Will this guy i've been casually dating lose interest in me on vacation?

[beemea]

That's true of every dating situation. The potential for rejection shouldn't mean we should just give up. Otherwise we'd all remain perpetually single!

 

I like this perspective, i just wish i could actually be courageous enough to go for it! Im afraid of that because my last relationship my ex made no effort despite us being together for years so effort means alot to me

[katrina1980]

Honestly, im afraid that by sending a message now about setting something up that he will only accept because i asked, and not because he is geniunely interested me because if he was then HE would be the one to line something up either before he left or while he was on vacation but neither happened so...

 

and like a previous poster mentioned, theres a chance he might be seeing this as more casual than i do which to me if i were to try to set up a date for when hes back and he does see us as more casual - despite all his actions tell me in person - then of course hes gonna accept a date because hes flattered i wanna spend time with him, im afraid its an ego thing for him

 

This is what has stopped me from reaching out his entire trip because i dont want him reply back to me or accept a date from me just because i brought it up, i wanna see actual effort on his part because thats what he actually wants and if he has no inclination to do so then it must not matter too much to him

 

I am not understanding your logic.

 

Even if HE is the one to make contact and ask you out, he could still only want casual!

 

Or sex, or whatever.

 

That is why I said gauge your connection on the date, should he accept your invite.

 

I think you're being stubborn now and allowing your fears, insecurities and ego to run the show, seriously.

 

I am only suggesting this as you are obviously still very much into him and seem quite anxious.

 

Reaching out will give you your answer either way.

 

Stop assuming what's going on in his head!

 

And stop being the "cool" girl -- I created a long thread about this a couple of years ago, went many many pages.

 

Be honest, be genuine, be real. Being the cool girl will never get you anywhere!

[beemea]

I am not understanding your logic.

 

Even if HE is the one to make contact and ask you out, he could still only want casual!

 

Or sex, or whatever.

 

That is why I said gauge your connection on the date, should he accept your invite.

 

I think you're being stubborn now and allowing your fears, insecurities and ego to run the show, seriously.

 

I am only suggesting this as you are obviously still very much into him and seem quite anxious.

 

Reaching out will give you your answer either way.

 

Stop assuming what's going on in his head!

 

And stop being the "cool" girl -- I created a long thread about this a couple of years ago, went many many pages.

 

Be honest, be genuine, be real. Being the cool girl will never get you anywhere!

 

AHHHHHHH

You are so right!

 

some people on here suggest waiting to see if he will reach out when he gets back but then others like you suggest to just send a message

 

I do believe in being honest geniune and real, and feel that when we are together i have much more courage to be myself than when we are apart. and its crazy because after my first relationship after i had time to myself and time to heal, i was ready to put myself out there and all of my friends, all girls who are still single after years of playing the "cool girl" like you said, all told me that this is the way i have to act to get someone. i dont believe that though! i dont feel like im playing hard to get or that im playing any games at all with him, i think ive made it very aware to him that i like him and that i am interested in him

[JaggerJim]

Personally this is just my opinion - he probably will reach out to you when he gets home. As Katrina says it could mean something or it could mean nothing. Either way you need to suss him out on the next date.

 

But i highly suggest you go on other dates in the meantime because you are obsessing over this man who is not obsessing over you. That's not to be mean, thats just a reality. You need to fill up your life with other things and make room for him in it or you will drive yourself crazy. Also going on other dates gives you a better perspective on this man.

[beemea]

Not sure if this matters in terms of the conversation but before the last time we saw eachother (i mentioned earlier about spending time with him and spending the night on a wednesday and he left for his trip that friday) we were texting that previous monday, and i let him know because he told me he had a lot to do before he left that its okay if we dont see eachother before he leaves because i understand he has alot to settle for his trip and that i would be here when he got back and he told me "no i definitely wanna see you before i leave, tuesday will be very busy for me but how about wednesday?" and then i told him that day works for me and then we continued on with our conversation.

on tuesday we dont text eachother at all which i thought was fine because i knew he was busy like he said.

wednesday he text me sometime in the afternoon and we are having just a normal conversation and it was around 5 that he said for me to go over to his house whenever i feel like it and so i went over and then we grabbed dinner and some drinks near his place and just hung out before going to bed for work in the morning.

 

So he does always follow through when we make plans, honestly he has never bailed on me since i first met him which i would have expected because guys do that all the time!

