Will this guy i've been casually dating lose interest in me on vacation?

[katrina1980]

Hi beemea!

 

I recall reading that he was scheduled to be gone two weeks, is that correct?

 

If so, on July 9th (two days ago) you posted he’s already been gone 1.5 weeks, so according to my calculations, he’s due to return this weekend?

 

Keep us posted!!

 

Also if I may ask – before he left, did he make any sort of plan with you for after he returns?

[Last Gentleman]

Thank you so much for the response! I really appreciate the different perspective you got out of the information i gave you all. you are totally right too, and to be quite honest his actions in person tell me alot. I have only slept with him and as far as the other people go i have only gone on one date with each of them and none of those first dates ended with anything physical other than a hug hi and goodbye. I guess in my mind i wanted to sort of make sure that the actual qualities he posseses was something i truly wanted to get serious with and make sure i wasnt just getting into a relationship for relationship sake if that makes sense. But after being on those dates, and those guys were wonderful in their own ways, i do feel i have more of a sense of clarity on that i would like to build a relationship with him once he gets back (If he doesnt lose any interest in me or fades away) Hence the anxiety lol

 

I do understand what you say, I also was sometimes in a similar space glad it could help, you seem to have your feet straight in your shoes stay that way and this guy should

recognize you as a good woman to pursue, everyone is anxious when really liking someone just do not let it get the best of you.

[beemea]

Hi beemea!

 

I recall reading that he was scheduled to be gone two weeks, is that correct?

 

If so, on July 9th (two days ago) you posted he’s already been gone 1.5 weeks, so according to my calculations, he’s due to return this weekend?

 

Keep us posted!!

 

Also if I may ask – before he left, did he make any sort of plan with you for after he returns?

 

Yes, he said about a week and a half to two weeks max hed be gone, so hopefully hed be coming back this weekend! But in reality i dont expect to actually physically see him for slightly longer than that; just because he would need some time to settle back into his life here, get over his jetlag, hang out with his friends and such.

 

I will definitely keep everyone posted on what ends up happening!!

 

and no so he left on a friday afternoon, i spent time with him and slept over at his house on wednesday and then we walked together to work on thursday and after that i let him be because i knew he had to pack and such that thursday. But on wednesday when we were together we talked alot about different places that we wanna go to in the city (we live in sf) and he mentioned this arcade bar and how we should go to that so we looked up the place and just in passing was like "yea we should go there" and we also talked about different breweries that we wanna go to in the city as well but there was no definite plan set in place before he left

[abitbroken]

Yes, he said about a week and a half to two weeks max hed be gone, so hopefully hed be coming back this weekend! But in reality i dont expect to actually physically see him for slightly longer than that; just because he would need some time to settle back into his life here, get over his jetlag, hang out with his friends and such.

 

I will definitely keep everyone posted on what ends up happening!!

 

and no so he left on a friday afternoon, i spent time with him and slept over at his house on wednesday and then we walked together to work on thursday and after that i let him be because i knew he had to pack and such that thursday. But on wednesday when we were together we talked alot about different places that we wanna go to in the city (we live in sf) and he mentioned this arcade bar and how we should go to that so we looked up the place and just in passing was like "yea we should go there" and we also talked about different breweries that we wanna go to in the city as well but there was no definite plan set in place before he left

 

If you saw him wednesday and he left Friday, I would probably have texted him Friday morning "Bon Voyage. Have a great time!' There is nothing needy about that or intrusive.

Other than that, you did fine.

[beemea]

If you saw him wednesday and he left Friday, I would probably have texted him Friday morning "Bon Voyage. Have a great time!' There is nothing needy about that or intrusive.

Other than that, you did fine.

 

I know i hadn't thought about that on the day he was leaving, i regret not doing that! i feel like that would have shown that i cared

[katrina1980]

Yes, he said about a week and a half to two weeks max hed be gone, so hopefully hed be coming back this weekend! But in reality i dont expect to actually physically see him for slightly longer than that; just because he would need some time to settle back into his life here, get over his jetlag, hang out with his friends and such.

 

I will definitely keep everyone posted on what ends up happening!!

 

and no so he left on a friday afternoon, i spent time with him and slept over at his house on wednesday and then we walked together to work on thursday and after that i let him be because i knew he had to pack and such that thursday. But on wednesday when we were together we talked alot about different places that we wanna go to in the city (we live in sf) and he mentioned this arcade bar and how we should go to that so we looked up the place and just in passing was like "yea we should go there" and we also talked about different breweries that we wanna go to in the city as well but there was no definite plan set in place before he left

 

Gotta say, I really admire your ability to be so cool and relaxed about this.

 

If I'm honest, I wouldn't be, but perhaps that's because my experiences have been different.

