Astrogirl Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 I have recently made friends with a male and we live some distance away and everything seemed pretty cool at first. He knows I am married. However, he appears to have got somewhat possessive over me recently. Even when he knows I am at work he constantly calls and texts me. Five minutes after the end of my shift my phone starts ringing and when I answer it explaining I am actually still at work he pointed out my shift ended five minutes ago. He even tried calling the other evening as I was driving home and when I finally spoke to him he didn't believe I had stayed over at work and was actually driving home. He also doesn't like me speaking to other males and said that if I was his girlfriend he would make sure I would not speak to other males. I told him it is a good job I am not his girlfriend. Today I had a task to do after work and told him I would text him once I arrived home. I decided to eat first as I have gone all day without food (very busy day). He texts me asking why I hadn't text him and I told him I had just finished eating. He said that was fine but I still should have text him first and then eaten. He suffers from mood swings and tends to sulk if I don't reply straight away. He will send me lots of texts and missed calls. Is this a man who is keeping tabs on me even though we live some distance apart? Is he being possessive, and if so why? Is he just insecure or is this a toxic friendship? Just to add: when we do speak on the phone he is actually very sweet to talk to with a great personality. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 ....Ummm are you sure this is a friend and does he know you are married? His behavior runs the spectrum from completely inappropriate to totally psycho. Why are you talking to him and how did you even meet him? How does your husband feel about this man acting like this? It sounds both like completely toxic crazy sh$t and like you are having an affair with someone who is completely toxic, crazy, controlling and so on.... Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Nope! You are wrong to make this exaggerated assumption. We are not having an affair and YES he does know I am married. My husband knows this man is my friend as is not against it but it alarmed by his behaviour. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Married or not I wouldn't permit a friend to micro monitor me that way. You being married and him being that possessive is disturbing. Does your husband know about him and do you communicate in front of him? Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Yes, my husband knows about the friendship but is alarmed at his sudden possessiveness. I confide everything to my husband. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 His behavior is inappropriate on a multitude of levels. I cannot imagine someone dating this insecure control freak. What does your husband say about all of this? How do you know him? He sounds very strange. I would stop contact. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 We started talking through social media. 90% he is a great person but if I don't reply straight away he's sending multiple texts and calls. I've begun to back off from him as it is exhausting me. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Something is very wrong with him. Have you met in person? How do you know that he is a "great person?" Link to comment
j.man Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 I gotta say, given that 1) you admit you'd only recently made friends with him and 2) that he lives a distance away, you could simply cut him out of your life through pretty simple digital means. Which leaves the question of why you haven't done just that. I really don't think DF's assumption (or, really, just an observation of what it looks like[/i) is all that wild. But, to give you the stage, why haven't you blocked this guy? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 There are consequences to bad behavior. This is one of them. You lose a friend when you try to control them. Listen to your husband. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 No, not met in person. I've spoken with him on the phone and he seems to have a great personality. I have told I do think he is out of order but he just laughs. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Why does he have so much time on his hands? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 He is a stranger, and you do not know him. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 He works but is in management so he has the option of disappearing to call me up. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted March 21, 2018 Author Share Posted March 21, 2018 Why would you be getting trolled?????? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 21, 2018 Share Posted March 21, 2018 Because the guy is bizarre. Astro, there are a lot of red flags here. I agree with an earlier poster, he sounds Psycho. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Point blank...you're enjoying his behavior and attention. You enjoy letting your husband know. Not true? Then why not block and move on with life? Simple. Link to comment
Astrogirl Posted March 22, 2018 Author Share Posted March 22, 2018 Point blank: you're wrong! Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Astrogirl, there's something wrong with this guy. He's trying to control you, cant you see that? You havent met him and that's good, you should not ever meet him. He sounds mentally disturbed. You should block and delete him from contacting you, or get a new phone number. He's not a friend, he's got a real problem. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I'm wrong? Then why continue chatting away with him and letting your husband know how he is acting? How easy is it to block this guy? He is acting creepy. Link to comment
1a1a Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 Tell him that his requests for you to be constantly checking in is weirding you out and you won’t be doing it anymore, and then, Stop doing it. Text when you’re able, engage in phone calls when it’s convenient. Other than that leave him to deal with his own strange feelings. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 If you "met" him online you really know nothing about him. He may be one of those delusional types who believes he IS in a relationship with you, you actually want to be with him, and your husband is preventing you two from being together. Just electronic communication and a few phone calls cannot reveal any disturbing thoughts he may be having. What does this man bring to your life that you want to continue communicating with him despite his strange behavior? Link to comment
DanZee Posted March 22, 2018 Share Posted March 22, 2018 I just read the thread. This is the carrot and the stick approach. He's nice 90% of the time (the carrot), but the other 10% of the time, he's possessive, controlling and manipulative (which is the stick). This kind of behavior can escalate. For example, it's not unusual, at least from what people have written in here, that at some point he might claim he's going to kill himself if you don't answer his texts or calls. Or he might show up unexpectedly where you live with some idea about whisking you away. The best thing you can do is to tell him that your husband is jealous and doesn't want you talking to him anymore. That way he won't blame you. I would be careful and stop contacting this guy. Link to comment
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