Did I scare him away already?!!! :(

[MN322]

So I met this guy on Wed in person, he was super flirty and gave me his # and told me to call or text if I wanna hang, he texted me first. We had a short but fun/flirty chat. Second night I texted him and we had a fun/flirtly longer chat. Then silence for 2 days, texted him with help fixing something yesterday, he wasn't fun or flirty, maybe more tired sounding. I asked if he had to work today and he was telling me he is working OT. Anyway I replied (stupidly??) but saying that I understand his busy schedule (his child has special needs and so does my brother, we are both their caregivers) and that I hope someday soon, we could work it out to hang out sometime. I would like to see him again. Did the stupid face but he always sends me winks in texts.

Anyway... so like 30 min later I realized I probably sounded stupid and sent a text saying "sorry that was my horrible attempt at flirting" and he had previously said osmehting similar to me. Then 2 hrs later I wanted to blow over it and asked a random Q "what are your dogs names? i keep forgetting to ask, chat later. " Then silence. normally I am not the frequent texter type, I hate texting actually. I worry about how stupid my words sound. Anyway, did he likely seemingly loose interest this quickly?? Did I freak him out by my dumb texts? Here is a bit of other info, he is in his 40s, a single parent and works FT.

 

I am wondering if I text or call on Thurs night to invite him to a game night this weekend, is that a bad call or is it ok to give it another shot after a long wait? I am so awful at this. I am regretting all my words already.

And I know for a fact he is/was interested in me.... just can't figure out why he would of so quickly changed his mind or if I am over-reacting

[Wiseman2]

Hold back on the texting for now rather than trying to fix too much texting with more texting. Wait until you hear from him.

Anyway... so like 30 min later I realized I probably sounded stupid and sent a text saying "sorry that was my horrible attempt at flirting" and he had previously said osmehting similar to me. Then 2 hrs later I wanted to blow over it and asked a random Q "what are your dogs names? i keep forgetting to ask, chat later. "

[MN322]

I haven't done anything since then.... and he wont text me first, he never does. I think he gets too busy with his kid to remember to text back, he told me thurs that he isn't ignoring me, he gets distracted, so thats why I asked if its ok to wait until Thursday to try again

[reinventmyself]

You sensed he was going lukewarm on you and you initiated a text from a one down position, apologizing for flirting. Prior to this flirting was acceptable. It's no surprise that you flirted because that was the theme of your previous exchanges. You shouldn't apologize for it. That comes from a place of insecurity.

 

He's now silent and instead of mirroring his pace you reached again and was met with silence.

Now you are considering reaching out again?

No, no, no.

You've he's gone from lukewarm to silent.

Leave him be and see if he comes around.

[MN322]

As I said, he said the same thng to me the other day "Sorry, tht was my horrible attempt at flirting to see if you had a boyfriend" so i didn't think much of it. God I am such a moron. I ruin everything when I text. every single time and yes I'd like to reach out.... I can't be 100% sure he isn't interested at all anymore. He does have a busy an exhausting life

 

He seems insecure himself... saying also once that "Sorry if I scared you, I am not good at talking to girls" so I figure, we both got that. He knows I am awkward and says he is too. I jsut can't believe I ruined it all. I actually hate myself right now

[Wiseman2]

Lay back and see what happens his life was not too "busy an exhausting" before to contact you, so wait until he contacts you.

yes I'd like to reach out.... I can't be 100% sure he isn't interested at all anymore.

[MN322]

What I mean is, his disabled child is just going back to school this week, he is working OT.. its alot more different than last time, and he only contacted me the very first time, otherwise I've done it. I know for fact he wont say anything. So I blew it. I am such a idiot. Honestly. I should get rid of my phone, texting ruins everything

 

* I should of also mentioned he was my cable guy, so there may be a bit here about rules and such with his behavior, idk

[Unreasonable]

he wont text me first, he never does

I would take that as a sign that he wasn't that into you.

 

Wait a couple weeks. If he hasn't contacted you by then, move on. I wouldn't assume it was anything you did.

[Wiseman2]

Don't worry about it, but give him a chance to contact you rather than pursuing him so much... he's your cable guy? Is that how you met?

I should of also mentioned he was my cable guy, so there may be a bit here about rules and such with his behavior, idk

]

[Scoe141]

I'm willing to bet that he's not interested in you. (Please mind my bluntness.) Don't beat yourself up over it, perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. Don't despair, it happens to everyone one of us. You could always try and scale it back a bit, but Im not sure how that would fare at this point.

