Two dates in and she goast ? What did I do wrong ?

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this, but it's par for the course. People set up lots of meets/dates in the beginning and eventually they may meet a better match and stop wanting to date, lose interest, etc. Just carry on, it's nothing personal.

it was going so well , she was all over me , doing all the texting talking ect then to ignore me and stop without an explanation as to why.

[nozaanator]

I think you’ve taken the working for it a little to literal. I made it obvious where I was going with the conversation (asking her out) but just dragged it out jokingly and playfully. It was never in the context of I’m better than you so convince me to take you out , I just teased her a little about it.

 

And what I mean by “ I came straight out with it “ is that after I said hello and she replied I asked to see her again straight up, no mucking around or teasing or anything like that. Which got me ignored

[ManyDates]

She was most likely rebounding and is back with her ex or crying herself to sleep because she realized she couldn't just find a stand in replacement for him. #1 reason why they ghost after a few dates and excessive kissing/petting. Been there done that.

[Silverbirch]

You might have waited too long to text her. Girls have a different viewpoint on texting and phone calls. She might have been expected a text when you got home or early the next morning saying how great the date was. Men think they don't want to appear too eager, doing exactly what you said you did, waiting a few days to get back to their date. Your gf might have spent the time when you didn't text her thinking you were ghosting her. That gave her days to think you didn't appreciate her or you got what you wanted and you were dumping her. By the time you did text her, she might have been thinking, hmmmph, now he texts me! Add this to the feeling that you weren't opening up to her, and this reinforces her view you dumped her.

 

So now, you've got to try to fix this. You should call her to tell her you missed her. And you should apologize about not texting her. And you should probably try to get a dinner reservation at a nice restaurant and plan something special to see if she'll accept. And then try to romance her off her feet and try to appear vulnerable, yet manly, and talk about your feelings rather than anything about work or sports or anything else. At this point, give it a try, because you have nothing left to lose.

 

Yes, this is how I would feel. I would probably think you werent interested enough

[ShatteredMan]

I’m kinda scratching my head as to what I did wrong here? I’m after advice on what could be going on here? If you think i have blown it ? If not, what can I do to fix it?

 

Thanks guys.

As men, we "try to fix things" even when there's nothing broken. We start second-guessing what we did in terms of interaction and we go nuts trying to figure out the answer to a problem that exists in someone else's world. That's when the needy behavior starts......and then really crashes the relationship for good because our emotions get the better of us when we should be operating on logic.

 

Let it go. There's probably more to this story than you know.....and that's okay! Let her come back of her own free will. Don't call/text/message her at all.

 

If she misses you and wants you in her life, she'll find a way to let you know. If not, there's someone that you can have the same initial dating experience (if not better!) and won't pull this disappearing number on you.

 

In the meantime, start looking for other options. There's a lot of good women in this world....

[nozaanator]

An update on the situation

 

I ended up messing her saying

 

“It’s been really good getting to know to you so far and I’d love to keep doing so! So if you’re keen on doing the the same and free on Friday night let’s go out again !

 

If your not keen then just let me know , I won’t hold it against you “

 

She responded saying she been “really busy and honestly forgot to get back to me but she won’t be able to see this week because she’s not got a night free”

 

I responded “ that’s okay , well why don’t you get back to me next week and let me know when you are free ! It’s been awesome getting to know you and I’d love to see you again ! “

 

She responded “ Its been really awesome getting to know you too! But I’m gunna be honest here I’m not sure what your looking for right now. I’ve sort of not long been on my own and I’m trying to do my own thing so I don’t wanna put any pressure on anything if that makes sense ? But you are so lovely and I wanna keep getting to know you . It’s important that I get to know anyone that I’m potentially going to date on a friend level first though “

 

I responded “ well thanks for the honesty and I’ll be honest here too. I’m not sure what I’m looking for all I know is that I wanna keep getting to know you! You’ve kind of blown my away a little bit so there’s no way I’m gunna be able to see you as just a friend . So let’s not put any pressure on it, let’s just keep hanging out and having fun and see where that takes us ? “

 

She responded “ we can ! :) but like I said I gotta get to know someone on a friend level before I date them. I just wanna be able to hang out normally like on a friend level while we get to know each other “

 

I responded “ so do you make out with all your friend or what ? Let’s just keep hanging out, hooking up and having fun. If you’re on board for that then message me next week you’re free ! I’ve got a few ideas up my sleeve that will help us get to know each other better ! Anyway I gotta run now , goodnight ! I hope to hear from you soon” .

