and expect to work out what went wrong. That's if anything went wrong in the first place or that's just him rejecting you by being rude to you.

 

You don't owe this man any more of your time. He`s not worth it. You deserve someone better and treats you with respect. Just move on. Not all people online are like this.

[Sportster2005]

Asking a question sometimes has an implicit message. If you ask someone if they're cold, you are probably assuming they are, and verifying it with a question. He probably thought you were implying he doesn't have friends, and took it personal. Hence, the nasty response. I, for one, don't think his response was warranted.

 

To avoid this in the future try not to ask too many interrogative questions that can be answered with yes/no. You are less likely to imply something, and you will find out more.

 

"Where are all your friends tonight?"

"How many friends like joining you on your walks?"

etc...

[Jellybean9]

Good on your for messaging. I'm a little bit like that too and hate hurting anyone's feelings so would have probably done the same thing.

 

Now you can officially wash your hands off him.

 

He shouldn't be dating in his emotional state right not if what you said is something he can't forgive you for.

 

I appreciate everyone percieves things differently but in my opinion he acted over the top!

 

Good luck with online dating. There are many bizzare men like that. The more you online date the sooner you'll spot them.

 

Hopefully this does not scare you away from online dating as there are some decent people out there too.

 

Best of luck :)

[Sportster2005]

I decided to message him one last time just to say sorry if I had offended him in any way and wish him good luck.

 

I didn't expect him to reply (I did it because I hate feeling I may have hurt someone, even unintentionally) but he did with a long message where he posted the part of conversation that had annoyed him and said that I made him feel 'worthless' and I had no right to imply he didn't have any friends and he had been depressed (he had never mentioned that to me) and I made him feel worse and I have no manners and he 'can't forgive me'.

 

I think I've dodged a bullet, indeed.

 

Should have kept reading :) Implying he has no friends was an unforced error, and one I'm sure you didn't mean to imply. His response reveals a lonely soul who probably has poor self-esteem. I would wager most well adjusted people wouldn't react so viscerally to a poor, but relatively benign question.

 

It's admirable you care for other people, but don't make the mistake of taking ownership of their crap.

[Batya33]

I decided to message him one last time just to say sorry if I had offended him in any way and wish him good luck.

 

I didn't expect him to reply (I did it because I hate feeling I may have hurt someone, even unintentionally) but he did with a long message where he posted the part of conversation that had annoyed him and said that I made him feel 'worthless' and I had no right to imply he didn't have any friends and he had been depressed (he had never mentioned that to me) and I made him feel worse and I have no manners and he 'can't forgive me'.

 

I think I've dodged a bullet, indeed.

 

Yes. Maybe my anecdote will help -many years ago I went on a few dates with a sad sack type. He was extremely bright, Ivy educated, a lawyer I think. We met at a party. During our first or second date he shared that he'd recently been fired from a prestigious company. I decided that asking too many questions would be prying because I really didn't know him well -so out of thoughtfulness I decided to express my sympathy but not ask a lot of questions about his firing or his job search etc - I figured I'd let him take the lead in sharing on a first date.

 

Hours later over dessert which he suggested he says that he was hurt that I didn't ask him about the firing, etc. He seemed offended. I tried to explain why I hadn't pried into the matter but he was set on assuming that I just didn't care. This guy also was setting things up so that you couldn't win in a way and you haven't even met. He wants to drag you down with him plus tell himself that he's not dating because everyone out there is so "rude". (and yes I dodged a bullet -I think we had 3 dates in total -on the third date he told me he'd spotted me at a party dancing with another guy and was so upset that he went out and got drunk -ironically the guy was a platonic friend of mine and the dance was not meant to be romantic but more of an inside joke thing). You're lucky you learned this before wasting your time meeting him!

 

And yes I can see where he took it the wrong way. And his reaction is creepy and extreme.