GF wants to remain as friends, I don't

[Onderoo]

To the OP: if you're looking to end up like Onderoo's friend, this is excellent advice.

 

Spot on.

 

Travel + Free Sex + No Commitment = Happy Drama Free Life.

[yeahyeahyeah]

If you're ok with living at home, then that's absolutely fine. Don't do something just to gain a woman's approval. That's precisely the reason why I've suggested to not be monogamous if you can help it. The criteria that girls look for in a lover is actually a lot simpler than it is when looking for a boyfriend. My friend who's an Oxford educated Biologist explained how it all works between the sexes, and he's made a point never to be monogamous with any one person and to simply act like their lover. He doesn't have any assets besides the clothes on his back and is a perpetual traveller.

 

It is a really tricky one.

 

I find it really hard to pick up girls without any commitments, a large reason for that is because I don't have a place to take them back even if I am getting somewhere with them. I can't bring them back home, because of my parents and lack of privacy. So often I need to go back to hers, or get a room which I need to let her know in advance, and for that to happen they need to feel a strong level of trust otherwise they will feel like a sl*t.

 

I have highlighted the point in bold, because that is exactly why I have not moved out, it has crossed my mind especially after the latest incident but I then remember the bigger picture for why I am living at home - I just don't want to move out, and then be renting for the rest of my life. That is what is happening to a lot of young people my age, they are renting, then they can't afford the down payment for a mortgage from saving very little. It becomes a vicious cycle. It is not unless you are earning loads of money, you can do both - by loads I am mean 3k a month, where you can stash away 1k of your cash and put the rest on bills etc. I am only just over 1k at the moment, where if I were renting I would have very little disposable income left behind to enjoy myself, let alone save.

 

I feel that if I moved out right now, which I can, it will be purely because of women and gain their approval, not that it is the right thing for me to do.

 

There are of course people out there who are doing very well with their careers and have their own place (see above), but I am not at that stage right now, I have recently changed my career and building my experience up so not earning as much as I can be after 2-3 years which would be around the 40-50k mark (over 2.5k a month). I work in management and have only racked 1 year and 2 months managerial experience right now. So still junior in my profession.

 

There's a reason why drama occurs in a relationship and is mainly due to comfort and familiarity. Women naturally want tension/drama in order to continue being attracted to the men they're with. So they will create it out of thin air and cause problems for the guy, whilst the guy has no clue as to why she's behaving in the way that she does. A relationship doesn't build attraction, it kills it due to comfort and security. Attraction and comfort can't co-exist. This is nature's big paradox, which most people aren't aware of due to flawed social conditioning and lack of knowledge and awareness.

 

I am really missing my ex right now, she was very supportive and understanding about my home situation. She never had a problem with me living at home when we met. She understood that it is cheaper, and admitted that she would have done the same if she had the chance. I am getting very depressed that I won't find someone with a similar level of compatibility and is as understanding as her.

[Onderoo]

It is a really tricky one.

 

I find it really hard to pick up girls without any commitments, a large reason for that is because I don't have a place to take them back even if I am getting somewhere with them. I can't bring them back home, because of my parents and lack of privacy. So often I need to go back to hers, or get a room which I need to let her know in advance, and for that to happen they need to feel a strong level of trust otherwise they will feel like a sl*t.

 

I have highlighted the point in bold, because that is exactly why I have not moved out, it has crossed my mind especially after the latest incident but I then remember the bigger picture for why I am living at home - I just don't want to move out, and then be renting for the rest of my life. That is what is happening to a lot of young people my age, they are renting, then they can't afford the down payment for a mortgage from saving very little. It becomes a vicious cycle. It is not unless you are earning loads of money, you can do both - by loads I am mean 3k a month, where you can stash away 1k of your cash and put the rest on bills etc. I am only just over 1k at the moment, where if I were renting I would have very little disposable income left behind to enjoy myself, let alone save.

 

I feel that if I moved out right now, which I can, it will be purely because of women and gain their approval, not that it is the right thing for me to do.

