DeadInSid3

Well back to day 1 of nc, I was weak, you were quick to respond. Funny though I did not see any bread crumbs at all, I noticed the negative aspects of our conversation. Its funny how I could see only negative aspects when actually there wasn't any to begin with. But that's just it, I have conditioned myself to see no bread crumbs. I really do want you back in my life, some days I want to fight for it, other days i just want to disappear, but one thing remains constant, my love I still have for you. My angel, I still miss you, I am still longing for you. I know there are some feelings left for me, But not enough for you to want to come back to me. But i have learned a lot this past few months, I have learned how to be a better man, I just wish I got the chance to show you. Like you said within the first week, I started to show you the perfect man inside. Well I continued working on him, unfortunately I destroyed that image you had with me breaking down for the first couple of months. But he is still here, waiting for a chance to one day show you. I hope one day i can be with you again rather than replace you, but time will tell. I am sorry for my mistakes, I should have known better, and got help earlier, I should have got out of the toxic place i was in much sooner.

Hi my angel You know what, I have been thinking of you today, i have been thinking of us today. You know what i have been thinking? I was thinking that this is not where i belong. I belong there in our house next to you. You do not belong in that house alone. You are not supposed to be there alone. I belong there next to you, keeping you company, keeping you safe. I want to come home again to my loving fiance waiting for me. I want to come home again just so that i can kiss and hug you like i always did after a long day at work. I want to make you smile that smile that you only showed to me. I want to hold you again as you slowly fell asleep. I want to wake up next to you again and the first thing i do is kiss you good morning. I want to get up on a Sunday and make you bacon and eggs like i always did. But most of all I really, really want to hear your kind soft voice again saying you love me, saying that i am still your bear. I miss you and with tears in my eyes i am writing this so that strangers can read it, so that i can get it off my chest. Hoping that one day i might be able to experience this once again.

I still Love you with all my hart. I have a few others knocking on my door, for me to let them in. But i can not do that with you still haunting me everyday and every night. The perfect love that you gave to me is the curse i will take with me for the rest of my life. Your Father ( yes the one that you only got back in contact with because i was the one that built that bridge) called me, talking to me on how perfect i was to his daughter. It is OK for you to hate me, I made a few mistakes, but i am not the only one, Its OK for you to hate me because i only did what i thought was truly right, if only you did hate me, if only i did hate you, it would be so much easier. I can not bring myself to hate you, instead i still love you, i still dream about us growing old together on the nights that my dreams do not turn into nightmares. I am in a nightmare everyday, I have been to hell and back, looking my demons in the eyes. Seeing the darkness in me, only to be facing this alone. I am walking a long and dark road alone, as i can not let anybody in because you are still everywhere i turn to. I went on a date yesterday with an amazing girl, BUT YOU where still there in my mind, still haunting every thought. I still love you but i am forced to turn away, i am forced to move on. I am forced to walk away, something i never wanted to do, something i still do not want to do. But i have no choice anymore, the harder i tried the further you turned away from me.

OK so i heard this one from a good friend of mine. In my honest opinion, i do not think that reconciliation was the best option for her but anyway here we go. Her sister was involved with this guy for quite some time(not exactly sure on most of the details as she just tried to comfort me on a dark day). She was engaged to this guy getting ready for the marriage. He moved away for work and not long after she moved to be with him. Not exactly sure on when or how this happened, but she found out that he was cheating on her, needless to say they broke up for a while. I do know they saw each other every once in a while at mutual friends party's and what not. 2 Years later they are back together, but she is not very happy in the relationship at the moment but she is still sticking around for some odd reason. Again this just goes to show that even when all things look hopeless, there might always be the possibility for some sort of reconciliation.