She blocked me suddenly :(

[katrina1980]

Oh wow - that's the exact word I told her.

 

She first asked me some questions even before giving her phone number.. then she asked when we texted and chatted... then she asked when we met for the 1st date.. then she again asked when we met for the 2nd date.. then she asked more questions when I finally lost my temper. I told her "I feel like I am being interrogated"

 

Okay I now see your and everyone's point, that is definitely over the top and intrusive!

 

So what's the appeal?

 

If I felt interrogated by a man like that, after only two dates or sooner even, I would be nexting him.

[SilverFactory]

Okay I now see your and everyone's point, that is definitely over the top and intrusive!

 

So what's the appeal?

 

If I felt interrogated by a man like that, after only two dates or sooner even, I would be nexting him.

 

I honestly wouldn't be so bothered about this if I was younger and had more dates. I am 43 now and getting really worried.. I have been on that site for 8 years and this was the first time I could progress to the 2nd date. This woman overlooked about the caste differences (we are both Hindu but belong to different caste)..

[nutbrownhare]

Oh wow - that's the exact word I told her.

 

She first asked me some questions even before giving her phone number.. then she asked when we texted and chatted... then she asked when we met for the 1st date.. then she again asked when we met for the 2nd date.. then she asked more questions when I finally lost my temper. I told her "I feel like I am being interrogated"

 

To be honest, I think you dodged a bullet there. She was asking inappropriate questions which WERE intrusive, and it's not nice being on the receiving end of that kind of treatment. People who feel entitled to pry into every area of your life do not make good partners, especially when they don't even know you. As I mentioned elsewhere, my ex became increasingly emotionally abusive and controlling during our (brief) relationship, and I think if I were to meet someone like that now I'd run a mile.

 

I get that your self esteem has taken a bit of a battering because of the lack of dates, but it's much better to be single than in a relationship which isn't working.

 

Good luck!

[katrina1980]

I honestly wouldn't be so bothered about this if I was younger and had more dates. I am 43 now and getting really worried.. I have been on that site for 8 years and this was the first time I could progress to the 2nd date. This woman overlooked about the caste differences (we are both Hindu but belong to different caste)..

 

Don't ever compromise yourself, your values and what you want in a long term partner just because you don't have many dates and worried you'll end up alone.

 

Learn to be happy and content on your own, otherwise you come off needy and desperate, not to mention can you imagine what a relationship would be like with a woman like this?

 

Frankly I'd rather be alone than with a person like this.

[reinventmyself]

Thank you..

 

It's so easy for her to find dates. There will be guys lined up in her inbox.. but for men its so difficult, especially at my age. I have been on that online site for 8 years and this was the first time I was able to get to the 2nd date with a woman. and now its gone and I don't even know what mistake I made :(

 

i wish I had a dollar for every man who assumes that women's inboxes are full of choices.

They may or may not be, but unless you have access to her inbox don't assume.

 

You had 2 dates. That's what dates are for. The discern whether or not someone is a good match. Most people are not our match. Try not to take it personally.

 

Just because you weren't what she was looking for doesn't take anything away from you. She wants a vegetarian dog lover and decided that that's not you. That's o.k. Shake it off and hold out for someone better suited for you. In the meantime, she is doing the same.

 

43 is still very young, bytheway.

And side step anyone that treats a date like a job interview. You were right have the reaction you did and should have walked the moment her questions turned intrusive.

[Hollyj]

Okay I now see your and everyone's point, that is definitely over the top and intrusive!

 

So what's the appeal?

 

If I felt interrogated by a man like that, after only two dates or sooner even, I would be nexting him.

 

I agree. I would not waste my time with an argument, and certainly not continue to pursue that individual.

 

Have you tried Meetups or clubs that interest you. Take some classes. Something to find someone with common interests. If you are not getting past the first date for over 8 years, something is very wrong.

[milly007]

Oh wow - that's the exact word I told her.

 

She first asked me some questions even before giving her phone number.. then she asked when we texted and chatted... then she asked when we met for the 1st date.. then she again asked when we met for the 2nd date.. then she asked more questions when I finally lost my temper. I told her "I feel like I am being interrogated"

 

Strange that she would ask all of these questions. I mean, they're bizarre questions to ask in the first place, but she should have known the answers since she was present during all of these chats, text convos and dates. Lol. Weird.

