i need your help pls . I want a relationship with her but what does she want ?

[justme1990]

hello im new here i have a long post for you but i really need your help

i met this girl in december we kinda liked each other she started texting me like crazy telling me literally everything she was doing everyday and after a couple of days she asked me out to hang out in her car . We talked for hours and it was great but she told me she has a boyfriend , he left town with work a couple of months ago and he has to stay there for another year or so ,anyway i was devastated and i thought that its all over but continued texting me sending me pictures of her not sexy ones just normal she started complaining about her boyfriend alot saying he is very jealous and that he constantly hates when she talks to other guys and he was always thinking that she is flirting with them

 

I heard from a friend that she has been hanging out with another friend from our circle ( Alex ) since september and asked her if ther is anything going on between them , she said " we hang out we go eat toghether sometimes we go do groceries but thats about it there is nothing going on between us , we live near eachother im lonely and i wanna leave the house sometimes its hard being alone "

 

After hanging out a couple of times i went to her house we watched a movie we cuddle for 1-2 hours we massaged eachother's hand we started a tickle fight she got on top of me burried her face on my chest and stopped moving which was kinda weird so i started massaging her back from under shirt while kissing her neck and i tried to grab her ass from under her panties and she quickly took my hand away and i asked her "dont you want me to ? " and she said " no " so i kept massaging her for a couple of minutes i tried kissing her but she didnt kiss back , then i left . 10 minutes after i left she texted me that she is sorry and that she didnt want that to happen she just got carried away and that we should pretend like it never happened and i sayd yeah no problem . What was weird was that when i was hanging out at her place she was texting with Alex when she started ignoring his texts he started calling her she rejected 2 of his calls and 3rd time i told her to go talk to him because hes anoying and she went to the bathroom to talk to him and asked her why did she go to the bathroom and she said " it just wouldnt have seemed right to talk to him in front of you " .My friends told me that i should have left when that happened and not talk to her again . Even when she talked to her mother she went to the bathroom or when she was talking in the same room she told me not to speak

 

After 2 days she found out i talked to some friend from our group , asked him about her and she got upset she said that she didnt wanna talk to me anymore yet but after a couple of days she started texting me again and sending me pictures but still we became more distant and didnt talk as much . But this month we started talking alot again i asked her if she is still with her boyfriend she sayd yes but as always they dont get along . He was suposed to come visit her but he said that he doesnt see the point in coming for 1 day considering that hes far away and that he will wait until he can come for more days and she got upset and told him that he should have come and that he doesnt love her

 

Again after hanging out a couple of days i went to her place and spent the night but like last time she let me touch a little bit but nothing more at night she said good night and turned her back at me i tried escalating thing a little bit but she wasnt touchy at all i mean she would get on top of me but thats it no kissing or masagging from her at all . Since she was still hanging out with Alex i asked her if thing have changed she said " still there is nothing between us i told him to back off a little because there are alot of rumours about me and him that are not true "

 

Another weird thing that i noticed was that everytime we go out she would notice guys checking her out and i find that kinda weird because she is not that beautiful , i like her alot but just from the physical point of view she is not that great . One time we were at a gas station and someone came and told her that her front tier needs some air which was true and she said "did you see how he was checking me out ? if we were staying any longer we would have fixed it himself "

 

After 3 days i wanted to ask her out but i got a call from a friend that she and Alex are at the park hanging out and i asked her whats up with that and she said " Why are you upset its none of your bussiness who i hang out with i can hang out with alex as many times as i want " and i told her " you told me that you wanted him to back off i guess you lied to me " and i deleted her from facebook and stoped contact with her

 

But now i miss her and i kinda want to contact her . What should i do ?

[abitbroken]

She has a boyfriend that is away for a year, but still has a boyfriend.

 

Another weird thing that i noticed was that everytime we go out she would notice guys checking her out and i find that kinda weird because she is not that beautiful , i like her alot but just from the physical point of view she is not that great

 

On top of that, you have a low opinion of her "she isn't that great" - yet she's so great that you are willing to get physical with her even though she is in a relationship.

 

Stay far away from her. She is in a relationship and she is relying on men who are local to her to fill the void. I think you want her because you cannot have her and she has made that clear. She has also told you herself to back off.

[justme1990]

She has a boyfriend that is away for a year, but still has a boyfriend.

