RainyCoast Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 what sorcery is this? i posted that at 4 pm? i thought i posted it shortly after coming home, around 9 am. where did the hours go??? holy cow. need sleep apparently Link to comment
Zaphod Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I have to say - I've no qualms about being friends with an eighteen old, be they male or female. Why? Because I'm not ageist. I make it a policy. I'm friends with my twelve year old niece. Ok, I know she's family, but the family environment puts people together in this way, and shows us that actually yes, people of different ages can be friends. I also get on with, and relate to, my 22 year old male cousin. We're all men together. I also have friends who are in their seventies. When I go to martial arts, there are guys of all ages there from about 21 to 80. I'm friends with them all. The OP has mentioned she's happy with just friendship, I don't see why this isn't a possibility. I mean we're all making friends with her here right? The evidence is unfolding in front of us on this very thread. Extending that - OP, why don't you make friends with us? That'll be a start. You can talk on the chat forums about music you like, art, philosophy, etc. And extending that further - how many people here are members of other forums? Do you know the age of the people you're speaking to all the time? No. I say we should all be friends, or at least give it a chance. The evidence for my case, I'm sure, is apparent. And is happening before our very eyes on this thread. I think the thing about "Don't pick men up off dating sites" perhaps is more a reflection of the nature of those sites rather than the concept of making friends with people of different ages. Just chucking that one out there. Link to comment
Zaphod Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 what sorcery is this? i posted that at 4 pm? i thought i posted it shortly after coming home, around 9 am. where did the hours go??? holy cow. need sleep apparently There's a time when someone needs to be told what to do, and that time has arrived. GO TO BED MS COAST. Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 I have to say - I've no qualms about being friends with an eighteen old, be they male or female. Why? Because I'm not ageist. I make it a policy. I'm friends with my twelve year old niece. Ok, I know she's family, but the family environment puts people together in this way, and shows us that actually yes, people of different ages can be friends. I also get on with, and relate to, my 22 year old male cousin. We're all men together. I also have friends who are in their seventies. When I go to martial arts, there are guys of all ages there from about 21 to 80. I'm friends with them all. The OP has mentioned she's happy with just friendship, I don't see why this isn't a possibility. I mean we're all making friends with her here right? The evidence is unfolding in front of us on this very thread. Extending that - OP, why don't you make friends with us? That'll be a start. You can talk on the chat forums about music you like, art, philosophy, etc. And extending that further - how many people here are members of other forums? Do you know the age of the people you're speaking to all the time? No. I say we should all be friends, or at least give it a chance. The evidence for my case, I'm sure, is apparent. And is happening before our very eyes on this thread. I think the thing about "Don't pick men up off dating sites" perhaps is more a reflection of the nature of those sites rather than the concept of making friends with people of different ages. Just chucking that one out there. Exactly, I mean, I totally get that me being friends w/someone who's 40 is less likely than me being friends with someone who's 20. But I don't really understand when people say it's impossible... There's so many people in the world, how can anyone say for sure? Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Dating sites are not for "friends". And stringing middle aged men along will never work. What is in it for them to have a high school kid want to be their "friend"? They have wives, jobs, families and kids your age. They would much rather mentor their own daughters. Aren't you the one who told me I should find a sugar daddy, now you want me to go to college? Lol, okay. Actually I am a college student, which is exciting, but you can be intellectually stimulated while also craving some sort of human connection. Link to comment
Zaphod Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Seems to me that you're really talking about friendship, not romantic interest. No? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 It seems to go back and forth a lot. lol.Seems to me that you're really talking about friendship, not romantic interest. No? Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm 24 and I've historically dated much older men, so let me throw my two cents out there. I've never, ever dated an older man who had pursued me. Why? Because if a man double my age starts trying to chat with me in a bar, etc, chances are, he sees me as an easy lay. Now, I've lived on my own since I was 16, I've travelled the world, I became a practicing attorney just after I turned 23. I definitely am an old soul, so I connect better with older people, unless I meet younger people who are similar to myself. Anyway, to my point...because I've been a few years ahead of my peers, I've casually been surrounded by older people, giving me ample opportunity to meet men older than myself. All of the older men I've dated I have met through my career, more or less, and they really only took me seriously after spending time getting to know me through conversation. You are simply too young to be in situations like this, and based on your responses, you seem like a typical 18 year old (which there is absolutely nothing wrong with), so I just don't see a grounded older man having an interest in dating you. These are men who have careers, likely been married and divorced, own their own homes, and you can't even get into a bar legally. There's a significant experience gap that you truly won't grasp until you're older and see it yourself. Get some life experience, discover more about yourself, and find grounded, mature men under the age of 25. They exist, and you can learn a lot about who you are and what you need. I don't want to come across as being nitpicky and argumentative, but I really don't feel like a typical 18 yr old and I've been told that I come across older than my years. If I was really just a regular 18 yr old, I wouldnt really be in this situation. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I would be worried about trolling serial killers. They look for the young and naïve , especially online. Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 It seems to go back and forth a lot. lol. I'm going to ignore the condescension there, and just say that I think I'm sort of coming to the realization that most men who are interested in being in a romantic relationship with an 18 yr old are not going to be men that I want to be in a relationship with. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Okay, so you're just looking for friends, hmm? I think you need to find these friendships organically then. People don't really use sites to find friends. You would be opening yoursslf to men who want to date you, not be your friend. Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Okay, so you're just looking for friends, hmm? I think you need to find these friendships organically then. People don't really use sites to find friends. You would be opening yoursslf to men who want to date you, not be your friend. I agree, I've basically given up on dating sites. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm not trying to be condescending, but by thinking that a forty year old would want to be a platonic friend, is being incredibly naive. This is where you are showing your age and lack of experience. Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm not trying to be condescending, but by thinking that a forty year old would want to be a platonic friend, is being incredibly naive. This is where you are showing your age and lack of experience. But another member, earlier on in the thread, said that he wouldnt automatically be against being platonic friends with an 18 yr old... You can disagree if you want to, but not everyone does. And haven't we been over this before anyway? I've said I'm not naive, that I know how many men would only befriend me with sometbing else on their mind. I'm going thru a really difficult time in my life right now- believe me, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't- and you berating me and calling me naive does absolutely nothing to help and only makes things worse. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm being honest. Also, that was one member, out of many. You are being selective. Why are you having a really "difficult time?" Link to comment
Zaphod Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm not trying to be condescending, but by thinking that a forty year old would want to be a platonic friend, is being incredibly naive. Well I'm 45, and I'm talking to her. In a friendly fashion. Although I'm probably that member that you're talking about. I don't care how old she is. I only care about the content of her character. As Homer Simpson once said. Or was it Martin Luther King? I get confused betweeen the two. Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm being honest. Also, that was one member, out of many. You are being selective. Why are you having a really "difficult time?" I know, but that's exactly my point: not everyone thinks that way, but some would. I'm just lonely. It's not like I don't have anybody- I have my family and I love them- but in general, I'm lonely. I know this will probably sound naive to you too, but when I was in high school I thought my best friend and I would be friends for a long time to come. But I feel like she's really changed and we're growing apart and I just feel really bitter and resentful and yes, lonely. Link to comment
Zaphod Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 I'm just lonely. It's not like I don't have anybody- I have my family and I love them- but in general, I'm lonely. Everyone's lonely. In their own way. It's part of the human condition. Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Everyone's lonely. In their own way. It's part of the human condition. That may be true, but I'm lonely in a way that's different than "everybody else." Link to comment
Zaphod Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 That may be true, but I'm lonely in a way that's different than "everybody else." Illogical. You don't know everyone else. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 What do you mean? Have you considered the school counselor? Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Illogical. You don't know everyone else. You also don't know me and what I'm going through, nor do you know everybody else. Don't be so quick to assume that you have the answers. Link to comment
SkyBlue98 Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 What do you mean? Have you considered the school counselor? I only just started college, so I haven't really had time to consider that yet. I guess it is an option though. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Well I'm 45, and I'm talking to her. In a friendly fashion. Although I'm probably that member that you're talking about. I don't care how old she is. I only care about the content of her character. As Homer Simpson once said. Or was it Martin Luther King? I get confused betweeen the two. C'mon, you know what I mean. Physical interaction on a regular basis, not through a website Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 It is not uncommon to lose your best high school friend. I ended the friendship after 20 years, as she had changed into someone I no longer wanted to know passive aggressive and manipulative. We learn something from everyone that passes through our lives, some will be there a lifetime, most are temporary. It is time that you get out an expand your social circle. You cannot depend on one friend. I suggest groups through school, Meetups and volunteering. I have made many amazing friends through volunteering . Many I have now known for 10 years, now. It is up to you to create your happiness. No one else. Be more proactive. Link to comment
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