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  1. I really do NOT want to this. Like I really don't intend in using someone just to "see what I like". I would hate to have that done to me and I try to be empathetic as much as possible. I just am overall shy and nervous on how to act with this girl, you know? I do want to get to know her better and possibly date her but I just wanted to see some opnions on how to act around a woman, when I've never been around one before in an intimate way (like sex for example is something I would also put of because I'd have no idea what I'm doing and would not want to make a fool of myself, whereas with men I'm fully confident) I think that's what I meant with this post, I really do feel like a teen so in a way it's silly to ask this but any kind of opnion is welcome. Not that I'm confused or anything it's just that I really wanted to know about first time lesbian experiences as this is new to me.
  2. I have considered myself mostly heterossexual my whole life. I have always dated men, hooked up with men and felt attraction mostly towards men. I have kissed a few girls and am sometimes attracted to one or another, but never anything beyond that. But, after 26 years of life and a lot of heartbreaks and disappointments with men in general, I decided to try dating women, and to my surprise, I met a girl online who I've been really interested in and caught myself thinking romantically about her. This has NEVER happend. Now, I know sexuality is very subliminal and I don't really believe there is a rule for anything, but I've never actually dated women, or even flirted or anything. I am really outgoing with men, I go out with different guys and I don't really think too much about what I'm doing, but with her... I simply freeze. I have no idea how to flirt, how to talk, how to act. I know it may seem silly but this a whole new world to me, seriously makes me feel like a teenager lol She's so adorable and cute and I really don't want to ruin this by acting in a certain way that... so any tips are welcome. I know everyone is different, but I'm nervous about this and want to hear different opnions
  3. That's the best thing I should do. Not that he'll miss me or anything. I'm quite sentimental and nostalgic about things. I have this group on Whatsapp with my closest friends and we all started sending old pics of us and while I was looking through them I realized he had always been with me in most of the situations in the past, even as friends, he was always there with me. We always had a connection, even when we only hooked up, we would always go back to each other no matter what happened, life would always bring us together. I've never had this kind of thing with anyone. I thought I knew him, I thought that even though we might not have worked out in his views, he would have respect for me. I know this shall pass, I know I'll be fine in the end... but jesus, some people just make it 1000x harder than it should be. I seriously hate relationships and I'm done getting involved with anyone for a really long time.
  4. When you get involved with someone who shows you love and trust, you at least expect that person to respect you. I honestly don't have any doubts in what a human being is capable of doing. And in all honesty, the more he ignores me and treats me as if I'm invisible, the more I lose anything good I ever felt towards him. It's easy to love someone when you've got nothing but the person there, it's easy to love when everything is going good and you both are getting along. It was so easy to love me when I was "perfect" and didn't care about him the way I care now. He is truly the worst person I had the displeasure to have a relationship. It's curious he says I make him feel guilty when I say I have anxiety attacks because of all this. Well, in a way he is, if he felt so bad about it he would care about me more. He's a selfish jerk, I have never felt so betrayed in my life. The more the time goes by, the more I am disgusted by this person.
  5. This is what is making me more upset. It's not like he's some random guy who I dated and it didn't work out. I've been in love with guys that ended terribly, but we went our own ways... no friendship, nothing. But with this guy, I actually thought he had some respect for everything we had, even before the romantic relationship. He answered me yesterday, saying he's got no time for anything, that he's doing a course and then has to go to work. And I believe him, but don't you have 10 minutes of your day to respond me? Did you really have to ignore me for 2 days straight? When he texted me back, I started crying, but not because I was sad or happy, but out of anger and I was also angry at myself for letting him get to me like this. I told him I wanted a mature conversation, at some point, and I asked him to not ignore me. And then he did ignore me. I am done with this BS. I texted him again saying I will move on with my life and if he at wants to talk to me, he can text me, if not, we'll just see each other around. I am honestly baffled about how he didn't even miss me or thought about me because he's just "so busy". I'm really wondering what this guy wanted to do with me in the first place. I think he has no respect for anyone in his life.
  6. Thank you everyone for the replies. I feel a little better. I’m still a mess inside, I cry out of the blue, my mind won’t stop going round and round and I feel like I’m doing things on automatic. This is probably the biggest relationship trauma of my life and I don’t even know how to put into words what I’m feeling... all I know is that I was an amazing woman to this guy even though he did not recognize that, and through all this emptiness I’m feeling I feel like I’ve done my best too...
  7. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me, and I hear a song (we were always deeply connected by music too) and I remember so many good times together, I could tell he felt something for me, I know it was real, his smile, us laughing with each other... how does it all feel like a lie now? How can he feel nothing towards me in such little time? I just can't stop crying..