[abitbroken]

Honestly, im afraid that by sending a message now about setting something up that he will only accept because i asked, and not because he is geniunely interested me because if he was then HE would be the one to line something up either before he left or while he was on vacation but neither happened so...

 

and like a previous poster mentioned, theres a chance he might be seeing this as more casual than i do which to me if i were to try to set up a date for when hes back and he does see us as more casual - despite all his actions tell me in person - then of course hes gonna accept a date because hes flattered i wanna spend time with him, im afraid its an ego thing for him

 

This is what has stopped me from reaching out his entire trip because i dont want him reply back to me or accept a date from me just because i brought it up, i wanna see actual effort on his part because thats what he actually wants and if he has no inclination to do so then it must not matter too much to him

 

Seriously??

 

How does anyone date, then? One person asks and the other person accepts or rejects - that's how dating works.

 

Two people can both think "he/she didn't text me so they are not interested".

 

Keep in mind also, if you are checking Bumble to see his status -- couldn't he be saying the same thing about you "i see she logged into Bumble..." and think that you are meeting other guys??

 

Also, who brought up that you are "casually" dating --- did he actually say that? If you were seeing him for a month and you were continously dating - that sounds like you were dating with a forward momentum. "casual" to me is when you go out with someone every now and again - when you need a plus one every month or two. Granted, it was intense fairly soon -- but the remedy of that is not to go radio silent.

 

I initially agreed not to bother him when he was away -- but at this point, maybe after the weekend - shoot him a message. You have zero to lose. you have already been the "cool" girl by not inundating him with messages but there is a difference between playing cool and dropping off the face of the earth. You could still not contact him if you were ACTUALLY the girl

 

who was cool with him not contacting you or contactng you -- it didn't matter -- but the fact that you are fretting over it makes you not that nonchalant girl - it makes you the girl who is analyzing everything.

 

so contact him or don't - but don't pretend to not care

[beemea]

Personally this is just my opinion - he probably will reach out to you when he gets home. As Katrina says it could mean something or it could mean nothing. Either way you need to suss him out on the next date.

 

But i highly suggest you go on other dates in the meantime because you are obsessing over this man who is not obsessing over you. That's not to be mean, thats just a reality. You need to fill up your life with other things and make room for him in it or you will drive yourself crazy. Also going on other dates gives you a better perspective on this man.

 

Exactly! thats how i see it with the other dates, i dont think it hurts at all. and i wanna remain grounded in this while hes away because like you said he isnt obsessing over me

[beemea]

Seriously??

 

How does anyone date, then? One person asks and the other person accepts or rejects - that's how dating works.

 

Two people can both think "he/she didn't text me so they are not interested".

 

Keep in mind also, if you are checking Bumble to see his status -- couldn't he be saying the same thing about you "i see she logged into Bumble..." and think that you are meeting other guys??

 

Also, who brought up that you are "casually" dating --- did he actually say that? If you were seeing him for a month and you were continously dating - that sounds like you were dating with a forward momentum. "casual" to me is when you go out with someone every now and again - when you need a plus one every month or two. Granted, it was intense fairly soon -- but the remedy of that is not to go radio silent.

 

I initially agreed not to bother him when he was away -- but at this point, maybe after the weekend - shoot him a message. You have zero to lose. you have already been the "cool" girl by not inundating him with messages but there is a difference between playing cool and dropping off the face of the earth. You could still not contact him if you were ACTUALLY the girl who was cool with him not contacting you or contactng you -- it didn't matter -- but the fact that you are fretting over it makes you not that nonchalant girl - it makes you the girl who is analyzing everything.

 

In response the the bumble part: i cant actually tell when hes active, the only way i know is because his location changes whereas mine hasnt because i havent moved around, and by location i mean city.

 

but you are right, i think giving it until the weekends ends isnt a bad idea to see if he reaches out first and then i guess ill just go for it

 

and neither of us has mentioned or talked about that what we have going on is "casual" i guess im just assuming too much

[abitbroken]

In response the the bumble part: i cant actually tell when hes active, the only way i know is because his location changes whereas mine hasnt because i havent moved around, and by location i mean city.