[nutbrownhare]

Strange that she would ask all of these questions. I mean, they're bizarre questions to ask in the first place, but she should have known the answers since she was present during all of these chats, text convos and dates. Lol. Weird.

 

Yes, it sounds as though she was trying to catch him out, or spot any inconsistencies. Bit of a nightmare if you ask me!

[katrina1980]

JMO of course, but a woman asking you if you drink or smoke or when your last LTR was don't seem to be all that intrusive to me.

 

Assuming smoking and drinking was a dealbreaker for her (it's not for me so no reason to ask), but heck I've asked men when their last LTR was and they've asked me and I think that's a perfectly legit question.

 

Personally, I'd rather not get involved with a man who recently broke up with his ex which is why I ask, and again they've asked me too probably for the same reason.

 

BUT asking these same questions over and over again, that's the intrusive part! Why not just say "you already asked and I answered," or maybe you did say that?

 

Did she ask you other intrusive questions that you haven't shared cause again I honestly don't see the big deal in asking those questions, as long as it's just once and you answered them.

[thisisrichey]

yeah you got a bit pushy too early is what happened. that's a red flag to most females and it isn't consistent across the baord what "pushy" means. the lady i am seeing now considered me "pushy" but we've both learned to find a middle ground and learn where our comfort zones are and accmodate each other in that way. but we almost broke it off over it too (who knows.. we may still down the road).

 

also you got super pushy while she was away in india and with family. not typically the time that somebody wants to be distracted by a 2-date stranger (no matter how well the date went). you should have respected her space, wished her well, and said "let's talk when you get back" than leave her alone.

 

you pushed it a bit. even got defensive about it and lost it a little bit (whether you were antagonized or not.. this is the other main red flag females look for... how much in control can you maintain... and you flunked that one).

 

From reading the post, I was not shocked that she blocked you. I am shocked that she responded after her trip. This one sounds like it's over. Sorry./

[Jellybean9]

I agree with Katrina.

 

Before I give my number to a man on a dating app.

 

I ask "what is he looking for?" "When was his last relationship?" And after talking a bit I sometimes ask "how long was his longest relationship or how long was his last?".

 

May be intrusive to some... But I like to know these things as I don't want to waste my time lol

 

So don't blame her for asking these questions... The asking again and again. But... This may be the case of her forgetting she asked? I have forgot on many occasions what a guy does for work. So it does happen, I don't mean it.

 

The mistake she made was meeting you. If she felt that way about you not being a vegan or having a dog. She should have decided not to meet you based on her questioning before!

 

Also could just be her excuse. She handled it poorly but it was just two dates.

 

Online dating is hard no matter what your age is. Trust me.

 

It depends on what dating sites you are using. Some are better for others in terms of age ranges.

 

Hold in there :)

[SilverFactory]

JMO of course, but a woman asking you if you drink or smoke or when your last LTR was don't seem to be all that intrusive to me.

 

Assuming smoking and drinking was a dealbreaker for her (it's not for me so no reason to ask), but heck I've asked men when their last LTR was and they've asked me and I think that's a perfectly legit question.

 

Personally, I'd rather not get involved with a man who recently broke up with his ex which is why I ask, and again they've asked me too probably for the same reason.

 

BUT asking these same questions over and over again, that's the intrusive part! Why not just say "you already asked and I answered," or maybe you did say that?

 

Did she ask you other intrusive questions that you haven't shared cause again I honestly don't see the big deal in asking those questions, as long as it's just once and you answered them.

 

Ok so this is exactly what happened.

 

After exchanging couple of messages on the dating site I asked for her number and she started asking me questions - looking for short term or long term dating? do you smoke? do you drink? have you ever been married / divorced? why are you still single? I answered all those questions truthfully

 

Then she gave me her number and we started messaging and talking. Things went well and we decided to meet for the 1st date. During the date she sternly asked "so, tell me, why are you still single? do you go on lot of dates?". I answered her but she was not convinced. She said "you seem like a nice fun guy. I am finding it very hard to believe you are still not married and still single". She felt like I was hiding something.. in her mind she was probably thinking men also have the same number of options like women and does not understand how difficult it is for men to even get a single response let alone dates.

