I broke hard NC after 7 months (B I G M I S T A K E)

[JustinPonders]

No surprise, I'm absolutely devastated. She pretty much blew me off like I was a piece of trash. At first I was happy because she actually responded quickly but it was very, very, very cold. She not at any point asked about me. I continued the messages, through fb messenger, over the next couple days, but it got worse and worse to eventually her muting our conversation. I was so dam heart broken and devastated because I knew where it was going. It made me even more desperate so I finally asked her if she wanted to get together but by this time she had already muted our conversation. Then today, after 2-3 days of silence I messaged her again, yes, like an idiot, because I seriously lost my mind. It's like I'm totally aware of my self-destructive behavior and yet I'm STILL doing it!!! lol,

 

Actually, this isn't funny because now I have to literally start my healing process ALL OVER AGAIN and the pain is literally unbearable. Folks, do not, I repeat, DO NOT EVER BREAK NC!!! I was so stupid, I had even read other threads saying this and yet I did it anyway. I swear to you I'm in absolute disbelief now. I don't even know who I am. Life just doesn't seem real. It just doesn't seem real anymore. She must be laughing at me at how my pathetic attempt at wanting to start something with her again. She's the type that would eat it up too and I'm sure my reaching out made her even more confident in her leaving me. I just can't believe it. I was literally driving tonight and feeling like my life was worth nothing anymore because all I wanted was to be with her again. Yes, PATHETIC. I just wanted to be with her like old times but it's all just an illusion that my heart simply didn't accept. I'm sorry for being pathetic and weak. You have to understand it's kinda hard for me at my age now to meet someone that I can click with. She was sexy, beautiful, totally into me but I screwed it all up. Yes, we had our troubles but most of it was my fault that I have now fully understood how to work on. But it's all too little, too late. I just really messed up guys and I'm really, really suffering now and it's hard. I had to vent somewhere. I really need some encouragment right about now. I have no one to talk too and I feel so absolutly lonely that it's not even funny. I feel like I was spit out into space and now I'm just floating through it all alone billions of miles away from Earth, in totally darkness. Thank you for reading.

 

(PS: please don't go back and read my old posts, the old me is dead. I was a pompous, egotistical fool back then.)

[rich46]

No surprise, I'm absolutely devastated. She pretty much blew me off like I was a piece of trash. At first I was happy because she actually responded quickly but it was very, very, very cold. She not at any point asked about me. I continued the messages, through fb messenger, over the next couple days, but it got worse and worse to eventually her muting our conversation. I was so dam heart broken and devastated because I knew where it was going. It made me even more desperate so I finally asked her if she wanted to get together but by this time she had already muted our conversation. Then today, after 2-3 days of silence I messaged her again, yes, like an idiot, because I seriously lost my mind. It's like I'm totally aware of my self-destructive behavior and yet I'm STILL doing it!!! lol,

 

Actually, this isn't funny because now I have to literally start my healing process ALL OVER AGAIN and the pain is literally unbearable. Folks, do not, I repeat, DO NOT EVER BREAK NC!!! I was so stupid, I had even read other threads saying this and yet I did it anyway. I swear to you I'm in absolute disbelief now. I don't even know who I am. Life just doesn't seem real. It just doesn't seem real anymore. She must be laughing at me at how my pathetic attempt at wanting to start something with her again. She's the type that would eat it up too and I'm sure my reaching out made her even more confident in her leaving me. I just can't believe it. I was literally driving tonight and feeling like my life was worth nothing anymore because all I wanted was to be with her again. Yes, PATHETIC. I just wanted to be with her like old times but it's all just an illusion that my heart simply didn't accept. I'm sorry for being pathetic and weak. You have to understand it's kinda hard for me at my age now to meet someone that I can click with. She was sexy, beautiful, totally into me but I screwed it all up. Yes, we had our troubles but most of it was my fault that I have now fully understood how to work on. But it's all too little, too late. I just really messed up guys and I'm really, really suffering now and it's hard. I had to vent somewhere. I really need some encouragment right about now. I have no one to talk too and I feel so absolutly lonely that it's not even funny. I feel like I was spit out into space and now I'm just floating through it all alone billions of miles away from Earth, in totally darkness. Thank you for reading.

