Journal..

[Carus]

Always good to hear from you Brother*

Bad night's sleep, first for a while. Just trying to deal with the finality of it. I won't contact her and she won't contact me.

Again I think we're at the same place.

 

You followed my thread and all the Hope that came up in there. But now, that finality is the next hurdle to get past.

 

I go to sleep ok and the Valerian helps with that, but the mornings are still brutal as hell.

I despise what she did, but miss what we could have had.

I hear you... Slight difference being that we had everything and she still walked away!

 

It's a tough and crazy world.

 

And it's also tough believing that if only she could find it in her heart, with the changes I've made by being forced through the sieve, we could probably rebuild something even better.

 

Whether that's right or wrong, it's a bitter pill to swallow*

NC hurts deeply, but contact can hurt just as much when you love the person and want more and they don't.

Sadly I'm living proof of that :-/

 

A good friend of both of us today said that she hates seeing me suffer and thinks us being apart is fairly unnecessary....

 

I do agree with her but there's not much I can do about it.

 

Keep going Sputnik* Your son needs you...and so do we*

 

Carus*

[sputnik123]

hello all,

 

Didn't realise it's been 2 weeks since I posted in here!

 

It seems as though I am one of the few in these threads who haven't had any direct developments in their break-ups recently!

 

That ends tonight, as I am face to face with a (now) good friend of hers (and was a good friend of mine).

 

I cannot get over the fact that he could have saved me from 6 weeks of not knowing and anxiety immediately post break-up.. he knew everything.

 

I know it has to be done, but I am really not sure how to play it.

 

Who will he be with? Would he dare?!

 

I will post my thoughts afterwards.

 

For the last 4 months I have been pretty immersed in my bubble, but tonight I think it gets pr1cked somewhat.

 

Love to everyone here. :)

 

S x

[SweetGirl28]

Hey, wishing you the best of luck tonight! Be strong, head high, act as if nothing bothers you.

Don't give anyone the satisfaction. It's two hours, right? Here's to hoping it passes quickly with no drama :)

Crossing my fingers she's not there, although seeing her might make you realize you don't want her anymore.

[Carus]

I echo SweetGirls* post. Rise above it my Brother*

 

I look forward to hearing how you went....

 

I'm wondering, does the fact that you are not updating your journal mean that you are truly detaching from the situation?

 

I do hope so. :)

 

Carus*

[SweetGirl28]

I echo SweetGirls* post. Rise above it my Brother*

 

I look forward to hearing how you went....

 

I'm wondering, does the fact that you are not updating your journal mean that you are truly detaching from the situation?

 

I do hope so. :)

 

Carus*

 

I'm butting in to say he detached because he's got a girlfriend! Distraction......it's a beautiful thing! Lol :)

Carus my dear, get your groove on! You need a distraction too .

Sorry guys, you know I say what's on mind!

[Carus]

I would love to dear SweetGirl* but I'm stuck in a business now that sees me working 6 nights a week...!

 

And I was s'posed to be semi retired now....grrrr

 

Anyway, it won't be like this forever

[OllieB123]

You know,

Gym has become the most therapeutic method I've ever used in life. Lost exactly 2 stone since the day my relationship ended (8 weeks ago).

Though there's still that slight struggle and hurt in my heart, 5 days a week, I look forward to finishing work, going home then starting my own therapy in the gym.

And once the therapy becomes second nature, it's constant feel good factors for me. If I've had a bad day in the lab/a memory of my ex etc. I think about improving myself.

I feel energized, I feel relief, I feel enjoyment and most importantly I feel happiness in myself.

We're all fighting a battle in life. And how we learn and grow from those battles is what makes us the better versions of ourselves.

We dont need to have everything figured out to move forward.

Just focus on yourself, your family, your friends and the things that bring you happiness in life.

 

(sorry if this is a little off topic from the recent posts lol. just wanted to share)

 

Ollie :)

[Makeit]

Hey sputnick. No new developments in my situation either. I have had a few sad days recently but overall am in a much better place then I was approaching 2 months NC. I feel that in another month or two I will be above 80% healed. Universe willing. Best of luck in your situation upcoming brother.