 

but you are right, i think giving it until the weekends ends isnt a bad idea to see if he reaches out first and then i guess ill just go for it

 

and neither of us has mentioned or talked about that what we have going on is "casual" i guess im just assuming too much

 

But if YOU are on Bumble looking at him, he can tell you have been active, no?

 

Yes - don't assume anything - you are not on a committed relationship obviously, but he does seem to like you.

[beemea]

But if YOU are on Bumble looking at him, he can tell you have been active, no?

 

Yes - don't assume anything - you are not on a committed relationship obviously, but he does seem to like you.

 

There isnt actually like a symbol that suggests you are online, like for example on here theres the green dot; there really is no sure fire way to tell when the last time someone was on the app and active in any way so from his position he couldnt tell if i have been or not (and i havent been on there actively using it, only went on to look at his location recently which still shows he's in the same place)

in your information section of your profile you are allowed to put your age, profession and education and also a small summary of yourself of course and then your location. and the app requires you to have your location on

[katrina1980]

bee, you should also read my thread about my current boyfriend.

 

We chatted on line, connected on line, then he dropped off.

 

Virtually all posters advised to let it go, he's not interested, block, delete.

 

I chose to follow my own intuition (and my heart) and reached out, something light.

 

He responded back within ten minutes and made a plan to meet!

 

He ended up telling me why he dropped off, it was not me at all (directly) but something within himself he had been struggling with.

 

And he was thrilled I had reached out, it spoke volumes to him!

 

We've been together four months now, best relationship I've ever had!

 

Again, please don't assume -- things are not always what they appear to be.

[beemea]

bee, you should also read my thread about my current boyfriend.

 

We chatted on line, connected on line, then he dropped off.

 

Virtually all posters advised to let it go, he's not interested, block, delete.

 

I chose to follow my own intuition (and my heart) and reached out, something light.

 

He responded back within ten minutes and made a plan to meet!

 

He ended up telling me why he dropped off, it was not me at all (directly) but something within himself he had been struggling with.

 

And he was thrilled I had reached out, it spoke volumes to him!

 

We've been together four months now, best relationship I've ever had!

 

Again, please don't assume -- things are not always what they appear to be.

 

Okay great i am definitely going to read it!

[katrina1980]

Okay great i am definitely going to read it!

 

It's called "Question Re Messaging and Initiating".

[beemea]

It's called "Question Re Messaging and Initiating".

 

So i read it, and i like that you just went for it with the initiation! im glad it worked out too, the biggest take away i get from it is that although we want so badly for it to come from them first, we have no idea what good could come from us initiating first :)

[beemea]

Not sure if this matters in terms of the conversation but before the last time we saw eachother (i mentioned earlier about spending time with him and spending the night on a wednesday and he left for his trip that friday) we were texting that previous monday, and i let him know because he told me he had a lot to do before he left that its okay if we dont see eachother before he leaves because i understand he has alot to settle for his trip and that i would be here when he got back and he told me "no i definitely wanna see you before i leave, tuesday will be very busy for me but how about wednesday?" and then i told him that day works for me and then we continued on with our conversation.

on tuesday we dont text eachother at all which i thought was fine because i knew he was busy like he said.

wednesday he text me sometime in the afternoon and we are having just a normal conversation and it was around 5 that he said for me to go over to his house whenever i feel like it and so i went over and then we grabbed dinner and some drinks near his place and just hung out before going to bed for work in the morning.

 

So he does always follow through when we make plans, honestly he has never bailed on me since i first met him which i would have expected because guys do that all the time!

 

What do you guys think about this??

[Batya33]

Not sure if this matters in terms of the conversation but before the last time we saw eachother (i mentioned earlier about spending time with him and spending the night on a wednesday and he left for his trip that friday) we were texting that previous monday, and i let him know because he told me he had a lot to do before he left that its okay if we dont see eachother before he leaves because i understand he has alot to settle for his trip and that i would be here when he got back and he told me "no i definitely wanna see you before i leave, tuesday will be very busy for me but how about wednesday?" and then i told him that day works for me and then we continued on with our conversation.

on tuesday we dont text eachother at all which i thought was fine because i knew he was busy like he said.

wednesday he text me sometime in the afternoon and we are having just a normal conversation and it was around 5 that he said for me to go over to his house whenever i feel like it and so i went over and then we grabbed dinner and some drinks near his place and just hung out before going to bed for work in the morning.

