Teenage student found my nudes

[Maddyb12]

can you change your profile picture back

 

Sorry what?

[youareworthy]

Maddy,

 

I think Doc Blaze is razzing you. Just ignore him.

 

I am very sorry you are going through this. I sympathize because I work with kids with disabilities. I am taking mental notes of this incident, as two or three times last year I played Sudoku on my phone with my 4 year old student who has Down's Syndrome. I held the phone the entire time, and I have no pictures or files that a 4 year old shouldn't see...but this 4 year old is both incredibly fast and incredibly tech savvy. The dad tells me that if he gives his child the dad's phone, in about 60 seconds the kid has found and downloaded at least one app. There is not a prohibitive protocol in place about phone use with our students: in fact, we are encouraged to carry personal cell phones, to use as timers, to take pictures of the kids as they learn, and especially to call the office or even 911 in case there is an emergency involving a student on a playground or somewhere not near a landline.

 

I am relieved that in your case, neither the organization nor the parent is taking a legal position against you. I was very afraid for you that that might happen.

 

I have had my job on the line for sooooooo much less. Three years ago, an 8-year old student with active psychosis told me he/she was going to get me fired because I expected him/her to do a page of handwriting in class, as all the other students were being asked to do. The next day, the student went to the principal and accused me of saying "crap," "I don't care" and two curse words that I have never said in my school, and rarely say anywhere, ever. Though the child was already known to be lying on a pathological level, had killed several small animals, had twice tried to smother a first cousin to death, and had stolen $1800 from a neighbor's apartment, the principal believed the student's accusations and I was in big trouble, even though I had not said two of the four things the student reported, there were no other witnesses to my having said "crap," and the context in which I said, "I don't care" was entirely justifiable and perfectly sensible. The principal was very worried that the media would pick up one soundbite, and we would be in huge trouble.

 

I was told that if such accusations were made again, I would be fired, even though half of the accusations were fabricated, and even though the principal always said she would back her staff and not believe every report from a student without first checking it out.

 

I am thankful I didn't lose my job. You will always be thankful that this didn't go any further. Such incidents teach us to be ultra-cautious. I am glad you posted about it, because from this moment on, I will have my own strict cell phone policies, even if the school doesn't.

 

Hang in there, and take a bunch of deep breaths!

 

Youareworthy

[Maddyb12]

Maddy,

 

I think Doc Blaze is razzing you. Just ignore him.

 

I am very sorry you are going through this. I sympathize because I work with kids with disabilities. I am taking mental notes of this incident, as two or three times last year I played Sudoku on my phone with my 4 year old student who has Down's Syndrome. I held the phone the entire time, and I have no pictures or files that a 4 year old shouldn't see...but this 4 year old is both incredibly fast and incredibly tech savvy. The dad tells me that if he gives his child the dad's phone, in about 60 seconds the kid has found and downloaded at least one app. There is not a prohibitive protocol in place about phone use with our students: in fact, we are encouraged to carry personal cell phones, to use as timers, to take pictures of the kids as they learn, and especially to call the office or even 911 in case there is an emergency involving a student on a playground or somewhere not near a landline.

 

I am relieved that in your case, neither the organization nor the parent is taking a legal position against you. I was very afraid for you that that might happen.

 

I have had my job on the line for sooooooo much less. Three years ago, an 8-year old student with active psychosis told me he/she was going to get me fired because I expected him/her to do a page of handwriting in class, as all the other students were being asked to do. The next day, the student went to the principal and accused me of saying "crap," "I don't care" and two curse words that I have never said in my school, and rarely say anywhere, ever. Though the child was already known to be lying on a pathological level, had killed several small animals, had twice tried to smother a first cousin to death, and had stolen $1800 from a neighbor's apartment, the principal believed the student's accusations and I was in big trouble, even though I had not said two of the four things the student reported, there were no other witnesses to my having said "crap," and the context in which I said, "I don't care" was entirely justifiable and perfectly sensible. The principal was very worried that the media would pick up one soundbite, and we would be in huge trouble.

