Please help me. I'm desperate

[Matbon]

Is it possible you left out crucial information in your original post, that if included, would have altered posters' opinions?

 

No. They just didn't bother reading the opening post. It's literally in the first paragraph.

[Matbon]

You can punish her forever for something she stopped doing October last year. You can leave her and let her find someone who accepts her for who she is and realizes she had bad judgment in the past but has rectified that.

 

OR...you can let it go and enjoy the relationship you have.

 

Which choice do you prefer?

 

The later. I wished I'd never looked. I wish I was ignorant to the whole thing. She's told me countless times it was am awful mistake she wold never repeat. I just need to get on with it I guess.

[MissCanuck]

No. They just didn't bother reading the opening post. It's literally in the first paragraph.

 

I caught it. While I feel you can't hold this over her if you decide to stay, I also agree that her behaviour was indeed more than a little questionable getting involved with a taken man.

 

Only you can decide if she has learned from that.

[Everlong13]

You said he GROPED her. You also didn't say she sexted him. You also kept referring to it as flirting so it read as you being completely OTT.

As MissCanuck said, my concern would be over her morals unless she's clear she's learned things and that it was a big mistake.

[Matbon]

You said he GROPED her. You also didn't say she sexted him. You also kept referring to it as flirting so it read as you being completely OTT.

As MissCanuck said, my concern would be over her morals unless she's clear she's learned things and that it was a big mistake.

 

So if she's learnt from it and sees it as a big mistake I should be fine to move on?

[Matbon]

You said he GROPED her. You also didn't say she sexted him. You also kept referring to it as flirting so it read as you being completely OTT.

As MissCanuck said, my concern would be over her morals unless she's clear she's learned things and that it was a big mistake.

 

I said that they'd sent pics which is well worse than sexting anyway. He did grop her, he touched her boobs. (I don't need to tell you what type of pics were sent as well do I?).

 

For 6 pages you give me a shred of hope by saying how OTT I am and then turn around and say well actually I probably couldn't look past it and you have cause to dump her.

[itsallgrand]

It's your life and you get to decide what you will and will not choose in a partner.

 

For me, I don't believe 'the past is the past, it's none of your damn business' as a way to go about knowing someone and seeing if we are a good fit for the longer haul. For me again, this would be a dealbreaker as it goes against my values and what I look for in a partner. It's not impossible to find someone who wouldn't fool around with a taken person and wouldn't have these particular ways of expressing insecurity.

 

I think a lot of times like attracts like. Obviously you have insecurity issues as well, seperate from anything she does or did, but I think with what you described of her she does too. Not a healthy mix. With one snooping and obsessing, the other lying and who turns to taken men/authority figures when low.

[Everlong13]

I said that they'd sent pics which is well worse than sexting anyway. He did grop her, he touched her boobs. (I don't need to tell you what type of pics were sent as well do I?).

 

For 6 pages you give me a shred of hope by saying how OTT I am and then turn around and say well actually I probably couldn't look past it and you have cause to dump her.

 

Hold on a minute, only YOU can decide what you would do but you didn't disclose the full nature of things at the beginning.

I wouldn't be impressed with someone who did that with someone who was in a relationship. You need to decide for yourself and own it.

 

Also groping would imply it was unwanted. The additional info you gave would appear it wasn't like that.

 

At the end of the day, only you can decide if you trust her and as I said way back at the start if you can't then end it. It's that simple.

[Matbon]

Hold on a minute, only YOU can decide what you would do but you didn't disclose the full nature of things at the beginning.

I wouldn't be impressed with someone who did that with someone who was in a relationship. You need to decide for yourself and own it.

 

Also groping would imply it was unwanted. The additional info you gave would appear it wasn't like that.

 

At the end of the day, only you can decide if you trust her and as I said way back at the start if you can't then end it. It's that simple.

 

The whole idea of forums is to gather advice and make an informed decision based on people who have been there and done it. Would you be able to look past it and get on with a relationship if the person felt truly sorry?

[jparmyguy]

Me and my gf have been going out for close to a year. I found out that before i was involved that she was messaging a taken man who was her sports coach. She flirted/sent pics/he groped her over a course of 5 months. She had an awful relationship with her ex and says she needed the easy esteem boost and knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. They never had sex.

 

When she started dating me she stopped all the flirting and only spoke to him about training. I didn't know that they had a history until 5 months after being in a relationship with her. She stopped all contact with him because she felt it was unfair to me. I found out about the whole thing g by checking her phone. When I first met her I did enquire about a history with the 2 of them and she denied it. She feels the past is the past and it isn't any of my business about the mistakes she ls made. She feels awful for the decisions she's made, but believes they have made her a better person.

 

Now I'm left angry and upset. I. Also confused if I'm building this up to be a huge betrayal when really it's not and Ibe lied and hidden things from her as well. My issues are I don't respect her flirting with and taken man and I hate the fact she carried on speaking to him even if it was on and professional level.

 

I thinking of breaking up with her. Just give me your honest feedback please.