 

We continued to chat and text and met for the 2nd date. After the date she said "I felt like we did not spend enough time with each other". I think she probably said that because her trip was coming up and we won't be able to see each other for the next couple of weeks.

 

2 days later I texted her and asked if some one was dropping her at the airport and she said "Yes a friend is dropping me. Do you want to come and drop me?" and I agreed to that. Then the dog issue came up and she started asking questions again - what are you looking for just dating or life partner? do you think I am anywhere close to you what you are expecting in a life partner? I am vegetarian, you are non-vegetarian correct? do you drink and smoke? when was the last time you had a girlfriend?

 

At this point I lost my temper and I said I feel like I am being interrogated. Then we got into a minor fight but I called her and pacified her. I also answered her question of when was the last time I had a girlfriend. But I guess she had already made up her mind by this time because she said "I won't feel comfortable asking you any more questions".

 

I just feel that because she got divorced she wants to make sure about the guy this time around. Sad thing is, her marriage was arranged and was with a guy from her caste and community. I don't know if he was a dog lover but I know he was a vegetarian like her and they had other compatibilities. But despite all that her marriage failed.

[milly007]

Ok so this is exactly what happened.

 

After exchanging couple of messages on the dating site I asked for her number and she started asking me questions - looking for short term or long term dating? do you smoke? do you drink? have you ever been married / divorced? why are you still single? I answered all those questions truthfully

 

Then she gave me her number and we started messaging and talking. Things went well and we decided to meet for the 1st date. During the date she sternly asked "so, tell me, why are you still single? do you go on lot of dates?". I answered her but she was not convinced. She said "you seem like a nice fun guy. I am finding it very hard to believe you are still not married and still single". She felt like I was hiding something.. in her mind she was probably thinking men also have the same number of options like women and does not understand how difficult it is for men to even get a single response let alone dates.

 

We continued to chat and text and met for the 2nd date. After the date she said "I felt like we did not spend enough time with each other". I think she probably said that because her trip was coming up and we won't be able to see each other for the next couple of weeks.

 

2 days later I texted her and asked if some one was dropping her at the airport and she said "Yes a friend is dropping me. Do you want to come and drop me?" and I agreed to that. Then the dog issue came up and she started asking questions again - what are you looking for just dating or life partner? do you think I am anywhere close to you what you are expecting in a life partner? I am vegetarian, you are non-vegetarian correct? do you drink and smoke? when was the last time you had a girlfriend?

 

At this point I lost my temper and I said I feel like I am being interrogated. Then we got into a minor fight but I called her and pacified her. I also answered her question of when was the last time I had a girlfriend. But I guess she had already made up her mind by this time because she said "I won't feel comfortable asking you any more questions".

 

I just feel that because she got divorced she wants to make sure about the guy this time around. Sad thing is, her marriage was arranged and was with a guy from her caste and community. I don't know if he was a dog lover but I know he was a vegetarian like her and they had other compatibilities. But despite all that her marriage failed.

 

They all sound like standard questions you’d ask someone you’re interested in, but over a period of time - not all at once. She sounds a bit over the top. And even if she did ask you some of the same questions over again, she may have forgotten that you answered them already. But the 101 questions was a bit much.

 

When you got frustrated with her via text, it sounds like it may have turned her off. Not sure if what you said to her was out of line, or if it was a reasonable reaction to this bombardment of questions, but something turned her off. Who knows, maybe her reaction to you being frustrated was over the top as well (depends on what you said to her when you became frustrated).

 

Next time I’d pick up the phone though instead of having a full on discussion via text, because whatever you said to her via text when you became frustrated, she may have interpreted in an angry tone.

 

You have to be careful when texting. Messages can be easily misconstrued.

 

She was intense with the questioning, you got annoyed & frustrated.

 

It just comes down to you two not being a match.

[MAXX]

After exchanging couple of messages on the dating site I asked for her number and she started asking me questions - looking for short term or long term dating? do you smoke? do you drink? have you ever been married / divorced? why are you still single? I answered all those questions truthfully

 

This is normal. There is nothing wrong with someone trying to gauge where you're coming from by asking questions and learning about you.

 

During the date she sternly asked "so, tell me, why are you still single? do you go on lot of dates?". I answered her but she was not convinced. She said "you seem like a nice fun guy. I am finding it very hard to believe you are still not married and still single".