 

I was told that if such accusations were made again, I would be fired, even though half of the accusations were fabricated, and even though the principal always said she would back her staff and not believe every report from a student without first checking it out.

 

I am thankful I didn't lose my job. You will always be thankful that this didn't go any further. Such incidents teach us to be ultra-cautious. I am glad you posted about it, because from this moment on, I will have my own strict cell phone policies, even if the school doesn't.

 

Hang in there, and take a bunch of deep breaths!

 

Youareworthy

 

Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience and sympathize with me. It's definitely a learning experience. As of an hour ago my supervisor spoke with his mom and she had accessed the email and deleted the content in full. Is what she has said so we just have to trust that that is what she did. Unfortunate I couldn't see it being deleted but I just need to trust it is all gone and as far as she could see nothing was forwarded. My supervisor has told me his mother keeps expressing she hopes I know she isn't mad at me and that I'm a "beautiful young girl with a bright future". My supervisor says HR will likely reach out to me next week to go over policy's and I'm hoping it doesn't come to me being terminated.

[chitown9]

No, I don't think you will be terminated, Maddy. All is well that ends well, and this is the best outcome that you could expect. I think it will be considered as "lesson learned," and I doubt they will point out to you how this situation could have been avoided, but be prepared for a response if this comes up. Some policy about cell phones may be handed down as a result of this happening. Hindsight is always 20/20. chi

[Tanzi]

I babysit as well and let kids play with my phone all the time, I'm new to the new iphone and haven't gotten used to the things I deleting going into a deleted folder. But now my phone is definitely off limits.

 

I think you can somehow set the phone to delete your pictures permanently. I didn't realize when I first went over to an iPhone that my pictures went into a deleted file either. My daughter almost found some pictures that I would definitely not want her to see. She was looking for a particular photo we had taken from my phone. Luckily I was looking with her at the time and saw the folder of deleted photos (that she was just about to open) so took the phone from her ... and there they were .... nude shots to my then BF that I had deleted almost immediately after taking them (or rather thought I had). Now my phone seems to delete all my photos permanently and bypasses the deleted folder. I'm not sure how this happened. Maybe my daughter did it after hearing me ranting on about how stupid the deleted folder was or maybe I did it accidentally somehow. I really don't know. Nevertheless, however it happened, it is evidently an option.

[Wiseman2]

No, they are just doing the usual 'cover our rears' steps.

My supervisor says HR will likely reach out to me next week to go over policy's and I'm hoping it doesn't come to me being terminated.

[abitbroken]

I am worried for you because in your last reply, you seem to make some excuses for him "he is high functioning and intelligent", "He acted really respectful!" "I've been with him for a year and he is compliant with everything!"....my point is that none of that matters.

 

Just scrolled through and found this reply by Fudgie. Statements like this (your quotes) are highly offensive to adults with Autism and other sensory disorders. He is a normal teenage boy - he is curious about female bodies, etc. Just because he might not be as good at his reading/writing or has some social issues or issues processing certain things does not mean he is somehow infantilized or his body itself is on a delay. Unless he has PHYSICAL issues, i can assure you his hormones, endocrine system is right on track. Some kids relate better to adults, etc, and have trouble navigating the social waters of preteens and teens are sometimes expected to be more mature for their age or are ASSUMED more mature - even if the can talk a good game, are more philosophical than other kids, they are the same hormonally - they just lack the social navigation to act on it like you expect - might be more oblivious to signs of flirting, crushes, etc., but that doesn't mean they don't desire to look at pictures of naked bodies just like their peers who are mainstreamed at school. Its like a kid 20 years ago swiping a page from someone's girlie magazine and stashing it in his mathbook. Its not "good" - but the idea of thinking that he is NOT a normal teenage boy in that regard is shaky. A lot of times special needs kids are thought of in a very desexualized way - they can't possibly have these thoughts - but unless he has severe, severe disabilities - i can assure you - the feelings and curiosity is there.

