Operation Finding Girlfriend

[notalady]

What she did to me last night, hanging up on me and basically acting weird ever since then, has put me over the edge. Screw her, screw that behavior. I will not tolerate or allow someone to treat me that way. That was disrespectful and rude and she didn't even acknowledge it or apologize. If she wanted something more to do with me, she would have apologized at the very least, or maybe NOT HAVE ANSWERED THE DOOR.

 

At least you got that right.

 

Look, never assume anything, all this "I thought by contacting me she means this and that" is all your own assumption. Get "I thought" out of your vocabulary completely and look at only facts. She made it clear she wasn't over her ex and wasn't ready to commit. Even if she's over the ex, she's still dealing with lots of drama involving the ex. How is it possible that a few days later that's all resolved? Why do you want to get involved with someone with s**t like that going on? You need to think long and hard about what you're looking for and why you're getting involved with these women who are either not interested/lukewarm or don't have their lives together.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Duplicate post on accident

[TheSpoon2Big]

At least you got that right.

 

Look, never assume anything, all this "I thought by contacting me she means this and that" is all your own assumption. Get "I thought" out of your vocabulary completely and look at only facts. She made it clear she wasn't over her ex and wasn't ready to commit. Even if she's over the ex, she's still dealing with lots of drama involving the ex. How is it possible that a few days later that's all resolved? Why do you want to get involved with someone with s**t like that going on? You need to think long and hard about what you're looking for and why you're getting involved with these women who are either not interested/lukewarm or don't have their lives together.

 

Somewhere in my mind, I know that's the logical and real world answer - that I should have not assumed anything. Then there's that other emotional part of the brain that thinks "OK maybe this is the chance!".

 

I know I shouldn't think those things, but I couldn't help but wonder why she continued to contact me despite her saying she couldn't handle a commitment, etc. Two weeks ago, when I essentially confronted her saying that I can take a hint. Then she wrote me back with all of that "I'm sorry, didn't mean to waste your time, I have a lot going on" blah blah blah. I literally DID NOT EVEN RESPOND to that text because there was nothing else to say at that point, and I wasn't going to have a therapy session with her. I also made it clear that I'm not interested in "only friendship", even though that word never came up in any of our conversations at the time.

 

It's just funny how when I didn't respond to her for a straight week and I thought things were over/done, she contacts me out of the blue. I figured that was her trying to put herself in my orbit, especially since she apologized to me. And then when we slept together and she spent the night in my bed, I figured we'd be on track to do more of that... but no.

 

She left her daughter's backpack in my car and I sent her a picture of it last night and all she said was "Uh oh". Then:

Her: I can pick her bag up at some time. When you are free. That's her favorite.

Me: Well hello stranger. All day today, and after 5 on weekdays. Are you not talking to me anymore? Lol

 

And NADA since then. I'm frankly still pissed off at the way she is behaving/has treated me, and I'm not going to put up with any of that crap. If she wants something more romantically to do with me, we can revisit that topic. But until then, and with the way she's treating me, screw that.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I am fairly depressed right now. I can’t seem to get any of this figured out. You’d think, what, 5+ girls into this game so far, I’d at least find one or one would like me enough to keep it going.

 

As I write this, pretty much every single girl I’ve mentioned so far has fallen off.

 

Girl A had and/or is having some major setback drama with her ex. The ex who shows up at her place and knocks on her door endlessly, or calls her incessantly while she’s out with me, etc. I don’t know why I got my hopes up with her when she reached out to initiate contact with me again and we ended up sleeping together. She is too deep into drama with her ex and can’t even see how unhealthy it is for her and her daughter. I can’t do anything about it.

 

Girl B is actually really the only one who still “talks” to me. We had dinner one night this week after work and caught up briefly. She then went out of town for this past weekend. She says she is “just really busy” with the holidays as far as it relates to spending much time with me, if any. She’s already hurt my feelings blowing me off the one date we had planned a few weeks ago.

Girl C, that fell apart as quickly and as fast as it came together. Dodged a bullet, or a missed opportunity, either way, it sucks.

 

Girl D didn’t like me for “unknown reasons”. She said she didn’t like driving so far and paying for our date, but that there were “other reasons” that she didn’t mention to me. It’s so weird that after date 1, she texted me saying she “had such a great time” and “couldn’t wait to see me again”. But then went from hot to cold.

 

There was another girl, most recently, though we never actually met. I’ll call her Girl E, for the sake of this thread (disregard previous Girl E who also never materialized). We “met” online, did quite a bit of heavy back and forth messaging because she didn’t feel comfortable giving out her number online yet. We hit it off great, and we made a game out of her giving me her number, and she finally did. She even asked for my full name because she “liked having full names for contacts in her phone”. I figured that was a natural progression towards a phone call, and a physical date, but noooooooo.

