ftkdancer Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Hi. I'm wondering how, and if, there is a way to convince my boyfriend, that I am not cheating on him? I never have, nor have I thought about it. There hasn't been any reason, at all, for him to even think it. I don't go out, with friends. I work 2 jobs, and the rest of the time, is spent with him. Any ideas where this could be coming from? Thank you Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Many people who are cheating cover their tracks by accusing their partner of cheating. Is it possible HE is? Link to comment
Andrina Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Why do you stay with someone who accuses you of a crime you're not committing? This is a toxic environment. He's broken. Move on. Link to comment
ftkdancer Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 He is, and alwaysvhas been, a very honest man. Sometimes to the point of too truthful, and I have never had that awful feeling, that he might be. Maybe he's just good at hiding it? Our sex life is fabulous, at least once a day, sometimes more. Link to comment
ftkdancer Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 Andrina. I have asked that question, a number of times and I think the best answer, that I can come up with, is that, in every other aspect, our relationship, is great. And most of the time, I have been able to just shrug it off, and we move forward. Lately, it has been happening, more frequently, and he is far more adamant about it now. And when he is asked about this, when we are getting along, he tells me I'm secretive, which I'm not. Link to comment
DoF Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Many people who are cheating cover their tracks by accusing their partner of cheating. Is it possible HE is? THIS!!! I would ask him for his phone and look thru it. NOW, the key here is when you ask him, make sure he hands it over right there and then. Also WATCH HIS REACTION closely!!! If he replies with anger, defensiveness, offensiveness, emotional etc......chances are high he is up to no good!!! If he calmly hands the phone over, chances are he is fine. If he doesn't hand it over right there and then, you can safely assume he is hiding something! Remember, if he goes off and comes back later and give syou the phone....it's too late, he already deleted everything you needed to see! In general, I like to tell people, while in a relationship there is NO privacy. One should have NOTHING to hide. The only privacy you get is behind the closed doors int he bathroom.....and sometimes not even then! Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Then he is just very insecure and honestly....you can't fix that. Link to comment
Gloworm Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Is he wanting to plan a future with you? Do you have photos of the two of you on facebook? Are you proud to show off your man to others? Are you subconciously not all the way invested in the relationship? Link to comment
ftkdancer Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 I have looked at his phone, and through his emails and found nothing. However, that is easily deleted, at the time, its going on. He does spend a large amount of time, without me, as I work 2 jobs, and he isn't working, right now. As far as pictures of us together..I don't have Facebook, we are not social butterflies, together. Yes, I am totally committed to this relationship, and have done everything so he knows this. All of my free time, is spent with him. And that's my choice, something I really enjoy doing. Yes, perhaps he is insecure. But have no idea why. He says none of his other girlfriends cheated. Link to comment
Clinton Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 You want this relationship to last, get couples counselling. You won't work these issues out on your own. Link to comment
Gloworm Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Have you told him you love him? Ask him to marry you! Link to comment
ftkdancer Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 Yes, I do love him, and we have talked about moving forward. And that's what I want, but not with this hanging over our heads Link to comment
Jeffbobo Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Then he is just very insecure and honestly....you can't fix that. This was my thought as well. Are you his first relationship or has he had little relationship experience? Link to comment
DeadInSid3 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 To be honest there is no trust in you from his side, the problem is that it is very difficult to change his mind, especially if there is no evidence that you can prove false. My best advice i can give you is to work on the communication on this if you feel that you want to save the relationship. If that is not possible it will be better to find someone else that will trust you fully. Link to comment
ftkdancer Posted December 18, 2015 Author Share Posted December 18, 2015 We both have had many relationships. Yes, the communication is open. Just not going very far. You guys are right, I'm going crazy trying to convince him, hes wrong, and he won't see that. Link to comment
Andrina Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Is he actively seeking employment? Make sure he has a high work ethic, since that should be something on your must-have list. Make sure he knows you're not a doormat. Make it clear that you won't stand for being treated like that and that he needs to stop that behavior right now. I'd try reading some books together like Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus. That is an excellent book on couples communication. Link to comment
Jeffbobo Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Is he persistent with his accusations? Along with insecurities, I can't help but get the feeling that this is a control type situation. Link to comment
DoF Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 He does spend a large amount of time, without me, as I work 2 jobs, and he isn't working, right now. Wait, YOU are working 2 jobs and he is not working? He BETTER be working FULL TIME finding a job....or else you are simply supporting and are around a complete loser! Ohh hell no. How does he even have a phone? Please tell me you don't pay for that too! I would also give him a final warning about his accusation. This shoudl be a deal breaker. WHY? because if he believes this....chances are high he WILL cheat. But most importantly because he is delusional. Link to comment
Knot2loud Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 He has insecurity, jealousy and control issues. Or... He's cheating on you. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Three possible scenarios: 1. He's cheating himself and throwing you off the trail by accusing you first. You know, the guilty pig squeals first? Yeah, there's a reason for that saying. 2. He's just that insecure and always has been and you can't fix that. Tell him to get into therapy to handle it or it's over. 3. He's controlling and potentially abusive. And I say that, because one of the warning red flags of an abusive relationship is unreasonable jealousy and accusations, particularly if they lead you to have to drastically change your entire lifestyle, drop friends and family, stay behind closed doors and give him a so-called reason to become abusive. I can't tell from your post which one of the three scenarios this might be or anything else. But none of them is good and you need to deal with it now and not try to "appease" him or prove something that's a negative in the first place, because you can't. An open dialogue where you tell him you aren't going to change your life and he can either stay and accept it or go, and if he doesn't trust you there's the door is the only way to handle it. And yes it would hurt to break up with him, but not half as much as it's going to hurt if you stay. Head on over to the abuse section of this forum or type in unreasonable jealousy and see what results come up. It's pretty alarming and this is a sign of toxicity in a relationship regardless. Jealousy can be understood when there is clear evidence of it, but unreasonable jealousy is something else entirely. That kind of jealousy is more an anger that you're out and about in the world and the partner is not glued to your side 24/7 with a big sign that says "Mine, stay back." And that's not healthy at all. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Not sure if you can convince him? If he's got issue's with TRUST with this relationship.. could spell trouble forever. Unless there's 'reason's.. trust should be there. Could be deep issue's of his own, HE needs to deal with. Link to comment
greta96 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Usually it's one of 2 things: 1. he's cheating 2. he has major mental/trust issues, the kind that need a professional to sort through, and no amount of proving on your part will ever make a difference. You can bend yourself backwards, give up all your friends and family, even quit your job and stay home between 4 walls without talking to anyone, and it won't help, because the problem is in his head, it's not you; therefore, there is nothing you can do to fix it. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 Usually it's one of 2 things: 1. he's cheating 2. he has major mental/trust issues, the kind that need a professional to sort through, and no amount of proving on your part will ever make a difference. You can bend yourself backwards, give up all your friends and family, even quit your job and stay home between 4 walls without talking to anyone, and it won't help, because the problem is in his head, it's not you; therefore, there is nothing you can do to fix it. So true, and I think it is the same guy she posted about before who has revealed to be drinking too much and abusive. Link to comment
LC8328 Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 You have 2 jobs and he is unemployed? Please don't tell me that you're living together, and you support him. Link to comment
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