Hollyj Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 I feel bad for you. Your feelings are influencing standing by and waiting, wishing and hoping to get back on her merry-go-round. ] Cute, cute, cute! Link to comment
j.man Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Send her a text saying you just took a dump that looks like her. Bet she'll stop asking. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Send her a text saying you just took a dump that looks like her. Bet she'll stop asking. Or she'll insist the dump stays friends with her Link to comment
j.man Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Or she'll insist the dump stays friends with herYou've got quite a knack for identifying the subtle complexities in problems, Edmund. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 You've got quite a knack for identifying the subtle complexities in problems, Edmund. As do you, j Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 oh you boys ... * books flight Link to comment
Tanzi Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 Am I doing the right thing? Yes you are doing the right thing. The chances are it will end the same way as the situation with your ex-ex. This is typically what happens when you remain friends with an ex. I have told her several times that I DO NOT want to be friends with her, . So now you ignore her. Mean what you say. Ironically, she accuses me of being selfish for not settling for friendship. She is trying to manipulate you. I think that makes HER the selfish one, don't you? Link to comment
Tanzi Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 I hope you are right, online dating doesn't seem to going well for me (how I met her) - loads of girls are initially interested then lose interest when we start chatting. It's like I have forgotten how to set up dates anymore. I remember how back when I met her, I used to have a 99% success rate on getting a first date That is most likely due to the lack of REAL interest you have in these women. You are still in love with your ex. Dating won't work right now. Link to comment
missswans Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 My ex GF keeps on offering friendship after dumping me. My ex ex GF before her, did the same thing. My current ex I have told her no, and I have nothing against women at all, but many seem to think its ok to remain as friends as some sort of consolation. I am worried if I say yes, its going to end up how it did with my ex before her. When I tried friendship with my ex ex GF, I always wanted more - I remember once we met up, she was in town after a long time, and she told me over dinner 'Oh you never guess what, I have met this guy and I am absolutely in love with him'. My heart sank, and I fell into depression for a very long time, becoming resentful towards her. I don't want to go through the same thing again. With my current ex GF, one of the biggest reasons why I have said no was because her grounds for breaking up with me were based on my personality flaws. She would complain that I am not trustworth, dishonest, unreliable and god knows what else.My response to that was 'why do you want to be friends with a person like that?' Her response is that she is hurt that I can say such a thing. I have told her several times that I DO NOT want to be friends with her, and will only consider a reconciliation of the relationship but she keeps on persisting with the issue. Am I doing the right thing? It will hurt more to remain friends. That's also her way of having a safety net. Cut her out completely and on social media, like she doesn't exist. It speeds the healing. And you already answered your question, you believe it will end up like the ex before her and because that's what you believe at your inner core, that's what it will be no matter if you try to convince yourself it can be different. You know yourself. Do what's best for YOU, not someone else. Also, let go of history and the past or it will rule your future. Link to comment
rich46 Posted November 15, 2016 Share Posted November 15, 2016 He doesn't listen when I say it, so: That is most likely due to the lack of REAL interest you have in these women. You are still in love with your ex. Dating won't work right now. That is most likely due to the lack of REAL interest you have in these women. You are still in love with your ex. Dating won't work right now. That is most likely due to the lack of REAL interest you have in these women. You are still in love with your ex. Dating won't work right now. That is most likely due to the lack of REAL interest you have in these women. You are still in love with your ex. Dating won't work right now. That is most likely due to the lack of REAL interest you have in these women. You are still in love with your ex. Dating won't work right now. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 15, 2016 Author Share Posted November 15, 2016 She is trying to manipulate you. I think that makes HER the selfish one, don't you? Got some closure, she is just basically saying that she fell out of love me and that's it. All of this other crap she is talking about are just her trying to justify why she has fallen out of love, when the truth is she is acting based on her feelings right now, which is not feeling the 'same way' anymore. Gutting to be honest. ing loyalty is so hard to find these days. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 15, 2016 Author Share Posted November 15, 2016 That is most likely due to the lack of REAL interest you have in these women. You are still in love with your ex. Dating won't work right now. Yeah you are right, 2 weeks since going back online I am talking to 4 girls, that number could be 6 if I didn't outright reject 2 of them: Girl 1 - not bad looking, good job. Asked her out on a date, she said she was busy and said another time maybe, then I asked her to let me know when it works for her, she ended up looking at my profile 1 week later (I guess she assumed I would send a follow up quicker) then cut the convo off when I did send a follow up. Girl 2 - Nice girl, I like her profile, she is average looking (not as attractive as my ex), so I am 50-50. She took ages to respond to me, 3 days delay for every message. Anyway, asked her out on a date. Not heard from her yet. She is older than me too by 1 year, 31 - I think I want to be with a 20 something year old like my ex. Im confused. Girl 3 - Can't tell if I am attracted to her physically or not, some photos she looks good, others she doesn't. She is also 2 years older than me at 32, she is very talkative, I can get her out on a date I think - but I don't know why I am not doing it. It's like I like the attention but dragging it out as much as possible. Girl 4 - This one popped out from nowhere and contacted me first, 27, fit , but I don't think she is that clever and comes across slightly immature. Which is a bit off putting. Anyway, back in the day, I would go out with all of these girls for the hell of it, but right now I am grieving over my ex, and I do sometimes find myself comparing new girls to her or drag the conversation on. I also feel emotionally bruised by the break up, I am scared if I meet up with these women they will reject me in person. Not sure if I am ready for it. Ultra sensitive right now. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 16, 2016 Author Share Posted November 16, 2016 So the fit one told her that I'm still living at home - I'm 30. She sent a message today asking me if I was a native of the city. Awaiting a response , won't be surprised if she goes cold now after initially being very keen. Always have found that dating is tiresome. It's difficult finding somebody that you are attracted to but is also understanding and compatible like my ex at the start Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Well why not? Make it a coffee date and see what happens. It helps you rule them in or out and not waste time texting etc. Then you can either move on or go for a second date. back in the day, I would go out with all of these girls for the hell of it Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Well why not? Make it a coffee date and see what happens. It helps you rule them in or out and not waste time texting etc. Then you can either move on or go for a second date. Yes, quite! Don't go with any particular expectations, other than that the other person will be themselves, and take it from there... I've had long term relationships with people I didn't find particularly attractive when I first met them. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 Thanks both. I agree, I am going to do that - so I'm going to ask girl 3, the 32 yr old if she wants to meet up next. Out of all of them, I think she is the one that is most likely going to agree. Still waiting to hear back from girl 2, the one who takes a long long time generally to respond. Starting to think now that when it comes down to it she won't meet up. I guess I now have to rule out the attractive 27 year old, since my last message telling her that I am 'back home' she has not responded. Usually, she would respond quite instantly so this is out of character. Bit disappointing really. But I guess my instincts were correct - she is doing a low paid job (nurse) and looking for a wealthy partner. On paper I have a good occupation, it says on my profile what it is, but I've just started this role (first year) and building my experience up so not yet earning what somebody earns after 2-3 years. Plus haven't moved out because it's London and I'm trying to save as much money as I can living at home for the deposit for a mortgage. I'm starting to wonder if I should just tell in future straight away all of the women I am talking too that I live at home to avoid wasting my time early on. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 Thanks both. I agree, I am going to do that - so I'm going to ask girl 3, the 32 yr old if she wants to meet up next. Out of all of them, I think she is the one that is most likely going to agree. She has just said yes, and gave her number without even asking her. Looks like my instincts were right again. So 1/4, could be 2/4 but I think the one taking ages to respond will flake. If she was keen to go on one with me, she would not take this long to get back to me. If I am honest, I still miss my ex a lot ladies and gents, would have preferred not to go back onto the dating market. Some of these women I am meeting have pretty horrible personalities which makes me miss my ex. Still very disappointed. A bit daunted now that I have a date set up post break up. She seems like a nice girl. Link to comment
Onderoo Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 She has just said yes, and gave her number without even asking her. Looks like my instincts were right again. So 1/4, could be 2/4 but I think the one taking ages to respond will flake. If she was keen to go on one with me, she would not take this long to get back to me. If I am honest, I still miss my ex a lot ladies and gents, would have preferred not to go back onto the dating market. Some of these women I am meeting have pretty horrible personalities which makes me miss my ex. Still very disappointed. A bit daunted now that I have a date set up post break up. She seems like a nice girl. It's normal to feel this way fresh out of a relationship. You're basically going through a phase now where you're looking at your ex with rose tinted glasses, but that will soon pass. You will soon come to realise that if your ex was that great, she would have remained in your life. She will of course use reverse psychology by turning things around and make you look like the bad person for not accepting her in your life as friends. But ignore it. She made that decision way before you did. Treat yourself with respect. You are worth much more than just friendship and a shoulder to cry on. In the mean time, try to keep a fresh clean slate and continue to date. Don't make comparisons. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Don't use these women to heal your heart or distract yourself!!! You wouldn't want someone to do that to you so don't do that to them. Very few people want to date again but it is part of life. Either be single or date and hope you find someone special to share your life with. Lost Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 Don't use these women to heal your heart or distract yourself!!! You wouldn't want someone to do that to you so don't do that to them. It's bad, I know. The attention, I like it. Helps remind me that my ex is not the only girl out there who finds me attractive. When I dated my ex ex approach was different, I basically did not even try to date anyone for 5 years. That was a massive mistake, since I ended up developing a mentality where I believed that no girl outside of my ex found me attractive. It's because I didn't know what was out there, and the longer I went without any dates, basically reaffirmed that even if it wasn't true. Very few people want to date again but it is part of life. Either be single or date and hope you find someone special to share your life with. Lost Long term, I don't want to be single. I am feeling the pressure to settle down at my age, that of course means I won't settle with anyone. Some of the girls are filtering themselves out for me and doing me a favour in the process - like the nurse who has still not responded. The 32 year old that I have set the date up with, I am starting to like her. She seems a bit nerdy in her interests, but I think that's what I like about her - since i am attracted to intelligent women. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 It's normal to feel this way fresh out of a relationship. You're basically going through a phase now where you're looking at your ex with rose tinted glasses, but that will soon pass. You will soon come to realise that if your ex was that great, she would have remained in your life. She will of course use reverse psychology by turning things around and make you look like the bad person for not accepting her in your life as friends. But ignore it. She made that decision way before you did. Treat yourself with respect. You are worth much more than just friendship and a shoulder to cry on. In the mean time, try to keep a fresh clean slate and continue to date. Don't make comparisons. I went through that phase with my ex ex as well, where I thought that my ex ex was the best thing since sliced bread, then my ex came along who was much better than the ex ex. I guess it is fear and insecurity coming through, as I said before, I have met some awful women online recently, the nurse and girl 1, and I have heard stories from my friends who have got into relationships with headcases. One of them committed suicide over one, when she left him at his weakest. I don't want to date a crap girl in my next relationship. Rather be single than that. Any girl I meet right now, I am generally always cynical about their motives, and throw in tests to test if they are genuinely interested or not. Such as mentioning that I am living at home. Link to comment
Onderoo Posted November 17, 2016 Share Posted November 17, 2016 Any girl I meet right now, I am generally always cynical about their motives, and throw in tests to test if they are genuinely interested or not. Such as mentioning that I am living at home. That's actually not a bad thing and is very wise. Trust shouldn't be given freely and has to be earned. With regards to the tests, that's a good move because girls are more than happy to jump into a relationship with a guy because of his status and wealth. Can't hate them for that as it's biology. The reality is, no one will ever love you for you when it comes to relationships and often only happens because of something you can offer. In a girl's case, it's either good sex or resources. Rarely if ever do they try to find both qualities in the same guy. Hence why cheating happens. But that's a topic for another thread. So be the lover or the 'good sex guy' and meet them with the intention of having a good time. The relationship should be their idea and not yours and will find keeping them will be a lot easier and straight forward this way. Link to comment
yeahyeahyeah Posted November 17, 2016 Author Share Posted November 17, 2016 That's actually not a bad thing and is very wise. Trust shouldn't be given freely and has to be earned. With regards to the tests, that's a good move because girls are more than happy to jump into a relationship with a guy because of his status and wealth. Can't hate them for that as it's biology. The reality is, no one will ever love you for you when it comes to relationships and often only happens because of something you can offer. In a girl's case, it's either good sex or resources. Rarely if ever do they try to find both qualities in the same guy. Hence why cheating happens. But that's a topic for another thread. So be the lover or the 'good sex guy' and meet them with the intention of having a good time. The relationship should be their idea and not yours and will find keeping them will be a lot easier and straight forward this way. The nurse sent me a message today, I can't understand what the hell she meant, but it doesn't read well, telling me that this was 'new information' - I think she is disappointed that I live at home. Ah well. So annoying how materialistic people can be out here - it's London, the most expensive city in Europe! Link to comment
Onderoo Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 The nurse sent me a message today, I can't understand what the hell she meant, but it doesn't read well, telling me that this was 'new information' - I think she is disappointed that I live at home. Ah well. So annoying how materialistic people can be out here - it's London, the most expensive city in Europe! If you're ok with living at home, then that's absolutely fine. Don't do something just to gain a woman's approval. That's precisely the reason why I've suggested to not be monogamous if you can help it. The criteria that girls look for in a lover is actually a lot simpler than it is when looking for a boyfriend. My friend who's an Oxford educated Biologist explained how it all works between the sexes, and he's made a point never to be monogamous with any one person and to simply act like their lover. He doesn't have any assets besides the clothes on his back and is a perpetual traveller. There's a reason why drama occurs in a relationship and is mainly due to comfort and familiarity. Women naturally want tension/drama in order to continue being attracted to the men they're with. So they will create it out of thin air and cause problems for the guy, whilst the guy has no clue as to why she's behaving in the way that she does. A relationship doesn't build attraction, it kills it due to comfort and security. Attraction and comfort can't co-exist. This is nature's big paradox, which most people aren't aware of due to flawed social conditioning and lack of knowledge and awareness. Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted November 18, 2016 Share Posted November 18, 2016 My friend who's an Oxford educated Biologist explained how it all works between the sexes, and he's made a point never to be monogamous with any one person and to simply act like their lover. He doesn't have any assets besides the clothes on his back and is a perpetual traveller. To the OP: if you're looking to end up like Onderoo's friend, this is excellent advice. Link to comment
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