Would you be irritated by this date's behavior?

[katrina1980]

 

If someone states they are very busy, how do you know it’s actually true?

 

Although I hate rules, one that I do adhere to is:

 

When one's interest level is high, there is no such thing as "too busy", or "very busy," they will always make time.

 

Depending on how high your interest is, you can keep her as an option knowing she may blow you off from time to time, or walk away and find someone who is actually interested in you and not "too busy."

 

Frankly, it's such a bogus excuse, I am surprised people still use it.

 

Personally I'd be embarrassed to tell a man sorry I am very busy, I would think he would laugh and think I'm full of ****!

 

Which would be correct! lol

[katrina1980]

Just want to clarify, I didn't intend my suggestion to walk out to mean he's teaching her some sort of "lesson."

 

Nor does it have to be dramatic.

 

Personally speaking, I would find it rude and disrespectful, it would turn me off and would walk out because of that.

 

I mean, what's the alternative, sit there like a chump while my date is texting away on their phone?

 

Sorry but no thanks!

 

Next.

[fwdthinker]

I can understand the desire to walk out but I think that would also be rude and it would not sit well with me personally. If I felt strongly enough that I wanted to leave... I would just say something in a benign tone like .."I'm sorry to interrupt, but this isn't working out for me and I'm going to go now. Take care." Awkward? Yes. But I wouldn't want anybody ever to be sitting there waiting for me to come back to the table when I had already in effect "left the building." :-)

[katrina1980]

 

If I felt strongly enough that I wanted to leave... I would just say something in a benign tone like .."I'm sorry to interrupt, but this isn't working out for me and I'm going to go now. Take care." Awkward? Yes. But I wouldn't want anybody ever to be sitting there waiting for me to come back to the table when I had already in effect "left the building." :-)

 

Well yeah, I wouldn't just walk out without saying anything!

 

While he was on his phone, I would look at him and politely say something like "I'm going to get going now, talk to you later."

 

If/when he contacted me afterwards, I would tell him it wasn't working for me and wish him the best.

[greendots]

You took time out of your life to meet with her. Time in which you could have done something else. Being too tired or busy is a lousy excuse, unless there were extenuating circumstances such as work, family, personal or medical emergencies. Also, answering calls (unless it's to say 'Can I call you later?') and continuously checking out one's phone shows disrespect towards the other person. Again, exceptions are extenuating circumstances.

 

Why did she meet you if her mobile and friends were more important?

 

 

Giving others a second chance is nice. But should she disrespect you again, politely leave and never look back.

[annie24]

I really just want to be direct and state my opinion honestly. I would like to say something like: “I felt really confused about the last date. I’m not sure if you were just tired/distracted by your friend visiting or just aren’t that interested. No worries either way”

 

I don't think you should say this or anything along the lines. If you are confused about the date, then give her one more chance - go out with her and see if her attitude is more interested (like on the 1st date) or disinterested (like the 2nd).

 

I can understand being tired and not wanting to reschedule, especially if you two had a hard time finding a time to meet. She probably just decided to power through the date. She should have had better manners and put her cell phone on mute (or at least only checked it when you went to the bathroom or if she went to the bathroom). If she texts throughout your 3rd date, then I'd just leave and say bye. I left a first date once when the guy was texting the entire time with his "business partner". I said, "I see that you're clearly busy, so I'm going to go now."

[IAmFCA]

From your original post -- her offenses were that she said she was tired after a sleepless night of partying, and that she twice answered her phone, right?

 

You could interpret these in a different way, if you want. She was so tired, and yet she kept her commitment to you, and she had a friend still in town whom she put off until the date with you was over.

 

She gave you time at a time when her time was precious. Your immediate offense at her confession of sleeplessness may have turned the course of the date, due to you being offended and/ or withdrawn a bit.

 

If you can appreciate who she is, with the occasional late night and an active group of friends, then get on board for another date.

[mandeelove]

I would not go out again. First dates are like a first job interview. If you dont come on your A game u dont get the job. Value yourself and find a better woman. Next

[katrina1980]

IAmFCA, imagine yourself out on a second date with a guy and while talking with him in an effort to get to know each other, he kept checking his phone.

 

That alone is rude!

 

As if that's not bad enough he then proceeds to answer two calls and begins chatting away with who knows who, while you're sitting there on this date hoping to get to know him.

 

You can't tell me this would not annoy you.

 

It's rude and would annoy most people assuming they have even a shred of self-respect (which I know you do).

 

It wouldn't bother me that she was tired, although, personally speaking when I really like a guy, I am NOT going to stay out till 5:00 a.m. the night prior.