 

Again, it all goes back to learning about someones past in order to weed out someone by their answers. All you can do is answer "truthfully" and if she wasn't convinced, just laugh it off and take it as a compliment, and it is a compliment that she can't believe you never progressed with anyone as she believes your funny, charming, and a great catch. If you became defensive by these questions then of course it will raise red flags!

 

2 days later I texted her and asked if some one was dropping her at the airport and she said "Yes a friend is dropping me. Do you want to come and drop me?" and I agreed to that. Then the dog issue came up and she started asking questions again - what are you looking for just dating or life partner? do you think I am anywhere close to you what you are expecting in a life partner? I am vegetarian, you are non-vegetarian correct? do you drink and smoke? when was the last time you had a girlfriend?

 

At this point I lost my temper and I said I feel like I am being interrogated. Then we got into a minor fight but I called her and pacified her. I also answered her question of when was the last time I had a girlfriend. But I guess she had already made up her mind by this time because she said "I won't feel comfortable asking you any more questions".

 

Ok, so she gave you the option to drop her off, fine, but then she ask questions and you lost your cool over it. Why? All she was looking for was a little re-assurance that she isn't wasting her time and that you align with what she is looking for. There were a number of ways you could have answered without being defensive, but instead you took it personnel as an attack when it was very far from that! You getting mad is another giant red flag to her!!!

 

I just feel that because she got divorced she wants to make sure about the guy this time around. Sad thing is, her marriage was arranged and was with a guy from her caste and community. I don't know if he was a dog lover but I know he was a vegetarian like her and they had other compatibilities. But despite all that her marriage failed.

 

What happened in her previous relationships is not your problem! Your one job is to create attraction by being cool, calm, and collective! You don't show a women that you're the right guy for her by your words, but you show them by your actions.

[katrina1980]

They all sound like standard questions you’d ask someone you’re interested in, but over a period of time - not all at once. She sounds a bit over the top. And even if she did ask you some of the same questions over again, she may have forgotten that you answered them already. But the 101 questions was a bit much.

 

When you got frustrated with her via text, it sounds like it may have turned her off. Not sure if what you said to her was out of line, or if it was a reasonable reaction to this bombardment of questions, but something turned her off. Who knows, maybe her reaction to you being frustrated was over the top as well (depends on what you said to her when you became frustrated).

 

Next time I’d pick up the phone though instead of having a full on discussion via text, because whatever you said to her via text when you became frustrated, she may have interpreted in an angry tone.

 

You have to be careful when texting. Messages can be easily misconstrued.

 

She was intense with the questioning, you got annoyed & frustrated.

 

It just comes down to you two not being a match.

 

Agree and also curious what you said to "pacify" her.

 

Depending on what you said, she may have interpreted that as condescending (I might have) so that along with losing your cool in the first place (no matter what the reason), yeah she was turned off, period end of.

 

Quite common OP especially in these very early stages when feelings can literally change on a dime.

[Capricorn3]

What happened in her previous relationships is not your problem! Your one job is to create attraction by being cool, calm, and collective! You don't show a women that you're the right guy for her by your words, but you show them by your actions.

Yes indeed, and the SAME applies to the actions of women. She shows she is the right woman for him by her actions, and quite frankly, the actions of this woman was over the top to the point of interrogation. It was her manner, her tone - enough to make any man head in the opposite direction, imo. The OP can do a LOT better than this woman.

[katrina1980]

Yes indeed, and the SAME applies to the actions of women. She shows she is the right woman for him by her actions, and quite frankly, the actions of this woman was over the top to the point of interrogation. It was her manner, her tone - enough to make any man head in the opposite direction, imo. The OP can do a LOT better than this woman.

 

Exactly which is why it sort of boggles the mind why he would even wish to pursue this.

[MAXX]

Yes indeed, and the SAME applies to the actions of women. She shows she is the right woman for him by her actions, and quite frankly, the actions of this woman was over the top to the point of interrogation. It was her manner, her tone - enough to make any man head in the opposite direction, imo. The OP can do a LOT better than this woman.

 

She's not the one that did anything wrong here, other than looking for re-assurance...nothing more. Call it a test, call it interrogation, call it what ever you want, but his response is what set the tone, not her asking the questions!

