JJ's Diary of Dating

[faraday]

Sorry John...The text is sour grapes. If I received that text I'd be thinking, "good riddance!" It's way too emotional for two dates. I don't consider anything under 5 dates ghosting...it's called dating. After 5 dates, I think someone should say, "thanks but no thanks" or whatever...but up until then....no way lol

[reinventmyself]

It's one of those things that seems like a good idea in the moment. You rehearse and revise over and over.

Ultimately you are likely to end up regretting it somewhere down the line.

 

Bad enough when things end in a disappointing way. Don't risk compounding it by saying something you can't take back.

When in doubt, take the high road.

It's always better for your heart.

[John John]

You guys are right. I won't send the text. I'm just gonna lie low and see what this chick does.

 

I've had more dates with women and I cared a lot less. This girl seemed different. But again, I will not send that text.

[LightWave93]

Daww. I wanted to see what her reaction was if you did.

[faraday]

Daww. I wanted to see what her reaction was if you did.

 

Lol yeah, that's a horrible reason for him to send it!

[LightWave93]

Lol yeah, that's a horrible reason for him to send it!

 

It's called a joke.

[John John]

CMB girl texted me a little while ago "Happy Halloween! How was your day?" This was after I ignored her texts from late last night. I waited close to an hour and responded that my day was nuts and that I just got home from the gym (which was true) and wished her a happy Halloween as well. Lol...everyone hates games but everyone plays em. If I can get her on a third date I will (not in so many words) let her know how I feel about all of this.

[Seraphim]

I am not getting why you are so upset when you are doing the bumpy with someone else. I would be pissy if I was her. If someone gave me crap on a third date I would be gone. Really.

[John John]

Not crap Victoria. Just let her know how I feel. Not in a mean way.

 

And I'm no longer doing bumpy with anyone else.

[LightWave93]

CMB girl texted me a little while ago "Happy Halloween! How was your day?" This was after I ignored her texts from late last night. I waited close to an hour and responded that my day was nuts and that I just got home from the gym (which was true) and wished her a happy Halloween as well. Lol...everyone hates games but everyone plays em. If I can get her on a third date I will (not in so many words) let her know how I feel about all of this.

 

How about this; be happy she texted you back, stop assuming she's playing games, ask her out for a third date (and make it definite so we don't have a repeat of last time), have a fun third date, ask her where this is going (maybe briefly mention the slowed down texting, but nothing more).

 

As soon as something's gone right, you assume the worst. How about the positive mantra "Good things are happening because I am a great person and deserve good things to happen to me. I've put in the effort to meet a decent girl and it may have paid off. Things have gone well so far and we are still communicating, so I'm going to continue enjoying spending my time with her."?

 

 

 

I'm bloody useless with women and even I can see your causing more trouble than there is. For feck sake man, at this point in time I genuinely consider you a good mate...all I want is for you to be happy. Now, straighten up, be a man and get the ball rolling. The ball was in her court, now it's in yours.

[Sportster2005]

Tough love time. If you ever send a text like that I'm hopping on a plane, heading to NY, and kicking your butt. I'm old, but I fight dirty.

 

Nothing says weak like sending a woman a text like that. It's very subtle, but make no mistake, it's begging. And nothing says I'm not a good catch like telling a woman "I'm a good catch". You can't make up their mind for them. You behave like a good catch, you demonstrate you're a good catch. They'll get it. If they don't, that's their problem. They may even think you're a good catch, they just might not be interested. I can't stress this enough. It's not about being a good catch. It's about attraction. That's not created by sending a text with the tone of "Golly gee I sure wished you like me, I'm a swell guy, but you can't see it so I'm going away, so there phhhtttttt".

 

I know I still screw up a lot. But one thing I'm sure of. When a woman starts to lose interest the worse thing you can do is plead, bargain and appear upset or desperate. Keep in touch as it suits you, not her. If she goes silent, you go silent. It says I have options, I don't need to stay on the end of your hook. You've been doing some positive thinking. Put it to use. Practice it, anyone can say it. You know you're a catch, she doesn't, so what?

 

Walk away with strength. If there is any chance interest is going to be re-ignited she has to come to that conclusion on her own. Never, ever try to change a woman's mind.

 

Something like that. Not trying to be a jerk, but it's frustrating to watch guys do the stupid things I used to do.

[John John]

You're right Sportster. I typed that up just to get my thoughts out. I wasn't really gonna send it, because even before you all said not to, I felt similarly.

 

I do know I'm a catch. I'm not begging. I have a ton to offer. I just want something to work out without any game playing. One step at a time. We'll see. My boy might have a girl for me too. I want to try real life options more.

 

Also, you are welcome to visit me in NY any time. We can take LW out in the field. I can call up Thor to join us. Not sure NY would be able to handle us Love ya bro.

[LightWave93]

You're right Sportster. I typed that up just to get my thoughts out. I wasn't really gonna send it, because even before you all said not to, I felt similarly.

 

I do know I'm a catch. I'm not begging. I have a ton to offer. I just want something to work out without any game playing. One step at a time. We'll see. My boy might have a girl for me too. I want to try real life options more.

 

Also, you are welcome to visit me in NY any time. We can take LW out in the field. I can call up Thor to join us. Not sure NY would be able to handle us Love ya bro.