 

There are of course people out there who are doing very well with their careers and have their own place (see above), but I am not at that stage right now, I have recently changed my career and building my experience up so not earning as much as I can be after 2-3 years which would be around the 40-50k mark (over 2.5k a month). I work in management and have only racked 1 year and 2 months managerial experience right now. So still junior in my profession.

 

 

 

I am really missing my ex right now, she was very supportive and understanding about my home situation. She never had a problem with me living at home when we met. She understood that it is cheaper, and admitted that she would have done the same if she had the chance. I am getting very depressed that I won't find someone with a similar level of compatibility and is as understanding as her.

 

I'm in exactly the same boat as you matey. I'm a 32 year old living with parents in London for the same reasons as you and fortunate that the house is fully paid for. So it is technically my house as it will be inherited to me and my sister. The problem is like you said, lack of privacy and not being able to invite them back. So i've been taking them back to hotels. But I know what you mean. It's difficult in terms of logistics to escalate things when you don't have your own place and is frustrating.

 

Believe it or not, it's much cheaper to travel abroad than it is to stay in London. I was recently in Moldova with the same friend I mentioned in my previous response. In terms of expenses, it cost me 20 pounds in total in the 4 days I was there (excluding travel) and I mainly ate out. Accommodation is also far cheaper depending on where you stay. There's a reason why more and more guys are travelling to Europe now - You will get more from your earnings and the girls are far more attractive and pleasant to talk to.

 

I've sent you a URL that will allow you to do a price comparison between countries. Perhaps it might be an idea to relocate somewhere else. I'm planning on doing the same.

 

In the meantime, try and look for alternative ways to make money. Your goal is to spend less time working whilst making more than a standard office job that 98% of people spend time doing. Study up on Internet Marketing and building a small online business. If you register a company online as a UK based company, the profits generated will allow you to live wealthy elsewhere as your business will be completely mobile. As tough as it is in London right now, there are ways around it. A lot of people will try to shame you and put you down along the way of changing your lifestyle due to lack of understanding. But try to ignore them and follow your own happiness.

 

Have faith. There are girls out there for you who will give you the same or more than your ex ever did. You just need to put yourself out there. I regularly go on roughly 2/3 dates a week. But the difference between guys and girls is that we have to be proactive by approaching and starting a conversation. Don't listen to anyone who says "The right person will come and find you." That strategy might work for women but it's completely false for guys. The more girls you approach and talk to, the higher the chance you'll meet someone (or more) who will be right for you. It might not feel that way right now as you're going through a breakup. But trust me, it does get better.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I'm in exactly the same boat as you matey. I'm a 32 year old living with parents in London for the same reasons as you and fortunate that the house is fully paid for. So it is technically my house as it will be inherited to me and my sister. The problem is like you said, lack of privacy and not being able to invite them back. So i've been taking them back to hotels. But I know what you mean. It's difficult in terms of logistics to escalate things when you don't have your own place and is frustrating.

 

Nice to know there are other Londoners in the same boat. My best friend lives at home too for this reason, other friends have left London because it was too expensive. One of my mates, relocated to Manchester with his missus since it only costs 80k for a 3 bedroom, the same is 500k here. Pretty sad when you think about it, the guy grew up here like me, and was forced to leave his city. My family home is now worth a million pounds, when my parents bought it, it was a council house, it's absolutely mental how in the last few decades house prices have rocketed.

 

This is why there is so much social unrest, I know quite a few people I grew up with voting 'leave' in the Brexit campaign because they were so frustrated by a lack of accommodation etc, thinking that if we tighten immigration, property prices will lower.

 

I don't get why some girls can't understand that London is expensive, with people staying at home not being uncommon - don't they watch the news?

 

Believe it or not, it's much cheaper to travel abroad than it is to stay in London. I was recently in Moldova with the same friend I mentioned in my previous response. In terms of expenses, it cost me 20 pounds in total in the 4 days I was there (excluding travel) and I mainly ate out. Accommodation is also far cheaper depending on where you stay. There's a reason why more and more guys are travelling to Europe now - You will get more from your earnings and the girls are far more attractive and pleasant to talk to.

