Boyfriend and cell phones

[katrina1980]

Well we could probably debate this until the cows come home, and perhaps it IS a generational thing, but I still see nothing wrong with checking your phone while on a long drive or right before bed. Or that it's this huge faux pas that warrants scolding.

 

Sure while out on dates, if you're glued go your phone, or interrupting conversations, disrupting *quality* time together to check, that's rude. But I didn't read she was doing that, unless I missed something.

 

Anyway, interesting discussion, I'm gonna bow out now and agree to disagree.

[Batya33]

Well we could probably debate this until the cows come home, and perhaps it IS a generational thing, but I still see nothing wrong with checking your phone while on a long drive or right before bed. Or that it's this huge faux pas that warrants scolding.

 

Sure while out on dates, if you're glued go your phone, or interrupting conversations, disrupting *quality* time together to check, that's rude. But I didn't read she was doing that, unless I missed something.

 

Anyway, interesting discussion, I'm gonna bow out now and agree to disagree.

 

Checking yes. Sounds like she was doing a lot more than that and perhaps while he was talking to her.

[Starlight925]

It's not about whether it's right or wrong to look at your phone while someone else is driving.

 

It's about the fact that he has stated very clearly that he doesn't like it.

 

It's no different from any other communication in a relationship. He's made a request. It's up to her to decide whether she thinks it's reasonable or not.

 

We have all sorts of different opinions here as to whether it's ok or not. It's not about whether it's ok. It's about whether it's ok within the context of their relationship.

[Honeycomb8]

The age difference is gigantic and is partially why he thinks this way.

[itsallgrand]

Well we could probably debate this until the cows come home, and perhaps it IS a generational thing, but I still see nothing wrong with checking your phone while on a long drive or right before bed. Or that it's this huge faux pas that warrants scolding.

 

Sure while out on dates, if you're glued go your phone, or interrupting conversations, disrupting *quality* time together to check, that's rude. But I didn't read she was doing that, unless I missed something.

 

Anyway, interesting discussion, I'm gonna bow out now and agree to disagree.

 

We are around the same age and we see it a little differently , it can be an indivual thing as well as generational. But that's already been said :)

It's just what two people are comfortable with, and they seem on two different ends .

[journeynow]

It's not about whether it's right or wrong to look at your phone while someone else is driving.

 

It's about the fact that he has stated very clearly that he doesn't like it.

 

It's no different from any other communication in a relationship. He's made a request. It's up to her to decide whether she thinks it's reasonable or not.

 

We have all sorts of different opinions here as to whether it's ok or not. It's not about whether it's ok. It's about whether it's ok within the context of their relationship.

 

I agree. "It's not about whether it's right or wrong to look at your phone [[ have your nose in a book / have on headphones listening to music / on the phone speaking to a friend / writing in your journal ]] while someone else is driving. It's about the fact that he has stated very clearly that he doesn't like it." It's where they mismatch. It may be something they each learn and grow from and grow as a couple, or it could be an incompatibility.

[smittenkittn]

My ex used to get annoyed if I spent too much time on my phone, and he was late 20s when we got together, mid 30s by the time we broke up. I don’t think it’s an age thing, it’s simply that it’s rude to ignore the person you’re with, in favour of people who aren’t even there.

 

He had a point tho, and I’d come to agree with him by the last few years of our relationship. It’s also about being present and enjoying the moment, the time and space you’re actually in. So many people are so engrossed in social media that they miss what’s actually in front of them.

[Seraphim]

My ex used to get annoyed if I spent too much time on my phone, and he was late 20s when we got together, mid 30s by the time we broke up. I don’t think it’s an age thing, it’s simply that it’s rude to ignore the person you’re with, in favour of people who aren’t even there.

 

He had a point tho, and I’d come to agree with him by the last few years of our relationship. It’s also about being present and enjoying the moment, the time and space you’re actually in. So many people are so engrossed in social media that they miss what’s actually in front of them.