[sputnik123]

Thanks everyone for your support. It means so much.

 

Dearest *Carus, in answer to your question, the reason for the recent paucity of the entries is that I am attempting to detach myself slightly from my ongoing emotions about it all, at least on here. If something noticeable on the break-up happens, I will try to journal it, but my annoyance (yes, that's the word) about the nagging pain is winning at the moment.

 

I prefer now to contribute on other people's threads (especially yours! lol)

 

There is someone else and it could definitely go somewhere, but whilst I am not missing the person I lost, I still feel hurt and angry (nearly 5 months out since b/up).

 

Tonight.. it actually went as well as could be expected.. he arrived alone (mercifully) and we played our match.. there was abit of small talk, my son, his work, but nothing female-related. He knew I was not there to chat, just to get it done. Strangely, at the end, he played dumb abit and wondered why I had not been in touch and that he missed me...I just said my goodbyes and left. It was later than expected and I needed to get back for my son.

 

I did feel melancholy on 2 counts on the way home.. this WAS a good friend, someone I trusted and enjoyed their company. We always had an instant rapport, but once someone crosses me, that's it, for me anyway.

 

Secondly, even this long out, the pain that she has not reached out, except that one message in January, not even to ask after my boy... it can still hit me like a truck, unexpectedly. This does pass, when I think of other, happier things and times, but it is still there.

 

Yes, I pushed her away last month by saying "goodbye", as break up's go, it's a horrible one.

 

No doubt there will be questions asked about me tonight.. I didn't give anything away and made sure I looked and acted my best, as can.

 

This event had been on my horizon for a while and now it's gone I am not sure how to feel.. perhaps I need to sleep on it.

 

Me and the ex have no need to ever be in the same place at the same time as each other, even if so is only a stones throw away.

 

G'nite all x

[Morello]

I hope you have (or had) all the strength you need in this encounter, Sput. When it comes to my ex my life has been completely uneventful too. Haven't heard from her in 5 months and when we bump is just the usual awkward "hi".

 

But one of my previous exes keep insisting and wanted to try the friend trick for us to get back together. It got to a point I had to suggest NC and then she accepted but clearly got upset and blocked me and deleted me everywhere. So I'm the rejected who rejects. It's worse than just being the rejected. SO I'm hoping there's something good for me after this storm :)

 

Let's keep moving...

 

Edit: Glad to hear about your outcome. It went pretty well as far as your report goes. I struggle with a similar feeling, Sput. My ex has NEVER reached out. The message it sends is that she really couldn't care less about me, even when I tried reaching out a few months ago. No matter how much I think I'm moving on, this always strikes me back. It's a terrible feeling to have felt something for someone just to realise they didn't feel a fraction of it for you. Feel used and disposable. This is what is taking me long to recover from. I'm over the person, but I'm not over what happened, unfortunately.

 

All the ebst to you. Sleep on it, and even if you don't feel great tomorrow, I'm sure it will go up hill from now on.

[sputnik123]

Much appreciated Morello.

 

It's strange isn't it.. I guess the zero contact from the other side should make things easier to help us move on.. but it does'nt stop the nagging pain and doubt.

 

Happy to keep moving though, it's the only way!

 

Yes, I can also empathise re the ex'es that do actually want to get back.. not in this lifetime! ;)

[SweetGirl28]

Glad that's over for you now, you handled it well. Also glad she didn't appear. Keep moving forward.

It irks me what she did to you, especially because of your son. Not to even ask, pffftttttt.

Can't stand women like that. You're gonna be better off once you heal. You'll see :)

[Morello]

It's strange isn't it.. I guess the zero contact from the other side should make things easier to help us move on.. but it does'nt stop the nagging pain and doubt.

 

Yeah, it's terrible. I'm having such a tough day today... Questioning everything, including myself. Those days are becoming rarer, but when they come...

 

I think most of it is just the feeling of being alone. I have plenty of friends and more activities to do than I can take care of but I still feel like that. Like the opportunity to be with someone that I could develop something meaningful with was just taken away too early.