 

Upon his return, after not speaking/seeing you for two weeks, if he considers his friends more of a priority, that's fine but at the very least I would hope he will contact you.

 

To say hi and make a plan to see you.

 

Good luck and yes please keep us updated!

 

Fingers crossed it all works out the way you're hoping!

[beemea]

Gotta say, I really admire your ability to be so cool and relaxed about this.

 

If I'm honest, I wouldn't be, but perhaps that's because my experiences have been different.

 

Upon his return, after not speaking/seeing you for two weeks, if he considers his friends more of a priority, that's fine but at the very least I would hope he will contact you.

 

To say hi and make a plan to see you.

 

Good luck and yes please keep us updated!

 

Fingers crossed it all works out the way you're hoping!

 

I definitely have anxiety haha but i want so badly to be realistic about it all because i genuinely like him and honestly ive had a similar situation in the past but that person was gone for multiple months so the fade away was inevitable haha

But what was your experience if you dont mind sharing??

[figureitout23]

I think it will all work out.

[Batya33]

Gotta say, I really admire your ability to be so cool and relaxed about this.

 

If I'm honest, I wouldn't be, but perhaps that's because my experiences have been different.

 

Upon his return, after not speaking/seeing you for two weeks, if he considers his friends more of a priority, that's fine but at the very least I would hope he will contact you.

 

To say hi and make a plan to see you.

 

Good luck and yes please keep us updated!

 

Fingers crossed it all works out the way you're hoping!

 

So I've had a variety of experiences with this. In my early 20s I went away for a week to club med and my then boyfriend and I were not quite exclusive yet. No internet or cell phones so calling him would have been if we were basically married given the expense/complications. I came back and he hadn't called me (and yes maybe I should have called him but he seemed a bit distant before I left). I went to a concert that night with a sort of date - really platonic. The next day he got in touch and wanted to see me. That's when he told me he missed me a lot and realized we should get serious. I think my giving him space helped in that situation -I'd been over the moon about him and while I tried to show restraint it may have been a bit obvious at times.

 

In other situations we always made plans in advance to see each other when the traveler returned -either very specific or "either saturday or sunday depending on my jet lag" kind of thing. Before the internet/cell phones keeping in touch while far away was less typical. One time my then boyfriend (now husband) and I sent each other flowers while we were away. They arrived at the same time and he thought he misdelivered his lol. I do think it's not a great sign if he doesn't tell you he missed you when he returns or try to make a plan with you ASAP (or at least call if he's exhausted from travel and get in touch and make it very clear he wants to see you ASAP).

 

I would also be anxious and I wouldn't act on it.

[JaggerJim]

Do you know for sure that he actually went on the trip?

[beemea]

So I've had a variety of experiences with this. In my early 20s I went away for a week to club med and my then boyfriend and I were not quite exclusive yet. No internet or cell phones so calling him would have been if we were basically married given the expense/complications. I came back and he hadn't called me (and yes maybe I should have called him but he seemed a bit distant before I left). I went to a concert that night with a sort of date - really platonic. The next day he got in touch and wanted to see me. That's when he told me he missed me a lot and realized we should get serious. I think my giving him space helped in that situation -I'd been over the moon about him and while I tried to show restraint it may have been a bit obvious at times.

 

In other situations we always made plans in advance to see each other when the traveler returned -either very specific or "either saturday or sunday depending on my jet lag" kind of thing. Before the internet/cell phones keeping in touch while far away was less typical. One time my then boyfriend (now husband) and I sent each other flowers while we were away. They arrived at the same time and he thought he misdelivered his lol. I do think it's not a great sign if he doesn't tell you he missed you when he returns or try to make a plan with you ASAP (or at least call if he's exhausted from travel and get in touch and make it very clear he wants to see you ASAP).

 

I would also be anxious and I wouldn't act on it.

 

Okay this helps alot! it sounds like my situation so that gives me hope haha Im not exactly sure how things will go and im not sure how vocal he would be about missing me, if he misses me at all

[beemea]

Do you know for sure that he actually went on the trip?

 

Yea i definitely know for sure he went on a trip, i was with him when he was on his computer working out the flight information. Also, this might sound bad on my part but being that we initially met through bumble, you can see on there the persons location from the last time their location was updated and hes definitely in the area he said hed be in haha. He honestly doesnt come off at all as a dishonest person and i never had a feeling at all that he was lying about a trip

[katrina1980]

 

Also, this might sound bad on my part but being that we initially met through bumble, you can see on there the persons location from the last time their location was updated and hes definitely in the area he said hed be in haha.

 

I actually know nothing about Bumble only that it’s a dating site where the women contact the men.

