Was i wrong? Or was he a player?

[Youngb54]

i met this guy on tinder and dated him for 2 1/2 weeks. he told me that he had social anxiety. when i first started talking to him he said he was between jobs. but than when we met up a few days after that he said he didn’t have a job. that because he had social anxiety and it was bad that he is on disability. so after a few days he told me that he can definitely say that we was dating. he posted it on fb. told his friends and family. showed my pictures to them.

 

so than he came over to my house the second time we hung out. and chilled with me. met my sister and my cousin. so he texted me afterwards and said that since we are dating we should make each other feel good. i said how? he started talking about sex. i said oh well when i get into a relationship i wouldn’t mind having sex. so than i said well since he got some issues I’ll tell him like this...on Christmas Eve we can have sex. he said ok. than said well can we doing other stuff like fingering, hand jobs, oral. i said woah woah woah. um we can when we have sex. so than he told me that he had high functioning autism and Asperger Syndrome. so like all of that started making me really overwhelmed. im like nah i can’t handle this. so i told him that we should just be friends. than he started telling me that i was suppose to take him out for his birthday dinner, and we was suppose to go to the movies. and just seem like he was trying to guilt trip me back into dating him. so i said well idk. we just need to take it slow. so than i came over his house last tuesday and we chilling, watching movies, and than he started doing some stuff around his apartment so i sat on his bed and watched. than he told me that he wouldn’t be able to come over on christmas eve because his family was coming into town. so he ended up putting the moves on me and we did end up having sex. so after that we went to lunch and i paid for everything. and than i took him home and he said that we could hang out later but he was gonna see what was going on because his sister was coming over. so than he texted me hours later and said that he was gonna cancel on me because his friend messaged him and she was have drinks. i said . her? she? who is she? so than he said well she is my friend i knew her for 2 years and her mom is sick and she wants to have drinks. i said ok so all I’m getting out of this is that your ditching me for some girl. so he told me that she canceled. and that if i wanted to come over i said alright fine. so than i spend the night. and than the next day i texted him and asked what he was doing he said he was in chicago helping a friend. i said o girl from yesterday? and he said yeah. i said oh really now. he said stop if i was gonna be like that than we could stop now. i said you went against what i said. he said she’s my friend and she’s going through . i said and I’m not my grandma is in the hospital she had a stroke. he said her situation is more critical. i said wow. than i said go date her than. he said she has a boyfriend she lives in Wisconsin she’s visiting her sick mom. so than he just ignored me. he wouldn’t answer my texts or phone calls. so than the next day i called him and asked like can we talk what’s going on? he didn’t respond. i called him he never answered. i said ok .

 

it’s not that serious. so i said after my finals I’m coming over. than he said no your not. and my decision is final. and I’m done. and just started going off on me. and we’re done and you sound pissy and possessive two things i can’t get with. I’m like but the situation is not that serious. like your telling me you with another girl and idk who she is. he said that he didn’t think he had to tell me about her seeing as he was helping a friend. so than i ended up coming to his house and he came to the door and started yelling at me and I’m like this is ridiculous. and than i told him your friends problems aren’t yours. and than i hear her in the back laughing. so he moves out the way and she’s in his bed. so i started yelling and going off. you got this girl in your bed. so you used me? he said no we didn’t have sex i slept on the couch she slept on the bed. I’m like oh ok and I’m suppose to just go by off what your telling me. and he said she has a boyfriend i said yeah in wisconsin and why isn’t he here with her. and why is it that her mom is in chicago in the hospital and she’s here in the suburbs with you. where’s the rest of her family and why isn’t she with them? her brother lives in shaumberg but she’s not with him. why couldn’t she stay at her moms house? like why. so than i threw a rock at his car. didn’t damage it. so than when i got home the police had called me. just wanted to hear my side of the story so i told them. so they said no damage was made and that no chargers were being pressed i said ok fine. so i changed my number and blocked his ass on fb. a few days later i reached out to his ex fiancé that he was with for 7 years and she told me everything about him. how she caught him in bed with the same girl. and he got mad at her about it and told her to get out. I just don’t understand what i did wrong though.

[Wiseman2]

Wow, glad you got rid of this creep. A lot of red flags

so he texted me afterwards and said that since we are dating we should make each other feel good. i said how? he started talking about sex.

