Rhody Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 My partner and I have been together for four years. We started dating in May and then that June of our first year dating, I found out he cheated on me. Here's the backstory and how it is still affecting us right now: He volunteers for Special Olympics. He's been doing this way before I ever met him. I always admired his love for volunteering and helping make a difference. Every June they have the big "State Games" at our local college. He goes every year. If they win their team goes to Nationals, which they have in the past. He loves it and the clients love him. Well, I found out our first year that while he was away at the camp for the weekend, he cheated on me while in the dorms overnight with a coworker. I found this out months after it happened (almost a whole year later). He apologized and we worked through it. He promised me it was a one time mistake and it would never happen again. I truly believe him when I say he was remorseful. I ended up forgiving him on the sole rule that he no longer goes overnight to volunteer again because I am not comfortable with it. We've had no infidelity issues since. Flash forward three years: he told me THIS MORNING that he decided the volunteer again because they are really struggling and low on volunteers and he wants to help out the clients and it means a lot to him. Basically blindsighting me this morning. We got in a huge fight before I had to go to work, and ended with nothing resolved. He's there now. Am I wrong for being furious by this? He knows how this makes me feel and how it's hurtful to me. Now my mind is running wild with if he's going to cheat on me again while he's there. Also should be noted that I'm seven months pregnant with our first child. I have a huge pit in my stomach about what will happen this weekend/will he cheat on me again/or if I'm just overreacting. I want to support him and the great cause he's doing volunteering, but I also can't help but have my mind wander with these thoughts. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Sorry this is happening. It doesn't sound like it 6828893]we worked through it. Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Honestly im kind of worried that you seem to not trust him even though you agreed to continue the relationship. I think after 3 years hopefully you have built back some trust for him? Are there any other signs he might cheat or is it just the memories from last time? Link to comment
Rhody Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Honestly im kind of worried that you seem to not trust him even though you agreed to continue the relationship. I think after 3 years hopefully you have built back some trust for him? Are there any other signs he might cheat or is it just the memories from last time? I'm more worried because I know the same girl is there. Link to comment
Rhody Posted June 2, 2017 Author Share Posted June 2, 2017 Sorry this is happening. It doesn't sound like it It's the fact that my one rule to forgive him three years ago was him not staying overnight anymore. And here we are. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 Can you go with him? And can he help out without having to the Nationals? Link to comment
Ziggy123 Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 I can understand why you're upset and he should have talked about it with you. But I can also see from his point of view, he has been faithful for 3 years and maybe he wants to have his freedom back? He wants you to trust him again. So you're going to have to trust him a bit, it sounds like he has worked hard to earn it back. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 I think the bottom line is, once infidelity occurs in a relationship, and although it may look good on paper, very few can get past it in the long term. Hopefully you can find your way through this. Link to comment
True Story Posted June 2, 2017 Share Posted June 2, 2017 If he has a desire to cheat, he can cheat anywhere. The issue to me is do you feel you can trust him. It seems like you can't. Link to comment
indea08 Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Same girl is there? Nope. When he gets home I would have his stuff packed and tell him I expect my partner to 1. Honor their word 2. Talk to me beforehand and not spring something on me at the last minute so I have no chance to discuss (like a teenager would) 3. Consider my feelings always. Then I'd show him the door. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 Clearly, you do not trust him. You should be done with the relationship. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted June 3, 2017 Share Posted June 3, 2017 You could offer to go with him, and the two of you could stay in a hotel overnight instead of the dorms. Link to comment
Starlight925 Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 I actually have no advice, but I empathize 100% with your feelings. I'd be pissed. This, and you're 7 months pregnant? And he tells you he's going, rather than discussing it with you???? Link to comment
thealchemist Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 He cheated on you and is now pushing boundaries. You don't trust him. He TOLD you. Itbwasnt as if he is pushing to try to go by arguing. He told you what he is doing. Now you can either respond how you said you would or he will feel he can push and push and it doesn't matter. I don't personally think it is healthy to set boundaries like that but you already have and he is ignoring it. He doesn't even have your trust. I am sorry that a guy like this got you pregnant. When you set an ultimatum and it gets broken you only encourage their behavior by staying with them. Link to comment
thealchemist Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Also, do you think he is pushing this now since you are pregnant and he "has" you? I have seen a lot of guy act that way. Pushing it now that you guys have the connection of a potential child together makes him think he can do more since he see you as "stuck" with him. Link to comment
yatsue Posted June 4, 2017 Share Posted June 4, 2017 Also, do you think he is pushing this now since you are pregnant and he "has" you? I have seen a lot of guy act that way. Pushing it now that you guys have the connection of a potential child together makes him think he can do more since he see you as "stuck" with him. That is an excellent point. He didn't dare go the years before you were pregnant. Now, he pushes your boundaries when you have more to lose if you wanted to break up with him over this. He is banking on you not leaving after springing this upon you. After the years of not going, in order to earn your trust until he thinks he has you. How calculating. So, does he have you now? Or will you leave? Link to comment
coconut5 Posted June 5, 2017 Share Posted June 5, 2017 Hell no! Trust is something that has to be earned. He has already proved himself a cheater. He agreed on not sleeping over in order to be forgiven. He knows you are "stuck" ( and I'm sorry, but it's exactly how we feel when we are pregnant and they know mostly like we are not going anywhere) and he is taking advantage of the situation to do what he wants, how he wants and not considering you. Maybe he was not so remorseful after all. Link to comment
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