Sexting me while with another girl

[skittles88]

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now and it’s more of a casual thing. We talked about where this was going and he said he didn’t want a relationship. I’ve been in that kind of situation before so I knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. but I said was ok with it. I mean it was disappointing to hear but I figured we could still see each other and I could keep doing online dating until I found someone that did want a relationship. He said he went on a few dates with other girls and I told him I was still on the dating app.

 

So now to what happened yesterday. I texted him to say hi and since we hadn’t talked in a week. We chatted casually for a bit and then he initiated more sexual texts. We have had sex and sexted before so this is nothing new for us. He asked me for a sexy pic which I sent (no nudity) and I asked for one back. He then sends me a shirtless selfie of him in a bathroom. I’ve been over his house and stayed over and his bathroom didn’t look like that. I could see the light pink shower curtain in the background which was clearly feminine.

 

It seems so weird that he would be sending me shirtless pics from another girls bathroom and when I said that he told me it was an old one that he had on his phone. I didn’t believe that and asked him to send me a new one which he refused to do. He has sent me shirtless pics quite a few times before. Then he became defensive and kinda mean and called me crazy and jealous and starting drama. I told him it was disrespectful to send me sexts and ask for pics when with another girl to which he replied that “I was so wrong it was laughable.”

 

I didn’t respond to that last message last night. Then today I receive a text asking if I was done overreacting. I don’t think I am, he was clearly at another girls house. I know we aren’t exclusive and that’s not the issue I just don’t understand why someone would be sexting someone when with another person. And when I sent my pic he said he was touching himself to it which again is just gross since he is on a date with someone else. So am I overreacting like he said? I don’t even know how to respond to him or if I should at this point

[1tym]

Another girls house could be at his moms, sisters, aunt, grandma who knows. Given current situation not being exclusive and that you know. I think you are over reaching here. Also it could be an old picture. You might ask then why not send a different one to prove it. I will just ask you why not just believe him at his word????

[j.man]

Yeah I don't get it. There's no way to know where he is or whether the picture was old. He certainly didn't owe it to you to go to the bathroom and take a pic to prove something. You two are "casual," so take the shirtless selfie for what it is or don't. It's your prerogative. It's a bit much to make a conflict of it.

[skittles88]

His only family in this area is a brother. Grandparents and his mom have passed away and his sister 7 hours away. I did say to send a different one to prove it and that’s when he got very defensive and mean. That’s why I don’t believe him at his word. His reaction and the fact that he has sent me pictures before and had no problem but this time he claims it’s an old one

[HeartGoesOn]

With this being a FWBs situation as opposed to a relationship, why are you sending each other pictures?

[skittles88]

Heartgoeson, sending pictures started when he texted me once saying he can’t wait to see me and I said me too.

Then he asked for a preview. Now we kinda send pictures quite a bit.

[j.man]

With this being a FWBs situation as opposed to a relationship, why are you sending each other pictures?

I'm assuming to beat off to.

[SherrySher]

This guy has a high chance of giving you an STD. He has little to no morals and doesn't care. You now know this, so why continue wasting your time?

[boltnrun]

If this is a casual, no commitment thing, why does it matter if he's seeing other women? I would think that would have been understood. I don't get how something you agreed to became "disrespectful".

[j.man]

His only family in this area is a brother. Grandparents and his mom have passed away and his sister 7 hours away. I did say to send a different one to prove it and that’s when he got very defensive and mean. That’s why I don’t believe him at his word. His reaction and the fact that he has sent me pictures before and had no problem but this time he claims it’s an old one

 

Yeah, OK, but there's this:

 

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months

Bottom line is, at least without some severe creepiness on your part involved, you have no idea where he's been in recent history where he could take that picture. There are a ton of possibilities, none of which should be all that significant given you two are virtually nothing to each other, both in terms of the very short duration you've known each other and your lack of commitment.

 

Conversely, you're free to stop sexting him or texting pictures of you for any reason you want. Any reason you'd choose to stop would be just as inconsequential as when or where this picture of himself was taken.

 

I mean, if you want, I can call in the "mhmmmm, gurrllll" squad to say what you want to hear. Just give me the word and I'll put out the signal. But, at the end of the day, it just sounds like a dime-a-dozen case of maybe you're not built for "casual."

[DaisyMayPorter]

Seriously, if this is a “non-relationship“, if it’s so casual, then why are you making such a big deal out of this? Just have fun

[DaisyMayPorter]

If you’re Sexting somebody you can’t also be acting like you’re in a relationship. You’re doing both. You have to pick one or the other. And if he doesn’t want the other then you need to leave.

[Hollyj]

I’ve been seeing this guy for a few months now and it’s more of a casual thing. We talked about where this was going and he said he didn’t want a relationship. I’ve been in that kind of situation before so I knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. but I said was ok with it. I mean it was disappointing to hear but I figured we could still see each other and I could keep doing online dating until I found someone that did want a relationship. He said he went on a few dates with other girls and I told him I was still on the dating app.

 

So now to what happened yesterday. I texted him to say hi and since we hadn’t talked in a week. We chatted casually for a bit and then he initiated more sexual texts. We have had sex and sexted before so this is nothing new for us. He asked me for a sexy pic which I sent (no nudity) and I asked for one back. He then sends me a shirtless selfie of him in a bathroom. I’ve been over his house and stayed over and his bathroom didn’t look like that. I could see the light pink shower curtain in the background which was clearly feminine.

