Journal..

[sputnik123]

Thanks guys,

 

Your support and advice means so much :)

 

It's English pool, so there is no real hiding place! lol.. if i win there is a chance i could win the league, so it means something.

 

I highly doubt the ex would be there, but her bf might, if he is feeling brave.

 

Been quite low the last couple of days..I guess it's just as another "landmark" has passed (4 months) and there is still the pointless WA charade going on. Need to delete. Need to delete!

 

Hope everyone has a great day!

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Sputnik! Stop looking at WA!!! I hope you have a great day

[sputnik123]

She changed her pic (her and a daughter..).. nearly caused a heart-attack my end, so I deleted.

 

I have it written down somewhere.. god give me the strength to never use it!!!

[SweetGirl28]

She changed her pic (her and a daughter..).. nearly caused a heart-attack my end, so I deleted.

 

I have it written down somewhere.. god give me the strength to never use it!!!

 

How'd she look? Horrible I hope!!! lol I'm kidding .

Okay so,..... Yay for you!! I'm proud of you for getting that strength to do it.

Btw, screenshot what you wrote down cuz you might lose it and then what?? Lol kidding again!

Stay strong. Don't need you dying over there from a heart attack brought on by anxiety!!!

[sputnik123]

Was the usual snapchat nonsense.. actually looks nothing like her! lol

 

Also reminds me that there were kids involved in this.

 

Thanks Sweets, we KNEW it had to be done! I feel like it's played on my mind too much for the last 2 weeks.

 

Yes, I don't think there would be any instance where I should need that number tbh!

 

How are you getting on? ;)

[SweetGirl28]

Was the usual snapchat nonsense.. actually looks nothing like her! lol

 

Also reminds me that there were kids involved in this.

 

Thanks Sweets, we KNEW it had to be done! I feel like it's played on my mind too much for the last 2 weeks.

 

Yes, I don't think there would be any instance where I should need that number tbh!

 

How are you getting on? ;)

 

It definitely played on your mind too much recently!

You've made good progress today. Those snapchat selfies are silly aren't they?

But the reminder of kids involved may have subconsciously made you realize what was done to yoyr son and gave you the immediate power to delete her. This is the first time in weeks I've not deleted my ex again.

 

I'm good actually, I woke up today realizing I do want my ex as a friend, so being friends means not texting a lot,

not replying quickly, etc. I don't initiate anyway right now unless he does(which he does every couple weeks, then goes away again lol) but that's how friends with an ex works. I do love and care for him, and eventually I can handle it better.

I won't take his offer to see him because I'm not wanting fwb. For as much as I turned it down he still tries lol,

but I won't do that at this point. Have a cutie on my radar and have a date set and I'm excited for the first time about it, but it might not work out because of distance and we both have kids, and honestly I dont even care. This guy will definitely become a good friend if nothing else because we share the same sense of humor, teasing, interests, we clicked quite well. . Not as easily as my ex, but on a different level, which is good, because it means I'm in the acceptance stage.

Didn't mean to write a short story, lol.

I'm stuck home today because of ice/ freezing rain. Hanging out in my pjs with Netflix and hot cocoa lol.

My daughter has been asleep most of the day in my bed, she's sick :(

[sputnik123]

Hey Sweets,

 

Thanks so much for being there.. you are invaluable! I love your presence on our threads.

 

Are you sure you are ready for "friendship"? Do you think that may hold you back pursuing (or allowing to be pursued!) elsewhere?

 

When is this date? It's a good sign that you are excited! How long is the distance?

 

Usually it's a good sign if there are kids.. if someone is a good parent, it tells you alot about that person, I think.

 

OMG, it's freezing here too! I have tea and biscuits with the heating on full whack!

 

Sorry about your daughter being sick, my boy was off one day last week.. half of the school had a bug!

 

I wonder how our man *Carus* is!

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Hey Sweets,

 

Thanks so much for being there.. you are invaluable! I love your presence on our threads.

 

Are you sure you are ready for "friendship"? Do you think that may hold you back pursuing (or allowing to be pursued!) elsewhere?

 

When is this date? It's a good sign that you are excited! How long is the distance?

 

Usually it's a good sign if there are kids.. if someone is a good parent, it tells you alot about that person, I think.

 

OMG, it's freezing here too! I have tea and biscuits with the heating on full whack!

 

Sorry about your daughter being sick, my boy was off one day last week.. half of the school had a bug!

 

I wonder how our man *Carus* is!

 

S x

 

Aww, thanks, I feel so warm and fuzzy from your words! Same to you :)

 

Yeah, I'm sure. I love him dearly, he has a very special place within me and I cannot forget how patient and

understanding and supportive he was to me given al the horrible things my ex did to him and I. And I'm telling you the truth when I say we never fought. Not until the break up night. Even then he didn't raise his voice, didn't cuss me out, nothing. He was calm. I was nasty to him though. He hurt me deeply with the silent treatment and such and everyone said he doesn't deserve my time or attention and a part of that is very true. He never apologized, but okay, it's been so long now and he truly is a good man, he's just lost in his own issues with trust. I can't fix him.