We joked back and forth about making sure we each were who we said we were, and that came in the form of exchanging pictures, etc. She actually sent me a video of her rock climbing first and asked me to send her something. I made a real quick short video of me so she could see my face and hear my voice. She didn’t even say a word of response to it. I had also called her one night and left a message briefly. I like to at least let the other person hear my voice and vice versa. Nada. I then invited her to coffee the next day:

 

Speaking of, how does coffee tonight at 7 sound?

I won't be able to make it. I'm having dinner with my parents

That's cool. When do you think you'll have some time to get together?

I'm not sure yet. I'm fairly busy for the remainder of the month. I'll let you know.

Yea, holidays can make life pretty hectic this time of year. We'll have to set something up next year lol. I would like to see what your voice sounds like though. Phone date tonight instead?

Nope. Lol

Grr why? You are playing hard to get ;/

I just wanted to talk briefly and get to know you a little more esp since we can't hang out until next year lol

I'm not a fan of talking on the phone.

Me neither, I do it all day long. But if it's someone I like and it's short, I have no problem how about we shoot for a 10min convo tops!

Nah, thank you though. lol

Lol do you even want to get to know me more?

I do, I'm just really busy right now

Gotcha

 

 

And that was pretty much the end of that. She also almost immediately around this time deleted her online dating profile on the site we “met”. .

 

 

So at this point, I am thinking that I am a loser. I recently turned 30, and I don’t have my own place or a ton of money, and I think that is hurting me. I have a great and stable job that I am really good at and love. I have a car, I am physically attractive and clean. I’m nice, sweet, kind, can be very loving. But I think that because I am only currently sharing a room in a house with roommates, this makes me look bad. I hate it. I had my own place for 2-3 years when I met my previous ex and then eventually moved in with her. Prior to that, I lived with roommates in college and stuff, so I didn’t think it was THAT big of a deal. Especially with the economy and rental rates in this town, it’s not uncommon to see shared living situations. However, I think that I come off as some kind of poor loser or something. I am just trying to get by until I can get my own apartment, at least, until I can afford a house someday. I only moved in where I currently live because of the disastrous end of my past relationship and how I had to find a place to live very fast. I actually spent some time being homeless, sleeping on the floor at work and spending all of my money in hotels so I could actually sleep on a bed until I figured things out.

 

So I just keep thinking I must not be looked badly. I don’t know. I am not even sure how many of you are actually reading this or keeping up with anything.

 

It doesn’t matter how many good dating/life coach books or information you follow, if you aren’t well off financially, no girl is going to want anything to do with you.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Well, not much new to post for the huge massibe audience here, but here goes.

 

I am a train wreck of late.

 

I told Girl A basically to leave me alone here on out just a bit ago. She said how much her ex is pleading with her to take him back, promising that he will change and do all the right things, etc. I can see that's destined to fail, it's a cycle of abuse and control. He only started racing back to her when she started talking to me for fear of losing her.

 

Girl B, the only one really remaining of all the girls posted to date, has also disappeared slightly once again. More specifically, we had a plan to hang out on Xmas night, but she had to cancel because one of her friends had a birthday and wanted to go out downtown. However, around 1-2am, she started texting me to see if I still wanted to hangout. She said come to the IHOP she was at with her friends and she'll go home with me. So I went. We didn't sleep together, but she did sleep over. I was really tired and plus she was drunk so I didn't think she wanted sex. It didn't seem to be a problem. Took her to breakfast and back to her car in the morning, we said maybe we'll hang out that night since we didn't really "hang out" when she came over just to sleep.

 

She hasn't texted me back since then.

 

I'm so sick of games!!!

 

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[TheSpoon2Big]

It's not an operation stupid

 

Excuse me? First, what do you mean by "it's not an operation?" and second, why are you coming in on my thread calling me stupid?

[Seraphim]

Excuse me? First, what do you mean by "it's not an operation?" and second, why are you coming in on my thread calling me stupid?

 

Reported it.

This person likes to cause trouble every week under a new name. Ignore it.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Will someone please delete this dude's account?

 

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[browneyedgirl36]

Will someone please delete this dude's account?

 

Sent from my SM-G928V using Tapatalk

 

We've been getting a lot of trolls lately, and this particular one appears to be creating new accounts every time he gets banned. This happens at certain times of the year, the holidays being one of them. If you just report them and ignore them, they tend to go away and/or get banned. It always gets taken care of, one way or another. I know it's annoying, but....they're just trying to get people to react, kind of like the schoolyard bully who thrives on making fun of people. If you don't react, they tend to lose steam.