 

So he does always follow through when we make plans, honestly he has never bailed on me since i first met him which i would have expected because guys do that all the time!

 

Which guys bail all the time? Please consider whether you have a healthy attitude about men -whether you like men in general, have male friends, etc. That's a pretty strong statement. I think that it's positive that he wanted to hang out with you before he left. Sounds like he was too busy for a proper date which is fine.

 

I would assume it's not exclusive unless you've discussed it. I assume you discussed monogamy as far as preventing STDS, etc.

[IAmFCA]

I am a big fan of trusting our instincts. Am also a big fan of asking myself, "Why am I doing this?"

 

Often, I would find my motivations were self centered. I wanted affirmation of some kind, usually.

 

If my motivations are kind, then i move forward with my instinctive response.

 

Given youre desire, OP, to know that he is going to call you, contact seems like a bad idea. Mayve even if he initiates it. First, accept that things usually work out how they are supposed to, even if it isn't how we want it right this minute.

 

Learning how to date is important skill, and managing this uncertainty or even eliminating it is part of the process.

[IAmFCA]

So i read it, and i like that you just went for it with the initiation! im glad it worked out too, the biggest take away i get from it is that although we want so badly for it to come from them first, we have no idea what good could come from us initiating first :)

 

In this regard, define the success of contact in terms you can control - same as applies at work. You can't control if he is interested in you the way you want him to be.

 

You CAN control whether you have expressed yourself as you intend. When you do, that is success. What someone else chooses to do with it is beyond your control.

 

Katrina expressed herself as she hoped she would - success. His reply was beyond her control and is, in some regards, luck. I like to think she was rewarded by her genuine desire to say hello, not to solicit an opportunity for him to say something affirmative

[beemea]

Which guys bail all the time? Please consider whether you have a healthy attitude about men -whether you like men in general, have male friends, etc. That's a pretty strong statement. I think that it's positive that he wanted to hang out with you before he left. Sounds like he was too busy for a proper date which is fine.

 

I would assume it's not exclusive unless you've discussed it. I assume you discussed monogamy as far as preventing STDS, etc.

 

I have definitely had guys who i was seeing casually, or in something similar like this but that we would talk about seeing each other and planning stuff to do together and then last minute the guy would bail on me and not give me a reason why. what i am trying to say is that since effort means so much to me and that in the past guys have given me lackluster effort i find it a good sign that he is a man of his word.

 

and i believe i have a positive attitude toward men, but i get the sense based on your response that you think i dont. and im not saying that there is a specific type of guy that bails all the time. i have plenty of male friends and i am the only girl sibling with two brothers. i definitely dont think they are all a like, and the point im making is that he has shown me through his actions before that he is different which im thankful for

i dont think that saying there are guys out there (not a specific type of guy because anyone can do it) that have bailed on me before when weve made plans is a particularly strong/negative statement, im just stating what has happened to me in the past compared to what has happened with him

[beemea]

In this regard, define the success of contact in terms you can control - same as applies at work. You can't control if he is interested in you the way you want him to be.

 

You CAN control whether you have expressed yourself as you intend. When you do, that is success. What someone else chooses to do with it is beyond your control.

 

Katrina expressed herself as she hoped she would - success. His reply was beyond her control and is, in some regards, luck. I like to think she was rewarded by her genuine desire to say hello, not to solicit an opportunity for him to say something affirmative

 

i get what youre saying and i appreciate the insight!

so would you say that by me reaching out, thats me expressing my intent - which is to see him again and make that known instead of assumed - and whether or not i get a response or whether or not he accepts the invitation is not exactly relevant, the relevant aspect of it on my part is that i did all that i can do on my end to show my interest?

[Batya33]

I have definitely had guys who i was seeing casually, or in something similar like this but that we would talk about seeing each other and planning stuff to do together and then last minute the guy would bail on me and not give me a reason why. what i am trying to say is that since effort means so much to me and that in the past guys have given me lackluster effort i find it a good sign that he is a man of his word.