  8. I went to therapy yesterday and I'm going again tomorrow because I am literlly losing my mind. I've had hurtful breakups in the past, but not having closure with someone who I thought cared about me is driving me insane, it's breaking me down mentally. I am trying to put inside my head that I'm better than this, but I just can't. I am so afraid he'll treat me badly in front of his friends and that he'll hook up or make me jealous. I just wanted some safety, I just wanted him to say "it's fine, I won't hurt you, I just don't want to talk" anything like that would've been fine. But choosing to IGNORE me is just beyond my understanding of the human mind. How could one be so evil?
  9. Ok, so I'll try to make this as short as possible. I had been in a relationship with a guy for a year, he´s 27 and I'm 25. And before that we were best friends for a year and also had hooked up the year before. We've been through a lot, I've seen him with other girls, he's seen me with other guys but at the end of the day, we were always together even as friends at some after party or bar. We've been really close and last year he started falling for me and wanted to be with me really bad. For 6 months he went after me, I told him I didn't want a relationship, that I was doing fine as a single girl... but, I ended up falling for the way he treated me which seriously made me feel so safe, and besides we had an awesome friendship. As time went by, we had some conflicts as any couple, he wasn't working and had no ambition so it took him months to start working. That got us into a lot of conflicts because while I was busting my ass waking up early he was sleeping until noon and going out to drink on a wednseday with his friends. His mom stopped giving him money and eventually he got a nice job (last month). So we spent the whole relationship with a lot of money problems, me having to pay for him at a lot of times, or else we wouldn't be able to go out. Or me having to pay because he would either lose/forget his money or lose his credit card. In resume he was really irresponsible, but I stuck by him. Now he's a lot better, he's working, he's dedicated... but it caused a lot of bruises in our relationship. Beyond that, there was also the fact that we agreed on doing an exchance student program together. And he spent FOUR MONTHS telling me he would go after this. While I had my part all organized, he on the other hand, would never go after this out of pure laziness. Which also caused conflicts, to the point where I simply gave up asking about it. I also have really bad anxiety and am currently on therapy to take care of that. Because of this and my past traumatic relataionships, I was insecure towards him a lot of times, when he has nothing but be respectful and loyal to me. However this last month has sucked for me. He would tell me he'd come over to see me, and when I realized he was just saying it without meaning it and confronted him asking him why he kept saying he would come over if he didn't want to and the answer I got was him yelling at me: F*CK WHAT I SAID, I don't care, I said it but now I'm changing it. And I also would cry and he would say I was crying to make him feel bad when I was. He said that we don't work out together, even though I've done nothing but be suportive to him, I have my flaws but in any moment did he actually try to work things out instead of just being negative. I know this relationship has become a mess, and I don't understand how he doesn't want to work it out. To make things worse, he's never really had to work for anything in his life. Also in his last and only relationship, he would cheat on his GF all the time, instead of working things out or simply breaking up, and with me, instead of cheating, he broke up and simply disappeared. Without us having a healthy conversation. I've tried contacting him but he just won't answer. This weekend we have this thing where we're gonna see each other and I'm just so anxious thinking about what he might do. There will be some girls there that he's hooked up with in the past and got distant after we got together, I'm so afraid he might tease me with them. I am pretty sure he would never hook up with anyone in front of me. But he's just been so evil to me, I've texted him practically begging we have an adult conversation, even his mom came to talk to me saying she was sad because of this. I told her her son avoids me, even thought I just simply want to work out how it's gonna be from now on, when we see each other etc... The person I trusted, the person that said I was the love of his life, that was there for me all the time, simply left without giving me the right for us to work things out in an adult way. The person I loved with all my heart simply left me without feeling bad when he sees all these texts and goes to sleep ignoring them. I feel betrayed, like I've never felt with anyone. I've been in relationships with abusive men, but they were never good in the first place. This guy was my friend, my confident, he had known me for years and had seen what kind of things some guys did to me and now he's doing the same or even worse. I can't sleep, I've gone 3 days without barely eating, I've got anxiety attacks, I can't control my mind and it's driving me insane how he simply disappeared and doesn't feel bad about this. Not even out of respect for me and our history he'll give me a conversation. I don't care if we break up at this point anymore, I just want some closure and to work things for when we see each other (which will happen because we have a lot of friends and activities in common and there's no chance for me to stop doing the things I've always done for him - we go to a lot of techno parties, and I even met him in one 3 years ago.. we're both DJs so we only go out to places we truly enjoy, I've gone past the single "going anywhere just to have fun" kind of thing). I'm just trying to grasp my head around how he could do this to me. He said he wanted some time to "breathe", that I'm invasive, but how am I invasive if he goes days without answering me? I just want some closure in an adult way. I don't know how he just hates me so much to this point when I've never done anything to hurt him, he should at least have respect. This is so confusing...