And that is the point. See, I only joined the digital world when I was 33 years old. So I had 33 years of socializing with just people face to face or on the phone. Millions upon millions of people were born virtually knowing how to turn on a pc or tablet. I am astounded daily at the lack of socialization I see. I KNOW from living it the difference between a non digital world to a 2 generations of people with a digital world.

[purplepaisley]

I think there has to be some compromise on both sides, and I'm not sure the BF is making such a compromise. Maybe he's still a little hypersensitive to her phone use due to the past behaviors, and there's a learning curve on both sides as they learn new ways to do things, but at the end of the day, while she works on being on her phone less, he needs to accept her phone use more, even if he doesn't understand her need or feels it's inappropriate...it's not necessarily inappropriate, rather just a preference or lifestyle he's not used to.

 

It sounds like her phone use was excessive...at least to him. Within her circle, it might be normal, but in other circles, it's excessive. Learning to adjust to the company you're in, is a good social skill, and the OP was perhaps completely unaware that what she was doing was considered rude and excessive. She has since stated she dialed it back a great deal, being more mindful of her BF and her phone use. In addition, she can carry this experience into the rest of the world, putting her phone down and being more engaged, depending on the company she is with.

 

I do hope the OP chimes in because what I recognized from her post is that she was a bit excessive and made some changes to be more engaged and less attached to her phone, which I suspect was difficult for her. I just hope the BF is being equally compromising and accepting of her phone use, which she has reserved for times that it are more appropriate. If she's really attached to checking out the news or social media, after spending hours together with minimal use, the BF has to be compromising to the time she needs to check up on what's going on in the world...like tuning in to the 6 o'clock news or checking messages...no difference. She needs her time to catch up, and I think he can award her an hour or so to allow her needs to be met in that way...he doesn't have to like it, but she has a different method of being involved in the world than he, and they have to blend their preferences.

 

If he expects her to be 100% focused on him, regardless of what he's doing, then we're dealing with other issues.

[Batya33]

And that is the point. See, I only joined the digital world when I was 33 years old. So I had 33 years of socializing with just people face to face or on the phone. Millions upon millions of people were born virtually knowing how to turn on a pc or tablet. I am astounded daily at the lack of socialization I see. I KNOW from living it the difference between a non digital world to a 2 generations of people with a digital world.

 

Same. I am in my early 50s. I remember about 10-15 years ago my friend -my age - was at lunch with a younger woman friend who took her phone out during their lunch and was texting so she said to the younger person would you rather have lunch with me or text with your friend. We both were surprised at the "manners" of her lunch companion.

[force]

26 year age difference?? You're dating an old man! Have you ever watched Adam Sandler's Big Daddy? "old balls." Hey whatever floats your boat though.

 

Anyways...Yes you are addicted to your cell phone whether you realize it or not. Lots of people are. It's become such a norm to have your face glued to it that hardly any realize it any more. Your life is your cell phone and you're missing out on the actual life you're living. The difference between a cell phone and book or magazine is that you there are so many different things on a cell phone to keep you glued to it, dramabook, internet, games, text, camera, etc, etc, etc. so Everything you need is right there at your fingertips. Books and newspapers are just isolated reading material that you don't HAVE to take everywhere you go. You usually don't see people walking down the street reading a book but you do see them walking face down on their cell phones.

 

You should do an experiment for 1 week. Leave your cell phone at home (pretend it's a house phone) for one week. This will tell you how addicted you are. I doubt you'll be able to last more than half a day. If our ancestors were able to be without them, you can survive too.

 

In the car, at home, at a restaurant, talking face to face is important. If you'd rather be on your phone than talking to your boyfriend then you are not as interested in him as you think you are...something to think about. I know if I'm with someone I REALLY like I don't even touch my phone or worry about it because I'm concentrating on that person and the conversation.

[Capricorn3]

OP seems to have left the building. Thread closed. OP, should you ever come back and wish to respond, let me know and I'll re-open the thread.