Journal..

[Nina95]

Morning all,

 

I also hear horror stories about needing 18 months to fully "get over" a 3 year relationship. Really don't want 16 more months of this shxt.

 

.

 

I really hope that is not true for me either!

[Nina95]

For the love of god, please take note of this...

 

Day 34 NC (somehow).

 

Right, the festive season is HERE.. I had a few drinks with a very good friend tonight... I then found myself really wanting to make contact...no matter how much she hurt me, no matter what she did, no matter how horrible she truly is, I wanted to message her and give her a piece of my mind. I didn't, but it was a close run thing. I didn't want to let myself down and the people here down, trying to explain it.

 

Please, please, please take care of your alcohol content over the next week or so. All this hard work will go to waste if you reach out to the people who discarded you so heartlessly.

 

I may wake up with a headache, but at least my pride will remain intact.

 

Love to all. Stay strong and safe.

 

Until tomorrow. xxx

 

Yes. Last time I was close to contact after a few drinks, I ended up posting here, in the “Post here instead of contacting your ex” thread. That helps. What would have been a text/letter to him and a huge mistake, was just an outburst here. This site helps. Writing in an actual, physical journal also helps I think, at least with the NC..

[Stacks44]

Yes it does Nina! I keep a journal on Google docs that I can access from my phone and my computers. I write every day, and end the day with a 1 to 10 score of how I felt that day (with 1 being the least anxious or upset)

 

On hard days I can look at early days and realize that as hard as today was, it's not as bad as it was then, and nowhere near as often.

 

Keep Journaling!

[Long Gone]

I'm doing my own Journal on here too... it's really helping me! I'm certainly not a 100% yet, but I'm in a far better place than I was 3 months ago.

[Stacks44]

One day at a time Dale!

[SweetGirl28]

I'm doing my own Journal on here too... it's really helping me! I'm certainly not a 100% yet, but I'm in a far better place than I was 3 months ago.

 

 

I say f*** all the exe's. If they dumped you just leave their behind alone and pretend they are dead lol

[sputnik123]

I'm with Sweets, as always!

[SweetGirl28]

I'm with Sweets, as always!

 

 

Lol! Can you tell I'm pissed again???? Omg I'm good though!! I love my spunk.

I really do. And my Sputnik!

[sputnik123]

Good mornoing all,

 

Hope everyone is doing well,

 

Just an update, she messaged me today.. literally saying "you want these....? " - something I left at her house.

 

The thing is.. the picture is of her and him.. boy do they look happy...

 

Feel abit dazed.. Been no contact for 3 months, split up for 6.

 

She really could not care less about me, or how I feel.

[Morello]

Hi Sputnik, great to hear from you mate.

 

It sucks, and to me she probably used that just to throw their picture at you. And they will obviously look happy since I'm assuming it's social media. That's why social media is there, so people can pretend their lives are perfect. I'm very suspicious of couples who show off too much online about their relationship. It's like they require external validation to feel they're happy.

 

I wouldn't reply, and would probably block, but you know best. This kind of message, without a "hi, how are you?" is just intentionally harmful and even disrespectful in my opinion.

[sputnik123]

Thanks Morello,

 

Always nice to hear from you too. How are you getting on mate?

 

Yes, same as before, no "hello" or anything, just a one liner.. to make sure I know she is still around (and doing well).. the difference is the photo.. I guess it's my fault as she was deleted, but not blocked.

 

I have just left it for now.. it's strange, as it's exactly 3 months later again..

[SweetGirl28]

Sending that is like you've had contact and are on good terms and she's just asking a quick question.

That was a bit*** thing to do. She could have just sent whatever it is in the mail.

Your power is in ignoring it.

 

You know what I don't like about her? A nice person would lead with "Hi, hope all is well with you and your son" I mean twice she contacted you and she never mentioned him. Pfffftttttt

 

I'm sorry she did that but honestly I think she's a very selfish, self absorbed person. I hope it doesn't set you back.

I know you want to say something back lol, so if you do, we are here to listen. Sometimes temptation gets us :) xxxxxx

[sputnik123]

hey beautiful Sweets,

 

Yes, it sucks hard.. knowing that I gave 3 years to such a despicable person.

 

I had already discussed the return of this item with her Mum over 5 months ago, so her direct contact was pointless, designed just to hurt me.

 

To be honest, I have resisted the initial urge to "vent" back and there is currently no desire to respond. I have also seen what I think I needed to see..

 

It's a timely reminder of who she is now.

[SweetGirl28]

I'm sorry :( I suppose it's good to see people's true colors though.

It helps to keep pushing forward when they just continue to be what I consider selfish.

It's good the desire isn't there to respond. It shows you're moving past it.

Hang in there. Know you and your son deserve so much more. You'll find it :) xxxxxxx

[Carus]

It's never nice if you're not truly healed. I hope it doesn't put you back too much brother*

 

As Sweets* says, we're here whatever you decide. Do you 'really' need the item back..?

 

C*

[sputnik123]

Hey Carus,

 

How are you brother? I hope the sun is shining bright for you!