Life is short, you really need to evaluate if an ex is good or not to have contact with. I've decide he is. He'd be there for me if I needed him, at least at this time in life. Who knows about the future.

The date is a week away , he lives three hours away. But he lives where I travel to on weekends all summer lol.

Not sure about how he is as a parent, I do know he and his kids mom do not get along though. He has his boys half the week and every other weekend. I have my daughter every day.

The flu bug and strep are running wild here right now. Lots of absences at her school also. They closed school today due to the ice anyway. Glad your boy is better! Stay warm! Our poor dear Carus, I want to wave a magic wand at him and make all his troubles disappear :(

 

Oh, and ya it was holding me back. Just as I'd move forward and not hear from him, there is he again.

So last week was rough and emotional, and after long conversations with my guy BFF, I realized what my problem is.

So I need to accept this is the dynamic of whatever we are right now, and it's okay. No expectations.

I'm not gonna lie, it helps I have this cutie grabbing my attention, but it's more than that. I truly have good feelings towards him now, where as I didn't prior. Not to say it won't hurt if I never hear from him again, because it will.

It will also hurt if I see with someone, but I need to remind myself I'm choosing right now to not go see him.

I'm not okay with fwb. I mean I could be, but why? I dont want to hurt a second time. I don't want to ever feel that pain again. And I bond through sex and intimacy so no way can I leave feelings aside.

[sputnik123]

Hi Sweets,

 

It sounds like you are in a decent place with the ex right now.. I admit, i have not really ever had friendship with an ex afterwards, but that is partially as my relationships have generally been based on physical attraction primarily, rather than the whole package.. I need to start learning from this!

 

"He hurt me deeply with the silent treatment"

-I think that hurts more than anything, doesn't it. Especially after a long time.

 

3 hours away from the potential new beau could be a good thing.. close enough to see each other, but not too much ;)

 

I am sure you are an absolutely wonderful Mum!

 

Yes, I see it that the moment, the ex is with/ has been with someone else afterwards, that person you were with, as such, is no more.

 

You definitely deserve so much better than a FWB scenario. You deserve the best!!! Remember that.

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Hi Sputnik! The ex initiated contact again last night. I hear what you're saying about the physical attraction part because again he tossed the sex thing out there . We kind of fell back to how it used to be, not as frequent obviously and no taking me out lol but we can talk as if nothing happened. I guess I let go of the anger and that's good. Like I said I do want to be friends, so I won't push or force anything, I'm just letting time take its course and what will be will be. We are both adults, and I know the consequences. I've held out this long though so idk.

The other guy, ya he just text me "good morning pretty girl"

He's adorable and the distance....it's good because I really am not ready to attach myself again. He's the first I'm giving an honest chance to. The other guys, I tried but I just wasn't feeling it.

 

I hope you have a great day today, and how's it feel to be day one of not seeing the ex on WA?? Good right? Lol

[sputnik123]

Hey Sweets,

 

you now have half the male population of the U.S after youuuu ;p

 

Inevitable "down" day today.. she feels really distant again! lol.. but yes, that is exactly what is needed.

 

Determined to pull through this rubbish.

[SweetGirl28]

You'll pull through! Think of something happy and positive, something maybe you're looking forward to, and refocus your thoughts. Not all days can be good ones. But with each passing day, brings on a new tomorrow.

A new chance. Don't forget it :)

[sputnik123]

Where would I be without youuuuu?

 

Yes, there is loads coming up and will focus on happier things! :)

[Carus]

Just know we're still riding in the same roller coaster car Buddy*

 

I'm hoping this dip is going to pass soon.

 

Was thinking today how unfair it is on my friends and family who are watching me suffer and doing all they can whilst my ex is just out living her life like normal...

 

It's a big part for me of why I somehow just must move past this*

 

Man Hug

Carus*

[sputnik123]

Big man hug back brother,

 

Yes, the photo change of her yesterday, with her daughter, gave me the incentive I needed to delete, for 3 reasons;

 

1./ What could come next...

 

2./ She is living her life as normal (or so it looks from a photo)... I MUST too

 

3./ I am nowhere near indifference

 

S x

[sputnik123]

One point *Carus,

 

Do you think it would make things "easier" for you if you found there was someone else, after all?

 

My mindset is similar to yours.. I think that in MOST cases like this, there is at least someone lurking (I know you helped her "wean" off you, but still...)

 

S x

[Carus]

Mate, you and I are so far from indifference, it's like a speck on the horizon! ;-)

[Makeit]

One point *Carus,

 

Do you think it would make things "easier" for you if you found there was someone else, after all?

 

My mindset is similar to yours.. I think that in MOST cases like this, there is at least someone lurking (I know you helped her "wean" off you, but still...)

 

S x

 

Sometimes I think this. Im sure she has been on dates and stuff at the least. Maybe she has someone. She wanted someone new so badly I know that much. Maybe it would help me but Im not going to go out of my way to find out as I know at first it would killl me. Hopefully not literally but the fear of being worse then i am now is not worth the risk of it helping me in the long run. I still wait for her to maybe contact me. I highly doubt Id take her back but I would try and get some power back. I think the rejection is what hurts me the most.