 

I've sent you a URL that will allow you to do a price comparison between countries. Perhaps it might be an idea to relocate somewhere else. I'm planning on doing the same.

 

Thank you for this. I am looking in the help to buy scheme as well. I need to save up about 14k to get a deposit, which will take me a couple of years, so by your age.

 

In the meantime, try and look for alternative ways to make money. Your goal is to spend less time working whilst making more than a standard office job that 98% of people spend time doing. Study up on Internet Marketing and building a small online business. As tough as it is in London right now, there are ways around it. A lot of people will try to shame you and put you down along the way of changing your lifestyle due to lack of understanding. But try to ignore them and follow your own happiness.

 

What have you experienced? Are you self employed now?

 

Have faith. There are girls out there for you who will give you the same or more than your ex ever did. You just need to put yourself out there. I regularly go on roughly 2/3 dates a week. But the difference between guys and girls is that we have to be proactive by approaching and starting a conversation. Don't listen to anyone who says "The right person will come and find you." That strategy might work for women but it's completely false for guys. The more girls you approach and talk to, the higher the chance you'll meet someone (or more) who will be right for you. It might not feel that way right now as you're going through a breakup. But trust me, it does get better.

 

How do the girls react when you tell them that you live at home? I have had a mixed bag, some are ok about it, others make sarcastic comments such as 'does your mum cook and clean for you' which inevitably does not lead to a second date.

 

I am a pretty pro active guy as you can see, that is why I have got back on the horse and started dating again. I made my own luck with my ex.

[Onderoo]

I don't get why some girls can't understand that London is expensive, with people staying at home not being uncommon - don't they watch the news?

 

Not to sound misogynist. But girls generally don't care, so long as they can find someone to take care of them financially (The more money, the better), "In addition" to the money they make for themselves and what they can get from the government.

 

What have you experienced? Are you self employed now?

 

I currently work with a company on their business as a marketer and customer support specialist and is all internet based. So I work from home and am completely mobile. To get you started, try and get your company to transition you from working in an office to working from home. It may be a bit tricky in this instance, but that could be an alternative. Otherwise, get started on some side projects part-time to slowly transition you from working for a company to working for yourself.

 

How do the girls react when you tell them that you live at home? I have had a mixed bag, some are ok about it, others make sarcastic comments such as 'does your mum cook and clean for you' which inevitably does not lead to a second date.

 

I am a pretty pro active guy as you can see, that is why I have got back on the horse and started dating again. I made my own luck with my ex.

 

Those girls I tend to ignore anyway as they've essentially disqualified themselves in my eyes as someone worthy enough to spend any further time with. The right girl won't care. Thats why I suggest going on lots of dates as it will allow you to have abundance.

 

Hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions on anything. I'm happy to point you in the right direction.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Not to sound misogynist. But girls generally don't care, so long as they can find someone to take care of them financially (The more money, the better), "In addition" to the money they make for themselves and what they can get from the government.

 

 

 

I currently work with a company on their business as a marketer and customer support specialist and is all internet based. So I work from home and am completely mobile. To get you started, try and get your company to transition you from working in an office to working from home. It may be a bit tricky in this instance, but that could be an alternative. Otherwise, get started on some side projects part-time to slowly transition you from working for a company to working for yourself.

 

I work in tech, I was doing my own tech start up product which I ended in the summer of this year, whilst I developed an insane amount of Entrepreneural experience, we did not make any money from it. Now I am Digital Project manager, the income is a lot more stable but not enough starting out. So I am going to probably stay away from self employment for a few years, unless there is a sure way of making a bag load of cash. I was looking at Matched betting since it is something that I can do in my spare time to top up my income, which is risk free - a friend of mine is making a lot of money from it.

 

Those girls I tend to ignore anyway as they've essentially disqualified themselves in my eyes as someone worthy enough to spend any further time with. The right girl won't care. Thats why I suggest going on lots of dates as it will allow you to have abundance.

