Teenage student found my nudes

[Seraphim]

No one said he was right. Teen behaviour when they are given an inch will take 10,000 miles. They ALL manipulate. This is what teenagers do . Even a lot of adults will take 10,000 miles if you give them an inch.

[Capricorn3]

am tired of reading responses painting me out to be wreck less, and being seen as somewhat of a predator.

OP, with all due respect, no-one here has called you a predator - the only one who has brought up that word (more than once), has been you. And also, no-one here has EVER claimed what he did was right.

[Maddyb12]

To me all the responses acting like I did this on purpose are painting me out to be inappropriate and it's downright hurtful. This situation has been weighing on me heavy, my stomach wouldn't be in knots since Tuesday night if I didn't feel an incredible amount of guilt. I came to this forum admitting where i went wrong but also looking for support for the hurt I feel over this and so far I've probably gotten two-three actually thoughtful responses considering my emotions in this as well as everyone else's.

[Seraphim]

The point is you learned something in counselling teenagers. A less manipulative group is the kids under 10.

[FlashEng1]

To me all the responses acting like I did this on purpose are painting me out to be inappropriate and it's downright hurtful. This situation has been weighing on me heavy, my stomach wouldn't be in knots since Tuesday night if I didn't feel an incredible amount of guilt. I came to this forum admitting where i went wrong but also looking for support for the hurt I feel over this and so far I've probably gotten two-three actually thoughtful responses considering my emotions in this as well as everyone else's.

 

OP, while I share your concerns and pain, I too find it difficult sitting and reading most of the replies that return the blame to the teen.

 

I will do my best to not add salt to injury, but it's very difficult seeing posts of yours run on about this teen and his f**** up, they seem to come off as if you've been absolved of all responsibility and he is the only one at fault here.

 

I constantly have a voice in the back of my head screaming two things: 1. You're the adult. (Mistakes happen, yes, and I will do my best to share my sympathy until...) 2. You're the expert. And this is key and what doesn't sit well with me. To me, this is the equivalent of a police officer who has been through years of training, turning his back on a criminal and having his weapon snatched out of his belt. Like, your daily job is behavioral management which (to me, the uneducated one) I would believe to include manipulation, various behaviors, young adult management, etc. As a father to a daughter, I --admittedly in a tasteless manner-- let go of the sympathy I have for you and your rights being violated because I feel you're arguing not only point that no one could really contest (I mean.. rape?? Feeling like you've been raped?!?), but you're making an argument that eventually needs to be let go and moved on from to actually address the problem at hand and future prevention.

 

No I don't believe you did anything on purpose. No, I don't mean to come off saying "MADDY this is ALL YOUR FAULT! HOW COULD YOU BE SO DARN NAIVE!!!" or any thing of that sort.. I do, however, say (again, tasteless) "Okay, mistakes get made, sh** happens, but get over it. The kid found your pictures -which every human being owning a technological device should already know: if it's on a computer that connects to the internet (cell phones ARE computers), it *can* be leaked: proceed with caution!! You didn't, so wipe your tears, put on your big girl pants, cover the tracks you can, and move forward from this."

 

 

I'm very sorry he took advantage of you. Let's be thankful the situation didn't go further south at any other point at this time, and have this be a strong lesson in bending the rules for your students.

[Maddyb12]

I appreciate your post but I don't feel like I've gone on and one about his mistake in this the only times I have so when I'm hearing how no one has sympathy and it's all my fault. I have taken responsibility for what happened, I reached out to my employer to make her aware all while apologizing profusely for allowing him access to my phone. I work mostly with low functioning non verbal students so he is not a typical child that I treat and so I clearly am not educated enough or have enough experience with the behaviors he exhibits to successfully help him. I didn't come here to hear how wrong I was I already know my faults here... I didn't come to strangers to go on about things I'm already hearing I came here for support because it has me feeling very emotional for my own reasons. I didn't come here asking who's fault it was, ultimately I know that I am responsible for handing over the phone.

[Maddyb12]

I would really like this thread close of any admins see this.

[Seraphim]

So essentially you are an ABA therapist?

[Maddyb12]

So essentially you are an ABA therapist?

 

Yes. My typical clients are low functioning non verbal. He was my one case who is high functioning ODD and a teenager, he would be in the "emotionally disturbed" SDC classes in a public school district.

[Seraphim]

Well, I would not call them " low functioning " but non verbal. Many have been proven to know much much more than we give them credit. They just need a form of expression. Like text to speech or rapid prompting .