 

I know most people say closure comes from within, but I think your exes can really delay that process depending on how they act. I was really thoughful of that when 'rejecting' my previous ex. I was as clear as I could be and treat her well the whole time. I think I did the textbook rejection (if such a thing even exists lol) to her and her letter did acknowledge that. But I feel crap that the most recent break up with the other girl was nasty, unthoughtful and made me feel stuck the way I am now. The hope just doesn't seem to go away and acceptance seems still far away, unfortunately.

 

I think the contact from the ex kind of at least gives you something to look forward to, even if it makes you suffer. Like you're at least part of their lives and they're still part of yours in a (small) way. Most of us keep saying here that we want our exes to just disappear and never come back but deep inside it might be a different story.

 

Having said that, I know that in the long term is better not to be contacted, at least if it's not a direct attempt to get back together. To deal with that is very hard though.

 

Sput, how is it going with the new girl? I think it's a major part of getting over an ex... I've dated a few times but none of them seemed to give me anything close to how I felt with the previous girl... I have a date tomorrow with a girl I really wanted to date before meeting my ex. I will go, but I'm not feeling too exceited about it, unfortunately.

[Carus]

Well done Sputnik* ~ Another hurdle jumped. Keep it moving Buddy*

 

As for 'contact from the ex', I think my thread, SweetGirls* situation, and many others, stand testament to how it can really throw you backwards if it's not the sort of contact we desire....

 

And sadly, it's usually not...

 

Stay the Course Family*

 

Carus*

[SweetGirl28]

Yeah, it's terrible. I'm having such a tough day today... Questioning everything, including myself. Those days are becoming rarer, but when they come...

 

I think most of it is just the feeling of being alone. I have plenty of friends and more activities to do than I can take care of but I still feel like that. Like the opportunity to be with someone that I could develop something meaningful with was just taken away too early.

 

I know most people say closure comes from within, but I think your exes can really delay that process depending on how they act. I was really thoughful of that when 'rejecting' my previous ex. I was as clear as I could be and treat her well the whole time. I think I did the textbook rejection (if such a thing even exists lol) to her and her letter did acknowledge that. But I feel crap that the most recent break up with the other girl was nasty, unthoughtful and made me feel stuck the way I am now. The hope just doesn't seem to go away and acceptance seems still far away, unfortunately.

 

I think the contact from the ex kind of at least gives you something to look forward to, even if it makes you suffer. Like you're at least part of their lives and they're still part of yours in a (small) way. Most of us keep saying here that we want our exes to just disappear and never come back but deep inside it might be a different story.

 

Having said that, I know that in the long term is better not to be contacted, at least if it's not a direct attempt to get back together. To deal with that is very hard though.

 

Sput, how is it going with the new girl? I think it's a major part of getting over an ex... I've dated a few times but none of them seemed to give me anything close to how I felt with the previous girl... I have a date tomorrow with a girl I really wanted to date before meeting my ex. I will go, but I'm not feeling too exceited about it, unfortunately.

 

Morello, if you're not feeling into the date, it's best not to go, or maybe try going with a group to keep it more casual? Especially if you liked this girl prior. Trying when you're not ready may cause you to overlook her because you're forcing it, when in actuality she might be good long term. Just not now. Maybe try friendship with her first? Just be honest with her.

Contact or no contact, unless all feelings are resolved, it still hurts from time to time. Especially when it's not to reconcile.

Sometimes contact helps resolve everything , like can make you realize that the person you were missing and wanting has changed (the dynamic of the relationship you had changed) and the attraction has lessened for them.

Good luck, you'll feel better. I know it's hard to see it now when you're hurting, but it will ease with time.

[SweetGirl28]

Well done Sputnik* ~ Another hurdle jumped. Keep it moving Buddy*

 

As for 'contact from the ex', I think my thread, SweetGirls* situation, and many others, stand testament to how it can really throw you backwards if it's not the sort of contact we desire....

 

And sadly, it's usually not...

