Will this guy i've been casually dating lose interest in me on vacation?

[figureitout23]

OK so if he didn't tell you when he'd be back, didn't tell you if/when he would contact you and didn't make a plan to see you when he got back I'm not sure what he did that's wrong. Now, if he never contacts you again that would be rude on his part whether he was away or not because you've gone out enough times that he really should call even if it's to tell you he's not interested in seeing you anymore. But you agreed to this casual arrangement so you imposing some "understanding" you had or some obligation on his part to contact you as soon as he got back and would need to be let off the hook confuses me. Yes, if he doesn't contact you very soon that's an indication of lack of interest but all I think he might be obligated to do is contact you whether or not he wants to see you again.

 

Agree.

 

You have standards you never clarified. And quite frankly you're the one that's suffering the consequences of your unspoken standards because you're in limbo.

 

I mean l get your stance just maybe next time clarify that ahead of time

[beemea]

No, not because of the "human being" or 'guys are human beings" excuse - and no not everyone would want to know they are being thought of in that particular situation - make the decision to-send him a text only if you want to find out if he is back and to see from his response if he's interested in seeing you again. And only if your desire for that outweighs your desire to have him contact you first.

 

Yes, if he was sufficiently interested in you he would have done those things. But you two are casual - you were fine with that before he left. So, it tells me he's probably not yet that interested in something potentially serious. He might be interested in seeing you again on a casual basis. Obviously his feelings can change in the future.

 

Yea i do feel like my desire to know about if he is interested in seeing me again outweighs my desire to hear from him first. i know that if i hear from him first i will get both results but that doesnt necessarily mean he is interested in seeing me again; could mean hes just covering his butt

I guess if i hear back from him i will have to tread lightly going forward because i definitely got ahead of myself here and that was only because i was sure we thought the same of each other but the vacation taught me that i might not have been as important to him as i thought but would like to be in time

[figureitout23]

i really think its his job to reach out first but im going against that because i like him and if i do what ive always done ill always get the same result

Keep us updated.

[beemea]

I feel crappy now.

I feel like why cant i have someone be interested in me enough to reach out when weve seen each other enough times and with a strong connection

i dont feel like im playing games - i think i explained myself briefly in another post - but how come i still feel like by texting him first im losing something? like my dignity or something i dont know it just doesnt make me feel any better by giving in and sending a message to him

[figureitout23]

I feel crappy now.

I feel like why cant i have someone be interested in me enough to reach out when weve seen each other enough times and with a strong connection

i dont feel like im playing games - i think i explained myself briefly in another post - but how come i still feel like by texting him first im losing something? like my dignity or something i dont know it just doesnt make me feel any better by giving in and sending a message to him

 

The way you feel is completely understandable and if you feel youre reaching out too much then so be it, you have to live with your decision, not us, do what you feel is right.

[beemea]

Hows a simple message like:

"Hey stranger, not sure if you're back in the city yet, but how was your trip? Would love to hear about all the details, let me know if you're ever free to grab some food and catch up :)"

 

I think its a no pressure simple message that lets him know i'm open to getting together again and then leaves the setting up/when hes free up to him so that way i can get a gauge for his interest level .

 

Thoughts???

[Batya33]

I feel crappy now.

I feel like why cant i have someone be interested in me enough to reach out when weve seen each other enough times and with a strong connection

i dont feel like im playing games - i think i explained myself briefly in another post - but how come i still feel like by texting him first im losing something? like my dignity or something i dont know it just doesnt make me feel any better by giving in and sending a message to him

 

Because you're talking about "strong connection" and yet you agreed to a casual arrangement and it wasn't that strong or you wouldn't have gone out on dates while he was away for a few weeks.

 

I would write:

 

Hi - just checking in -hope you had a great vacation and I look forward to hearing all about it."

 

If you text him first you're telling him, again, that you are interested in dating him. He knows that already and knows you are sexually attracted to him because you had sex with him. Nothing wrong with giving him that message and doesn't have to be about losing dignity. What you are losing is that texting him first is inconsistent with your expectations -at this point you want him to have missed you enough to want to contact you and make sure to make a plan to see you. I would feel that way too. It depends whether you will resent that you had to reach out first -long term - or whether you'll be ok with it if he responds with enthusiasm.