 

My son is also autistic but goes to college. He has never had any therapies at all. He was diagnosed officially at 17. He sometimes tries to be mildly manipulative with me but not very successfully. My skills in that dept far outweigh his.

[Maddyb12]

Well, I would not call them " low functioning " but non verbal. Many have been proven to know much much more than we give them credit. They just need a form of expression. Like text to speech or rapid prompting .

 

My son is also autistic but goes to college. He has never had any therapies at all. He was diagnosed officially at 17. He sometimes tries to be mildly manipulative with me but not very successfully. My skills in that dept far outweigh his.

 

We use the terms low functioning for the children who fall into the severe categories of ASD in sorry if that term offended you.

[Seraphim]

We use the terms low functioning for the children who fall into the severe categories of ASD in sorry if that term offended you.

I know why they are used. I just don't tend to agree with the terms. I am not insulted at all. I think we need to find new terms is all.

[Maddyb12]

I know why they are used. I just don't tend to agree with the terms. I am not insulted at all. I think we need to find new terms is all.

 

It's never crossed my mind until seeing you say that and I totally see where you're coming from.

[Seraphim]

It's never crossed my mind until seeing you say that and I totally see where you're coming from.

 

So so so many autistic adults are offended by those terms. There are many non verbal adults who are authors and poets and autistic advocates etc. Our kids become adults and have their own culture.

[butterfly45]

I found out after this incident that the boy had stolen a pair of underwear from his female cousins while on vacation so it's not the first incident regarding sex where he crossed boundaries that we work on teaching him. My supervisor is understanding because she understands the client and me.

 

Why weren't you made aware of that incident as his therapist? Doesn't he have a care plan containing information like this? It sounds like you don't get much support in your job.

[stuka80]

I let people use my phone sometimes without a second thought, its completely understandable that you would think nothing of it. However, I dont have any nudes or anything of that nature on my phone and aside from fb, which i never upload or use, i dont have any other type of social media, so i dont really have anything to risk regarding that nature by lending people my phone.

 

Just think twice next time before you let someone you dont know if you can trust access to your personal belongings.

[Breeaful]

Try to stay strong. I know you already feel wretched, and your stomach is upside down, and you feel like you're in a terrible nightmare and can't wake up. You especially don't need anyone else telling you what you already know and making it worse. You came here for support and advice. We've all done some reckless s*** in our lives. I definitely agree with a previous post on contacting his parents/guardians about the situation. Be prepared for them not to take it lightly. Most parents would know how they're teenagers are, but some might not and blame you entirely, although, I'm sure most people and even they have taken photos of themselves at one point in their lives. Put all your cards on the table and be totally honest. Best of luck, sending good karma your way.

[abitbroken]

I'm not sure wherever I ever said that he didn't have hormones? It was unexpected for him to do this. He is high functioning oppositional defiant I wouldn't expect a Neuro typical teen to go through my phone into deleted folders and forward private pictures just like I didn't expect him to.

 

Please stop yourself for a second. You said it again. You said "he is high functioning". You do not understand how offensive that is. I am an adult on the spectrum and you don't know what it feels like to gain a client, explain a complicated concept to someone, complete a project or have a successful personal relationship and then for someone to chime in "she's so high functioning" or "my daughter is on the spectrum...but she's high functioning" as if they need to be warned about it or not expect too much of me. You might as well pat me condescendingly on the head like a parrot who mimics you because they did a good trick. I will not allow my mother to drop by a place of work, come to anywhere I am appearing/present as a professional or a key volunteer because I can see her watch me talking and I can see the look on her face. Later she will treat me like I am a very precocious 8 year old who did a good job talking to "the big kids" and fitting in. And honestly, I don't tell people about it unless I absolutely 100% have to (which is rare) and I have lost contracts sometimes because i hadn't.

 

I'm not sure wherever I ever said that he didn't have hormones? It was unexpected for him to do this. He is high functioning oppositional defiant I wouldn't expect a Neuro typical teen to go through my phone into deleted folders and forward private pictures just like I didn't expect him to.