 

Stay the Course Family*

 

Carus*

 

Amen to that. My emotions are up and down. It's a real push and pull with contact. That's because feelings aren't

100% resolved. If they were, we wouldn't be bothered by it. Here I am agreeing to casual , which means we both

do as we please with others and each other. Not sure how that is gonna go, Ive never been in this situation. I'd

never agree either, but there's an attachment here and personally I know I have to let go of that . There's just an undescribable comfort in this man because of all we went through with my ex during our time together. Plus I lost

my family for being with him, so the attachment is hanging onto him because I lost so much being with him. Not

his fault though, so omg it sounds so messed up, but I don't know how to let go of that. If not for that I'd not consider.

You've tried so much, Carus, that I think you can safely say you've exhausted everything with your attempts.

You can only be pulled back and forth so much before your guard goes way up. She'll have herself to blame if

she reconsiders because hopefully you will have moved far beyond and can turn her down.

[Morello]

I think you're spot on, Sweets, thanks! I'm just not ready so I cancelled with her earlier today. She didn't like it much but anyway. I enjoyed talking to her and made the mistake to arrange a date without being ready for it. In fact my romantic life has been a big mess lately so I'll just try to focus on other things for the time being. And the unresolved feelings with the ex will remain but eventually wear off, hopefully.

 

I also applaud how you're taking your situation. You're very aware of your feelings. In the end it's all about what we feel like doing, enjoy! :)

[sputnik123]

Hey Morello,

 

You did the right thing buddy. If you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it.

 

You will know when you are ready ;)

 

In the meantime, we're all here to converse!

 

Oh boy, some part of me really wanted to give this guy a piece of my mind last night.. in hindsight, glad I didn't.

 

Scr3w them!!!

[wgmitch]

Sputnik,

 

You have helped me more than I can ever repay. Your words of encouragement and constant contact have made me stronger. You know my story, not that much different than yours.

 

You are an inspiration, a strong person and I'm proud to call you my friend, across the pond. :)

 

 

Stay no contact. It is your empowerment tool. (Right SweetGirl?!)

 

Mitch

[SweetGirl28]

Sputnik,

 

You have helped me more than I can ever repay. Your words of encouragement and constant contact have made me stronger. You know my story, not that much different than yours.

 

You are an inspiration, a strong person and I'm proud to call you my friend, across the pond. :)

 

 

Stay no contact. It is your empowerment tool. (Right SweetGirl?!)

 

Mitch

 

Ughhhhh I failed miserably at that! But yes, for everyone else, stay NC!!!! It is meant to be empowering.

I deleted him like 5 times that little sh** keeps it up, but I allow it. He has a hold on me for certain, I'll break it

one day. Hope you're okay! I miss seeing you and your msgs to me! Don't be a stranger :)

[SweetGirl28]

I think you're spot on, Sweets, thanks! I'm just not ready so I cancelled with her earlier today. She didn't like it much but anyway. I enjoyed talking to her and made the mistake to arrange a date without being ready for it. In fact my romantic life has been a big mess lately so I'll just try to focus on other things for the time being. And the unresolved feelings with the ex will remain but eventually wear off, hopefully.

 

I also applaud how you're taking your situation. You're very aware of your feelings. In the end it's all about what we feel like doing, enjoy! :)

 

Aww I'm sorry, but that's good you realize it and taking time off from dating is a good thing. I've blown off way too many guys since the breakup because I'm really not feeling it. It doesn't have anything to do with my ex bugging me, I can be with him and date whomever I please because after a long adult serious conversation, that's what we agreed on. But idk I'm closed off to letting anyone in right now. I just can't get excited for it.

Your feelings will resolve in time. It would be nice to just fast forward to healed, but unfortunately that isn't possible.

I hope when you do you can pursue this girl with an open heart and mind, and that it works out :)

[wgmitch]

Ughhhhh I failed miserably at that! But yes, for everyone else, stay NC!!!! It is meant to be empowering.