 

Add me to the list of the “far from indifference club”.

[sputnik123]

You are a very welcome addition brother ;)

 

Hope you had a good day!

 

S x

[Carus]

One point *Carus,

 

Do you think it would make things "easier" for you if you found there was someone else, after all?

 

My mindset is similar to yours.. I think that in MOST cases like this, there is at least someone lurking (I know you helped her "wean" off you, but still...

It's a good point Bro. I don't think it would make things easier...but I don't think it would make it that much harder either. My ex wife is hot so it's going to happen sooner or later if it hasn't already...

 

This is why, except for today's mishap, I don't go looking or asking anyone.

 

Although, both boys have told me when I've seen them that there isn't anyone new yet and that she's just working a lot to stay afloat and doesn't really have much direction in life right now...and I last saw the younger one what, about 2 and a half weeks ago.

 

As you know, I've long known that she isn't coming back (despite that hope that took a long time to die) and she will find somebody soon.

 

It will sting a bit but knowing what we know about relationships in general, and the internal issues she has, I wish her the best.

 

I can't lie though, I kinda do hope she dates 1 or 2 losers because perhaps then she will realize what we had....

 

Sending you guys Strength...even though mine is very low right now.

 

C*

[Morello]

Yeah, sometimes I think seeing your ex with another man with your own very eyes (rather in person or in a picture), or at least knowing she/he is in a new relationship would be tough at the beginning but would help moving on quicker afterwards.

 

I kind of envy Sweets for being in contact with her ex. Not to give you hope, but he can change from wanting a FWB to wanting something serious for you... We all change. It could change the other way too and he can just drift away.

 

The thing is we're all full on the Broken Heards Club Band, lol. All wanting something we can't have... Once (and if) we can have it, we'll be probably eying someone else.

[SweetGirl28]

Yeah, sometimes I think seeing your ex with another man with your own very eyes (rather in person or in a picture), or at least knowing she/he is in a new relationship would be tough at the beginning but would help moving on quicker afterwards.

 

I kind of envy Sweets for being in contact with her ex. Not to give you hope, but he can change from wanting a FWB to wanting something serious for you... We all change. It could change the other way too and he can just drift away.

 

The thing is we're all full on the Broken Heards Club Band, lol. All wanting something we can't have... Once (and if) we can have it, we'll be probably eying someone else.

 

It would crush me to see mine with another woman, and yet I can go to him if I want.

I don't like being demoted to fwb though. I fear pain all over again.

Don't be envious, it's still a bit of a struggle to accept friendship when I want more sometimes. It's about acceptance, and I'm accepting at this point. I don't know for how long he will stay or what will happen, but I know I'm finally okay with it.

 

Seems we are all the dumpees, each kind of stuck and within close time frames of one another.

NC hurts deeply, but contact can hurt just as much when you love the person and want more and they don't.

We have to remember this is not our first heartache, we have all been heartbroken, healed, and loved again.

And this time is no different :)

[sputnik123]

Wonderful words as always, Sweets.

 

I feel a while away from "peaceful" acceptance, but I'm very glad you are there :)

 

The heartaches build up accumulatively though, don't they!

 

I hope everyone has exciting weekend plans ahead!

 

How about the creation of an "anti-Valentines Day" thread? ;p

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Wonderful words as always, Sweets.

 

I feel a while away from "peaceful" acceptance, but I'm very glad you are there :)

 

The heartaches build up accumulatively though, don't they!

 

I hope everyone has exciting weekend plans ahead!

 

How about the creation of an "anti-Valentines Day" thread? ;p

 

S x

 

Haha, they do build, but they definitely heal in time.

Hope you get there soon enough, it hasn't been all that long for you.

Just like my new interest, eight months out of an engagement, he was with her 5 years, and he admitted

he's not completely over it. That's why he's looking for fwb, which isn't going to be me!

I'm not anyone's rebound lol. But he's cool enough, I'll be friends WITHOUT benefits :)

 

What are your weekend plans?

Anti-VDay? Hmm. I have a valentine, lol. My daughter. We are going to dinner at her favorite restaurant,

then coming home and dipping strawberries in chocolate(her favorite) and doing each other's manicures.

She's pretty good at it actually, lucky for me lol

[sputnik123]

Good point, re. Valentines.. :)

 

Well, it's been 4 months since b/up now.. I am sure I have healed considerably, but this morning it doesn't feel like it!

 

Bad night's sleep, first for a while. Just trying to deal with the finality of it. I won't contact her and she won't contact me.

 

Perhaps we will bump into each other soon, but it will mean nothing.

 

I despise what she did, but miss what we could have had.

 

Yes, there are plenty of beautiful things going on in the world, people to meet, places to see. I just wanted the time together to mean something, because right now, it only seems a black hole in my past. A void waiting to be filled with justification of what she did.. it won't come, I just need to say the words today.

 

Hope everyone is getting there.

 

S x