 

and i believe i have a positive attitude toward men, but i get the sense based on your response that you think i dont. and im not saying that there is a specific type of guy that bails all the time. i have plenty of male friends and i am the only girl sibling with two brothers. i definitely dont think they are all a like, and the point im making is that he has shown me through his actions before that he is different which im thankful for

i dont think that saying there are guys out there (not a specific type of guy because anyone can do it) that have bailed on me before when weve made plans is a particularly strong/negative statement, im just stating what has happened to me in the past compared to what has happened with him

 

It's interesting. Maybe it's just because typed words lead to misunderstandings but you're kind of a moving target. You wrote: "he does always follow through when we make plans, honestly he has never bailed on me since i first met him which i would have expected because guys do that all the time!" So now you say it's not all the time and it's not all "guys" - that is what made me think you have a negative/jaded attitude.

 

I think you've done more than enough to show your interest. You saw him right before he left and went to his place to hang out -made it convenient for him -and he knows you are attracted to him because you're having sex with him. I don't see where you need to do more to show interest while he is away on vacation. Your intent seems to be far more focused on finding out if he is interested in you, not in showing him additional interest. So be honest with yourself because if you reach out and you hear nothing you will have done your "intent" and shown interest but will you then feel more upset/more anxious even though he might not be responding simply because he is away on vacation?

[beemea]

It's interesting. Maybe it's just because typed words lead to misunderstandings but you're kind of a moving target. You wrote: "he does always follow through when we make plans, honestly he has never bailed on me since i first met him which i would have expected because guys do that all the time!" So now you say it's not all the time and it's not all "guys" - that is what made me think you have a negative/jaded attitude.

 

I think you've done more than enough to show your interest. You saw him right before he left and went to his place to hang out -made it convenient for him -and he knows you are attracted to him because you're having sex with him. I don't see where you need to do more to show interest while he is away on vacation. Your intent seems to be far more focused on finding out if he is interested in you, not in showing him additional interest. So be honest with yourself because if you reach out and you hear nothing you will have done your "intent" and shown interest but will you then feel more upset/more anxious even though he might not be responding simply because he is away on vacation?

 

Yea definitely! ive had it happen by multiple people several times (thats just life you know) but i dont at all mean that that means i think those guys who have done that are the same "type" of guy. and i was definitely generalizing when i wrote "all the time", bad choice of words on my part

I DO think that if i send out a message - despite knowing hes on vacation and theres a possibility he cant/wont answer - it will give me MORE anxiety

Its a strange feeling honestly, cuz you know you wanna just go for it and think the yourself that it never hurts to be honest and straightforward but the fear or rejection, even when you know you will be alright if you are rejected, stops you from doing so.

 

Patience is key! But very hard to follow haha

[Batya33]

Yea definitely! ive had it happen by multiple people several times (thats just life you know) but i dont at all mean that that means i think those guys who have done that are the same "type" of guy. and i was definitely generalizing when i wrote "all the time", bad choice of words on my part

I DO think that if i send out a message - despite knowing hes on vacation and theres a possibility he cant/wont answer - it will give me MORE anxiety

Its a strange feeling honestly, cuz you know you wanna just go for it and think the yourself that it never hurts to be honest and straightforward but the fear or rejection, even when you know you will be alright if you are rejected, stops you from doing so.

 

Patience is key! But very hard to follow haha

 

But that's the thing. You're not being honest with yourself. What you're talking about isn't honesty, but choosing whether to share feelings or not at a particular time. It's not dishonest to choose to restrain yourself from expressing your feelings - in fact it can be selfish or self-absorbed to overwhelm a new person in your life with too much attention or feelings just because you're feeling needy. So to you "going for it' would mean that because you're interested in him and feeling anxious that he has gone away and not contacted you, you would write to him and tell him that you hope he's having a good time and that you look forward to seeing him when he's back (didn't you tell him before he left that you'd be interested in seeing him again and to have a good time?) - and how is that "going for it". I just don't think that every time we feel a certain way about someone or want a response that it's a good move to tell that person right then. I wrote about that earlier in the thread.

 

Of course it can hurt to overshare or share instead of choosing not to share or choosing to wait to share. It's not "honesty" it's you choosing to share with him now, while he's away, that you miss him (or obviously he'll read it that way). And it's not being straightforward because your real motive is not to be "honest" but to get reassurance from him that he's still interested in seeing you.

 

It can hurt because it can overwhelm the other person/feel needy/suffocating to them, depending, it can hurt you because you're being dishonest with yourself - you are contacting him not to be "honest" but because you're hoping he reassures you by responding. It can hurt because if you choose to show restraint, give him space while he is on vacation, space to miss you - and your contacting him triggers no response from him or- worse- annoyance/feeling like it's a turn off then even if things were going well it might give him pause as to your level of neediness.

