Is it really none of my business?

[wandergrl18]

Are you criticizing people here you disagree with?

 

She asked him, he responded, she's not liking his response, people are offering their perspectives about his response, you are not liking those people's perspectives....

 

Yes I wanted people's perspectives but I didn't want judgement nor rude responses. If in your opinion, thinks it is none of my business then say so that's fine. But don't tell me it's RUDE to ask such question. Because everyone idea of rude questions are different.

[Pleasedonot5]

Actually she IS being criticized for simply asking the question.

 

Someone just posted it was rude to ask!

 

Others as well, saying she had no right to ask, none of her business, etc.

 

Which may or may not be true depending how you view it, but she still had the right to ask and should not be so harshly judged for it.

 

Does not this forum stress the value of open and honest communication?

 

I always thought so, but apparently not.

I'm not sure you saw my post, but I mentioned that open and honest communication has its limits. This is one of those limits.

 

Judging/criticizing is a strong word, because we've all done it. I'd say it's providing OP with good feedback. In this case, she's wrong, so we're telling her she's wrong so she resolves her situation and improves for the future. I'd say that's what this forum is all about.

[Seraphim]

That question at least for me implies a greater degree of relationship than what is being represented.

[indea08]

So you expect your future partners to be willing to tell you whatever you want to know about their sexual past?? And you are willing to share any detail of your sexual past?

 

If that's really what you want, you will have to search for someone who wants the same. Most people I know would not share that information. I don't know how many people my husband has been with, definitely don't know (or want to know) any specifics, and vice versa. And if he asked me, (which he wouldn't) I would tell him that no good would come of sharing that information and it's not something I will discuss. And he's my husband. So yes, I find it shocking that you are shocked that someone you aren't even in a relationship with won't give you personal private information.

[katrina1980]

I'm not sure you saw my post, but I mentioned that open and honest communication has its limits. This is one of those limits.

 

Judging/criticizing is a strong word, because we've all done it. I'd say it's providing OP with good feedback. In this case, she's wrong, so we're telling her she's wrong so she resolves her situation and improves for the future. I'd say that's what this forum is all about.

 

I don't agree she was "wrong" to ask.

 

She has asked other "boyfriends," and they didn't deem the question "wrong."

 

They answered honestly and openly and based on what she posted, had no problem doing so.

 

Again, if he didn't feel comfortable answering, that is fine, there is no wrong or right.

 

"Wrong" is subjective.

 

Bit you think it was wrong, okay respect that.

 

I got a bit wound up there, I am just a huge advocate of open and honest communication no matter what the subject matter.

 

You feel differently. Again, respect that.

[wandergrl18]

I'm not sure you saw my post, but I mentioned that open and honest communication has its limits. This is one of those limits.

 

Judging/criticizing is a strong word, because we've all done it. I'd say it's providing OP with good feedback. In this case, she's wrong, so we're telling her she's wrong so she resolves her situation and improves for the future. I'd say that's what this forum is all about.

 

Who are you to say I'm wrong?

Everyone has their own idea of what they want in a relationship. Everyone is different. There is no right or wrong. I wanted to see people's perspectives on this situation not get critisized that i'm wrong or being rude.

[Seraphim]

Honest and open is not same as Jman said. You can be entirely honest and not tell your business to all and sundry.

[journeynow]

Yes I wanted people's perspectives but I didn't want judgement nor rude responses. If in your opinion, thinks it is none of my business then say so that's fine. But don't tell me it's RUDE to ask such question. Because everyone idea of rude questions are different.

 

Why can't people tell you that? Why can't he keep some things private?

 

Also, you didn't answer my question, what answer did you want from him if you didn't want names?

[Seraphim]

This is not a casual type question. It just isn’t.

[journeynow]

Why have you two been on and off again for three years? What happened?

[wandergrl18]

So you expect your future partners to be willing to tell you whatever you want to know about their sexual past?? And you are willing to share any detail of your sexual past?