[rosephase]

high functioning autism and Asperger Syndrome

 

That explains a lot... at least to me. I don't think you were wrong for dumping him. But his behavior isn't player... it's the behavior of someone who isn't socially graceful, doesn't get social cues and doesn't have a firm understanding of unspoken expectations. He probably didn't understand why you would have feelings about him spending the night with his friend. He probably didn't understand that he was being strange and pushy for sex.

 

Anyway, he isn't the right match for you.

[melancholy123]

This guy was looking to get laid asap and you accommodated that. You are better off without him.

 

Also, FYI every time you used the word "than" you should have used the word "then." I'm not picking on your spelling, just trying to help you get it right. Yes I've been called the Grammar Police more than once :-)

[rosephase]

so than i threw a rock at his car.

 

so i changed my number and blocked his ass on fb. a few days later i reached out to his ex fiancé that he was with for 7 years and she told me everything about him. how she caught him in bed with the same girl. and he got mad at her about it and told her to get out. I just don’t understand what i did wrong though.

 

Also, maybe get a grip? You saw this guy for 2.5 WEEKS. Don't throw rocks and stalk his ex-wife. That's some really poor choices.

[lostandhurt]

What you did wrong was not trusting your gut and stop seeing this guy as soon as he tried to get you into bed right off the bat. That and he doesn't have a job and lies and cheats.

 

Next time trust your gut feelings and stop looking for a relationship on Tinder.

 

Lost

[Youngb54]

Ex FIANCÉ. didn’t stalk her. and i threw A rock.

[Youngb54]

I didn’t dump him, he dumped me. And i was just wondering what i did wrong .

[Starlight925]

Ex FIANCÉ. didn’t stalk her. and i threw A rock.

 

"A" rock is one rock too many. And no, you shouldn't have called his ex-fiance.

 

I don't think his Aspberger's/Autism/Social Anxiety Disorder has anything to do with this.

 

He's a player, a straight-up cheating, lying jerk. It's possible that he blames his bad behavior on his disorder(s), but that's just his easy way out.

 

And you played right into it.

 

Dump, block, delete, move on.

[rosephase]

Ex FIANCÉ. didn’t stalk her. and i threw A rock.

 

Only one rock! such adult restraint.

 

And his ex-fiance? That you looked up and reached out to? Maybe "stalk" is a harsh word. But why are you digging through his life? You two were a bad match. And he dumped you. It was 2.5 weeks. I understand it being upsetting and disappointing but 2.5 weeks in shouldn't end in the police getting called on you.

[IAmFCA]

Ex FIANCÉ. didn’t stalk her. and i threw A rock.

 

big reactions for a short time

 

And REactions - not proactive choices that put you in your best light.

 

Many of us, me included, have never called an ex nor thrown a rock at anything or anyone. Nor would I, nor date someone who did. It betrays the difficulty we would have resolving conflict.

[figureitout23]

I don't think think you were wrong and if he is a player, he isn't a very good one. I think you made an important discovery about yourself : like many women, sex attaches you, so your best bet to avoid these situations, since you sound very young, don't go the casual sex route and if you feel unsure, play it safe and don't sleep with him. 'One thing led to another' doesn't really exist, and he really doesn't sound like a lothario so you made a conscious choice to sleep with him even though you felt you weren't ready, now you know, listen to your instincts, you weren't ready and he wasn't prepared to match your level of attachment after he got some. Let him go and allow yourself to heal, youlll be ok.

[Youngb54]

"A" rock is one rock too many. And no, you shouldn't have called his ex-fiance.

 

I don't think his Aspberger's/Autism/Social Anxiety Disorder has anything to do with this.

 

He's a player, a straight-up cheating, lying jerk. It's possible that he blames his bad behavior on his disorder(s), but that's just his easy way out.

 

And you played right into it.

 

Dump, block, delete, move on.

 

I definitely will! thank you :)

[Youngb54]

I don't think think you were wrong and if he is a player, he isn't a very good one. I think you made an important discovery about yourself : like many women, sex attaches you, so your best bet to avoid these situations, since you sound very young, don't go the casual sex route and if you feel unsure, play it safe and don't sleep with him. 'One thing led to another' doesn't really exist, and he really doesn't sound like a lothario so you made a conscious choice to sleep with him even though you felt you weren't ready, now you know, listen to your instincts, you weren't ready and he wasn't prepared to match your level of attachment after he got some. Let him go and allow yourself to heal, youlll be ok.

