Is it really none of my business?

[boltnrun]

We are exclusive, I guess that's why I was curious when and who the last person he slept with was.

 

I don't think i'm entitled to the information, I just found it was a red flag that he didn't want to share the info. I don't find it intrusive and neither did other people i've asked before. I

 

Just to add to my previous question...if you two are exclusive, why ask if he's sleeping with others?

[figureitout23]

You don't even understand the situation. Did I say he's been stringing me along? Nope. Do I wan commitment right now? Nope. I'm young so yes I have casual relationships that are on and off. I'm not ready to commit to one right now. I ask this question to just about anyone. And their response tells me what kind of person they are. Call me nosey or weird I don't care.

 

Don't you understand the reason so many are telling you it's rude is because you keep claiming it's casual, while behaving opposite of that. Casual isn't worrying about him screwing exes. Casual means you do your thing, I do mine, we meet in the middle and do our thing, no questions asked. It certainly isn't 900+ days of deciding if you want a relationship. That's absurd. In 3 years you have plenty of evidence whether or not this guy would make a good boyfriend.

 

 

OP, my sense is this: You are worried he slept with someone in particular, but framed it as a general question to get more information from him. And now that he won't name a name, you are afraid that your fears are true.

 

Is that correct? Is it an ex? A friend of yours? A relative?

 

Or, you are worried that is having sex with others girl in general, and is not exclusive to you, and want to know if he has had sex with someone else more recently than you're comfortable with.

 

That is how I'm interpreting the real intent behind your question. I don't feel this was just a general, "What's your favourite colour, where do you see yourself in 10 years, who's the last person you had sex with"-type conversation.

 

Amen!

 

This was far from an innocent question. And it took you 10 pages to own that... good grief...

[SweetGirl28]

You don't really have the right to ask because you're casually dating.

It's a nicer term for FWB.

That means no exclusivity . You are both free to do as you please.

If you are suspicious over someone, why continue to see him anyway?

You should just go your own ways.

Wondering if it's an ex is irrelevant. You've been an ex to him also, right?

[ThatwasThen]

What if some other woman asks him who he slept with and when and he was to be so insensitive to say: I slept with Wandergrl18 in October.

 

Would you want others knowing it was you he had been doing?

[figureitout23]

I decided to take sex off the table because at first I was cool with having casual sex since I had just gotten out of a long relationship at the time. But after a while I was not longer satisfied with casual sex either it being with him or someone else. I just no longer felt fulfilled. So now I decided to cut sex out until I'm in a relationship. Or if the guy is invested/making effort.

 

I think I got caught up in his words and promises. Having some hope but I realize now that theyre just empty promises to string me along. At firt I was okay with casual sex, I was having fun. But now i feel like my mindset has changed and I want to meet someone who I can see myself long-term with.

 

I'm still young though, only 22 years old so I don't want to necessarily settle down and marry just yet but i want to work towards a long term monogamous relationship with someone.

 

Forgot to add, that he has always been like this. Even when we were sexual, he wouldn't make effort to hang out/see me.

 

I don't know why I didn't think to look earlier, but these were from September. Kinda puts the post in perspective.

[MissCanuck]

I don't know why I didn't think to look earlier, but these were from September. Kinda puts the post in perspective.

 

Absolutely.

 

OP, why are you still hanging around this guy? It's clear from your previous thread that nothing has changed and you're not happy.

[Clio]

You have caught feelings for your FWB and it is not reciprocal hence all this overanalyzing. Even if he had answered your question in a satisfactory way, the real problem would still be there. If you really want to find a monogamous relationship this guy is not it. You have 3 years of actions indicating that he views you as casual and a pattern has been set this way. I find it highly unlikely that you would ever overturn this dynamic. The foundation was built all wrong. Starting fresh with someone new would be your best bet. Imo, "bargaining" in your mind that you have a choice to turn this thing into a steady relationship in the future is not realistic and you are stringing yourself along with this line of thinking.

[Jibralta]

Sorry if this has already been stated . . but you start with sharing that you asked him `who is the last girl you slept with?' and then switched that you were only really interested in when was the last time you slept with someone else.

 

I had the same question.

 

And actually, given that they've been together on and off for three years, I could see why she would ask who he last slept with because it would give her a lot more context than it would if he were a stranger. And frankly, I don't see why he's playing coy about it when they have this history together.

 

But wandergirl, I think what it really boils down to is a lack of trust and respect for one another. If you hadn't known each other so long, I would say it was different boundaries. But the two of you have been limping along for a couple of years. Neither one of you can realistically claim to be unaware of the other's boundaries or preferences. Maybe it's time to stick a fork in this and move on to greener pastures.

[Jibralta]

(nevermind)

[Whocares479]

Holy biscuits! OP, I sympathize with you. However, you are being a slight hypocrite and contradicting yourself. You like open and honest communication, and declare "Some may deem something rude, and others may not. To each its own". That should apply to the responses you get on this post. No they are giving you honesty! Rather you agree with it or not. You find it rude, but most do not. To each its own right? You should also apply your open and honest communication stance to the subliminal question you asked. You should of directly asked him if hes sleeping with his ex because that what you really wanted to know. Asking him that indirect question kind of was a shot to your own foot. I am also confused if you two are exclusive or casually dating because you said both, and I thought those were two different things?

 

Most importantly, judging by your post in September it seems like you're more invested than he is. Get someone who matches your investment. The way he answered was RUDE. PERIOD. The way a man treat you is a reflection of how he feels about you. I would advise not wasting another three years on him, and get away from this guy.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Lambert]

hi Op! many responses here and I didn't read all of them. so sorry about that haha!

 

however I offer this because I don't think anyone posed this perspective. so take it for what it's worth.

 

I think you care too much to just be fwb, casual f buddies, or whatever the kids call it these days.

 

I think that is the underlying issue. you have every right to ask. he has every right not to answer. that doesn't mean you have to take his answer. it's it a deal breaker?

 

I've never been good at fwb. although I've been in the sitchy b4. mostly because I liked them or didn't have anyone else to like at the time. a fool for love or at least affection. it feels good in the moment. However, in hind sight i wish I'd rejected those situations. they did hurt.

 

good luck moving on. that's what I'd do. it's amazing how much more you get, when you stop accepting garbage. it might take time and it could be just finding another fwb that doesn't make you question yourself. you know?