 

Another weird thing that i noticed was that everytime we go out she would notice guys checking her out and i find that kinda weird because she is not that beautiful , i like her alot but just from the physical point of view she is not that great

 

On top of that, you have a low opinion of her "she isn't that great" - yet she's so great that you are willing to get physical with her even though she is in a relationship.

 

Stay far away from her. She is in a relationship and she is relying on men who are local to her to fill the void. I think you want her because you cannot have her and she has made that clear. She has also told you herself to back off.

yeah she told me to back off but she always initiates contact with me after not talking for alot of time

and i dont like her for her physical apearance i like her for her personality

[DanZee]

She's a tease! She uses the excuse that she has a boyfriend that works far away to play head games with you and Alex. What she is actually doing is controlling you guys. She likes being able to manipulate you. Waving it in front of your faces but telling you that you can't touch! It boosts her little ego. She loves she has two guys fighting over her. She's a waste of time. You should find a girl who wants to have a real relationship and not this faker!

[1tym]

I concurrrrrrrr

[SooSad33]

YOU want a relationship with her... of which she is NOT available.

YOU need to back off and give her some respect. She is right.. she owes you nothing of whom she hangs or talks with.

YOU need to stop touching her physically, knowing full well she does have a Bf. ( this is why she will NOT go all the way with you).

 

She is a bit lonely.. but I do believe she has not cheated on her Bf. Please don't make her feel like she should.

 

Back off.. respect the girl a little and act like a FRIEND. No more.

If you can't do that.. then go somewhere else and look for someone who is NOT in a relationship.

Poor girl... getting hounded by some 'guy friend' who is only supposed to be her 'friend'.

[Blank State]

yeah she told me to back off but she always initiates contact with me after not talking for alot of time

and i dont like her for her physical apearance i like her for her personality

"Another weird thing that i noticed was that everytime we go out she would notice guys checking her out and i find that kinda weird because she is not that beautiful."

 

That's kind of a crappy thing to say. This makes you sound insecure. She's apparently attractive. You feel threatened by that so you want to downplay it. You need to stay away from her. She's in a relationship, and you're friendzoned.

[Hollyj]

She is a tease.

 

She has a bf. How would you like some dude do this with your gf? Be a better person.

 

She is a cheat and a liar. Move on from this!

[canadaman815]

I'm sorry to hear this has been a tough situation for you, and one that has played with your emotions a lot. In my experience, it is never a good idea to try to get involved with a girl who is already in a committed relationship. It can only bring pain, jealousy, and heartbreak. While you admire her for her friendship and flirtiness, your desires to test her limits physically, to limit contact with her other friends, and to advance with her in spite of her boyfriend all concern me. Are you really respecting her by doing these things? If she is willing to flirt with other guys while in a long-term relationship with somebody else, how well do you think things are going to work out for you if she ever commits to you? Can you see anything positive long-term here?

 

You have had the chance to evaluate the unhealthy qualities of your current pursuit of this girl, and I would encourage you to continue in your self-evaluation. What do you want out of a relationship? Do you like this flirting and playing around with a girl who is interested in multiple guys, or do you desire something deeper? Are there any other single girls you could pursue, having learned what you have about the messiness of this situation? Hoping that wise decisions are made.

[justme1990]

I'm sorry to hear this has been a tough situation for you, and one that has played with your emotions a lot. In my experience, it is never a good idea to try to get involved with a girl who is already in a committed relationship. It can only bring pain, jealousy, and heartbreak. While you admire her for her friendship and flirtiness, your desires to test her limits physically, to limit contact with her other friends, and to advance with her in spite of her boyfriend all concern me. Are you really respecting her by doing these things? If she is willing to flirt with other guys while in a long-term relationship with somebody else, how well do you think things are going to work out for you if she ever commits to you? Can you see anything positive long-term here?

 

You have had the chance to evaluate the unhealthy qualities of your current pursuit of this girl, and I would encourage you to continue in your self-evaluation. What do you want out of a relationship? Do you like this flirting and playing around with a girl who is interested in multiple guys, or do you desire something deeper? Are there any other single girls you could pursue, having learned what you have about the messiness of this situation? Hoping that wise decisions are made.

 

well yes i want something deeper from a relationship i dont want just games

when i found out she has a boyfriend i wanted to keep distance but she kept talking to me sending me pictures and stuff

the first time i went to her house i didnt even make a move she was trying to cuddle with me but i kept my distance and after i left she texted me "why didnt u allow me to love you ? " and 2nd time i went i tried to make a move and thats when she took my hand away and said no

And yes i went on other dates with other girls and i was still thinking about her , i dont know why

And about her flirting while in a LTR i was thinking that it was because her boyfriend is away for a long time and he treats her bad and if we would start something i treat her right and actualy be next to her so she might stop seeking attention from other guys

[Wiseman2]

She's looking for a substitute while her bf is away.