 

(PS: please don't go back and read my old posts, the old me is dead. I was a pompous, egotistical fool back then.)

Just look at it as a lesson learned.

 

Most people need to do something like this to fully appreciate why NC is so important. I know I did with my first break up. That taught me an incredible lesson that has made it easier for subsequent break ups. It is easy for posters on here to say stick to NC at all costs, and I agree with them, but it is really difficult to take those words on board from total strangers on the internet - you have to experience the negative consequences of breaking NC for it to really sink in! I would like to think you may not do the same if presented with a similar scenario in the future.

 

And, I don't think you will have to start the healing process from scratch. This is a definite setback, sure, and quite a big one, but try to look on it from a different angle. You have seen how your ex is now, cold, distant, ruthless, etc, so it should be easier to knock her off the pedestal you have put her on. What's done is done, now set your self some goals for the coming weeks and months, and work towards achieving them, then your self esteem will gradually recover. Time to look forward instead of back!

[JustinPonders]

Just look at it as a lesson learned.

 

Most people need to do something like this to fully appreciate why NC is so important. I know I did with my first break up. That taught me an incredible lesson that has made it easier for subsequent break ups. It is easy for posters on here to say stick to NC at all costs, and I agree with them, but it is really difficult to take those words on board from total strangers on the internet - you have to experience the negative consequences of breaking NC for it to really sink in! I would like to think you may not do the same if presented with a similar scenario in the future.

 

And, I don't think you will have to start the healing process from scratch. This is a definite setback, sure, and quite a big one, but try to look on it from a different angle. You have seen how your ex is now, cold, distant, ruthless, etc, so it should be easier to knock her off the pedestal you have put her on. What's done is done, now set your self some goals for the coming weeks and months, and work towards achieving them, then your self esteem will gradually recover. Time to look forward instead of back!

 

The problem is the way I'm feeling this very moment makes me want her more. It's the, want what you can't have, feeling. My gut is just full of anxiety. It's like I'm obsessed with her. All I think about is how lucky her new boy-toy must be to have her and what he could be doing with her and I'm just yesterday's news. It's a sick and disgusting feeling that plagues my mind like a disease. I certainly hope this fades quick because it's really scaring me now.

[Knight2001]

hi. sorry to hear this post.

put it down to experience and concentrate on yourself. you need to move on. take up a hobby, join a gym, go meet some new people. once you're over your ex you can meet someone else and be happy again. you WILL find happiness again.

be strong and be happy my friend.

[Chris323]

The problem is the way I'm feeling this very moment makes me want her more. It's the, want what you can't have, feeling. My gut is just full of anxiety. It's like I'm obsessed with her. All I think about is how lucky her new boy-toy must be to have her and what he could be doing with her and I'm just yesterday's news. It's a sick and disgusting feeling that plagues my mind like a disease. I certainly hope this fades quick because it's really scaring me now.

 

Im so very sorry your going through that situation, Im currently suffering from a heartbreak as we speak, My ex was also very gorgeous and amazing person, I felt so lucky to be next to her & watching other guys wishing there where in my shoes, However she ripped my heart heart and choose the other guy over me. I also think about them sleeping together, & I know soon she will be pregnant by him & it destroys me thinking about it. I might never get over the trauma & at times the pain is to much I dont feel like living, But the way Im coping with the pain is by being the best person I can be, Swallowing my pride, Jelping others woth serious problems, Volunteering at hospitals with cancer patients & burn victims, its a great feeling to help others, Start a spiritual journey & jave faith on your self & be strong, & I promise you your soul mate will find you, & you can look back and thank your ex.

[rolf12]

Sorry to hear this. I'm on day 9 of Nc. She contacted me on day 3 and day 5, texts with no substance. It's killing me not to contact her I'm heartbroken. But I know if I do we'll go back to our cycle for the 3 months after the break up. . Texting and she stops

 

Unfortunately I'm still of the frame of mind I'm waiting for her. I mop around all day. The times I'm busy are great. She is busy all the time she's younger and hangs with her friends all the time.