 

Hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions on anything. I'm happy to point you in the right direction.

 

You sound like that you are going on loads of dates, do most of the girls care? Do you tell them that you live at home or does it just come up during a conversation? I totally agree with going on loads of dates, that is what I had to do last time - took 7 dates with different girls before finding my ex. I just hope that my luck does not run out! I was 29 then, now I am going to be 31 in december.

[Brotherhood67]

Not to sound misogynist. But girls generally don't care, so long as they can find someone to take care of them financially (The more money, the better), "In addition" to the money they make for themselves and what they can get from the government.

 

Well, gold-diggers are everywhere but don' t believe only women act like that...

 

And for the record, there is nothing, and I say nothing that compares to having a woman at your side and looking at you like you're the best thing that ever came into their lives...

 

Even when you're the best thing iuntil another thing comes around lol

[Onderoo]

Do you tell them that you live at home or does it just come up during a conversation?

 

I usually tell them when they ask me or just casually mention it in a conversation - "I would love to invite you back to mine for some drinks but my house is vacant at the moment so we won't have any privacy..."

 

You can tell the truth without telling the full truth

[yeahyeahyeah]

And for the record, there is nothing, and I say nothing that compares to having a woman at your side and looking at you like you're the best thing that ever came into their lives...

 

Yeah, I remember that. Sigh - the memories.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I usually tell them when they ask me or just casually mention it in a conversation - "I would love to invite you back to mine for some drinks but my house is vacant at the moment so we won't have any privacy..."

 

You can tell the truth without telling the full truth

 

I was bending the truth as well, but I found that you can only do that for so long. Eventually the girl clocks on, and accuses you for being dishonest.

[Onderoo]

Well, gold-diggers are everywhere but don' t believe only women act like that...

 

And for the record, there is nothing, and I say nothing that compares to having a woman at your side and looking at you like you're the best thing that ever came into their lives...

 

Even when you're the best thing until another thing comes around lol

 

Yep, hypergamy is a b**ch. If you don't know what that means. Look it up. It's depressing to know the truth, but it's also liberating.

[Onderoo]

I was bending the truth as well, but I found that you can only do that for so long. Eventually the girl clocks on, and accuses you for being dishonest.

 

Either way, it's her problem not yours. She'll have done you a favour for not wasting any further time with her.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Yep, hypergamy is a b**ch. If you don't know what that means. Look it up. It's depressing to know the truth, but it's also liberating.

 

I think the career the woman does has a lot to do with it, if she is not earning a lot herself then hypergamy is more likely to happen than if she is doing well and has money of her own.

 

What really drives me up the wall to be honest, is that they put so much emphasis on money, when isn't having ambition much more important than the bank balance. In a few years, I will earn much more than what I am now, whereas this nurse who has rejected me for living at home will never earn as much as me over a longer period of time and be on the breadline unless she marries into wealth....I guess it ain't about potential, it is about getting that investment right now.

[Brotherhood67]

I think the career the woman does has a lot to do with it, if she is not earning a lot herself then hypergamy is more likely to happen than if she is doing well and has money of her own.

 

What really drives me up the wall to be honest, is that they put so much emphasis on money, when isn't having ambition much more important than the bank balance. In a few years, I will earn much more than what I am now, whereas this nurse who has rejected me for living at home will never earn as much as me over a longer period of time and be on the breadline unless she marries into wealth....I guess it ain't about potential, it is about getting that investment right now.

 

Well, judging from experience, women who earn a lot a money tend to cheat also and a lot. Just like men do, in fact.

The only difference is how Mother Nature made us and the urge of having babies before it's too late (I'm the only man I know who feels the need of building a family before my 40s).

And after 40, let's be honest, many women become quite invisible in the eyes of men when it comes to finding a partner.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Well, judging from experience, women who earn a lot a money tend to cheat also and a lot. Just like men do, in fact.

The only difference is how Mother Nature made us and the urge of having babies before it's too late (I'm the only man I know who feels the need of building a family before my 40s).

And after 40, let's be honest, many women become quite invisible in the eyes of men when it comes to finding a partner.