 

Thank you so much! but do you think that he’ll try to reach out to me?

[Youngb54]

big reactions for a short time

 

And REactions - not proactive choices that put you in your best light.

 

Many of us, me included, have never called an ex nor thrown a rock at anything or anyone. Nor would I, nor date someone who did. It betrays the difficulty we would have resolving conflict.

 

I didn’t call her, i just asked for her help in understanding him since she was with him longer than me. she didn’t have a problem with it. and she was very nice. Yes i threw a rock, and i did apologize for him. i didn’t damage his car because I’m sure if i did he would of pressed charges. He disrespected my grandmothers situation by telling me that no one cares about your grandmother who isn’t in the hospital recovering from a stroke and she’s 99 years old. That upsetted me and out of anger i did throw a rock, and i know that my actions were uncalled for and that’s something that i can’t take back.

[boltnrun]

You told him you don't have sex unless you're in a relationship, then proceeded to have sex with him more than once.

 

It's hard to blame him when you proved you don't stand by what you say.

 

Maybe you should put your "rule" into practice so you don't get "used" anymore. Just saying.

[Youngb54]

why didn’t he press charges though?

[Youngb54]

Only one rock! such adult restraint.

 

And his ex-fiance? That you looked up and reached out to? Maybe "stalk" is a harsh word. But why are you digging through his life? You two were a bad match. And he dumped you. It was 2.5 weeks. I understand it being upsetting and disappointing but 2.5 weeks in shouldn't end in the police getting called on you.

 

Why didn’t he press charges though?

[j.man]

Jesus, lady. You knew him for 2.5 weeks. And I'm not a fan of calling any dude chasing tail a "player," just as I don't like using a certain term to describe a promiscuous woman. No one was played. Dude was awkwardly and I'd say even creepishly forward, but God bless him, apparently it worked. Talk about a miracle.

 

I don't know how to sugarcoat it, but I'm telling you, if you're the type to show up and people's places unannounced, throw rocks, reach out to their ex-fiances pretty much ever, much less after a whole two weeks of knowing them, you're only ever going to attract men who are looking to "hit it and quit it."

 

It may be best to take a break from dating altogether and catch your bearings. There's so much "wow" in this story.

[reinventmyself]

Thank you so much! but do you think that he’ll try to reach out to me?

 

Why?? . . .

[figureitout23]

Thank you so much! but do you think that he’ll try to reach out to me?

 

Probably and since you had sex you'll probably take him right back because you've developed a false attachment, unfortunately this doesn't sound like the start of a beautiful love story. I don't think you're going to one day be telling your grandchildren about how grandpa went to some chicks house right after smashing you and him dumping you and you throwing rocks at his car. I mean...maybe but it's pretty unlikely. Probably best to find a better match.

[katrina1980]

 

... so than i threw a rock at his car. didn’t damage it.

 

How do you throw a rock at a car but not damage it?

 

Not even a scratch or small chip in the paint? What was it a pebble?

 

I'm finding this, and frankly the entire story hard to believe.

 

If it's real, you both have issues; he has social anxiety, Asperger's and may be a "player" and you my dear are a bonafide drama queen!

 

Dial it back hun, seriously. I could hardly get through your original post, I cannot imagine having to actually live it.

[Youngb54]

Probably and since you had sex you'll probably take him right back because you've developed a false attachment, unfortunately this doesn't sound like the start of a beautiful love story. I don't think you're going to one day be telling your grandchildren about how grandpa went to some chicks house right after smashing you and him dumping you and you throwing rocks at his car. I mean...maybe but it's pretty unlikely. Probably best to find a better match.

 

So if he does reach out it will be only for sex?

[Youngb54]

it did chip a piece of his car. he sent me the picture. and as for a bonafide drama queen? definitely not.

[mustlovedogs]

it did chip a piece of his car. he sent me the picture. and as for a bonafide drama queen? definitely not.

 

What else would you call someone who throws rocks at a car?