 

And there is no such thing as "being too busy". It's probably one of the oldest, lamest excuses in the book. I know because I have been guilty of it.

 

Good luck.

[MN322]

Yes that's how we met.... and since your a male, can i ask, what I said, is it creepy or needy? I try not to text often since I hate it so I would assume I am not appearing needy but idk. So even if I try calling over texting on Thurs just to invite him something, thats not good?

 

when he left my house the day we met he said "text or call if you wanna hang out sometime"

[MN322]

I'm willing to bet that he's not interested in you. Don't beat yourself up over it, perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. Don't despair, it happens to everyone one of us.

 

And there is no such thing as "being too busy". It's probably one of the oldest, lamest excuses in the book. I know because I have been guilty of it.

 

Good luck.

 

ok so then why was he for 2 days?? then yesterady even sending me smiley and winky faces when i sent him pics of myself? i am seriously confused how my idiot texts could of changed his min that quickly.

 

also he has never said he was too busy, i am saying he is. i know his work schedule and i know how life is with taking care of a disabled person full time, you dont get much downtime. that is a fact.

[Scoe141]

Yes that's how we met.... and since your a male, can i ask, what I said, is it creepy or needy? I try not to text often since I hate it so I would assume I am not appearing needy but idk. So even if I try calling over texting on Thurs just to invite him something, thats not good?

 

when he left my house the day we met he said "text or call if you wanna hang out sometime"

 

If a girl is blowing up my phone I take that as being needy. But if I am interested, then that's a different story.

 

And try and limit texting. It's the biggest relationship killer since it's inception in the early 90's.

[Scoe141]

ok so then why was he for 2 days?? then yesterady even sending me smiley and winky faces when i sent him pics of myself? i am seriously confused how my idiot texts could of changed his min that quickly.

 

also he has never said he was too busy, i am saying he is. i know his work schedule and i know how life is with taking care of a disabled person full time, you dont get much downtime. that is a fact.

 

Texting is so impersonal. I send smiley faces to people I barely talk to.

 

You're never going to build a relationship with texting.

 

What I am saying is that if you're trying to decipher a guy's interest by the manner of his texts, or often he sends them, then it's probably never going to work.

[MN322]

I do limit it. did you not see that I said we were silent for 2 days? i wasn't thinking it was blowing up his phone. 1 was a reply to his reply and then 2 more, i usually odnt do that but i panicked. now i am sick to my stomach with regret.

 

Yes I hate texting with a passion. Which is why I was hoping we could meet up soon but its hard when he has to find someone to care for his kid if he is away. So was it needy of me doing it just the one time even if i give him days of silence usually?

 

And yes its impersonal, again, why I was trying to make plans and why I was asking if its ok to ask about inviting him to game night, with a legit plan in place? If he says no or doesnt reply, then I can for sure know he isnt interested but maybe he just awnted me to invite since he said for me to text or call if I wanted to hang out sometime, he could be worried about getting in trouble from work for hitting on me on the job.

 

on Thurs this past week we discussed hanging out and he said "I could come by after work sometime and we can hang out a bit, not sure what day I can be off early yet though." so thats why I was gonna wait until Thursday this week to ask if he wants to come to game night or say "or we can wait until october to hang out at my place sometime, whichever you prefer" i mean its 3 days from now, which is 4 days since my last text so I assume it wouldbe ok to try once more or no? if we cant ever hang in person, i 100% agree with you, this will never work, which is why I wanna try to meet in person soon.

 

Also I realized that sounds weird, october because I got ppl out of town staying with me for 2 weeks starting friday and he knows about that, so i couldnt realistically do anything with him aside form game night until then

[Scoe141]

I do limit it. did you not see that I said we were silent for 2 days? i wasn't thinking it was blowing up his phone. 1 was a reply to his reply and then 2 more, i usually odnt do that but i panicked. now i am sick to my stomach with regret.

 

Yes I hate texting with a passion. Which is why I was hoping we could meet up soon but its hard when he has to find someone to care for his kid if he is away. So was it needy of me doing it just the one time even if i give him days of silence usually?

 

There's no reason to be sick to your stomach. What's the absolute worse thing that happen? I mean the absolute worse? It doesn't work out between you two? Think of the next guy who could be even more amazing?

 

And what's the best thing? You two get married and live happily ever after?

 

And there's the in-between. You guys go out and date a little bit. You break his heart and possibly learn some lessons along the way?