 

Yes, you will be alright even if he never contacts you again. To me, in the beginning of a relationship, it's best to get to know a person at a reasonable pace over time, to unwrap the various layers over time, to give space to the person to get to know you at his own pace especially if he is out of town and unable to see you for awhile, etc.

 

Sometimes you do just have to go for it and get over the fear. I don't think this is one of those cases and on balance would be a mistake on your part.

[beemea]

But that's the thing. You're not being honest with yourself. What you're talking about isn't honesty, but choosing whether to share feelings or not at a particular time. It's not dishonest to choose to restrain yourself from expressing your feelings - in fact it can be selfish or self-absorbed to overwhelm a new person in your life with too much attention or feelings just because you're feeling needy. So to you "going for it' would mean that because you're interested in him and feeling anxious that he has gone away and not contacted you, you would write to him and tell him that you hope he's having a good time and that you look forward to seeing him when he's back (didn't you tell him before he left that you'd be interested in seeing him again and to have a good time?) - and how is that "going for it". I just don't think that every time we feel a certain way about someone or want a response that it's a good move to tell that person right then. I wrote about that earlier in the thread.

 

Of course it can hurt to overshare or share instead of choosing not to share or choosing to wait to share. It's not "honesty" it's you choosing to share with him now, while he's away, that you miss him (or obviously he'll read it that way). And it's not being straightforward because your real motive is not to be "honest" but to get reassurance from him that he's still interested in seeing you.

 

It can hurt because it can overwhelm the other person/feel needy/suffocating to them, depending, it can hurt you because you're being dishonest with yourself - you are contacting him not to be "honest" but because you're hoping he reassures you by responding. It can hurt because if you choose to show restraint, give him space while he is on vacation, space to miss you - and your contacting him triggers no response from him or- worse- annoyance/feeling like it's a turn off then even if things were going well it might give him pause as to your level of neediness.

 

Yes, you will be alright even if he never contacts you again. To me, in the beginning of a relationship, it's best to get to know a person at a reasonable pace over time, to unwrap the various layers over time, to give space to the person to get to know you at his own pace especially if he is out of town and unable to see you for awhile, etc.

 

Sometimes you do just have to go for it and get over the fear. I don't think this is one of those cases and on balance would be a mistake on your part.

 

Wow you are so insightful, like really your points are so valid! There are many ways to looks at it and i totally agree with what you are saying - i would like some reassurance; but is that such a bad thing to want that after i dont hear from him?

 

I like how you said I just don't think that every time we feel a certain way about someone or want a response that it's a good move to tell that person right then i couldnt have worded it any better! because i DONT want to overwhelm the guy, i dont wanna scare him off by unloading all of these things onto him and then he has to figure out how to deal with those things i told him while hes on vacation which im sure is the last thing he wants to be thinking about, thats why i havent sent a simple text.

i guess my reasoning for wanting to send a message is for my own selfish reasons and less because i actually care about how he responds. thats not to say that i am not actually interested in how his vacation is going because i am, but if i see him in person i would just hear about it all then; but by sending a message now while hes away i guess that really would be because i just wanna see if i would get a response back at all, no matter the content of the response. right?

 

and even by sending a message as simple as that hope hes "having a good time and cant wait to hear about it when he comes back" its almost like i shouldnt send a message at all if thats what the content of my text would be because like you just said, i did tell him that in person before he left!

 

Also, what about his position? i mean wouldnt be want to hear from me? or is it better to let it be since the vacation is nearing its end and let any emotions - however small - be said in person? even if its something as little as just saying to each other that we missed eachother while we were separated

 

Plus i definitely agree that some important stuff shouldnt be addressed through texts/ technology

[IAmFCA]

i get what youre saying and i appreciate the insight!

so would you say that by me reaching out, thats me expressing my intent - which is to see him again and make that known instead of assumed - and whether or not i get a response or whether or not he accepts the invitation is not exactly relevant, the relevant aspect of it on my part is that i did all that i can do on my end to show my interest?

 

Yes... but it isn't necessary. We've no reason to think he doubts your interest, and expressing your interest is a self centered purpose. It is you pressing your purpose.

 

Therefore, as it ultimately serves your purpose, I would argue against making contact.