 

She responded “ Maybe I do , who knows ! Okay goodnight I’ll talk to you soon ! “

 

I’ve been about a week and a half and I’ve still not heard from her....so what does she mean by those messages? I’m sick of waiting to hear from her but I don’t wanna chase her as she said she would get back to me...

[Wiseman2]

Do not contact her again. Wait for her to reach out. Don't chase this hard.

[MissCanuck]

She's not interested in you romantically, but doesn't quite know how to tell you.

 

Don't wait for her, and don't contact her again. You tried; she's just not feeling it. Next!

[katrina1980]

JMO as always but I think you were too forthcoming with your feelings. When a girl is on the fence like she obviously is, it's not smart to keep telling her how awesome she is, how "blown away" by her you are and how much you want to get to know her better.

 

Then you announced you wanted to continue hanging out and "hooking up"?

 

She told you she just wants to be "friends" for now and you did not respect that, you kept pushing.

 

I am not surprised you haven't heard from her and if I had to venture a guess, you won't be.

[nozaanator]

I only double texted her once...I wouldn’t exactly say I’ve been chasing hard but I get your point

[nozaanator]

So when she gives the friend speech I’m supposed to say yes princess of course ? That’s not what I want with her so why would I agree with her...

[katrina1980]

So when she gives the friend speech I’m supposed to say yes princess of course ? That’s not what I want with her so why would I agree with her...

 

No one suggested you agree with her, you either accept her offer of friendship or if it's not something you want, you wish her well and walk away.

 

Continue pushing for more -- i.e. telling her how awesome she is, how blown away by her you are, that you want to hang out and "hook up," not quite sure what you were thinking there -- that would have me running even if I liked you and wanted to date you!

 

It was too much/too strong after only two dates. Learn to chill and not push so hard, all that will do is push a woman right out the proverbial door, which is exactly what happened here.

[nozaanator]

Yeah okay well I can see your point of view . So in your opinion I have basically blown any chance with this girl ?

[reinventmyself]

Very possibly.

 

She went from not communicating and then she told you straight up she wanted to dial things back and get to know you first.

 

You pretty much told her you weren't game for friendship and wanted more. Although playfully, but your intention was clear.

 

She likely thought things moved too fast and wanted to pace it a little. Your response just felt like more pressure and it confirmed her original hunch that things would continue to go too fast.

 

I may be wrong, but I think this is done.

[purplepaisley]

The "friends talk" to me is just a nice way to say "thanks but no thanks." Let the guy down w/o letting him down, not saying no, and not saying the feelings or chemistry aren't there. I think it's fine that you're not interested in going by way of being the friend and the orbiter, but I think your approach, particularly the "hooking up" part, was too pushy and really had a suggestion of only being interested in one thing and one thing only, below the waist, mostly. It's fine to say that you're fine taking things at a slower pace, but you're not interested in being just friends, so feel free to call when she feels ready to explore something more. Don't be so brash in expressing it.

 

At this point, you've got to give up the ghost. She's not into you. Maybe her life is truly that busy and she'll come around, but don't hold your breath.

 

One thing that struck me is the length of time between communicating. You collected her number and waited a few days before contacting her. She initiated a majority of the texts, and you made sure to keep things short. After sharing some deeply personal issues to you and she expressed she was afraid that would scare you off, your pretty much behaved in such a manner. You waited a few days before texting again, and then kept it breezy, short, and fun...gotta go. Granted, I think she unloaded too soon on you, but it didn't seem to bother you, so that turned out okay, but after spilling her guts to you, you disappeared for a few days. Your style or efforts to me seem rather aloof, and add to this you bring out your makeout sessions and hooking up in a blameful manner, "So do you make out with all your friends like that?," and your desire to keep "hooking up," the impression could very well be that you're not serious about her as a person and you just want to "Netflix and chill."

 

I think that you don't want to lose momentum, so you shouldn't wait so long between calls/texts, especially after something major like sex or a deep conversation that was a bit emotional. It's okay to express you're not a big texter and you'd rather talk in person, and establish some communication boundaries and expectations, but to go days like that, especially after she initiated so often, comes across as not really all that interested in that friendship part that she's pushing so hard for.

[MissCanuck]

So when she gives the friend speech I’m supposed to say yes princess of course ? That’s not what I want with her so why would I agree with her...

 

No, who suggested you should?

 

We are simply telling you she suggested being friends as a way of letting you down. She's trying to indicate that she isn't into you like that.