 

I don't plan on breaking no contact unless she texts me something with substance. I'm losing hope now.

[boltnrun]

I think I remember you. If I'm correct, you were the one who said you were sure your ex would come crawling back to you on all fours. That really stuck with me.

 

I'm glad you have evolved into a different, better man. This will only benefit you.

 

I hope you find some relief from the pain. Sometimes, facing what we think is the worst thing that can possibly happen actually makes us stronger. And once you're feeling better you can be a really good man to a woman who loves you and wants to make a life with you.

[Wiseman2]

After 7 mos you could have been putting your time and energy into meeting new women.

[JustinPonders]

Sorry to hear this. I'm on day 9 of Nc. She contacted me on day 3 and day 5, texts with no substance. It's killing me not to contact her I'm heartbroken. But I know if I do we'll go back to our cycle for the 3 months after the break up. . Texting and she stops

 

Unfortunately I'm still of the frame of mind I'm waiting for her. I mop around all day. The times I'm busy are great. She is busy all the time she's younger and hangs with her friends all the time.

 

I don't plan on breaking no contact unless she texts me something with substance. I'm losing hope now.

 

Be happy that you're in a much, MUCH better position than me. Trust me, if you only knew.

[JustinPonders]

I think I remember you. If I'm correct, you were the one who said you were sure your ex would come crawling back to you on all fours. That really stuck with me.

 

I'm glad you have evolved into a different, better man. This will only benefit you.

 

I hope you find some relief from the pain. Sometimes, facing what we think is the worst thing that can possibly happen actually makes us stronger. And once you're feeling better you can be a really good man to a woman who loves you and wants to make a life with you.

 

Yes, that was me! Boy-oh-boy, you have impeccable memory because that was many months ago. I'm really embarrassed for that post. Like I said I was a pompous, arrogant, egotistical . But don't worry, cold, hard reality slapped me into shape. And thank you for your words of encouragement, means a lot

[JustinPonders]

After 7 mos you could have been putting your time and energy into meeting new women.

 

Wiseman2, I have. I went out on 3 dates, one of which I really liked but she didn't like me back. I'm on Tinder and I was on Match for 6 months but no luck thus-far. I'm planning on opening my Match account back up with new pictures. The problem with me is I'm somewhat picky. I've come to the realization that if I don't feel butterflies in my stomach for a woman I meet I won't waste my time and so far I've only met 1 woman that did that, other than my ex, but she ended up not liking me back. So it's been a really, really rough road thus-far. Still praying and hoping that luck can somehow help me out too. Thanks for your suggestion!

[reinventmyself]

I agree with rich. It's a hard hit to take but you will gain some ground quicker this next time around. Just have some faith.

For now. . just be kind to yourself. I know we tend to beat ourselves up over such things. But you tried. There is

no shame in that and now you have your answers.

 

No more what if's.

You can finally close this door tightly and not look back.

 

Don't feel bad. We've all done it before and may even do it again.

It just makes you human.

Shake it off and come here and post the next time you feel the urge or call a friend.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent!. Yes new pics and rewrite your profile and heading and review your settings. Agree it's very hit and miss and many one-and-done coffee meets happens. Pace yourself. Have you constructed a good opening message template for contacting women on Match?

I'm planning on opening my Match account back up with new pictures.

[SadSadgirl]

from my experience, NC could be broken when you feel indifference towards an ex. i have friendships with most of my exes after a few months of NC, where i completely moved on and i don't really care if they've moved on or not. NC is a tool for healing and you shouldn't contact if you're not fully healed.

[jennylove]

 

Live n learn, baby!

[JustinPonders]

I agree with rich. It's a hard hit to take but you will gain some ground quicker this next time around. Just have some faith.

For now. . just be kind to yourself. I know we tend to beat ourselves up over such things. But you tried. There is

no shame in that and now you have your answers.

 

No more what if's.

You can finally close this door tightly and not look back.

 

Don't feel bad. We've all done it before and may even do it again.

It just makes you human.

Shake it off and come here and post the next time you feel the urge or call a friend.