[Dottieflanogon]

We've been getting a lot of trolls lately, and this particular one appears to be creating new accounts every time he gets banned. This happens at certain times of the year, the holidays being one of them. If you just report them and ignore them, they tend to go away and/or get banned. It always gets taken care of, one way or another. I know it's annoying, but....they're just trying to get people to react, kind of like the schoolyard bully who thrives on making fun of people. If you don't react, they tend to lose steam.

 

I second this post, just ignore it

[TheSpoon2Big]

I am going through that rough breakup with my ex now more than ever. It's been just a few days over 2 months since we broke up. I was doing fine for 2 months, I didn't feel super sad, I thought I did the right thing by moving out.

 

Now it has hit me. It hit me last week. And last night I met with her for the first time in 2 months. See my other thread if you want. I'm incredibly depressed right now.

 

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[TheSpoon2Big]

Had to move out suddenly where I used to live. Roommates went crazy and I had to call the police to help facilitate the moving of my things in the old room. Staying in a friend's living room for now.

 

Maybe some day I'll be able to have a rebound relationship too!

[TheSpoon2Big]

Updates, yay!

 

Of all the girls I've posted about here, and more, not a single one has "stuck". Most have flaked out, used me, treated me like crap i.e. always cancelling dates and/or just straight disappearing for a day when a date was planned and give me some BS that I bought the next day like "oh sorry, I left my phone at work then got in a fight with my parents at home so I stayed elsewhere" blah blah blah.

 

But yea, of all the girls, the one who did kinda "stick", ironically, from then until now, was Girl B, the one with the young daughter. It wasn't until our last date this weekend that I started feeling happy, like she made me feel something.

 

However, I think I lost her too, last night. I had set up two dates, one with Girl B and one with a new chick I've been trying to see for awhile now. Girl B and I had a time and a place to meet, but new girl wanted to meet up too, but earlier. I figured I had enough time. I ended up going over with new girl, and Girl B got mad, understandably so, I guess. I told her my phone died, and it did, I just didn't run to recharge it very quickly. She called me a "" and told me to "f off". She blocked me everywhere, the phone and on FB.

 

The one girl I liked and after 3 months of pursuing actually seemed to start liking me in return... I feel like sh*t.

 

 

New girl actually wasn't that fun. She went to Stanford, has a Masters, is a smart and nice girl, a little more weight than I thought from her pictures online - go figure, but still pretty. She's spending March in Hawaii, and then at the end of the hockey season (she works for NBC Sports), she's going to live in Hawaii for an entire year. That's right, she has enough money to get an apartment in Hawaii, where that probably costs $4000/month, for a year, without working. And yet, she comes off as too much of a dude, not very in touch with her feminine side it seems.

 

 

So I'm not sure if anyone is even reading this. I know tomorrow I am going to be depressed for a few days at least, because every time I run out of a particular medicine, I go into a bad depression for about 3 days straight and then gradually start to feel better.

 

Take care all....

[Clarisse]

Am I understanding correctly that you brought another woman to your date with Girl B?

[TheSpoon2Big]

Am I understanding correctly that you brought another woman to your date with Girl B?

 

No, no way! I had a totally separate first date with a newer girl a few hours before my scheduled date with Girl B, totally different times and places. My date with "newer girl" lasted much longer, and she was very flirty and nice and basically I didn't know what to do, just stuck with new girl for a few hours and ended up back at my place for the night.

 

I probably don't want to see new girl again, and Girl B hates me. So hooray, screwed up two girls in the same night...

[Clarisse]

I ended up going over with new girl, and Girl B got mad, understandably so, I guess

 

This part confused me. I understand what you meant now.

 

Girl B didn't seem like a good bet anyway, based on your history. Hopefully, you will have some new prospects soon.

[TheSpoon2Big]

This part confused me. I understand what you meant now.

 

Girl B didn't seem like a good bet anyway, based on your history. Hopefully, you will have some new prospects soon.

 

Yea, I had thought that about Girl B off and on, and a few here mentioned it as well. I only started to really feel something more for her recently, and I started wanting to spend more time with her. The other girl I had pursued for awhile, but she never had time to meet, until earlier that day when she wanted to meet. And I didn't even really enjoy my time, I am so stupid.

 

I hope I can find new prospects too. Since it's hard to meet new people with my job and stuff, I resorted to mostly online dating. So far, it's pretty much been a disaster, nothing but girls who kinda turn out to be flakes and use me in a sense.