 

I have never been cheated on and I hope that I will never be in that situation. Ironically, the girl I know right now earning the most, investment banker, is incredibly loyal to her BF of 5 years despite it being long distance with him not giving her much attention. She is incredibly persistent, and works hard to try and make it work. I dated once a girl who had a history of cheating (with her other bfs), my ex ex, she was just a Personal assistant and not at all wealthy.

 

At the end, I think it comes down to the individual. When it comes to women, I try to screen them as hard as I can and look for 'nice girl' qualities early on, which is politeness, consideration, respectfulness, etc etc. If I spot bad traits such as seflishness early on, it is a massive red flag, and a no go.

[Onderoo]

I think the career the woman does has a lot to do with it, if she is not earning a lot herself then hypergamy is more likely to happen than if she is doing well and has money of her own.

 

It's actually the opposite. She will always look for someone whose a higher earner than her. Hence why most careerist women end up alone with cats. The type of man they're looking for (a higher earner) will be too busy dating younger more attractive women. It's sad to see.

 

Women have been fed a lie that they need to focus on their careers and delay marriage until their later years when in reality, guys simply don't care about any of that. All we care about is how fertile they look and whether they can be pleasant and take care of the house. Call me sexist, but that's Biology. Any guy that disagrees with this is a liar.

 

I'm expecting the women on here to balk at that statement, which won't be a surprise to me hence why I no longer wish to be involved with any of this stuff. Things will never change for the better if theres first acceptance of the truth. But that won't ever happen anytime soon.

 

Ironically, the girl I know right now earning the most, investment banker, is incredibly loyal to her BF of 5 years despite it being long distance with him not giving her much attention. She is incredibly persistent, and works hard to try and make it work.

 

That's exactly why I said to don't do monogamy. I can almost guarantee you that the minute he gives her what she wants, she will eventually get bored, lose interest and walk away. Maybe not for a few months, but she will. The long distance thing doesn't count as a relationship in my honest opinion.

[yeahyeahyeah]

It's actually the opposite. She will always look for someone whose a higher earner than her. Hence why most careerist women end up alone with cats. The type of man they're looking for (a higher earner) will be too busy dating younger more attractive women. It's sad to see.

 

Then I am screwed, since I have both sides of the spectrum's rejecting me.

 

Women have been fed a lie that they need to focus on their careers and delay marriage until their later years when in reality, guys simply don't care about any of that stuff. All we care about is how fertile they look and whether they can be pleasant and take care of the house. Call me sexist, but that's Biology.

 

 

That's exactly why I said to don't do monogamy. I can almost guarantee you that the minute he gives her what she wants, she will eventually lose interest and walk away. Maybe not for a few months, but she will.

 

I think people are just different now, my parents have been married for 40 years, same with many others from the older generation.

 

Society has made it a lot more acceptable to get divorced. That's the trouble with this day and age, people give up easily when the going gets tough. Like in my ex GF case 'Oh I don't feel the same way about you anymore', when 6 months earlier I was the best thing since sliced bread with her repeatedly telling me that she loved me. The difference between then and now is that we just hit a rough patch and rather then working with me to get back into a state of love, she has decided to listen to her feelings now and wants out.

 

Not committing has its advantages, sure, but not everyone can do it consistently. I find it hard personally - wouldn't actually mind a friend with benefits right now.

[Onderoo]

Then I am screwed, since I have both sides of the spectrum's rejecting me.

 

Only if you want to be her provider boyfriend. Best to not put yourself in that box in the first place.

 

Society has made it a lot more acceptable to get divorced. That's the trouble with this day and age, people give up easily when the going gets tough. Like in my ex GF case 'Oh I don't feel the same way about you anymore', when 6 months earlier I was the best thing since sliced bread with her repeatedly telling me that she loved me. The difference between then and now is that we just hit a rough patch and rather then working with me to get back into a state of love, she has decided to listen to her feelings now and wants out.

 

Not committing has its advantages, sure, but not everyone can do it consistently. I find it hard personally - wouldn't actually mind a friend with benefits right now.