  10. I have felt lke this on and off in my life ever since I was a teenager. In my teens it was really , like I'd force myself to go to places I didn't really enjoy and hang out with people I wasn't very fond of just so I wouldn't be alone. I don't even like to remember my teenage years because to me it was a really dark place where I had no friends at all and nothing was actually truly fun. As I got old my social life started getting real "busy", suddenly I became this super extroverted person (more or less around when I was 22 and ended an abusive relationship), going out every weekend and on weekdays also, always had something to do and ever since I have been really enjoying and living my life in the sense of going out and having fun. I always to places I love and hang out with people I get along with and really have no complaints in THAT sense of feeling alone. But... I've had some horrible break downs this year. I'm at a place in my life where I most people my age are acomplishing something and I'm stuck in this 8-18 job, 5 days a week where most of the days I have nothing to do, I regret choosing this career path and I've tried changing and applying on other areas but they won't accept me since I graduated in Fashion and I want to work with marketing but obviously they'll choose . I don't hate my job, my previous job was much worse to the point where we barely had toilet paper and I had no windows in my office and in the summer I'd feel sick from being so hot inside and having no ventilation. So this place I'm at is WAY better and I actually have some dignity. But it's far from being somewhere I want to be at. I see my friends happy at their jobs, reaching sucessful spots and I'm STUCK. I'm stuck and I don't see a way out and I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm not deserving of having a good job, of earning good money.. I feel like after so many years trying to get a job that is something I can actually dedicate myself to, I always find myself getting stuck in these jobs that make you work like a slave and pay you barely anything. I'm not pitying myself, but I just everyone accomplishing things and I'm here thinking that these past 3 years there's nothing about myself I'm proud of. I never have enough money to travel, to buy myself something (really) nice... Don't get me wrong, I've always had an above average financial state. My dad is a sucessful man and he is my biggest inspiration. But I want to have my own money, I want to pay my own trip to Europe like everyone my age is doing, I want to be able to just not go to work one day so I can make it up on some Saturday so I can travel somewhere. I want to feel like I'm a 25 year old woman like everyone around me feels yet I feel like I'm still a teenager, like time has stopped for me and I've been 3,4 years earning the same amount of money and earning very little experience at my job because most of the time there really is nothing to do... I'm always hired to do the "extra job", the things that get left and someone has to fix. I don't feel important, I feel useless. Every single day of my life. And sometimes I cry, I cry before going to bed and I just wish this would all end... I just with I could be meaningful to myself and to someone. No one truly cares about me, except my boyfriend who I don't think is the one for me because we have the same unresolved issue going on for almost a year... besides him, people just don't remember me. I have a group of friends and they always invite each other out and they always "forget" about me unless it's something big. They even invite my BF who became friends with them after me. I'm invisible to everyone, and I just can't stand being STUCK anymore, I can't stand this life that has been the same ing thing for years and when I look back there's nothing I'm proud of, nothing really big I've ever done and when I look at the future I can't see myself in a good place either... I've tried being positive, I wake up everyday happy, put on make up and I love dressing nicely but at the end of the day the feeling of uselessness is always the same. I'm tired, I feel like time has stopped and I'm just existing...
  11. I never know if I'm making the right decision or not. I got attached to how much he's changed after he started liking me and how much he's done in order to be with me that I simply kept telling myself that I was wrong to feel this way. I do indeed believe the past is in the past, but it got tiring to meet with at least one girl he's been with on the weekends. I don't mind being around just don't like the fact that he acts normal to them, I feel humiliated actually and if he won't change that then I just have to leave... I feel sad, like once again I believe in someone and it didn't turn out as I expected... people in general are selfish idk...
  12. Yeah, I have always had anxiety, but before him I was so much more confident in myself. Now I find myself constantly working on telling myself that his past means nothing. Even though his past is always in our present. Every freaking weekend I have to talk to a girl he's been with. It's exhausting. I'm crying as I write this, I blame myself for all of this. I wish I didn't feel this way but I do, and I just want it to end.
  13. No, he has changed a LOT. And he thanks me for the fact that I also helped him in this process. But I feel like we're constantly "working" to get somewhere. We're never there. There's always so many issues between us. My parents were so happy for me that I finally was in a "happy" relationship. But today I woke up crying, anxious. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't know much about life, but I think that it's wrong to stay with someone that deep down makes you feel this way, even though he doesn't mean to.
  14. I sent him a long text breaking up with him. I can't stand the fact that every freaking weekend we meet at least one girl he's hooked up with. It's like I constantly have to tell myself that it's okay, that he's with me and I don't have to feel bad about other girls. But it was only after this weekend that I realized how this is so horrible for my mental health that it's destroying my self esteem and I'm on the verge of freaking out. I think I'd rather feel hurt for a while now that every weekend have to deal with some situation I'm extremely uncomfortable with. This sucks, I'm tired of starting over... but oh well. I won't force myself to feel ok with a situation that constantly bugs me.
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