 

But the way it’s reading (to me), he had time to update his Bumble account with his location overseas, but not send a short email (which BTW is accessible all over the world), to the woman he’s been dating and having sex with for a month?

 

Again, either I interpreted that incorrectly or something’s not jiving here.

 

I hope it's the former.

[beemea]

I actually know nothing about Bumble only that it’s a dating site where the women contact the men.

 

But the way it’s reading (to me), he had time to update his Bumble account with his location overseas, but not send a short email (which BTW is accessible all over the world), to the woman he’s been dating and having sex with for a month?

 

Again, either I interpreted that incorrectly or something’s not jiving here.

 

I hope it's the former.

 

I agree! thats the part that im confused on, like you can go on bumble and even if hes not interacting on there the location will update but hes gone this long without talking to me or reaching out in any way? thats exactly what gives me anxiety like im not expecting full on 24/7 conversations but i didnt expect full on no contact either

[katrina1980]

I agree! thats the part that im confused on, like you can go on bumble and even if hes not interacting on there the location will update but hes gone this long without talking to me or reaching out in any way? thats exactly what gives me anxiety like im not expecting full on 24/7 conversations but i didnt expect full on no contact either

 

So if someone simply logs into their Bumble account, it will automatically update their location?

 

I guess the question then becomes, why would he be logging into his Bumble account while vacationing with his brother overseas?

 

But not have two minutes to send a short email to the woman he’s been dating/having sex with for a month?

 

I hate to say it, but something’s not jiving.

 

I mean it could all be legit, I hope it is!!

 

But perhaps just in case you should start preparing yourself for the possibility that he may not contact you when he returns.

 

Or if he does, it will continue to be casual.

[beemea]

So if someone simply logs into their Bumble account, it will automatically update their location?

 

I guess the question then becomes, why would he be logging into his Bumble account while vacationing with his brother overseas?

 

But not have two minutes to send a short email to the woman he’s been dating/having sex with for a month?

 

I hate to say it, but something’s not jiving.

 

I mean it could all be legit, I hope it is!!

 

But perhaps just in case you should start preparing yourself for the possibility that he may not contact you when he returns.

 

I dont actually know specifically a way that you can tell that someone has recently been on their bumble account, but ive seen on his profile change to be not where im at (which is what it was when he left) to now being where hes currently at obviously so whether or not hes actively using the app like swiping through and such i have no way to tell for sure but if the location changes id assume any app when you give it permission to use your location, it will update it when you open it up. That is what is giving me anxiety about all this. its not that if hes using the app, its more of like why havent i been contacted in some way by him despite there being evidence that he is capable of using his phone. I would think if he was into me he would try somehow so im not sure hwo to feel although i wanna be positive

[IAmFCA]

So if someone simply logs into their Bumble account, it will automatically update their location?

 

I guess the question then becomes, why would he be logging into his Bumble account while vacationing with his brother overseas?

 

But not have two minutes to send a short email to the woman he’s been dating/having sex with for a month?

 

I hate to say it, but something’s not jiving.

 

I mean it could all be legit, I hope it is!!

 

But perhaps just in case you should start preparing yourself for the possibility that he may not contact you when he returns.

 

Many people log into Bumble without realizing it updates to current location. Many people log into on line dating apps to show profiles to their friends, to flip through the pages when bored, or he could be looking for a meet up while away, even if for company over breakfast or just to break the routine.

 

OLD is dangerous for the potential of meta communication . Do what is right for you, including extend yourself as far as you want to go and no further, and stop or continue to meet others because that is what you want to do, not because it is expected of you.

 

Learn something from each choice and it will have value regardless of the dating outcome

[Heather Dawn]

I'm late to this thread, but I'm anxious to hear how it turns out!

 

I guess my advice would be simply to keep your emotions in check. You've been dating non-exclusively for a month, and he'll have been gone for two weeks. He may come back and pick up where you left off; he may have lost interest while he was away. Hopefully, it's the former. :)

[katrina1980]

Many people log into Bumble without realizing it updates to current location. Many people log into on line dating apps to show profiles to their friends, to flip through the pages when bored, or he could be looking for a meet up while away, even if for company over breakfast or just to break the routine.

 

 

That's fine, they're not exclusive after all.

 

However, as I asked earlier, the question then becomes if he has time to log on to Bumble, for whatever reason, then how does he not have time to shoot a quick email to bee, the woman he's been dating/sexually involved with for a month?

 

This doesn't make sense to me, and wouldn't sit well, quite frankly.

 

As I said, this has not been my experience when a man has been interested in me and interested in developing a RL with me.

 

But if you or others wouldn't be bothered by it, that's fine too, more power to ya!