 

Oh I definitely will. I just wished I had done it BEFORE I messaged that egotistical, evil woman. I woke up today and truly feel like she doesn't deserve me. I'm much better than that. I didn't deserve to be treated with such a high level of disrespect by her. I was being so positive and encouraging, especially to her but all she did was hold on to bitterness and distance when all I want to do is just be on an understanding level. Okay, so we didn't work out, doesn't mean we have to be enemies. Why couldn't we just be cordial? Respectful to one another? Mature adults. She's like a 40 year old immature child. Honestly. She sees absolutely no value in me anymore. Well, I'm worth of value and I won't have a poor character woman like her bring me down anymore. I'm not gonna let ANYONE else bring me down, including myself anymore. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of settling for less. My whole life I've felt inadequate/insecure and I've had it! I'm going to put myself on my own pedestal from this moment on. Thank you!

[JustinPonders]

Excellent!. Yes new pics and rewrite your profile and heading and review your settings. Agree it's very hit and miss and many one-and-done coffee meets happens. Pace yourself. Have you constructed a good opening message template for contacting women on Match?

 

You know Wiseman2, I've went on-line to look up good templates just to make comparisons and I came up with one on my own but was still getting very little results back when my account was active. I guess I'll have to rewrite it and try to be more authentic when I start up my account again. As a male it's really difficult to lock down a female because they're constantly bombarded by men just spamming their emails so when I send out something it usually just gets lost. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows but what I do know is I'm not bad looking and my bio isn't bad and unrealistic. So, I guess I have to just continue to be patient. Thank you!

[JustinPonders]

from my experience, NC could be broken when you feel indifference towards an ex. i have friendships with most of my exes after a few months of NC, where i completely moved on and i don't really care if they've moved on or not. NC is a tool for healing and you shouldn't contact if you're not fully healed.

 

I definitely wasn't healed. In fact I reached out to her because I was sick & tired of wondering "what-if." I guess I got my answer. Thank you SadSadgirl

[jstudio]

Oh I definitely will. I just wished I had done it BEFORE I messaged that egotistical, evil woman. I woke up today and truly feel like she doesn't deserve me. I'm much better than that. I didn't deserve to be treated with such a high level of disrespect by her. I was being so positive and encouraging, especially to her but all she did was hold on to bitterness and distance when all I want to do is just be on an understanding level. Okay, so we didn't work out, doesn't mean we have to be enemies. Why couldn't we just be cordial? Respectful to one another? Mature adults. She's like a 40 year old immature child. Honestly. She sees absolutely no value in me anymore. Well, I'm worth of value and I won't have a poor character woman like her bring me down anymore. I'm not gonna let ANYONE else bring me down, including myself anymore. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of settling for less. My whole life I've felt inadequate/insecure and I've had it! I'm going to put myself on my own pedestal from this moment on. Thank you!

 

This is very well said! It's time to show yourself some love... I can definitely relate to your story.

[Wiseman2]

Ok try this format. Complement (not on looks, etc), something about yourself (segue to connect, makes you human), question (to encourage a response). Just about 3 lines, so you're not wasting time on essays etc.

 

Just an example but individualize, of course:

 

Hi screename. I enjoyed reading your profile, especially the part about training rescue dogs, really admire that.

I have 2 dogs myself, Humpty and Dumpty. Man's best friends as they say. Is that your dog in the picture?

As a male it's really difficult to lock down a female because they're constantly bombarded by men just spamming their emails so when I send out something it usually just gets lost.

[saluk]

It's OK, sometimes you gotta be slapped in the face a few times before it becomes real and you can accept it and move on.

 

And yeah, as a guy the issue with OLD is women don't respond, because they have to spend too much time responding to other guys. (The issue for women of course being talking to someone who seems nice and normal who then turns into a creepy when you reject his request to send a nude pic or a proposition of a one night stand.)

 

You just gotta be really persistent, and grow a thicker skin. Keep trying and don't lose hope. And don't think of yourself as a bad person just because you've made some mistakes in the past or in a moment of weakness tried to reach out to an ex. We've all made mistakes. As long as you are working on your issues, you can keep moving forward.

[JustinPonders]

It's OK, sometimes you gotta be slapped in the face a few times before it becomes real and you can accept it and move on.