[beemea]

Because you're talking about "strong connection" and yet you agreed to a casual arrangement and it wasn't that strong or you wouldn't have gone out on dates while he was away for a few weeks.

 

I would write:

 

Hi - just checking in -hope you had a great vacation and I look forward to hearing all about it."

 

I feel like the "just checking in" part of it sounds like im trying to keep tabs on him and i dont wanna give that impression

[Batya33]

I feel like the "just checking in" part of it sounds like im trying to keep tabs on him and i dont wanna give that impression

 

Not at all. I write that to my friends all the time when I'm just texting in general. A benign expression.

[beemea]

Because you're talking about "strong connection" and yet you agreed to a casual arrangement and it wasn't that strong or you wouldn't have gone out on dates while he was away for a few weeks.

 

I would write:

 

Hi - just checking in -hope you had a great vacation and I look forward to hearing all about it."

 

If you text him first you're telling him, again, that you are interested in dating him. He knows that already and knows you are sexually attracted to him because you had sex with him. Nothing wrong with giving him that message and doesn't have to be about losing dignity. What you are losing is that texting him first is inconsistent with your expectations -at this point you want him to have missed you enough to want to contact you and make sure to make a plan to see you. I would feel that way too. It depends whether you will resent that you had to reach out first -long term - or whether you'll be ok with it if he responds with enthusiasm.

 

 

Yes this is exactly what i want, but i feel like by waiting im afraid theres a possibility ill have to wait to hear from him longer than id anticipate, so i figure i gotta put my pride down and make things happen myself

[figureitout23]

Hows a simple message like:

"Hey stranger, not sure if you're back in the city yet, but how was your trip? Would love to hear about all the details, let me know if you're ever free to grab some food and catch up :)"

 

I think its a no pressure simple message that lets him know i'm open to getting together again and then leaves the setting up/when hes free up to him so that way i can get a gauge for his interest level .

 

Thoughts???

 

I like this.

 

I think the more direct you are the less likely you'll be given a response that leaves you in limbo.

 

You cant unsend a text. Make sure this is what you want to do!

[Batya33]

I like this.

 

I think the more direct you are the less likely you'll be given a response that leaves you in limbo.

 

You cant unsend a text. Make sure this is what you want to do!

 

I like it except for the "hey stranger" because it implies that he hasn't been in touch with her -or as typed words could give that impression.

[Batya33]

Yes this is exactly what i want, but i feel like by waiting im afraid theres a possibility ill have to wait to hear from him longer than id anticipate, so i figure i gotta put my pride down and make things happen myself

 

But you can't make happen what you want to happen. You can't make him interested in you. If by make things happen you mean instead of waiting for him to reach out you will reach out so you get a faster answer/resolution yes, if you text you probably will get a resolution faster than if you do. If you truly believe this is just about pride in the negative context then certainly go for it. Just like when couples argue and stand on pride with the "silent treatment" it is an unnecessary showing of "pride" and can impede closeness.

[abitbroken]

Oh for pete's sake. You ARE already keeping tabs on him because keep checking Bumble to see if he is marked as back in the country. All of this "i don't care" is totally garbage.

 

Hows a simple message like:

"Hey stranger, not sure if you're back in the city yet, but how was your trip? Would love to hear about all the details, let me know if you're ever free to grab some food and catch up :)"

 

I think its a no pressure simple message that lets him know i'm open to getting together again and then leaves the setting up/when hes free up to him so that way i can get a gauge for his interest level .

 

Thoughts???

 

This is the best way to go about it. It shows you are STRONG - not clingy, needy or weak or desperate.

[beemea]

Alright so I sent the text as I showed you all, just replaced the stranger part with his name.

Now we wait....

I actually feel like if I don’t get a response I’ll be okay

[figureitout23]

Alright so I sent the text as I showed you all, just replaced the stranger part with his name.

Now we wait....

I actually feel like if I don’t get a response I’ll be okay

 

Awesome!

 

I didnt think the 'stranger' thing was that bad, it would have broke the ice. Then again, I tend to be sarcastic, haha.

 

Keep us updated.

[abitbroken]

Alright so I sent the text as I showed you all, just replaced the stranger part with his name.