[lukeb]

I only just got to this thread, you're lucky you're not a guy because if it had been a male supervisor carelessly though not intentionally allowed access to his nudes to young girls in his care I think he would have been treated very differently than you were. I am surprised at how understanding your supervisor and the parents of this teen are but I guess I am happy for you? Women are privileged in that respect, enjoy your privilege. About the difficult emotions around this incident, it will take some time to come to terms with it as with anything. What might speed it up is to take responsibility for what happened. You can't realistically see yourself as the victim here, you are the adult in this incident.

[Maddyb12]

I am worried for you because in your last reply, you seem to make some excuses for him "he is high functioning and intelligent", "He acted really respectful!" "I've been with him for a year and he is compliant with everything!"....my point is that none of that matters.

 

Just scrolled through and found this reply by Fudgie. Statements like this (your quotes) are highly offensive to adults with Autism and other sensory disorders. He is a normal teenage boy - he is curious about female bodies, etc. Just because he might not be as good at his reading/writing or has some social issues or issues processing certain things does not mean he is somehow infantilized or his body itself is on a delay. Unless he has PHYSICAL issues, i can assure you his hormones, endocrine system is right on track. Some kids relate better to adults, etc, and have trouble navigating the social waters of preteens and teens are sometimes expected to be more mature for their age or are ASSUMED more mature - even if the can talk a good game, are more philosophical than other kids, they are the same hormonally - they just lack the social navigation to act on it like you expect - might be more oblivious to signs of flirting, crushes, etc., but that doesn't mean they don't desire to look at pictures of naked bodies just like their peers who are mainstreamed at school. Its like a kid 20 years ago swiping a page from someone's girlie magazine and stashing it in his mathbook. Its not "good" - but the idea of thinking that he is NOT a normal teenage boy in that regard is shaky. A lot of times special needs kids are thought of in a very desexualized way - they can't possibly have these thoughts - but unless he has severe, severe disabilities - i can assure you - the feelings and curiosity is there.

 

I'm not sure wherever I ever said that he didn't have hormones? It was unexpected for him to do this. He is high functioning oppositional defiant I wouldn't expect a Neuro typical teen to go through my phone into deleted folders and forward private pictures just like I didn't expect him to.

[Fudgie]

Actually, that sounds like something many horny teenagers would do. I don't know why you don't think they would.

[Maddyb12]

I only just got to this thread, you're lucky you're not a guy because if it had been a male supervisor carelessly though not intentionally allowed access to his nudes to young girls in his care I think he would have been treated very differently than you were. I am surprised at how understanding your supervisor and the parents of this teen are but I guess I am happy for you? Women are privileged in that respect, enjoy your privilege. About the difficult emotions around this incident, it will take some time to come to terms with it as with anything. What might speed it up is to take responsibility for what happened. You can't realistically see yourself as the victim here, you are the adult in this incident.

 

I acknowledge that I never should have handed over my phone. But my privacy was violated as soon as he knowingly went into a deleted folder. I found out after this incident that the boy had stolen a pair of underwear from his female cousins while on vacation so it's not the first incident regarding sex where he crossed boundaries that we work on teaching him. My supervisor is understanding because she understands the client and me. Yes I messed up with letting him use my cell phone but I didn't purposely show this teen nudes like you all are acting.

[Capricorn3]

Today I'm with another session sending an email and in my sent folder is four emails to my fourteen year old clients email sent when we were in session containing explicit pictures and videos that he must have either gone through my email to find or my deleted section on my iPhone..

This makes it sound like he knew those pictures/videos existed and was specifically looking for them.

[Maddyb12]

This makes it sound like he knew those pictures/videos existed and was specifically looking for them.