 

You can only blame social media and female empowerment for that. But we won't be able to fix it any time soon. So might as well accept it and adapt.

[cdtsilva]

Ill second the cut ties. If you don't have anything linking both of you (shared bills, children, etc)

If she really cared for you as a friend/BF she wouldn't have finished off with you. You're always going to be that friend she gets to moan about how her life is crap and how this other guy should just change this and that and how you're special but your personalities are just too different (...) just because this other guy is too cool and too busy to give her any attention. Put this in your head: SHE dumped you, so her choice.

 

There's ways to fix a relationship, dumping and still wanting something with that person just serves one purpose: Giving her a backup should things go wrong (you're somewhat tied to her), which obviously gives you a false sense she'll return to you when she might never do.

[cdtsilva]

It's actually the opposite. She will always look for someone whose a higher earner than her. Hence why most careerist women end up alone with cats. The type of man they're looking for (a higher earner) will be too busy dating younger more attractive women. It's sad to see.

 

Women have been fed a lie that they need to focus on their careers and delay marriage until their later years when in reality, guys simply don't care about any of that. All we care about is how fertile they look and whether they can be pleasant and take care of the house. Call me sexist, but that's Biology. Any guy that disagrees with this is a liar.

 

I'm expecting the women on here to balk at that statement, which won't be a surprise to me hence why I no longer wish to be involved with any of this stuff. Things will never change for the better if theres first acceptance of the truth. But that won't ever happen anytime soon.

 

 

 

That's exactly why I said to don't do monogamy. I can almost guarantee you that the minute he gives her what she wants, she will eventually get bored, lose interest and walk away. Maybe not for a few months, but she will. The long distance thing doesn't count as a relationship in my honest opinion.

 

 

Interesting read, I agree!

 

I have fought a lot for my career. I got pissed on my previous relationship where my ex was earning minimum wage and I would get home being paid three times as much as her to have to eat store frozen food warmed up on the microwave, do my own laundry, do my tax returns, do whatever!! Did I also mentioned the differences in schedule?

 

Needless to say how this all ended.

Money is only an object, in a relationship and now I use the excess to treat myself (go out, have someone helping me, etc)

Ironically my disposable income is much larger than it was when I was living with my partner even tough she was also earning.

 

Now, this works both ways: I'm pretty sure there are many woman out there that feel the same exact thing and that's the reason they stay alone. Why bother? I've seen many good woman with husbands that prefer to stick to some hobby, go and have a pint with friends and do other stuff. Why not plan a surprise holiday somewhere? Isn't that the point of being in a relationship: Do things together?

 

I think the lowest earning should stay at home supporting the higher paid. Some see it as inferiority, I think that's all B*. You can do all that, volunteer, perhaps run a part time job, but the value that brings in general pays off. If I can spend 2 hours more each day doing overtime for the equivalent of her full day earnings, then I would rather do that and have a clean home, hot meal and happy children after an exhausting day at work.

 

Believe me or not having someone working on the background can offload much of your stress too. For me it is a hell of a treat not only getting home and having things organised (making my work more efficient) but having an occasional surprise holiday planned. I Find that much more valuable that having a partner bringing home a salary.

[yeahyeahyeah]

Ill second the cut ties. If you don't have anything linking both of you (shared bills, children, etc)

If she really cared for you as a friend/BF she wouldn't have finished off with you. You're always going to be that friend she gets to moan about how her life is crap and how this other guy should just change this and that and how you're special but your personalities are just too different (...) just because this other guy is too cool and too busy to give her any attention. Put this in your head: SHE dumped you, so her choice.

 

There's ways to fix a relationship, dumping and still wanting something with that person just serves one purpose: Giving her a backup should things go wrong (you're somewhat tied to her), which obviously gives you a false sense she'll return to you when she might never do.

 

I sent her a message last week and told her that we cannot be friends, using what happened to my ex ex GF as an example of what I wanted to avoid e.g. Listening to her talk about other guys she is romantically involved with. Hence, I made her aware that although she was special to me, I needed to protect myself post break up. She seemingly understood, told me that I had a special place in her heart and has not spoken to me since.

