Lovelavie Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Like, you´re talking to the person about something that slightly bothers you, but it's still a normal conversation, no one is yelling. Then all of sudden one word you say makes the person freak out and start yelling and getting REALLY mad. Like, yeah, maybe something I said put them off, but to the point where the person was laughing and all of a sudden goes crazy? This keeps happening with the guy I'm with. Like we're discussing an issue and then out of the blue he'll start getting really mad and telling me to stop talking and won't listen to me anymore. I just stand there not really understanding what went wrong and trying to figure out how this could've ended peacefully. It's getting really annoying because I feel bad about myself, get stressed out for nothing really. I've told him it annoys me and he blames it on me, saying that I make him get mad, when I really see no reason for any of us to get mad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Is the lying, cheating creep you have created multiple threads over? I really think that you enjoy chaos and drama in your life. Why do you continue to ask for our advice when you NEVER follow through with it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Depends. I wouldn't say it's normal for someone to go from 0 to 60, but an adverse response isn't uncommon if they're persistently being nagged or told what they're doing or who they are is wrong, even if it's in a calm tone. Would need know what kind of topics you're bringing up, how often, whether you keep pressing when it's obvious he isn't interested in resolving it at that moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clio Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 NO it's not normal. It is abusive. Run. This guy has major issues and he is toxic. He is using you as an emotional punching bag taking out HIS problem s on you. If you keep seeing him you are going to be left hurt, drained and with no self-esteem. You need to cut him out of your life and keep away from people who behave like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelavie Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 Would need know what kind of topics you're bringing up, how often, whether you keep pressing when it's obvious he isn't interested in resolving it at that moment. When the person brings up a subject and the same person that brought it up freaks out because you're still talking about it. Logic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 When the person brings up a subject and the same person that brought it up freaks out because you're still talking about it. Logic?You can't expect someone to logic things you don't write or even infer. Your only reference (a vague one at that) was him popping off when you're talking to him about something that bothers you. If you can provide actual details and specific exchanges, it would help establish context. But if this is how you communicate when you're writing, I can only imagine how convoluted or passive aggressive you could be in person and on the fly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelavie Posted May 25, 2017 Author Share Posted May 25, 2017 I said this because it happens very often about every other subject, there isn't one in specific that he freaks out about. The most recent thing that happened was he was telling me how he was going to go out with his friends to drink and I told him it was ok only that I didn't want him to go to a club. Then out of the blue he started freaking out saying that I'm anxious and can't wait for him to tell me what he wanted to in person. I reread the conversation and he had never said he wanted to tell me something in person. I really didn't get it and he wouldn't stop offending me. At one time he even said: shut up and work (I'm at work right now). Like really, I still don't understand what got him so mad to the point where he's offending me and yelling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaHermes Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Oh boy, LoveLV. This isn't sounding good at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Can you please answer why you continue with this????? You have had problems, all along! What do you get out of this?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Why can't he go to a club? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Why can't he go to a club? Because she doesn't trust him. He has cheated on and lied to her. I don't understand why she continues with this. I guess he is the only guy in town. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Why continue to attempt to analyze his actions, when it's crystal clear he has absolutely no respect for you? Stand up for yourself, and send this Bozo packing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yatsue Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 Sooo this is the lying, cheating hoe-bag of a boyfriend you've posted about before, since you didn't deny it right after replying to jman's recent post. What do you expect from this guy? Clearly, he lacks morals and you have issues with it. Cheating is a very serious relationship offence and I wouldn't stand for it, as many others, because of this very reason. It harms your trust in your partner so much that you become paranoid and try to regulate any actions that would possibly set them up for cheating again. It's your choice if you want to continue with this control vs untrustworthy partner style relationship. He seems to have made no attempts to change and it's absurd to expect that he will at this point. How long has it been since his cheating and what has he done to amend the relationship? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 No, it's not. Not even close. Frankly this guy's tactics come across as abusive. He's getting you used to the idea you have to walk on eggshells all the time and/or he's deliberately gaslighting you that you're the problem, but he knows you aren't. You know you aren't. You need to ask yourself why you haven't just ended it with him and told him to go get some therapy and you block and delete him. That kind of anger is not normal and it all too often can precede abuse of some sort, although he's already started with the emotional. This will not get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 Is the lying, cheating creep you have created multiple threads over? I really think that you enjoy chaos and drama in your life. Why do you continue to ask for our advice when you NEVER follow through with it? I don't get it either. Same thing over and over again. Same advice over and over. Rinse. Repeat. OP, what's the point? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 I don't get it either. Same thing over and over again. Same advice over and over. Rinse. Repeat. OP, what's the point? Yes. Ridiculous! She must get something out of it, or she would have bailed after the first lie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 Is it normal for a person to freak out out of nowhere? Nope. Not normal, but what good does that answer do for you if you're willing to stick around and put up with it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelavie Posted May 26, 2017 Author Share Posted May 26, 2017 No need to be rude, I would not have come here if I really knew what was right or wrong. I've been in relationships were I could realize I was wrong or right and there have been times where I really am confused because the guy makes such a big deal out of it. He hasn't cheated on me but he's lied before but things are going different now in relation to girls. He really isn't making me mad and hurting me about these feelings, it's just that sometimes the way he puts things makes it look like I'm wrong when deep inside I know I'm not. Also, about the club thing, we go to clubs every weekend. I work 10 hours a day while he's unemployed, isn't looking, does nothing during his day, I just think we should be on the same page. While I'm looking forward to build my career I would wish he would be too instead of worrying about going to a club and getting wasted on a Thursday. Of course I can't force or change this on him, I just don't want it to become a habit. I know this probably won't work out, I'm giving it last tries, but I guess it's really worthless to try Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thealchemist Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 It is only worthless to try with worthless people. Don't mistake working on a relationship as working on changing a worthless guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SmackofReality Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 It sounds like he has an anger problem. Do you have a friend's house you can go to for a few days? Maybe, a week? I understand people can wear rose colored glasses while in a relationship. However, if you can get away for a few days you have the opportunity to sit down and actually think things through with a friend who can help by listening. It sound like you're a bit over your head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 I said this because it happens very often about every other subject, there isn't one in specific that he freaks out about. The most recent thing that happened was he was telling me how he was going to go out with his friends to drink and I told him it was ok only that I didn't want him to go to a club. Then out of the blue he started freaking out saying that I'm anxious and can't wait for him to tell me what he wanted to in person. I reread the conversation and he had never said he wanted to tell me something in person. I really didn't get it and he wouldn't stop offending me. At one time he even said: shut up and work (I'm at work right now). Like really, I still don't understand what got him so mad to the point where he's offending me and yelling.Can you sit down and tell us in some detail what you find so appealing about this guy that you don't leave his abusive and lazy arse? What exactly does he bring to your table that keeps you mired in the dysfunction he brings into your life? Don't tell us if you don't want to but do love yourself enough to figure it out. If you love him (or are addicted to him so deeply) so much that you can't leave him then learn to accept who he is and get the codependency help you need to be happy in the life you've chosen for yourself. Like, you´re talking to the person about something that slightly bothers you, but it's still a normal conversation, I will assume that he's quite tired of hearing you complain about him and this is his dysfunctional way of letting you know that if you don't like it, leave... or his way of going on the defensive because he doesn't have the right communication tools to get you to stop nagging/complaining (even if its in the dynamic of a "normal conversation" in your eyes. You can change YOU but you have zero chance in changing the likes of him. You are not a good match and you are actually supporting him which is enabling him to not have to better himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 It might be more helpful it you share how this conversation happened rather than your perception. We can't tell if you are presenting it one-sided or not, or if you are missing cues. He may not have felt it was a normal discussion, nor felt like he "freaked" out. What was your goal in discussing this thing that "slightly" bothers you? Does it need to be "discussed", or just stated that it bothered you slightly and move on? Sometimes a "discussion" is a need to make the other person "wrong" and us "right", and pushing that (i.e, keeping the discussion going) may not be received with patience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 Also, about the club thing, we go to clubs every weekend. I work 10 hours a day while he's unemployed, isn't looking, does nothing during his day, Do you give him the money to drink when he goes out with his friends? He's not working after all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovelavie Posted May 26, 2017 Author Share Posted May 26, 2017 He has a bit of money saved up that he can use to go out, but not spend a lot. Still, it bothers me because his everyday routine is: wake up at 1 p.m., eat, go to the gym, smoke weed with his friends, have dinner and go to bed. That's what he does every single day. I'm always tired and don't have any energy to go out during the week because I want to be rested for the weekend. It bothers me that we're not on the same page when there's no reason for him not to be working except for the fact that he doesn't want to. In addition to that, what makes me stay with him is that, when we're ok, it's all great, we have the same vibe. I've been single for a year and I can't grasp my head around the fact that I've only gotten emotionally involved with jerks, I tried to give him a try because of all the other guys he seemed like the only one that actually committed, but his anger issues are really putting a barrier between us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted May 26, 2017 Share Posted May 26, 2017 He has a bit of money saved up that he can use to go out, but not spend a lot. Still, it bothers me because his everyday routine is: wake up at 1 p.m., eat, go to the gym, smoke weed with his friends, have dinner and go to bed. That's what he does every single day. I'm always tired and don't have any energy to go out during the week because I want to be rested for the weekend. It bothers me that we're not on the same page when there's no reason for him not to be working except for the fact that he doesn't want to. Does he contribute to the household finances, food and other necessities or do you take care of all that? If you do, then you are enabling him to do all the things you hate about him. In addition to that, what makes me stay with him is that, when we're ok, it's all great, we have the same vibe. I've been single for a year and I can't grasp my head around the fact that I've only gotten emotionally involved with jerks, I tried to give him a try because of all the other guys he seemed like the only one that actually committed, but his anger issues are really putting a barrier between us.So in a nut shell... you stay with him because no one else would commit? You're better off alone and investing in a faithful yellow Labrador retriever to keep you company. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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