Now we wait....

I actually feel like if I don’t get a response I’ll be okay

 

Good--- now give him some leeway - he may not contact you until he gets back (don't scold him for not contacting you -- i would not contact someone i just started dating on a trip. a one year boyfriend - obviously i would. But you are okay now if he contacts you again or not - which is good -- but there will be no more guess work on who contacts who first. I would meet other men in the meantime. - or give it a week if you want to wait just in case he is not back.

[Batya33]

Awesome!

 

I didnt think the 'stranger' thing was that bad, it would have broke the ice. Then again, I tend to be sarcastic, haha.

 

Keep us updated.

Me too and just not on text especially in this particular situation. Op I hope it all works out as you wish. I’ve been there and i know it doesn’t feel good.

[IAmFCA]

Well done with the message! Perfect!

[Wiseman2]

See what happens and if he responds.

my intentions were never to play games

[katrina1980]

I didn't sense bee was doing anything *behind his back.* (Wiseman's last post before his edit).

 

From what she posted, they were dating casually, non-exclusive, both free to date others, not to mention if anyone thinks HE wasn't dating others whie traveling overseas, then they're mistaken.

 

He wasted no time logging into bumble, so let's get real.

 

He was obviously dating others, and this is a leap, but since she heard nothing from him during his entire trip, has heard nothing since his return including responding to her message, it's quite possible he met someone during his trip and has chosen to pursue that, long distance or not.

 

Or during the trip, realized what they had developed up until the time he left, wasn't a good fit for him.

 

Whatever his reasons for not contacting you, what I don't like is, at this point, he has essentially ghosted you.

 

Even IF he did need time to wind down after his trip (massive if) if he were still interested he would at the very least, checked in with you by now and told you that, not just ignore you!

 

I dunno maybe my standards are too high but I think his behavior is pretty crappy.

 

According to what you posted, even though you had not discussed exclusivity, you were dating consistently, having sex and building something.

 

That should account for something and certainly doesn't warrant him essentially ghosting you now.

 

Personally, I would have written him off, not sent the message.

[beemea]

I didn't sense bee was doing anything *behind his back.* (Wiseman's last post before his edit).

 

From what she posted, they were dating casually, non-exclusive, both free to date others, not to mention if anyone thinks HE wasn't dating others whie traveling overseas, then they're mistaken.

 

He wasted no time logging into bumble, so let's get real.

 

He was obviously dating others, and this is a leap, but since she heard nothing from him during his entire trip, has heard nothing since his return including responding to her message, it's quite possible he met someone during his trip and has chosen to pursue that, long distance or not.

 

Or during the trip, realized what they had developed up until the time he left, wasn't a good fit for him.

 

Whatever his reasons for not contacting you, what I don't like is, at this point, he has essentially ghosted you.

 

Even IF he did need time to wind down after his trip (massive if) if he were still interested he would at the very least, checked in with you by now and told you that, not just ignore you!

 

I dunno maybe my standards are too high but I think his behavior is pretty crappy.

 

According to what you posted, even though you had not discussed exclusivity, you were dating consistently, having sex and building something.

 

That should account for something and certainly doesn't warrant him essentially ghosting you now.

 

Personally, I would have written him off, not sent the message.

 

I love your response and i dont think that your standards are high, i agree that thats what should be expected! Its a respect thing when it comes down to it.

 

I sent the text around 5 yesterday, and still havent heard from him and i saw his location update on bumble, soooo...... thats that

 

 

Pretty disappointed. He seemed sincere and really didnt seem like the type of person to "ghost" me

[Batya33]

I love your response and i dont think that your standards are high, i agree that thats what should be expected! Its a respect thing when it comes down to it.

 

I sent the text around 5 yesterday, and still havent heard from him and i saw his location update on bumble, soooo...... thats that

 

 

Pretty disappointed. He seemed sincere and really didnt seem like the type of person to "ghost" me

 

How many dates did you have?

[beemea]

We went out so many times I lost count lol probably like 13 times and spent the night at least like 6 times

[Batya33]

We went out so many times I lost count lol probably like 13 times and spent the night at least like 6 times

 

Then yes he is being a jerk and choose not to let his jerkiness control you and move on ASAP. I'm sorry.