I would just think of it as a warning sign and just pay attention. I know my ex was involved with some weird stuff with her ex(not me lol) which she did not tell me about and someone else had. She ended up trying to bone a kid because some guys she had been really into was just not having it with her anymore. So when she was having problems with me I guess to she tried messing with her ex (don't know if they smashed but read some concerning messages.) Anyways later on down line after we broke up I found out that she would say stuff about how she would cheat on me if my friend put the moves on her. Also found out that she would always talk about my little brother being hot. No wonder she took so much offense when my brother called her ugly. I don't know the woman I have met are all sneaky es that like to go behind there boyfriends back. My friends girl we have caught flirting around with a kid we know she has also flashed her to people. Some other girl was complaining about why her boyfriend broke up with her and later admitted ti sending nudes to some other kid. Poor schmuck just like me took the girl back.

[Everlong13]

The whole idea of forums is to gather advice and make an informed decision based on people who have been there and done it. Would you be able to look past it and get on with a relationship if the person felt truly sorry?

 

We're going round in circles a bit here.

Only you can decide if she regrets it and if you can get past it. But if you do decide to stay with her you can't cast this up to her in future.

[Everlong13]

I would just think of it as a warning sign and just pay attention. I know my ex was involved with some weird stuff with her ex(not me lol) which she did not tell me about and someone else had. She ended up trying to bone a kid because some guys she had been really into was just not having it with her anymore. So when she was having problems with me I guess to she tried messing with her ex (don't know if they smashed but read some concerning messages.) Anyways later on down line after we broke up I found out that she would say stuff about how she would cheat on me if my friend put the moves on her. Also found out that she would always talk about my little brother being hot. No wonder she took so much offense when my brother called her ugly. I don't know the woman I have met are all sneaky es that like to go behind there boyfriends back. My friends girl we have caught flirting around with a kid we know she has also flashed her to people. Some other girl was complaining about why her boyfriend broke up with her and later admitted ti sending nudes to some other kid. Poor schmuck just like me took the girl back.

 

This was difficult to make sense of, but implying women are sneaky cheats is untrue and unhelpful.

[milly007]

Op, I'm wondering if you're more concerned about your girlfriend's boundaries/morals in relation to your relationship?

 

Meaning, if she's willing to get involved with a guy who's attached and not respect the fact that he's in a relationship, are you concerned about her loyalty towards you and your relationship?

[Matbon]

Op, I'm wondering if you're more concerned about your girlfriend's boundaries/morals in relation to your relationship?

 

Meaning, if she's willing to get involved with a guy who's attached and not respect the fact that he's in a relationship, are you concerned about her loyalty towards you and your relationship?

 

When we argue about it and I see how painful it is for her I know she wouldn't do anything to me. Im just so angry about her not having the moral strength when she was low to not give in to this guys easy 'boosts' and angry that she spoke to the guy after we started dating like a friend and coach after the months of all the stuff they did and talked about.

[Wiseman2]

It'a astounding she is putting up with your abuse and hasn't dumped you yet. Soon she'll tell her friends and family about your abuse and wise up and be gone. Then you can find a virgin straight out of a convent to ally your paranoia about what pasts girls may or may not have.

When we argue about it and I see how painful it is. Im just so angry about her not having the moral strength

[jparmyguy]

This was difficult to make sense of, but implying women are sneaky cheats is untrue and unhelpful.

 

At around my age 21 most them are along with guys too. I have maybe come across two relationships that I have seen that haven't had some sort of infidelity. Regardless, seems like a red flag and something the girl would do to him if she ever had issues with him.

[Matbon]

It'a astounding she is putting up with your abuse and hasn't dumped you yet. Soon she'll tell her friends and family about your abuse and wise up and be gone. Then you can find a virgin straight out of a convent to ally your paranoia about what pasts girls may or may not have.

 

What do you mean may or may not have? She's has done these things. It's not me implying she might have. She's admitted it all.

[Matbon]

OK. So I've reread the thread from the beginning. The consensus seems to be that if she's learnt from the mistake and is truly sorry for her past actions then I should stay with her and save this relationship.

[Wiseman2]

I'm sorry but it's unclear if you are high on drugs, trolling or really forgot the last thread. This was the 68th post (today) on your identical thread:

OK. So I've reread the thread from the beginning. The consensus seems to be that if she's learnt from the mistake and is truly sorry for her past actions then I should stay with her and save this relationship.

[Liraele]

Dude. Break up with her. You obviously can't get over it.

[Matbon]

I'm sorry but it's unclear if you are high on drugs, trolling or really forgot the last thread. This was the 68th post (today) on your identical thread:

 

I'm sorry wise man. I do value your advice. I just wanted the opinions of others that may not visit that thread. I don't think that's an awful thing for me to do.

[Matbon]

Dude. Break up with her. You obviously can't get over it.

 

I do feel like I'm getting over it. I just want some more feedback to cement my answer and future with this girl.

[reinventmyself]

You already have a recent post about the exact same thing with over 60 responses.

Did you not get enough feedback the first time?

[Matbon]

You already have a recent post about the exact same thing with over 60 responses.

Did you not get enough feedback the first time?

 

The same people went from saying I was overreacting to saying I had every right to not trust her and how she had done something unforgivable. So no.I dont unfortunately. What's your opinion?

[Matbon]

Apologies. I guess I should just decide for myself. I just love this girl and wanted some advice because it does bother me. I'll decide over the course of the week if I'm strong enough to let this foolish mistake ruin something special.