 

It seems so weird that he would be sending me shirtless pics from another girls bathroom and when I said that he told me it was an old one that he had on his phone. I didn’t believe that and asked him to send me a new one which he refused to do. He has sent me shirtless pics quite a few times before. Then he became defensive and kinda mean and called me crazy and jealous and starting drama. I told him it was disrespectful to send me sexts and ask for pics when with another girl to which he replied that “I was so wrong it was laughable.”

 

I didn’t respond to that last message last night. Then today I receive a text asking if I was done overreacting. I don’t think I am, he was clearly at another girls house. I know we aren’t exclusive and that’s not the issue I just don’t understand why someone would be sexting someone when with another person. And when I sent my pic he said he was touching himself to it which again is just gross since he is on a date with someone else. So am I overreacting like he said? I don’t even know how to respond to him or if I should at this point

The way he spoke to you is disrespectful.

 

Certainly, you can find someone better to have a FWB with.

 

I would have blocked him after that convo.

[figureitout23]

Mhmmm girl squad? oh for petes sake...

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

 

Hey OPer, does it sting to read people say your situation is equal to squat and you have no right to be upset?

 

If your answer is yes, this isn't for you. Because unfortunately it's the truth, you can't really hold him to standards that aren't mutually agreed upon. If you want a relationship, say so, if you want a situatuon that's sexually exclusive ( I don't know why you wouldn't, there's a lot of diseases out there) say so. It's been said here a lot and it's true, if you can take off your clothes you can talk to him.

 

Please don't ever think you aren't entitled to have boundaries even in a casual situation because you are

 

He gave you his boundaries: no relationship, and you went along without stating yours and now here you are, in limbo, unsure of yourself. Stand up for yourself and if you're on different wavelengths, well you know what you have to do.

 

Seems to me like you two are definitely on different wavelengths but you went along because you either thought it was better than nothing or you hoped he would change his mind eventually.

[Hollyj]

Don't sext people you are casual with, unless you are cool with his friends viewing.

[ThatwasThen]

I know we aren’t exclusive and that’s not the issue I just don’t understand why someone would be sexting someone when with another person..

Because he can.

 

Sorry to be obtuse but I don't understand why you get offended over that but you're okay with him doing other women while sleeping with you? Your boundaries don't make sense to me.

[Tryingit]

like j.man said, very typical case of a girl pretending (to both him and herself) that she's "chill" with casual and she's actually not. Will eventually flip out like this and say "it's cool if he's with another girl but...why would he..."

 

He's treating you like an a-hole and you're allowing him to. The only thing to do is leave (unless you want to keep allowing him to treat you like an a-hole).

[MissCanuck]

OP, why does it bother you where he sent it from if you already know he's seeing other girls?

 

Don't waste your time getting upset about it. It's his prerogative and he owes you nothing. Just don't bother texting/sexting him again. You're reacting like you're more than a casual fling.

[Cope]

We talked about where this was going and he said he didn’t want a relationship. I’ve been in that kind of situation before so I knew he wasn’t going to change his mind. but I said was ok with it. I mean it was disappointing to hear but I figured we could still see each other and I could keep doing online dating until I found someone that did want a relationship. He said he went on a few dates with other girls and I told him I was still on the dating app.

 

For us it's quite obvious that you are bothered by the fact he's seeing other people, from the get go too. You need to figure out exactly what you want from him and ask it from him.

I'm in a similar situation here and still trying to find the courage to ask. What holds me back is that I'm having a great time with him and I think that if I ask for exclusivity,which we can, even if it's casual btw(trying to convince myself too), he will leave and I will stop having a good time. Can you relate? If yes, then figure out what you want and go for it. If he agrees,cool, if he doesn't, drop him and move on. That's a tough one for me but it is necessary or else he won't take you seriously since you're not taking yourself seriously.

 

As for the question "what kind of guy sends pics on another date?", A guy who's really into (just) sex and doesn't respect their partners enough to even be the slightest discreet.

 

Keep us posted!

 

PS. One thing I figured out with all these casual relationships is that it's best to find someone whom the sex chemistry is good or great but you have not much else in common. If you find yourself liking him more, don't agree to a casual thing. If feelings develop even so, then you need to talk about it.

[Wiseman2]

It doesn't matter where he is or what he's lying about. He's treating you like trash in general. Pull yourself together and delete and block this bozo and focus on getting decent dates with decent guys.

I figured we could still see each other and I could keep doing online dating until I found someone that did want a relationship.

[skittles88]

We did say we weren’t going to have sex with other people. When I said we weren’t exclusive I meant we could go on dates with other people but we both agreed no sex. Sorry I realize now looking back at the post that I wasn’t clear at all.

 

Anyway I did block him. When I didn’t respond he sent a few more texts calling me names and saying I was rude for not responding. Then he said “ I know you are f****** other guys so why can’t i “ which again not true and not what we discussed before. And im done dealing with the verbal abuse.

 

Thanks for the responses. They were all helpful (other than the condescending girl squad comment). I’ve been posting on this forum for years and I appreciate the honest feedback and am well aware it’s not “girl squad”

[Wiseman2]

Ok so he was a frenemy with benefits. Why treat dates like sexless friends and have sex/sext with a jerk? Stay no contact and delete and block him for good and go on dates with decent guys.

When I said we weren’t exclusive I meant we could go on dates with other people but we both agreed no sex.