[Capricorn3]

She's not the one that did anything wrong here, other than looking for re-assurance...nothing more. Call it a test, call it interrogation, call it what ever you want, but his response is what set the tone, not her asking the questions!

 

You are totally missing the point! It was HER tone, her manner. She asked her questions once, which is just fine. He answered her. Then she does it all over again, round two. Why? What for? There was no need for her to dig and prod with the same questions a second time - and yes, in the tone of interrogation. Totally unnecessary and uncalled for. She was being way too pushy. If a guy did this to me I'd show him the door too.

 

There is no need to fire away with a thousand questions at a first meeting. You give it a little time, over a few dates. Basically you ease into getting to know someone. You're not going on a first date with someone to be interviewed and interrogated with a thousand questions fired your way in an aggressive tone.

[MAXX]

You are totally missing the point! It was HER tone, her manner. She asked her questions once, which is just fine. He answered her. Then she does it all over again, round two. Why? What for? There was no need for her to dig and prod with the same questions a second time - and yes, in the tone of interrogation. Totally unnecessary and uncalled for. She was being way too pushy. If a guy did this to me I'd show him the door too.

 

There is no need to fire away with a thousand questions at a first meeting. You give it a little time, over a few dates. Basically you ease into getting to know someone. You're not going on a first date with someone to be interviewed and interrogated with a thousand questions fired your way in an aggressive tone.

 

Lol, no point was missed on my end. Either you understand what this interaction was or you don't. Who's to say that her tone was aggressive? Because the OP took it that way? She was ready to let him come to the airport until he freaked out! So of course it had a negative effect. If someone is that easily offended by a few questions I would be worried. Anyways, to each their own

[katrina1980]

She's not the one that did anything wrong here, other than looking for re-assurance...nothing more. Call it a test, call it interrogation, call it what ever you want, but his response is what set the tone, not her asking the questions!

 

MAXX, it wasn't the questions per se but the way in which she asked the questions, and then asking the same questions, using the same tone, over and over.

 

My late mom taught me something a long time ago which was "it's not what you say, but how you say it."

 

She also taught me "the less said the better," although still trying to master that one! LOL

 

From what OP described, she came off quite heavy handed in the way she presented these questions to him ad nauseum.

 

That said, he should not have lost his cool; as you said we look for how well a man can control his emotions, especially in these early stages when we're observing whether or not he is right for us.

 

HE should be doing the same!

 

Bottom line, they're a total mismatch, and best they just move on and look for others who might be a better fit.

[Capricorn3]

Lol, no point was missed on my end. Either you understand what this interaction was or you don't. Who's to say that her tone was aggressive? Because the OP took it that way? She was ready to let him come to the airport until he freaked out! So of course it had a negative effect. If someone is that easily offended by a few questions I would be worried. Anyways, to each their own

Well if you're into women like her then all I can say is I wish you luck in your relationships, lol.

[SilverFactory]

She was ready to let him come to the airport until he freaked out! So of course it had a negative effect. If someone is that easily offended by a few questions I would be worried. Anyways, to each their own

 

Nope she said she will just go with her friend.. and then started about the dog and then the questions...

[mustlovedogs]

OP, it all does not matter.

 

She’s not interested.

 

The end.

[MAXX]

Ok, I'll play the role as the azzhole because I'm sure many have already labelled me as such...good, you should. Either you've been in the dating game and understand what is going on or you don't. As far as I'm concerned this is on the OP! Her loss of attraction is on YOU, not HER! Even if you think she was being aggressive (Which I doubt) This situation could have been easily defused but it wasn't. I already mentioned the reasons why, no need to explain for a 3rd time. I've dated girls who asked the same questions on 2 different occasions, and not once did I take it as offensive, not once did I get annoyed or get mad, I understood why she was asking, you sir did not! As far as I'm concerned this woman was not flaky whatsoever, she was just being a girl who was getting back into the dating scene and figuring things out, as are you.

 

OP, if you came here to vent, by all means vent and tell your story. If you're looking for feedback, I just gave you mine. From what I take it you are newly back in the dating scene yourself, I highly suggest you look at reading material from reputable sources on dating, and how men and women have different dynamics and what your job is to do in order to be successful. Are my words harsh? Ya, for sure, I'm pretty blunt, but I'm in here to give the ugly and brutal truth in order to help you succeed!

 

Carry on...