 

bee, he's due back this weekend, sit tight, and wait and see what happens!

 

If/when he contacts you, be happy and let it play out the way it's meant to.

[beemea]

That's fine, they're not exclusive after all.

 

However, as I asked earlier, the question then becomes if he has time to log on to Bumble, for whatever reason, then how does he not have time to shoot a quick email to bee, the woman he's been dating/sexually involved with for a month?

 

This doesn't make sense to me, and wouldn't sit well, quite frankly.

 

As I said, this has not been my experience when a man has been interested in me and interested in developing a RL with me.

 

But if you or others wouldn't be bothered by it, more power to ya!

 

bee, nevermind me, my standards are too high anyway.

 

He's due back this weekend, sit tight, and wait and see what happens.

 

When he contacts you, be happy and let it play out the way it's meant to.

 

I mean it definitely does sit well with me either! but i dont wanna become upset at him over it, and i know that we arent exclusive. I think if it were me i would make the time-however small- to send a small message out if i could while i was travelling just to maintain the interest but the fact that he hasnt concerns me.

Thats what makes me think he is losing interest or just doesnt care enough about our situation to keep in touch which then makes me think that there is a possibility that i could just not hear from him again. but IF i do hear from him when hes back, i will most likely be the last on his list of things to get back to.

[katrina1980]

I mean it definitely does sit well with me either! but i dont wanna become upset at him over it, and i know that we arent exclusive. I think if it were me i would make the time-however small- to send a small message out if i could while i was travelling just to maintain the interest but the fact that he hasnt concerns me.

Thats what makes me think he is losing interest or just doesnt care enough about our situation to keep in touch which then makes me think that there is a possibility that i could just not hear from him again. but IF i do hear from him when hes back, i will most likely be the last on his list of things to get back to.

 

Bolded, I never suggested you become upset with him, heaven's NO!!

 

Just observe, that's all. I've said this before, so have others, but these early stages are the time when you are evaluating whether or not he's a good fit for you long term. So is he!

 

It's good to keep expectations low, but it's okay to still have some expectations, otherwise you risk being strung along.

 

I've got to run out for rest of the afternoon/evening, but please keep us posted, and again fingers crossed it all works out!

[IAmFCA]

Bolded, I never suggested you become upset with him, heaven's NO!!

 

Just observe, that's all. I've said this before, so have others, but these early stages are the time when you are evaluating whether or not he's a good fit for you long term. So is he!

 

It's good to keep expectations low, but it's okay to still have some expectations, otherwise you risk being strung along.

 

I've got to run out for rest of the afternoon/evening, but please keep us posted, and again fingers crossed it all works out!

 

Underscoring Kat's post - I am extraordinary flexible and get strung along allot - but I dob't feel bad about it - I let it happen because I am absorbing information as I go Think-dating-as-social-experiment. Its not a bad way to force oneself to learn how to remain secure while not getting what one wants.

 

I am a fan of high standards, expectations of myself, and either he fits or he doesn't.

[IAmFCA]

That's fine, they're not exclusive after all.

 

However, as I asked earlier, the question then becomes if he has time to log on to Bumble, for whatever reason, then how does he not have time to shoot a quick email to bee, the woman he's been dating/sexually involved with for a month?

 

This doesn't make sense to me, and wouldn't sit well, quite frankly.

 

As I said, this has not been my experience when a man has been interested in me and interested in developing a RL with me.

 

But if you or others wouldn't be bothered by it, that's fine too, more power to ya!

 

bee, he's due back this weekend, sit tight, and wait and see what happens!

 

If/when he contacts you, be happy and let it play out the way it's meant to.

 

Oh he DOES have time. Not the inclination. He may not feel like connecting with anyone, which happens to me sometimes. Cruise the net, message some people on OLD, fall asleep. Its like, I dunno, a pacifier.

[beemea]

Oh he DOES have time. Not the inclination. He may not feel like connecting with anyone, which happens to me sometimes. Cruise the net, message some people on OLD, fall asleep. Its like, I dunno, a pacifier.

 

Yea you're right, that is one way to look at it.

What do you mean by inclination though?

[katrina1980]

bee, at this point I think you’re over-thinking. Which tends to happen when one starts a thread and starts getting all sorts of different opinions, including mine!

 

The truth is you just don’t know what’s going on with him or why he logged into Bumble. Try to not overthink it.

 

As you said, when he left you guys were still casual, so he didn’t feel inclined to stay in touch while gone.

 

By inclined, I mean he didn’t feel the need, interest or desire to stay in touch. Otherwise, he would have.

 

His prerogative.

 

What you need to do is determine if that is OK with you. Whether or not another woman would be okay with it, or not okay with it, is irrelevant.

 

You do YOU.