 

My supervisor seems to think he has Maybe done it before on someone else's phone

[Jibralta]

I acknowledge that I never should have handed over my phone. But my privacy was violated as soon as he knowingly went into a deleted folder. I found out after this incident that the boy had stolen a pair of underwear from his female cousins while on vacation so it's not the first incident regarding sex where he crossed boundaries that we work on teaching him. My supervisor is understanding because she understands the client and me. Yes I messed up with letting him use my cell phone but I didn't purposely show this teen nudes like you all are acting.

 

Yeah, big boundary-issue here. Best to guard your phone from here on out.

[Capricorn3]

My supervisor seems to think he has Maybe done it before on someone else's phone

 

Why would he do that? Is he going through people's phones specifically looking for nude pictures? Seems a little odd.

[Jibralta]

Why would he do that? Is he going through people's phones specifically looking for nude pictures? Seems a little odd.

 

You're thinking as a rational adult. But have you noticed how parents are now handing off their devices to kids? Just going to brunch lately, it's surreal. The kind is totally plugged in at 3 years old. Not surprising that they can ferret out the things that we *think* we deleted!

 

**Lesson learned** devices are private unless we say otherwise!!

[Maddyb12]

Why would he do that? Is he going through people's phones specifically looking for nude pictures? Seems a little odd.

 

He is fourteen home schooled, has no socializing with friends, can only use Internet and television depending on how many points he earns a day. No more than 45 minutes a day. My supervisor is now telling me "he is so sexually charged right now and going through puberty" so I was never made aware of precious issues concerning sex etc. but it seems it has been a problem that I wasn't aware of.

[Maddyb12]

Meant to say Previous*

[Capricorn3]

You're thinking as a rational adult.

True. You're right. Don't know why, but I can't help feeling sorry/bad for the guy. I know, I know, it's not what people want to hear, but I do.

[Maddyb12]

True. You're right. Don't know why, but I can't help feeling sorry/bad for the guy. I know, I know, it's not what people want to hear, but I do.

 

Sorry for the teen? You sound like you think I'm a predator? He found something he liked and took that from me.

[Capricorn3]

You sound like you think I'm a predator?

Excuse me?? I meant nothing of the sort. That didn't even enter my mind at all. Far from it. Please don't put words in my mouth.

 

I just happen to feel sorry for him. I can't explain why. I don't know why. I just do. I just feel sad for anyone with a mental illness and I think about how his future life will be. That's all.

[Maddyb12]

Excuse me?? I meant nothing of the sort. That didn't even enter my mind at all. Far from it. Please don't put words in my mouth.

 

In this situation why are you feeling bad for him? What he did was wrong, he knows that, his mom knows that, my supervisor knows that. It doesn't matter if it was a picture of my dog. You don't go through people's private and deleted pictures and forward what interests you without permission. He manipulated me. He was on my phone "tuning" the guitar and at one point asked permission to look up a picture of a soccer player on safari I said no and he handed the phone for me to do instead of him. He knew the boundaries

[Fudgie]

You're right - he knew the boundaries. He knew that he could make an excuse and you'd give over your phone for him to rifle through because you have loose boundaries. He knew he could do this and be explored it.

[Seraphim]

Ok, I was willing to be patient but you have shuffled this entirely onto him. OWN your mistake. YOU had lax boundaries. Of course a 14 year old takes advantage of that. Was he wrong ,yes ,of course . But you are not entirely blameless .

[Maddyb12]

Ok, I was willing to be patient but you have shuffled this entirely onto him. OWN your mistake. YOU had lax boundaries. Of course a 14 year old takes advantage of that. Was he wrong ,yes ,of course . But you are not entirely blameless .

 

More than once on here I have admitted my faults in this but j am tired of reading responses painting me out to be wreck less, and being seen as somewhat of a predator. I NEVER should have handed over my phone!!! Absolutely if I had not done that we would not be in this position. But all these replies about "I have no sympathy, i don't feel sorry for you" are hurtful and wrong. I was wrong for handing over my phone; he was wrong for going through my private things for one and then for sending them to himself.

 

I brought attention to this to my supervisor I admitted it was my fault that he had access in the first place. But it doesn't make what he chose to do once he saw what he saw right.