Cheating?

[Hollyj]

Hi.

I'm wondering how, and if, there is a way to convince my boyfriend, that I am not cheating on him? I never have, nor have I thought about it.

There hasn't been any reason, at all, for him to even think it.

I don't go out, with friends. I work 2 jobs, and the rest of the time, is spent with him.

Any ideas where this could be coming from?

Thank you

 

Questions:

 

Why do you not have a life outside your boyfriend- not healthy

Why are you with someone who is so insecure and untrusting - unhealthy

 

 

You need to reevaluate your choices in men, as this has no future and is filled with drama. Is this a pattern for you? Is this the type of man you usually choose?

[Hollyj]

Andrina. I have asked that question, a number of times and I think the best answer, that I can come up with, is that, in every other aspect, our relationship, is great. And most of the time, I have been able to just shrug it off, and we move forward.

Lately, it has been happening, more frequently, and he is far more adamant about it now.

And when he is asked about this, when we are getting along, he tells me I'm secretive, which I'm not.

 

A relationship cannot be "great" if you partner does not trust you. This is the foundation of a relationship.

 

Don't understand why you tolerate this?

[Hollyj]

Are you supporting him, while you work two jobs? How long has he been out of work?

[Hollyj]

Have you told him you love him? Ask him to marry you!

 

The problem is on his side, not hers.

 

The guy is unemployed, and alcoholic and and a convict. Yikes!

 

Don't you want more for yourself?

[Seymore]

Any time I've been suspicious of cheating (and the one time I actually ASKED if they were doing so), it was because I had valid reasons to suspect so. Not everyone who accuses the other person of cheating is necessarily doing so themselves. So OP, I hope you're not instilled with paranoia now. Could he just be insecure? What reasons does HE give YOU for feeling that way? Was he burned in the past? Has this been going on the entire time?

[Lester]

"...to convince my boyfriend, that I am not cheating on him?"

- Dump him and get a real boyfriend.

 

You can't fix this.

[overthemoon86]

To answer your question - you CANNOT convince someone of something in a relationship especially "Cheating." They either believe that you are not cheating or you are. That is called trust in a relationship and it is vital to any successful partnership. If he is constantly accusing you of cheating there is something very wrong going on here as the other posters have mentioned.

 

I do not believe, however, in the "you have no privacy in a relationship" theory. You are still an individual, you are still yourself, and you still have things that are yours. Including your cell phone, social media, emails, ect. My boyfriend does not go through my phone or emails and I have never once gone through his stuff. Our relationship is built on trust and trust that he is faithful to me. I do not need to check his phone to prove that.

 

If I had someone checking all of my stuff all the time, that would be a miserable relationship for me. I do not want someone micromanaging my life. What kind of relationship is that? I mean we are all on this forum....how many of our significant others know about it?

[ftkdancer]

Thank you all, for your comments.

No, he is not living with me.

Yes, I still pay for his phone.( which is going to stop, tomorrow)

Yes, it is the same guy, who drinks too much.

Yes, I have tried to speak to him, about everything, but its always his thoughts, that prevail.

No, there is no reason for him to believe I am cheating.

And, yes, he has been sent, packing.

One of his biggest things is that he wants me to be with other guys, and I refuse. So he thinks I'm doing it behind his back.

I am going to an Alanon meeting, tomorrow night. Its time to get my life back!

Nice, hey? Just before Christmas!

I am so done with him.

But it still hurts!!!

[Lester]

"Nice, hey? Just before Christmas!"

- Is really is a great time for reflection and change.

 

Your clean 2016 slate is waiting!

[ftkdancer]

I would like to thank everyone for your comments and concerns. Its been a very long 2 years.

I finally went to my first Alanon meeting, on Monday night.

And WOW! what an eye opener I got!

It was absolutely wonderful to know, that others have been going through the same thing, as I was. And one of the best advice, I got, and I will live by it, in everything I do....you can't change them, but you can change yourself, and how you deal with them.

Anyone that has doubt's, or is sitting on the fence, about Alanon, please chose to go!!

I will be going back!!!!

I'm on the mending road!!!!

[ftkdancer]

Update!

I found out yesterday, that he was cheating on me, all along.

With other guys! ( Craigslist posts)

So not only did I get a blow to the head, but I got 2!

Just nicely getting on my feet, and wham!

Hits me likes ton of bricks.

 

Doubt if he will ever admit it, so no sense in breaking NC, and asking him.

But I am back to very angry and hurt.

 

I just want to kick him!

[overthemoon86]

Good riddance!!!! I am sure you are glad that he is in your review mirror!

[Itsme2033]

Thank you for coming back here to share this information with us.

[ParisPaulette]

Never mind about my advice, just saw your post. Good that you ended things. Thank heavens!!!!

 

Yet another unshining example of someone who accuses their partner of cheating to keep them off balance and hide their own cheating ways. Unbelievable!

 

OP, I'm glad you're free. And yes, Al-Anon is a great program. It was a life saver for my entire family since my dad was an alcoholic and we all had to get our heads right over that. Good luck and heal. You're going to be okay once the initial pain and anger fade.