 

The whole thing is sad to be honest. Ces't la vie.

[cdtsilva]

She probably feels guilt too, but a decision is a decision.

Avoid it, move on and find someone that values you for what you are, not like a 'second best'

 

Its kinda funny because going back to when I was a teen I was always upset it would take ages to find someone. Now when you look at it in a temporal way I see it was actually a very small period of life, say some 4-6 months between relationships.

 

So don't give up. Instead focus on giving yourself time to get over what happened (Don't use it as a subject on a date/profile), start improving your dating profile, get some photos, plan ideas for relaxed first dates, etc. Things will naturally come

 

More importantly, understand if your current situation in life is compatible with dating. Make sure you're available to make an effort if something comes up.

I once met this great girl, but wasn't quite ready (she moved way too fast, I lacked planing), so she simply assumed I wasn't into her.

 

You see, being a a man is a lot of crap. Not only you have to get in touch first, you have to guide them all the way trough, like setting places and activities so they'll have fun. No girl wants a boring guy that asks her what to do, she probably won't know and some other guy will pick up from there. So make sure you're fully tuned.

[yeahyeahyeah]

She probably feels guilt too, but a decision is a decision.

Avoid it, move on and find someone that values you for what you are, not like a 'second best'

 

Its kinda funny because going back to when I was a teen I was always upset it would take ages to find someone. Now when you look at it in a temporal way I see it was actually a very small period of life, say some 4-6 months between relationships.

 

So don't give up. Instead focus on giving yourself time to get over what happened (Don't use it as a subject on a date/profile), start improving your dating profile, get some photos, plan ideas for relaxed first dates, etc. Things will naturally come

 

More importantly, understand if your current situation in life is compatible with dating. Make sure you're available to make an effort if something comes up.

I once met this great girl, but wasn't quite ready (she moved way too fast, I lacked planing), so she simply assumed I wasn't into her.

 

You see, being a a man is a lot of crap. Not only you have to get in touch first, you have to guide them all the way trough, like setting places and activities so they'll have fun. No girl wants a boring guy that asks her what to do, she probably won't know and some other guy will pick up from there. So make sure you're fully tuned.

 

So my ex removed me from her featured Facebook photos today , it hurt seeing that - just like that she's over me.

 

I agree with the leading aspect, looking back at my relationship towards the end with her I stopped doing it, it was getting tiring, that's when things started going downhill.

 

I have a date lined up on Saturday, highly likely I will have another one set up too. One issue though I have right now is that I am not extremely attracted to either girl, it just seems like that is the best that I can do right now. My ex on the other hand was my type looks wise and personality wise. Starting to wonder if I just got lucky.

[yeahyeahyeah]

I am feeling very down today, I feel like I don't know what I want in my dating life anymore, and I feel quite depressed.

[nutbrownhare]

I am feeling very down today, I feel like I don't know what I want in my dating life anymore, and I feel quite depressed.

 

While I understand how down you are at the moment, and the temptation to start dating again to take away the pain, it may well be better for you in the long run if you give yourself a break and concentrate on your own healing. Right now, you are unlikely to be emotionally available to anyone, and an emotionally healthy woman - who in all likelihood isn't focused on your bank balance! - will pick this up intuitively, and fast.

 

Unfortunately, you're likely to interpret this as them rejecting you due to your circumstances - living at home or whatever - rather than the fact that your grieving, regret and lack of connection with them is going to be showing in all sorts of subtle ways. Sure there are some gold-diggers around... but there are also plenty of women who are more interested in having a meaningful relationship, because they've got the rest of their lives sorted out.

 

Hopefully, your dates will go really well and at least be a step on the road to rebuilding your shattered self-esteem. But before you sink even deeper into despair, ask yourself what you've got to give to a relationship, rather than what you want to get from it. You may need to do various things for yourself, to build up yourself, before you get out there. Love comes from a full heart, not an empty one.