 

If that's really what you want, you will have to search for someone who wants the same. Most people I know would not share that information. I don't know how many people my husband has been with, definitely don't know (or want to know) any specifics, and vice versa. And if he asked me, (which he wouldn't) I would tell him that no good would come of sharing that information and it's not something I will discuss. And he's my husband. So yes, I find it shocking that you are shocked that someone you aren't even in a relationship with won't give you personal private information.

 

I'd want full disclosure from a future partner. I like to have an idea of their sexual history so I know what i'm getting myself into and ALSO for my health. If i were to marry someone I want to know everything about them first. Sue me!

I see so many relationships fail because there is no open communication. Or they end up finding out something about their partner they can't deal with.

[Pleasedonot5]

Who are you to say I'm wrong?

Everyone has their own idea of what they want in a relationship. Everyone is different. There is no right or wrong. I wanted to see people's perspectives on this situation not get critisized that i'm wrong or being rude.

I am saying nine times out of ten, it's inappropriate to ask the question you asked. I say this with the intent of helping you resolve your situation and avoid this situation in the future - not to judge or criticize you.

 

You can substitute "wrong" or "inappropriate" for any other word you would want to use. Fact of the matter is - you'll most likely run into problems down the line with this if you continue to be invasive, and then to react with breaking up the moment you don't get your way.

[wandergrl18]

Honest and open is not same as Jman said. You can be entirely honest and not tell your business to all and sundry.

 

Well I like to know the business. Be forthcoming! So sue me.

[wandergrl18]

Why have you two been on and off again for three years? What happened?

 

Nothing happened. I just dated other people.

[wandergrl18]

This is not a casual type question. It just isn’t.

 

Maybe to you it's not. For some it could be. Don't be so close minded.

[Seraphim]

Then you need a partner who believes the same as you. But realize there many people who will not hand out intensely private information and it doesn’t make them dishonest nor willing to have openness.

[journeynow]

I'd want full disclosure from a future partner. I like to have an idea of their sexual history so I know what i'm getting myself into and ALSO for my health. If i were to marry someone I want to know everything about them first. Sue me!

I see so many relationships fail because there is no open communication. Or they end up finding out something about their partner they can't deal with.

 

I thought you were casually dating, though, not serious about each other, and have been on and off again. It strikes me that, since this IS a "casual" question for you, it is like asking anyone, any friend, any family member, any acquaintance almost, who they have slept with. Do you do that?

[Seraphim]

Maybe to you it's not. For some it could be. Don't be so close minded.

 

I am not close minded.

[wandergrl18]

Then you need a partner who believes the same as you. But realize there many people who will not hand out intensely private information and it doesn’t make them dishonest nor willing to have openness.

 

Thank you, this was the kind of responses I'm looking for.

[Pleasedonot5]

Thank you, this was the kind of responses I'm looking for.

Okay, so are you posting here for validation or advice?

[wandergrl18]

I thought you were casually dating, though, not serious about each other, and have been on and off again. It strikes me that, since this IS a "casual" question for you, it is like asking anyone, any friend, any family member, any acquaintance almost, who they have slept with. Do you do that?

 

Yes I did say we are casually dating! We are considering being serious in the future that is why. Because we are both not ready for a serious relationship right now. Like I said I enjoy being single. I'm young.

 

And YES actually, my friends and I are very open with one another and ask questions like that. That is just how wr are. I get that some people prefer to be more private about their sex life.

[Seraphim]

Just remember that is not dishonest or lacking in openness. It is different boundaries.

[wandergrl18]

Okay, so are you posting here for validation or advice?

 

I'm looking for positive feedback not judgement and critisism. A lot of people said I was being "rude" or i'm just plain "wrong".

[journeynow]

Yes I did say we are casually dating! We are considering being serious in the future that is why. Because we are both not ready for a serious relationship right now. Like I said I enjoy being single. I'm young.

 

And YES actually, my friends and I are very open with one another and ask questions like that. That is just how wr are. I get that some people prefer to be more private about their sex life.

 

OK, then the answer to the thread title is Yes, you make it your business. And like you've pointed out, you want to be with someone who sees it that way, too. So, for you, his answer is a red flag.

[wandergrl18]

Just remember that is not dishonest or lacking in openness. It is different boundaries.

 

Yes, and I guess I have different boundaries.