 

I won't respond and have written anything I left at hers (including her!) off.. ;)

 

C'est La Vie..

[Piaresssss]

Hey brother,

 

Sucks she messaged you. I too have written of the last of my things. It is trivial stuff now anyhow. Clothes that dont fit or some random films.

 

I think its time you blocked her. Will stop this from ever happening again.

 

Stay strong my man. Hope it doesn't keep you down for too long. Keep on moving forward.

[Stacks44]

Sorry, Sputnik. My ex dropped off the stuff she promised she would without saying a word and I didn't say anything either. I put it all in the back of a closet and there it will rot until I decide if it's a valuable part of my past or just garbage.

 

We're all very similar on this thread. We all had relationships that lasted roughly the same amount of time, ended in similar fashion etc. I've been luckier than you guys admittedly because I had a clean break and no contact from her.

 

My healing accelerated the moment I began looking at other potential partners. Now I'm more worried about getting new women to like me, and less about my ex. I think it really does help to look for the next person of interest. I've found women that have traits my ex didn't that I find highly desirable.

 

Love you all

[sputnik123]

Thanks, as always, Piaresssss.

 

Yes, I will block.. slightly after the horse has bolted, I know, but it should help the process further.

 

Hope you have settled back home nice and sound. Glad to have you back ;)

 

Stacks, we love you too man.

 

Let's all keep moving in the right direction!

[SweetGirl28]

My ex is quiet!! And so am I!! It's been eight days. Are you going to start counting again now, Sputnik? Or dismiss it because you didn't reply? You're really strong. Good job :)

 

I realized today, I've never been alone. I've gone from one relationship to the next. Probably because I had already emotionally checked out on them. Now here I am, alone for 9 months already. Not that I didn't try to not be alone, lol but I think this is good. We can't force anything. We can't force our selves to feel. I hope one day the feeling comes back, but until then it is what is is.

 

Am I the only girl here? I'm such a loser lol :)

[Piaresssss]

Thanks, as always, Piaresssss.

 

Yes, I will block.. slightly after the horse has bolted, I know, but it should help the process further.

 

Hope you have settled back home nice and sound. Glad to have you back ;)

 

Stacks, we love you too man.

 

Let's all keep moving in the right direction!

 

It is nice to be home.

 

Seen some of my mates and back to work on Sunday. The only problem is my sleep pattern is wrecked. Ive been up since 2 this morning.

[Morello]

Thanks Morello,

 

Always nice to hear from you too. How are you getting on mate?

 

I've been good, thanks for asking!

 

I've been more open to dating new girls recently and it has been helping forget the ex. The obsessive thoughts have mostly stopped too. About time! I've been actually very focused on work lately and enjoying it so it's a good distraction if you can call it that. Still have one bad day here and there when dating feels a bit hopeless but now I can say I'm almost healed. I haven't bumped into the ex at work for more than 2 months now and it helped too.

 

I think 'falling' for, or getting interested in someone else is what truly makes you move on, especially after some time has passed. It kind of overwrites some of the negative feelings for the ex.

 

I hope this breadcrumb from your ex didn't set you back. One way or the other, I don't think she contacted you solely for the sake of returning your item. An ex that wants

nothing to do with you will just get rird of it, especially after so much time. It's always at least a little bit about trying to get a reaction from you or validating something (that you're still hooked, for example). Not replying will probably give you that small sense of getting some power back.

 

It's funny that throughout almost 6 months after the break up I was craving for a contact from my ex. Any kind of. Now I'm almost convinced I'd not reply unless it's a warm message. Trying to get an ex back is in 99% of the times a pointless exercise that will just cause more harm in the long term. Being friends with an ex is also a bad idea in most cases. When it's fresh, it's harmful. When a long time has passed, you just don't care anymore and have other friends that you're more interested in.

 

I've been also thinking about one thing: for the dumper, usually, time makes them think of the relationship through rose-coloured lenses. For the dumpee, it can go the other way around. I'm feeling less and less confident that all the moments I've briefly lived with my ex were as great as I thought they were back then. There was a lot of infatuation and hormones blinding everything. She is definitely off the pedestal I've put her in after the break up. It finally feels 'normal' and 'right' that my ex is not in my life at any capacity anymore.

 

It's never binary, and it's a process. But it's funny how after the break up people tell us that time will heal and we doubt it. We think that pain will last forever. And then when you least realise, it's pretty much gone. Time passes. Life changes. Perception changes.

[sputnik123]

Right guys,

 

What is going on...

 

I have just received another message (just under 2 weeks since not replying to the previous one received), asking me a question she really doesn't need to.

 

Again, it's a new photo.. with them together and the 2 kids..

 

I know I should block, but surely this is the reaction she wants.

 

So fed up.

[sputnik123]

I have now blocked (yes, I know I should have done so before), but wtaf! :(

 

So annoyed.. the reason she messaged me was asking about something from 2 years ago!!!

 

What is wrong with people and why use that photo?!

[Carus]

How does the message come with a photo....??