 

I see win in all three scenarios.

 

Take a deep breath. It's going to work out.

 

(See smiley face, and I don't even know you...)

[reinventmyself]

You've met him once and it seems you might already be a little too invested in the outcome.

It's not a good sign that this created so much anxiety that you reached out impulsively and now hate yourself over it!

 

Try living in the moment.

You enjoy his company and from that moment until the next time you see him you push him out of your mind and get busy with your

life.

You don't know this man. Trust that things work out the way they are supposed to.

[limichelle]

Don't worry about it, but give him a chance to contact you rather than pursuing him so much... he's your cable guy? Is that how you met?

]

 

Wiseman if that was her cable guy he would be texting and calling non stop LMAO

 

OP: I mirror what everybody else said, I would now wait it out and see if he reaches out. If he doesn't then you have your answer.

 

Lisa

[reinventmyself]

i mean its 3 days from now, which is 4 days since my last text so I assume it wouldbe ok to try once more or no? if

 

If he mentioned getting together and he was capable of contacting you before,

we can safely assume his arm is not broken and he still has your number if wants to see you.

 

You've contacted him twice and now you feel crummy about his response, or lack there of.

Again, if you are asking, then I say don't contact him.

If he wants to see you, he knows how to find you.

[DancingFool]

OP, please breathe and relax. You didn't do anything wrong at all. You've shown him that you are interested and now the ball is in his court. If he is interested, he will contact you about another date and if he is not, you've just got to accept that it happens. Especially when you meet people through online and your first meeting is really all about figuring out chemistry or lack of. You can't control chemistry, aka that animal level attraction. If it's there, you could throw up in his lap on that first date and he'll still call you for date two. If it's not there, you can have the most amazing date, be the most sexy, amazing, interesting woman on this planet and he still won't call for date two. It is what it is.

 

Try hard not to get so invested and attached just over a date to anyone. You really truly don't know enough about them to know that they are worth that kind of attention from you.

[HeartGoesOn]

Unless I'm missing something, it doesn't appear you've even began to date him yet. In any event, you're better off leaving the ball in his court, as you've made your interest quite clear.

 

What will be, will be...

[katrina1980]

OP, I vote for he lost interest. He may have been interested at first but frankly all your texting, attempts at flirting, apologizing for that... and then texting again turned him off.

 

It's too much too soon.

 

Going forward, you text a man ONCE, then you WAIT for him to respond.

 

Even if you think you said something stupid in your text, you still wait for him to respond.

 

If he doesn't, then you move on. Especially after only one or two dates. Or in your case, NO dates yet.

 

Your sending yet another text apologizing just compounded the issue.

 

I don't think you scared him, I just think he got turned off.

 

Remember, you text once, and wait for him to respond.

 

Plus, by doing most of the texting, your apologizing, your asking him out, you gave him no opportunity to think about you and to wonder about you, which builds attraction.

 

There is nothing wrong with expressing interest but in the early stages of dating, and in your case before you have even met, let him pursue you, let HIM be the one to do the asking.

 

He texts you, you respond back.

 

Let him wonder about you, get curious about you.

 

Again builds attraction.

[MissCanuck]

Girl...you have zero chill.

 

You really need to just calm down. Your anxiety over this is jumping through my computer screen!

 

So you sent him a couple texts, didn't get a reply yet. You're making a bigger deal out of this than necessary. Worst-case scenario, he's not interested. Is that really so awful? No. You were doing just fine before you met him, right? His vibe to this point seems relatively casual. If you're not into that, that's okay too. But don't assume you've done something horribly wrong.

 

Leave it to him now and carry on. You're getting far to wrapped up in trying to plan the outcome and worrying what he thinks of you. You barely know the guy. Go in with the assumption that you're a good catch. If he's the right guy, he'll act on it. Stop apologizing and beating yourself up over this.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm concerned that you are overly invested as well. You are having expectations for communication with someone who is not your bf.

 

To be honest, a guy who says to a girl, "Feel free to text me" (or some variation), doesn't seem that interested to begin with. The interested ones take initiate to get your number and contact you - in my experience.

[katrina1980]

I'm concerned that you are overly invested as well. You are having expectations for communication with someone who is not your bf.

 

To be honest, a guy who says to a girl, "Feel free to text me" (or some variation), doesn't seem that interested to begin with.

 

The interested ones take initiate to get your number and contact you - in my experience.

 

Agree. As well as initiates getting together.

 

My experience.