[purplepaisley]

No.

 

Just no.

 

You need to stop this little flirty, quaisi-dating thing...either be friends or not.

 

First, she has a boyfriend. Granted, he's absent and she has no idea what's going on, but she is still attached to him.

Second, she's pulling this flirty, come-hither, cuddly, touch me, don't touch me crap with Alex just the same as with you. Do you think there's a reason he's upset and blowing up her phone?

Third, she likes the affection and the attention, all the while with a so-called boyfriend...no. She's cheating.

 

You need to stop. She's not into you, and she will continue to play with you, keep you around for the affection and the attention, all the while shutting you down, just shy of anything "major" happening, but let me ask you this. If she were your girlfriend, would you be okay with hand massages, tickle fights, and her straddling her "buddy's" lap? Would that be okay?

 

Do you do this with your platonic friends? Do you cuddle your dude friends while watching a movie? Do you cuddle your platonic female friends and try to massage their butts while they're straddling you? Do platonic friends behave this way?

 

You need to stop this nonsense with her and seek an available female.

 

Even if you were to get together, Alex will be an issue, as will all male friends because you know that for her, it's okay to cuddle and straddle "buddies."

[Jammy Biscuit]

It sounds like she is using you to fill the void. She clearly an attention seeker and craves attentioned. Hence the reason she likes getting checked out.

 

Her boyfriend is away and she isn't getting that attention on tap and that's where you come in. It's cruel for her to play around with you like this.

 

It's easier said than done. As much as you miss her know you are just a substitute.

 

Hope you stay strong

[justme1990]

No.

 

Just no.

 

You need to stop this little flirty, quaisi-dating thing...either be friends or not.

 

First, she has a boyfriend. Granted, he's absent and she has no idea what's going on, but she is still attached to him.

Second, she's pulling this flirty, come-hither, cuddly, touch me, don't touch me crap with Alex just the same as with you. Do you think there's a reason he's upset and blowing up her phone?

Third, she likes the affection and the attention, all the while with a so-called boyfriend...no. She's cheating.

 

You need to stop. She's not into you, and she will continue to play with you, keep you around for the affection and the attention, all the while shutting you down, just shy of anything "major" happening, but let me ask you this. If she were your girlfriend, would you be okay with hand massages, tickle fights, and her straddling her "buddy's" lap? Would that be okay?

 

Do you do this with your platonic friends? Do you cuddle your dude friends while watching a movie? Do you cuddle your platonic female friends and try to massage their butts while they're straddling you? Do platonic friends behave this way?

 

You need to stop this nonsense with her and seek an available female.

 

Even if you were to get together, Alex will be an issue, as will all male friends because you know that for her, it's okay to cuddle and straddle "buddies."

 

to be honest its scary to think that a woman can let let another person that doesnt like massage her , grab her ass , kiss her neck i cant believe how she can do it

and some of my friends actualy told me that im actualy not good enough for her and that i dont deserve her and that made me feel like crap and i was wondering what does this alex guy have that i dont ? is he more charismatic more funny or something ?

on the other hand other friends told me that she doesnt deserve me because of her behaviour

its rly confusing

[justme1990]

It sounds like she is using you to fill the void. She clearly an attention seeker and craves attentioned. Hence the reason she likes getting checked out.

 

Her boyfriend is away and she isn't getting that attention on tap and that's where you come in. It's cruel for her to play around with you like this.

 

It's easier said than done. As much as you miss her know you are just a substitute.

 

Hope you stay strong

 

it really sucks that a person can be this cold

and on top of that some of my friends say that she is too good for me and i dont deserve her and im really starting to think what does alex have that i dont if he ends up with her that is

for now it doesnt look like she might break up with her boyfriend

[Jammy Biscuit]

it really sucks that a person can be this cold

and on top of that some of my friends say that she is too good for me and i dont deserve her and im really starting to think what does alex have that i dont if he ends up with her that is

for now it doesnt look like she might break up with her boyfriend

 

I know people are cruel. I've learnt the hard way this month. They toy with your emotions and play with you.

 

Something everyone is telling me is to stay strong. We are better without them dragging you down. She won't bring you happiness and if she ends up with Alex. Look at it this way. Good luck to them!