 

I'd say "oh well" if I could, but now I'm essentially down to not a single girl to pursue for now. I self admittedly have a difficult time being alone. The fact that my ex met someone and started "having feelings" for him within a month or so of our breakup was pretty gut wrenching.

 

Thank you for reading and commenting, I appreciate it!

[TheSpoon2Big]

*EDIT*

 

I actually got the girls mixed up myself in more recent posts, dating back to last month. To clarify, I mixed Girl A and Girl B up. I had to go back to the original few posts here to get it straight.

 

So, in these last few posts about Girl B, I really meant Girl A!!!!! She's the one with the young daughter, the one who had some drama in getting over her ex and custody/child support issues with the baby's dad who showed up after 3 years.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Random update...

 

I've officially been "single" now since Oct 15, so as of right now I'm at what, 5 months single. I've continued to try and date, nothing works out. It's funny (well not really), the ex I before the most recent ex, when we broke up I was also very distraught. Not to mention that we worked in the same office at a small company. That made my life hell for awhile. I think I was single from that ex for 3 months before I found the most recent ex. In retrospect, the ex prior to recent ex was a joke. I was depressed, hurt, all of that, and I lived alone in my own apartment and was just in general very down. Now, as I look back, that particular breakup pales in comparison to the most recent current ex. It's been 5 months, and I'm still not "over her", whatever that means?

 

What I mean to say is that I'm getting increasingly more depressed. I almost have no motivation to even try to talk to girls and do the online dating scene. It's a joke for the most part. The most recent ex and I met online though. She was the very first one I messaged, and it was bliss in the beginning, right? Fast forward 2yrs, I was homeless, bounced around places with roommates, have fallen into a deeper depression.

 

I feel like I'll never get a girl like her again. My prior ex to the most recent one was probably a 5 on a level of 10, and my most recent current ex was a 9-10 easy. I was so proud to go in public with her, to take pictures with her, to have her be affectionate and loving towards me. I never thought I'd be "deservable" of that from such an amazing attractive and intelligent girl. And she embraced femininity, which I have increasingly found to be a strong selling point for me when trying to date. I don't like the tom-boy girls, the more dominate acting personality types, the foul language and just the general discontent (IMHO) that they are a woman and society has this view that being feminine = being weak, therefore they must act masculine to achieve power and status.

 

I am just rambling, can't even finish this post. I had more to say, but I am drained. Just sat on my bed and held my head in my hands for a good 10min before writing this last sentence. I'll keep updating, if anyone still follows. Someday hopefully I'll find that type of girl my most recent ex was that will make the most recent ex pale in comparison yet again.

[Ms Darcy]

Did you just get out of jail? Are you able to see a therapist for your depression?

[TheSpoon2Big]

Did you just get out of jail? Are you able to see a therapist for your depression?

 

No, I got out a few weeks ago, then had to immediately travel out of state for work/business training. I just returned back home finally. First time in my own bed in nearly a month. I almost forgot what "home" was, literally. I have virtually no conception of it anymore, where I feel safe and secure. My life has been utter chaos basically since the breakup with recent ex back in Oct 2015. Bounced around houses with different roommates, slept on the floor at work a few times, wasted money on hotels just so I could sleep in a real bed, etc.

 

Yes, I am able to see a therapist for my depression. In fact, I have an appointment tomorrow night with her. Haven't been able to see her for the past month + due to the legal issues and my business travel etc.

 

I don't feel comfortable telling people here what issues/diagnoses I have out of fear of judgement and or the "yep, he's a crazy one, no one can help him". I'll share a little though... served in the Army for almost 5 years. Spent 1yr overseas in Iraq. Don't even want to go into the details right now. Prior to my enlistment, my older brother I looked up to a lot killed himself. Then when in the Army, I made a stupid decision and got married. We only stayed married for maybe 4-5 months tops? Then she went back home to CA to visit family, called me on the phone one night and said she wanted a divorce. That was also right after my friend/fellow Soldier in the Army and I were playing video games at my apartment and a candle lit my mattress on fire and the entire building basically burned down. We escaped narrowly, getting some severe burns and a badly sprained ankle for me. Then, a few weeks later, we deployed to Iraq.

 

Needless to say I guess I am a basket case. PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, also have been off labeled with a "mood disorder" or a "personality disorder". Common for Vets returning to get that instead of PTSD so that the VA doesn't have to pay out disability benefits.

 

I do see a psychiatrist at the VA every 6 months if I'm lucky. Trying to get an appointment or even actually talk to her on the phone is nearly impossible. Thanks VA!