 

I'd happy visit NY sometime, but if you're after ladies better leave me back at the hotel cause they'll run the opposite direction otherwise. 😂😂

[Seraphim]

How about this; be happy she texted you back, stop assuming she's playing games, ask her out for a third date (and make it definite so we don't have a repeat of last time), have a fun third date, ask her where this is going (maybe briefly mention the slowed down texting, but nothing more).

 

As soon as something's gone right, you assume the worst. How about the positive mantra "Good things are happening because I am a great person and deserve good things to happen to me. I've put in the effort to meet a decent girl and it may have paid off. Things have gone well so far and we are still communicating, so I'm going to continue enjoying spending my time with her."?

 

 

 

I'm bloody useless with women and even I can see your causing more trouble than there is. For feck sake man, at this point in time I genuinely consider you a good mate...all I want is for you to be happy. Now, straighten up, be a man and get the ball rolling. The ball was in her court, now it's in yours.

I am with Lightwave. I have a friend soon to be an ex friend who acts like EVERYONE is out to do make her feel bad or insult her somehow. I just want to beat her senseless.

[John John]

Stop LW. With me and Sportster, you're basically guaranteed to go home with a girl! Ya gotta give yourself more credit!!!

[reinventmyself]

She's a free agent. She owes you nothing. Starting to date someone is sometimes fraught with stops and starts. It gets off to bumpy start. People have other open doors and possible unfinished business.

 

She's not your girlfriend, You can't expect her to act like one.

Relax. And while your relaxing think of the other nice girls that weren't the right fit for you and you didn't call back. You too could not be her unicorn. Time will tell.

 

You mentioned her playing games, but remember we are often guilty of the very thing we accuse others of.

 

Its all fair in love and war. Pull your pants up and shake this off.

 

Don't let the first girl you like make you come undone. The unknown is the hard part. Push through it.

[IAmFCA]

Ah heck. Snagging one of us birds isn't all that. More of a pain in the, um, tail. I'd rather go shoot silly pool with my "squad" anyhow.

 

I said "squad" to annoy my daughter but God help me I hope she never finds this

[John John]

The general consensus seems to be that I need to work on being more patient in the early stages of dating. I will work on this. We'll see what happens. Thanks people

[browneyedgirl36]

Sorry John...The text is sour grapes. If I received that text I'd be thinking, "good riddance!" It's way too emotional for two dates. I don't consider anything under 5 dates ghosting...it's called dating. After 5 dates, I think someone should say, "thanks but no thanks" or whatever...but up until then....no way lol

 

I agree, John. I just caught up on this thread, and I think...maybe you should sit on that text for a bit and really consider it. I know how much it sucks. I remember going on three GREAT dates with a guy, only to have him basically disappear on me. His last contact with me was a phone message telling me how much he was looking forward to seeing me again, to which I responded, and I never heard from him again. He just disappeared. I waited a week, then deleted his number and moved on. And, unlike you, I didn't have a lot of other prospects -- he was someone I met through a friend (as is my current boyfriend) and I wasn't even meeting one decent guy per YEAR at that point in my life. I knew, though, that it was just three dates, and while it was disappointing, and the courteous thing to do would have been to contact and say he wasn't interested, but...he didn't, and I let it go.

 

I think you should step back a little and consider why you're considering sending a lengthy text like that after only two dates. I would expect a text like that MAYBE after a number of dates, but two dates is such early days -- you don't even know each other. Before you send it, please consider why you want to send it. What are you hoping to accomplish? What response are you hoping for? Are you thinking it would make you feel better? Just some things to think about before hitting "send" on a text that, to you doesn't sound "bitter" or angry, or really overly-invested, but that may look VERY different from the other side.

[WithLove]

Ah heck. Snagging one of us birds isn't all that. More of a pain in the, um, tail. I'd rather go shoot silly pool with my "squad" anyhow.

 

I said "squad" to annoy my daughter but God help me I hope she never finds this

 

God help us, but ITIC is right. We ain't all that.

[John John]

CMB girl continues to text me small talk (about her day, her job, how busy it is, her Halloween plans, etc.) about two times a day. Yesterday, she texted me around dinnertime asking how my day was (after I ignored her "hope you had a good day and sleep well" text the night before). I texted her about an hour later, she got back to me this morning.

 

I just shot her a text about an hour ago suggesting we catch up over the phone one night this week and try to plan a get together soon. So we'll see what happens. I'm not here for a texting pen pal, and I'm trying to let her know that while also watching my own behavior and learning to be patient.

 

I am trying.

[Seraphim]

Ok, good. You're right you want to develop a relationship not a friendship . Just wait and see what she has to say . If she commits to a date that's awesome . If she commits to a date just have fun .

[superkatnip]

I wish I had learned this years ago. I almost ruined a relationship behaving contrarily.

Great advice.

[itsallgrand]

Good job. Now she'll either step up her game or not, but you've done your part in letting her know your interest and also that you are done with the meaningless texts.

[reinventmyself]

I support your attempts to squash the electronic exchanges some.

I have found so many will do that instead of an actual face to face. . or phone call for that matter. They can spin your wheels and still have it go no where.