amberrrose Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I understand that watching porn for many people, not just males, has become common and is quickly turning into a norm. I have always assumed that my boyfriend masturbates and watches porn on his own time and the thought of it has never really bugged me. However, the other day we were together and he pulled up the web browser to google something and of course the last tab he had opened was still up... it was a porn website. For some reason I can't get over it and it continues to bug me. As I said before the thought of it never bugged me, but I guess that now I know that he does it for sure... it changes things. Personally, myself, I am not even sexually attracted to anyone but my boyfriend anymore. I mean I can tell when another male is good looking, but I wouldn't ever think to touch them with a ten foot pole and I definitely would never get myself off them. The thought of my boyfriend getting himself off to other naked girls just doesn't sit well with me. I have talked to him about it, and I explained to him how I felt about it. He doesn't seem to understand, he says every guy does it, and that he doesn't even find the girls "hot". He isn't cheating, but I feel like he isn't being faithful either. I guess what I'm asking is, do I have the right to get upset about my boyfriend watching porn? Or am I just overthinking it and being crazy? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I agree with your bf. If this was an issue for you, it should have come up before getting into a relationship. It's not really fair to expect him to change because now that you've realized this really happens, you don't like it. It's one of those things where, as long as he's not neglecting you sexually, you have to either learn to accept it or not. I personally enjoy porn and I know a lot of women do too. It's not just a man thing. Link to comment
j.man Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 Darcy sums it up as usual. You have a right to be upset over whatever you want. But he also has a right to tell you to shove it since you two never agreed to cut porn out. You'll have a rough time finding a man who doesn't do porn, so it may be best to learn how to cope and not take it personally. However, if it's that important to you, then aim for another man who's on your page. Link to comment
MrsO Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I was literally just about to post a very similar post/question myself! It's exactly why I logged in actually. Although I haven't raised it with my partner as I only just 'saw' it today. We watched an old (90's) movie together last night and then today when his phone starts flashing and going nuts while he's outside I just swiped to make it stop and then I got smacked in the face with it. Porn photos of the main actress from the movie last night and other videos in other tabs 😞 I don't even know why it bugs me but it's a little upsetting and I have no clue why. I mean I would definitely rather him do that than be flirting (or worse) with 'real' girls but yeah. We've been together 2.5 yrs and I'm not the jealous type so I don't understand why this is effecting me as much as it is. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I agree with your bf. If this was an issue for you, it should have come up before getting into a relationship. It's not really fair to expect him to change because now that you've realized this really happens, you don't like it. It's one of those things where, as long as he's not neglecting you sexually, you have to either learn to accept it or not. I personally enjoy porn and I know a lot of women do too. It's not just a man thing. I agree with this post. You'll be hard pressed to find a man who doesn't watch porn. Men are visual creatures and has nothing to do with their partner or relationship. You have a right to feel upset but I do agree you are over thinking it. Watching porn becomes a problem if he's completely obsessed with it and it interferes in your sex life at home. If he's not ignoring your sexual needs, then I don't see a problem. I guess if it bothers you greatly, then you are not compatible. Why not try watching it WITH him? Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I don't watch p0rn often. I'm not sure that every man does it. Maybe a high percentage. What puts me off these days is that most of the girls featured are of comparable age to my daughter. I believe that how he behaves around you is more important than what he watches. Link to comment
girl00 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 My boyfriend and I live together and have been dating for four years and I recently told him he needs to stop. Don't listen to the people saying it should have come up BEFORE, people change, things change, people grow up. If he really values having you and cares about the relationship he wont keep watching it... I totally get his side too, yeah a lot of guys watch it...but I certainly know many who do not. If everyone was jumping off a bridge would he? To me its gross, he's looking at other women naked having sex..their body parts. Its not you, and it should be. I don't think watching porn is faithful by any means, thats something single people can use if they really have to. Masturbation is healthy and Im sure he can still get off without watching that. Id stick to your guns and not budge on this one, I think you can become a lot closer if he stops, you will feel more comfortable, trusting and probably enjoy sex a lot more with him. I think men need to learn to be truly grateful for the person they are with, and vise verse, porn does not support that at all. Link to comment
