beemea Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Hello everyone, I love this forum and do believe reading everyones posts and posting some of my own has helped me move things along alot in my personal life. So ive been dating this guy i know since May, we go on lots of dates at least once a week we have slept together countless times and text each other at least once everyday we dont lose touch at all and i feel that we are pretty comfortable. we havent had any type of deep emotional talks and havent discussed exactly what we are, despite seeing each other for about 6 months. i have a work holiday party in december which is going to be out of town; my job will pay for their employee and a guest (flight and hotel) to come to the party. its supposed to be a huge thing and i went last year by myself which was great but seeing as that ive been invovled with this guy for quite some time ive been thinking about possibly asking him if he would like to go with me and be my date. im sort of afraid to ask because i dont want him to say yes to make me feel good when in reality he might not want to go, or by me asking him if he would like to come, that that scares him away because maybe we arent there yet? idk but id love to hear everyones opinion on it and if i should ask him! A lot of people say i should but i have one friend who tells me its too soon and shes the only person to say something different than everyone else. Thanks in advance for everyones help! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 If a free trip scares him away, show him the door!! Aren't there yet? Too soon? You've been getting naked with him and swapping bodily fluids but yet are afraid to talk about feelings with him? Personally, I have that talk with them before I take my clothes off, not 6 months later. I don't mean to sound insensitive. If you believe you are worth it and want a relationship with this guy, don't give it all away without the benefit of knowing his intentions. If you are wanting to keep things casual. . carry on and take a friend. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 I would ask him and unless there is a very good reason he cannot go or does not want to I would move on. Hopefully he'll be excited and happy you asked! Link to comment
DanZee Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 You've had lots of dates and you've already slept together? Why would he turn down a free trip unless he has to work. Of course ask him to the party! What are you waiting for? You don't need any deep, emotional talk about anything! It's a party and a free trip. You don't have to say anything more. Just ask him. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted October 29, 2018 Share Posted October 29, 2018 Yes, at this point you should be excited to ask him. I think any guy would be very happy to go on a free flight to a great party with someone he's been connecting with in the manner you have described. (unless he's 16 and his parents forbid it ;) ) You guys sound tight so ask away. Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I agree with DanZee and ThatWasThen. What are you waiting for? Ask him! Link to comment
SherrySher Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 How do you go from sleeping with a man to not feeling close enough to him to ask him to a get together? Seems backwards to me. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 How do you go from sleeping with a man to not feeling close enough to him to ask him to a get together? Seems backwards to me. agree!!! But don't take it personal if he can't go if he would be required to take off of work to go - not everyone is able to get extra days off around the holidays with little advanced notice Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 I don;t understand. You have been dating six months, slept together multiple times. but you can't have a convo regarding your relationship status or a getaway trip. I don't think you are in the right relationship if you are so terrified of having a necessary relationship convo, and are so uncertain he will bolt if you ask him for a short holiday. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 If a free trip scares him away, show him the door!! Aren't there yet? Too soon? You've been getting naked with him and swapping bodily fluids but yet are afraid to talk about feelings with him? Personally, I have that talk with them before I take my clothes off, not 6 months later. I don't mean to sound insensitive. If you believe you are worth it and want a relationship with this guy, don't give it all away without the benefit of knowing his intentions. If you are wanting to keep things casual. . carry on and take a friend. Totally agree. Cart before the horse. Link to comment
Jellybean9 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Just ask him! What have you got to lose? If you are scared it will make him pull back then is he really a guy you want to be with? It's been 6 months now. He should want to go. It's not like it's the early days anymore. Maybe it's time to start having some deep emotional talks with him. Get to know him on another level. Usually I have those sort or conversations in the early stages of dating. It's good to guage someone's emotional compatibility with you. So myabe us the run up to Chrismas to get to know him better. Wish you the best of luck. Let us know what he says to the party invite. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Decide what you want. You either want a date for this or not. If you are seeing him and want a date, ask. If he can't make it, so what? You'll still have a good time. So ive been dating this guy i know since May i have a work holiday party in december which is going to be out of town. ive been thinking about possibly asking him if he would like to go with me and be my date. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Do you want and deserve the kind of relationship where you don't feel a need to walk on eggshells 'around' where you stand with one another? If so, then step into that place, and if BF doesn't follow, you'll learn he's not the right guy for you instead of wasting more time and investment on him. Link to comment
Andrina Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 Wow. With 5 months of daily contact and weekly get-togethers, you two should've progressed to have a total comfort level with one another. Who has the barriers up? Just you or the both of you? What do you want in a relationship? If you're not okay with him multi-dating and being intimate with anyone else, you need to address the subject of exclusivity with him to make sure you share the same dating/relationship goals. If you always let the guy set the pace and are too afraid to address what you're wanting, going along for whatever ride he's on, then you're lacking in self esteem. Be honest. Tell him, "I'd like you to go with me . . . " Either he'll say yes or no. Living in a state of fear of how he'll react to things is no way to live. Practice some self-talk that you'll be okay whatever happens, whether a relationship works out the way you want it to or not, because you have a fulfilling life besides having a partner. (And if you don't, create one.) Just make sure you're speaking up now, because you don't want someone wasting your precious time if they are not on the same page with you in all the major ways. Link to comment
DaisyMayPorter Posted October 30, 2018 Share Posted October 30, 2018 You should not be afraid to ask him! He should want to go with you, and if he’s too afraid for real intimacy like going away with someone he’s seeing, then show him the door Link to comment
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