[Ms Darcy]

Boo on the VA! I hope that seeing your therapist is a good experience for you.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Thanks. I was unable to make it to my regular appt tonight, but hopefully reschedule for this week. I certainly need it.

 

 

Sure, life has the ups and downs. Relationships have their ups and downs. Breakups have their ups and downs, but mostly downs I'd say.

 

For one of the first times in my life, I am really questioning how long does it take for one to truly "get over" their ex? I'm sure it varies, of course. But for me, for example, my 2nd to most recent ex, even though I was distraught at the time, I can honestly say now looking back that I never ever think of her, ever. And if I do, there is nothing pleasant about it. I don't miss a single part of it. The ex before her, so my 3rd to most recent ex, I still have thoughts of her to this day actually. We were together 4yrs and we broke up back in... 2011.

 

Anyways, how long do you guys need to "get over" your ex? Just curious.

 

 

I feel like I will never get over my most recent ex, "the one that got away", I'll never find that combination of beauty and intelligence and embracing of femininity.

[browneyedgirl36]

Thanks. I was unable to make it to my regular appt tonight, but hopefully reschedule for this week. I certainly need it.

 

 

Sure, life has the ups and downs. Relationships have their ups and downs. Breakups have their ups and downs, but mostly downs I'd say.

 

For one of the first times in my life, I am really questioning how long does it take for one to truly "get over" their ex? I'm sure it varies, of course. But for me, for example, my 2nd to most recent ex, even though I was distraught at the time, I can honestly say now looking back that I never ever think of her, ever. And if I do, there is nothing pleasant about it. I don't miss a single part of it. The ex before her, so my 3rd to most recent ex, I still have thoughts of her to this day actually. We were together 4yrs and we broke up back in... 2011.

 

Anyways, how long do you guys need to "get over" your ex? Just curious.

 

 

I feel like I will never get over my most recent ex, "the one that got away", I'll never find that combination of beauty and intelligence and embracing of femininity.

 

Honestly, I hate to say it, but...you're probably having trouble getting over her because she was so attractive. I say this because I've known a lot of people -- both male AND female, and have read a lot of posts on this site (from mostly men, but also women), who were having a really rough time getting over someone, and one thing that kept coming up over and over again was the attractiveness of the ex (and, to a lesser extent, the quality of the sex). I'm not saying that's ALL you cared about, but...something tells me that part of the reason you're so stuck on her is that you felt like she was SO beyond your last ex (and possibly others) attractiveness-wise, and you're afraid you'll never get someone like that again. That's your own insecurity talking, though. Whenever we have someone up on a pedestal, that's due to our own insecurity; it really isn't any indication that they're some super-human entity that is perfect.

 

The only ex I had a REALLY hard time getting over was my last one, who was reasonably attractive but not a movie star or anything, but the reason I struggled was that no guy had ever been that intensely "into" me before (even though he was very hot and cold and could very quickly switch to NOT being "into" me.) The attention and focus, when he WAS focused on me, was intoxicating. It really did feel like what I imagine being on drugs would feel like (I say "imagine" because I've never actually tried any drugs other than alcohol!) The hot/cold part kept me hooked on him, too. He'd go cold, but then he'd always go "hot" again. Back and forth. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Finally, he went cold for good, which was the best thing that ever happened to me, even though it didn't feel that way at the time.

 

You can get over her. You just have to really want to.

[tallydoo]

Thanks. I was unable to make it to my regular appt tonight, but hopefully reschedule for this week. I certainly need it.

 

 

Sure, life has the ups and downs. Relationships have their ups and downs. Breakups have their ups and downs, but mostly downs I'd say.

 

For one of the first times in my life, I am really questioning how long does it take for one to truly "get over" their ex? I'm sure it varies, of course. But for me, for example, my 2nd to most recent ex, even though I was distraught at the time, I can honestly say now looking back that I never ever think of her, ever. And if I do, there is nothing pleasant about it. I don't miss a single part of it. The ex before her, so my 3rd to most recent ex, I still have thoughts of her to this day actually. We were together 4yrs and we broke up back in... 2011.

 

Anyways, how long do you guys need to "get over" your ex? Just curious.

 

 

I feel like I will never get over my most recent ex, "the one that got away", I'll never find that combination of beauty and intelligence and embracing of femininity.

 

My most serious ex took me a little over a year to get over. It didn't help that we'd had a history of breaking up and getting back together, plus we had so many mutual friends it was difficult to cut him out of my life completely; I'd still hear about him every so often, and I think I got just as many text messages as he did the day he announced his engagement...8 months after we broke up. It's context-dependent and there are things that can set you back pretty significantly, but you can't compare yourself to other people or even your own breakup to breakup.