j.man Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 My boyfriend and I live together and have been dating for four years and I recently told him he needs to stop. Don't listen to the people saying it should have come up BEFORE, people change, things change, people grow up. If he really values having you and cares about the relationship he wont keep watching it... I totally get his side too, yeah a lot of guys watch it...but I certainly know many who do not. If everyone was jumping off a bridge would he? To me its gross, he's looking at other women naked having sex..their body parts. Its not you, and it should be. I don't think watching porn is faithful by any means, thats something single people can use if they really have to. Masturbation is healthy and Im sure he can still get off without watching that. Id stick to your guns and not budge on this one, I think you can become a lot closer if he stops, you will feel more comfortable, trusting and probably enjoy sex a lot more with him. I think men need to learn to be truly grateful for the person they are with, and vise verse, porn does not support that at all.How To Get Your Boyfriend to Start Doing **** Behind Your Back 101 Link to comment
boltnrun Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 I can't tell you if it should or should not bother you. I can tell you it doesn't bother me. I know, some women think "if he really loved me, I should be enough for him!" Or, "he must be looking at that stuff because he thinks those women are more attractive than me! That means he isn't attracted to me and doesn't really love me!" Or, "it's disrespectful to our relationship!!" I agree with none of those statements, but again, that's me. If you do not want a boyfriend who watches porn, it's best to choose one who doesn't. It's like a woman who states "I don't date smokers", then engages in a relationship with a smoker and tries to convince him to quit. Ain't gonna happen. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 He is not attracted to the women there. It's just to get aroused and get off.I am not even sexually attracted to anyone but my boyfriend anymore. The thought of my boyfriend getting himself off to other naked girls just doesn't sit well with me. Link to comment
Longview01 Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 My boyfriend and I live together and have been dating for four years and I recently told him he needs to stop. Don't listen to the people saying it should have come up BEFORE, people change, things change, people grow up. If he really values having you and cares about the relationship he wont keep watching it... I totally get his side too, yeah a lot of guys watch it...but I certainly know many who do not. If everyone was jumping off a bridge would he? To me its gross, he's looking at other women naked having sex..their body parts. Its not you, and it should be. I don't think watching porn is faithful by any means, thats something single people can use if they really have to. Masturbation is healthy and Im sure he can still get off without watching that. Id stick to your guns and not budge on this one, I think you can become a lot closer if he stops, you will feel more comfortable, trusting and probably enjoy sex a lot more with him. I think men need to learn to be truly grateful for the person they are with, and vise verse, porn does not support that at all. Do you beat him when he disobeys you? Link to comment
saluk Posted April 25, 2016 Share Posted April 25, 2016 It sounds like, for you, if you were to be sexually attracted to another guy, that means that you are actually emotionally and physically interested in literally sleeping with that other guy. That's not the same as your boyfriend watching porn to masturbate. The closest analogue would be you reading something like 50 shades of grey and getting hot and bothered. You don't ACTUALLY want to be in that horrible abusive relationship which completely misrepresents bdsm that that book depicts... but it stimulates you. The same that tantalizing images and movies are stimulating your boyfriend. Porn can definitely be a problem, and people have different viewpoints on it. You'll have to decide for yourself what you can stand and whether or not you can live with it (good luck finding a guy who doesn't in this day and age - you may find some who say they don't, but it's easy to hide). Either way, it's not your job to police his habits. Link to comment
Blundra Posted April 29, 2016 Share Posted April 29, 2016 How To Get Your Boyfriend to Start Doing **** Behind Your Back 101 Oh my god I died laughing at this because it's sooo true Link to comment
girl00 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 How To Get Your Boyfriend to Start Doing **** Behind Your Back 101 You must not have much experience in an honest relationship or trusting people, especially the one your supposed to be closest with. Sad for you. My partner respects me and we trust each other...if sh*t happens then we handle it. Link to comment
