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Possible Possessive Friend?


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I have recently made friends with a male and we live some distance away and everything seemed pretty cool at first. He knows I am married. However, he appears to have got somewhat possessive over me recently. Even when he knows I am at work he constantly calls and texts me. Five minutes after the end of my shift my phone starts ringing and when I answer it explaining I am actually still at work he pointed out my shift ended five minutes ago. He even tried calling the other evening as I was driving home and when I finally spoke to him he didn't believe I had stayed over at work and was actually driving home. He also doesn't like me speaking to other males and said that if I was his girlfriend he would make sure I would not speak to other males. I told him it is a good job I am not his girlfriend.


Today I had a task to do after work and told him I would text him once I arrived home. I decided to eat first as I have gone all day without food (very busy day). He texts me asking why I hadn't text him and I told him I had just finished eating. He said that was fine but I still should have text him first and then eaten.


He suffers from mood swings and tends to sulk if I don't reply straight away. He will send me lots of texts and missed calls.


Is this a man who is keeping tabs on me even though we live some distance apart? Is he being possessive, and if so why? Is he just insecure or is this a toxic friendship? Just to add: when we do speak on the phone he is actually very sweet to talk to with a great personality.

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....Ummm are you sure this is a friend and does he know you are married? His behavior runs the spectrum from completely inappropriate to totally psycho. Why are you talking to him and how did you even meet him? How does your husband feel about this man acting like this? It sounds both like completely toxic crazy sh$t and like you are having an affair with someone who is completely toxic, crazy, controlling and so on....

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I gotta say, given that 1) you admit you'd only recently made friends with him and 2) that he lives a distance away, you could simply cut him out of your life through pretty simple digital means. Which leaves the question of why you haven't done just that. I really don't think DF's assumption (or, really, just an observation of what it looks like[/i) is all that wild.


But, to give you the stage, why haven't you blocked this guy?

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Astrogirl, there's something wrong with this guy. He's trying to control you, cant you see that? You havent met him and that's good, you should not ever meet him. He sounds mentally disturbed. You should block and delete him from contacting you, or get a new phone number. He's not a friend, he's got a real problem.

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Tell him that his requests for you to be constantly checking in is weirding you out and you won’t be doing it anymore, and then, Stop doing it. Text when you’re able, engage in phone calls when it’s convenient. Other than that leave him to deal with his own strange feelings.

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If you "met" him online you really know nothing about him.


He may be one of those delusional types who believes he IS in a relationship with you, you actually want to be with him, and your husband is preventing you two from being together.


Just electronic communication and a few phone calls cannot reveal any disturbing thoughts he may be having.


What does this man bring to your life that you want to continue communicating with him despite his strange behavior?

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I just read the thread. This is the carrot and the stick approach. He's nice 90% of the time (the carrot), but the other 10% of the time, he's possessive, controlling and manipulative (which is the stick). This kind of behavior can escalate. For example, it's not unusual, at least from what people have written in here, that at some point he might claim he's going to kill himself if you don't answer his texts or calls. Or he might show up unexpectedly where you live with some idea about whisking you away. The best thing you can do is to tell him that your husband is jealous and doesn't want you talking to him anymore. That way he won't blame you. I would be careful and stop contacting this guy.

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