 

I am going to be sure to get a good night's rest so as to look my best and be my best.

 

The entire situation just sounds really insulting.

 

Next.

 

Just me.

[IAmFCA]

IAmFCA, imagine yourself out on a second date with a guy and while talking with him in an effort to get to know each other, he kept checking his phone.

 

That alone is rude!

 

As if that's not bad enough he then proceeds to answer two calls and begins chatting away with who knows who, while you're sitting there on this date hoping to get to know him.

 

You can't tell me this would not annoy you.

 

It's rude and would annoy most people assuming they have even a shred of self-respect (which I know you do).

 

It wouldn't bother me that she was tired, although, personally speaking when I really like a guy, I am NOT going to stay out till 5:00 a.m. the night prior.

 

I am going to be sure to get a good night's rest so as to look my best and be my best.

 

The entire situation just sounds really insulting.

 

Next.

 

Just me.

 

I think "Next" is appropriate, but not necessarily based on the second date. More because they sound completely incompatible.

 

Was he chatting away? Or was she able to answer and make a quick plan, which seemed necessary perhaps because of some limited window to reach one another?

 

It happened twice; she only explained once. Made me think the other call was a man, or was it the same friend twice? She was out till the morning; made me think she is a bit indulgent and living in the moment. Her behavior reflects competing priorities to be sure. It was only their 2nd date; the chaotic calendar and group night out didn't bother me so much.

 

Her behavior may not accurately represent her value of him. Rather, it may be the unintended result of her own chaotic habits. That, it sounds to me, makes her entirely incompatible with him.

[katrina1980]

I think "Next" is appropriate, but not necessarily based on the second date. More because they sound completely incompatible.

 

Was he chatting away? Or was she able to answer and make a quick plan, which seemed necessary perhaps because of some limited window to reach one another?

 

It happened twice; she only explained once. Made me think the other call was a man, or was it the same friend twice? She was out till the morning; made me think she is a bit indulgent and living in the moment. Her behavior reflects competing priorities to be sure. It was only their 2nd date; the chaotic calendar and group night out didn't bother me so much.

 

Her behavior may not accurately represent her value of him. Rather, it may be the unintended result of her own chaotic habits. That, it sounds to me, makes her entirely incompatible with him.

 

Fair enough, but just to clarify I wasn't referring to her valuing him, I wouldn't expect that after only one date, I was speaking more to common courtesy and respect.

 

I don't behave that way even with my girl friends, when I make a date with someone, even a lunch date with a friend, my phone is shut off.

 

My co-worker constantly checks her phone and will respond to texts when we're out having lunch or drinks after work, and I find it incredibly rude and annoying and have told her so, after which she laughs and apologizes. She even does it at the office, when I am speaking with her about an issue at work.

 

Interestingly enough, when our bosses take us all out to lunch as a group, she doesn't touch her phone.

 

So I think people who do this do know on some level it's rude, but they just don't give a ****.

[dias]

I didn't read all the replies but for me she was rude. Having said that, I would have forgotten her and the date in an hour(or less).

[katrina1980]

I didn't read all the replies but for me she was rude.

 

Having said that, I would have forgotten her and the date in an hour(or less).

 

Even if she were the HOTTEST chick you'd ever seen in your entire life?

 

Haha, just teasing, I know you're not like that.

[dias]

Even if she were the HOTTEST chick you'd ever seen in your entire life?

 

Haha, just teasing, I know you're not like that.

Meh.. there is always a hotter chick who is less rude.

[Sportster2005]

I don’t wish to be accusatory but I do want to let her know I did not appreciate the rude behavior nor would I accept it, which is more of a statement of self-respect than accusation.

 

What does this have to do with self-respect??? That comes from you, not her. Leave it. It's sour grapes, and it's not attractive.

[LootieTootie]

OMG if you are dating multiple ppl and every failed date is "a waste of resource" then my friend, you are going to hate dating!

 

Change your mindset when it comes to dating... first and most importantly, have fun - learn how to banter and tease. Secondly it is too establish familiarity between you two. Thirdly it's to gauge if this person is for you on another level than just a friend or sex buddy.

[Chelsea54]

She should’ve rescheduled with you because for her, the friends were priority. You don’t know who these people are and what they mean to her.

Are you judging her staying out late because you feel it’s generally inappropriate, or because it made her tired for the date?

 

I think you should say nothing to her.

Agreed with poster who said to not contact her. Let her chase you. Let her request a date with you. In that amount of time you will figure out if the text or talk banter is still good. Also, hopefully you will have gone out with someone else which will help you to calm down and more objectively assess if you want to see this woman again.

Good luck.