 

Then you don't know too many "neuro typical" teens or teens at all except in this narrow controlled enviornment and you certainly don't remember your friends as teens. Many, many kids are very tech savvy. My three year old niece can get my sister's phone out and text or skype/facetime with people and get the person she intended to get. And they never taught her how. Why? She has grown up with technology. She is also neurotypical and maturing at an average rate. All the nieces/nephews are the same and they are not "on the spectrum". Not a one of them is. When I was a child and preteen, I saw all sorts of shifty things kids did. They "covered" stories for eachother, they stole nude mags and marital aids from their parents bedroom in broad daylight with the parents home but in a real sneaky way so to say an average teen wouldn't do it - think again! Because of technology it just has transferred away from stuff hidden between the mattresses and into the smartphone. Do you know how many kids watch porn on their computers mostly unbeknown to parents and if they have parental controls, they are great at telling their parents they need the restrictions lifted do to the subject or a project.

 

And back to the teen... if you have trusted him more than once with your phone he probably didn't find the hidden folders just "that day" - that was just merely the day he got lucky. he has likely looked in other areas before and not found anything. If anything, you underestimate just how savvy kids are now. There is a huge world of difference between myself and my cousins who are 10 years older on what technology was in school also. Its like we are generations apart.

[Seraphim]

Absolutely, on the spectrum , wether verbal or nonverbal does not equal stupid . And being on the spectrum does not equal shifty . And every person on the spectrum is different just like every other person on the planet .

 

I have worked with many many neuro typical teenagers some sneaky as hell and some pretty good .

[abitbroken]

Absolutely, on the spectrum , wether verbal or nonverbal does not equal stupid . And being on the spectrum does not equal shifty . And every person on the spectrum is different just like every other person on the planet .

 

I have worked with many many neuro typical teenagers some sneaky as hell and some pretty good .

 

and neurotypical kids can be shifty as heck too. There is no correlation between sneakiness/moral terpitude and place on the spectrum.

[Hermes]

Yes, Butterfly.

 

"Why weren't you made aware of that incident as his therapist? Doesn't he have a care plan containing information like this? It sounds like you don't get much support in your job."

 

What you say is at the heart of the matter. Poor protocols, poor supervisory measures in the particular environment.

[Seraphim]

and neurotypical kids can be shifty as heck too. There is no correlation between sneakiness/moral terpitude and place on the spectrum.

 

Exactly, and absolutely . The youth centre that I work in the sneakiness kid is neurotypical. He's always trying to bribe somebody or steal something .

[lukeb]

Poor protocols, poor supervisory measures in the particular environment.

 

I agree with this it seems to me the OP and her supervisor don't understand the concept of responsibility, it looks like they think it is just something you say to make yourself look good. I have noticed this on a lot of threads here that the notion of responsibility and accountability seems to be a totally foreign concept. You are not taking responsibility if you say you feel violated and putting the blame onto your patient, the person the OP is supposed to be looking after. Taking responsibility is not just something you say. This would have been different if her phone had been stolen and hacked into, but this didn't happen. I think most of the difficult emotions that the OP is experiences comes from the notion that she thinks she is the victim in all of this. I just don't see how she can make that claim. She might be a victim of inexperience, but then she should have been supervised better. From what I can gather I don't think much of the supervisor either, if i were the supervisor, the OP would not be working with these teens anymore, or at the very least not unsupervised until she is trained better.

[Hermes]

Exactly my sentiments, Luke:

 

" but then she should have been supervised better. From what I can gather I don't think much of the supervisor either,"

[Snny]

I agree with this it seems to me the OP and her supervisor don't understand the concept of responsibility, it looks like they think it is just something you say to make yourself look good. I have noticed this on a lot of threads here that the notion of responsibility and accountability seems to be a totally foreign concept. You are not taking responsibility if you say you feel violated and putting the blame onto your patient, the person the OP is supposed to be looking after. Taking responsibility is not just something you say. This would have been different if her phone had been stolen and hacked into, but this didn't happen. I think most of the difficult emotions that the OP is experiences comes from the notion that she thinks she is the victim in all of this. I just don't see how she can make that claim. She might be a victim of inexperience, but then she should have been supervised better. From what I can gather I don't think much of the supervisor either, if i were the supervisor, the OP would not be working with these teens anymore, or at the very least not unsupervised until she is trained better.

Yep. Exactly. I would be let go AND under police investigation if I were in the OP's shoes... And I work with teens who have cognitive/physical disabilities. And a good lawyer would point out that I had the child in my care. I have witnessed this similar incident happen to a teacher friend of mine... Very very unpleasant experience.

 

The supervisor/organization is a joke and needs to be under investigation. I am seriously appalled by the outcome of this and worry about the children under the care of this organization.