I deleted him like 5 times that little sh** keeps it up, but I allow it. He has a hold on me for certain, I'll break it

one day. Hope you're okay! I miss seeing you and your msgs to me! Don't be a stranger :)

 

Hi Sweetest, I am still here. I'm OK, at best. Everyday I moved closer to the goal.

 

I'm sorry to hear you let your guard down. There must be something about him, I guess.

 

I hope you are OK?!

 

Pm me anytime. Maybe PMing me instead of contacting your ex is a better idea. (East Coast rules!)

 

Mitch KNC (King of No Contact)

[SweetGirl28]

Hi Sweetest, I am still here. I'm OK, at best. Everyday I moved closer to the goal.

 

I'm sorry to hear you let your guard down. There must be something about him, I guess.

 

I hope you are OK?!

 

Pm me anytime. Maybe PMing me instead of contacting your ex is a better idea. (East Coast rules!)

 

Mitch KNC (King of No Contact)

 

Lol! Hey if anywhere near me, I'll just hang out with you so I don't reply anymore!

You can throw back my "NC is your empowerment" words I tossed at you! Be like "look girl, these were your words,

your advice, wth are you doing now? Knock it off and wiggle your butt away from him!" Hahahahaha

[Nina95]

Apologies for the longer post guys.. I just need to get some things off my chest.

 

9 days No contact and ~7 weeks post break up.

 

Why are you still constantly in my thoughts? You don't even deserve to be!

 

The way you ended it and your behaviour since has been disgusting. You know that I am powerless to do anything about it.

 

Why do I still look at my phone and expect a message?! What could you possibly say to me at this stage anyway. The truth is finally out.

 

The whole town knows what you did and I now feel isolated and trapped.

 

It would have helped me if you were honest and decent about things. Would that have been too much to ask?

 

Weekends are the worst.. This is the time we would have been together and now there is just my replacement with you instead.

 

I hate you for what you did and I hate myself for allowing it to happen.

 

Even after you had started cheating we were making plans for the future.. Who does that?!

 

I feel I could have written this myself. Im at the 6-week mark. Still hell.

[Nina95]

Evening all,

16 days no contact. Almost 2 months post break-up (6 weeks since seeing her the last time).

Schoolboy error today.. didn't plan to do anything and spent much of the time thinking about the past, what went wrong, what i could have done, what she is doing, how could she do it, will she ever reach out (no), when/if i see her/them by accident (even now i think it would kill me). Hence, it was a day wasted and will remember to plan ahead to make sure I am more busy, or away from my thoughts here at weekends. I hope everyone had a better day than me!

I can vouch for the "rubber band" idea though. I have now placed one around my wrist and ping it every time my mind wanders!

It's incredible to think that someone can lie to, cheat on and hurt someone they care about, but you still find yourself almost wanting them to contact you.. How pointless would that be?!

She is definitely not the sort to apologise anyway and it would be empty and meaningless by now.

It is so true that some days are far worse than others, it can attack in waves and I hope for better tomorrow and beyond.

Tomorrow I will see the mutual "friend" again in the evening.. Shook his hand last week (I really didn't want to), then turned my back.. I have nothing to say to him as he could have saved me 6 weeks of my sanity.

I hope for a good night's sleep for me and all.

 

6+ weeks post breakup, 4 weeks since I last saw him, 5 days no contact. What you describe above has been my past 2 weekends. I go to bed with a plan for the next day to keep busy, but the mornings are so brutal I can barely get out of bed. It gets slightly better during the week as I go to work, but I dread Fridays now while before I would love them, I loved spending time together...

 

“It's incredible to think that someone can lie to, cheat on and hurt someone they care about, but you still find yourself almost wanting them to contact you.. How pointless would that be?! “

 

Yes I know, it does not make any sense does it. I guess it is way of reinforcement for ourselves? Maybe as a way of confirming that we are not as disposable as yesterday’s trash?

 

I spent 5 years of my life with this person. I never thought anyone could love someone as much as I loved him. I was loyal and caring throughout, and I put up with a lot, from betrayal to emotional abuse. My first love too. It is not pretty. My capacity to trust in anyone else ever again is pretty low to non- existent.