 

And yeah, as a guy the issue with OLD is women don't respond, because they have to spend too much time responding to other guys. (The issue for women of course being talking to someone who seems nice and normal who then turns into a creepy when you reject his request to send a nude pic or a proposition of a one night stand.)

 

You just gotta be really persistent, and grow a thicker skin. Keep trying and don't lose hope. And don't think of yourself as a bad person just because you've made some mistakes in the past or in a moment of weakness tried to reach out to an ex. We've all made mistakes. As long as you are working on your issues, you can keep moving forward.

 

It's really hard saluk. Today was surprisingly a pretty good day, but when night time rolls around and I have no one to call that I'm in-to I start thinking about my ex. THIS is what gets me back to thinking about her is in down-time. It's just hard man. I know she's got probably a couple guys lined up already because she's that type where she'll have them lined up, even if they're ugly. Me, on the other hand, I'm somewhat picky. I have to feel something with the person I want to go out with. If I don't get the butterflies, it means I'm not excited and if I'm not excited I don't put effort into the date/relationship. That's why I get depressed from time to time because I feel that now I'm gonna have to wait another 5-10 years before I meet someone that can do it for me. Just kinda irritating to be honest. But thank you for your support and words of encouragement.

[CBC2000]

You are not weak or pathetic, you are human and you made a mistake that most of us have made. Just take this as a lesson and go back into no contact, it's been 7 months so perhaps it's time to start dating and move on from this girl. Rejection hurts but it's okay, you will move past this

[Dominique]

I am so glad you posted this and so sorry you are hurting. Please know that your post helped me a lot. I am suffering miserably from a breakup with someone who started to go through hard times and just kinda lost his mind ...we are both going through tough divorces and financial/emotional hard times hit us both at the same time about 6 months ago. I wanted to stand by him, but he pulled away and broke it off to focus on rebuilding and started working all the time. We tried a few times to make it work but it didn't. We finally cut each other off in February. Now things are a bit better for him and I hear he's with some little at his job. I miss him and love him so much. I want to talk to him and it's killing me. I cry all the time. We had something really very special. I'm the type that waits for special.... I don't want just "anyone". So he meant a lot to me.

Your post helps me to know that men feel this pain too. Because I am dying inside thinking of him with someone else. It's excruciating pain. And the worst part is, she is just like his EX! She's a very pretty . I know her well. She used to be my neighbor and she used to work with me. She has gotten men fired and broke so many hearts of nice guys who she just dumps after she cheats on them. His ex wife is a pretty too. She cheated on him 5 times! I feel he is trying to reclaim his ego wth this girl. I can't do anything about that. But I know what we had was real. Our kids loved each other. We loved each other. But I was stronger than he was and when hard times hit, I stood by him. He didn't accept my support and completely withdrew.

I said all that to say...I'm a mess now. I don't know how I will recover. Coming here and seeing your post lets me know no contact is the right thing. But it is killing me!!!!!!!! I MISS HIM and the kids SO MUCH. I want to hate him and the . But I don't. Now I am all alone and they are together. It's killing me. Don't give in and contact her again. It will just open up your wounds even more.

[LondonMan33]

Wiseman2, I have. I went out on 3 dates, one of which I really liked but she didn't like me back. I'm on Tinder and I was on Match for 6 months but no luck thus-far. I'm planning on opening my Match account back up with new pictures. The problem with me is I'm somewhat picky. I've come to the realization that if I don't feel butterflies in my stomach for a woman I meet I won't waste my time and so far I've only met 1 woman that did that, other than my ex, but she ended up not liking me back. So it's been a really, really rough road thus-far. Still praying and hoping that luck can somehow help me out too. Thanks for your suggestion!

 

 

 

Listen . I think you are setting your sights on finding a new woman to get over this heartbreak . What you need to do is forget about woman for now. It will not hurt you to be single . some people are single for years and years , and happy too. The best thing you can do is get back to being totally happy inside yourself , with no worries about anything in life . once this has happened you can then look for a relationship that means something , not one that just mean it takes you away from the feeling you have now.

 

seriously.. get yourself back to 100% no matter how long it takes. then the rest will follow.