girl00 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Do you beat him when he disobeys you? Don't be immature. When sh*t happens we handle it or let it go and do better next time. -__- Link to comment
girl00 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Oh my god I died laughing at this because it's sooo true If thats true for you, I feel sorry for you... Link to comment
girl00 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 If your not going to be helpful or kind to others Im not sure why your posting in forums where people are struggling. Theres no need to be rude and bring my relationship into it. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 I understand that watching porn for many people, not just males, has become common and is quickly turning into a norm. I have always assumed that my boyfriend masturbates and watches porn on his own time and the thought of it has never really bugged me. However, the other day we were together and he pulled up the web browser to google something and of course the last tab he had opened was still up... it was a porn website. For some reason I can't get over it and it continues to bug me. As I said before the thought of it never bugged me, but I guess that now I know that he does it for sure... it changes things. Personally, myself, I am not even sexually attracted to anyone but my boyfriend anymore. I mean I can tell when another male is good looking, but I wouldn't ever think to touch them with a ten foot pole and I definitely would never get myself off them. The thought of my boyfriend getting himself off to other naked girls just doesn't sit well with me. I have talked to him about it, and I explained to him how I felt about it. He doesn't seem to understand, he says every guy does it, and that he doesn't even find the girls "hot". He isn't cheating, but I feel like he isn't being faithful either. I guess what I'm asking is, do I have the right to get upset about my boyfriend watching porn? Or am I just overthinking it and being crazy? Does he turn you down for sex? Have you turned him down? I think this is a maturity thing or an insecurity thing with you, amberrrose. Don't take it personally This is about him and his private time which all men (and most women too) indulge in. He: my budgie even does it. Porn is just an aid to help him during his private time. It really isn't a reflection on you so do yourself a favor, luv and don't freak yourself out by making it about you. Unless of course he's not having sex with you when you want it... then its becomes about you too because its causing a real problem ~ not one based on your insecurity. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 What about a middle ground where he keeps it private and you work on accepting that he enjoys it on occasion? I know you probably have those images in your head now, and might be ruminating on it. You can deal with that by shifting your focus to good things you and your boyfriend share. Images and video on a screen aren't even comparible with that, and that's why you are together. It's much richer than a one off to relieve pressure. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Looks like the OP has left the building... Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 If your not going to be helpful or kind to others Im not sure why your posting in forums where people are struggling. Theres no need to be rude and bring my relationship into it. you brought your relationship to the forum..... Link to comment
Vastaux Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Unless you're willing to get your bf off EVERY time he wants it the n you have no right to tell him to Stop it. I watch porn, because I'm damn horny A lot and porn helps stimulate the brain... Am I thinking about the porn the second I reach crescendo?! NO! I switch it off and it's gone for good. Porn also helps with fantasies that you as a girlfriend may not want to participate in and that's ok. But if it turns your bf on and you're not willing to do it then at Least let him watch it? Never understood the problem with porn, if my gf wanted to watch porn id be cool with that, as long as he doesn't start comparing you to the porn stars then I think it's all good. Link to comment
LegalGirl Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Do you mind me asking how old you are? I find that a lot of times this issue against porn (for females) is an age thing. It's our insecurities getting the best of us before we really grow into who we are. I used to feel the same way about a bf watching porn when I was in my 20's. Now I'm 40 and I could care less. Your guy watching porn regularly is pretty normal. It's better than him being at the strip club all week or worse - sexting online w/random girls off social media. Try watching with him and exploring your sexuality and your relationship. It might spice things up a lot for you two! Link to comment
Longview01 Posted May 7, 2016 Share Posted May 7, 2016 Don't be immature. When sh*t happens we handle it or let it go and do better next time. -__- You mean you forgive him for disobeying you and tell him not to do it again or he will be on the naughty step Link to comment
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