Operation Finding Girlfriend

[TheSpoon2Big]

Thanks guys, I know each breakup is relative and case by case, but it helps to hear somewhat success stories from others who thought they'd never recover and sort of did...

 

 

Ironically, keeping in line somewhat with this thread of "Finding Girlfriend", I was scanning through a popular dating app yesterday and lo and behold, I ran into my ex!!

 

I was just as shocked and sad/hurt/confused as I was angry/etc.

 

What's interesting to me is that back in Jan, when I was a sob-fest upon meeting up with her to get my brother's guitar back from her place that she still had, etc, and talk and have some "closure" or whatever, she told me that she had feelings for someone else. We talked about it the next day or two at that time on the phone where she told me that she did in fact "have feelings" for someone and wouldn't go into details except that he was a few years older etc.

 

Sooooo much for the "feelings for someone else" she said then, if I'm now finding her on an online dating app.

 

Speaking of which, every app is a disaster. Dating is becoming more dull and boring to me now, I keep trying and can't find anyone that's smart, attractive, or real.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Er, well, it was/is on its way to being good news in this saga of Operation Finding Girlfriend. It's been what, 5-6 months of "dating around", meeting lots of girls and having most of them go nowhere, obviously. Some I liked, some were crazy, hell I'm crazy, some didn't like me, you know the drill.

 

Today though, for the FIRST TIME in this whole period of dating have I actually met a girl from online in real life who blew me away. Meaning, physically extremely attractive. We first "matched" back in Jan or so, exchanged numbers, never went anywhere. Finally we got together for a date today during my lunch break at work. She's a nurse and works crazy hours so has limited social availability etc.

 

Date went great, kept it just the right amount of time. Flirted a little, had great conversation, had a lot in common, laughed and smiled. She even wanted to show me a music video on her phone so I came around the table and sat in the booth next to her to better see the phone screen together and there was physical contact that she didn't seem to shy away from at all.

 

Walked her to her car, gave her a hug and spun her around, asked when she'd be free to get together again, she said maybe Sun afternoon, she has to check her work schedule, etc, and I gave her a light kiss on her neck by her ear. It was the middle of the day in a parking lot and didn't really want to try and make out with her right then and there. So I figured she liked me!!! On an emotional high as I drove back to work and continued my day.

 

Then came that "game" we all have to play about what to say post date via text, what not to say, how long to wait, blah blah blah. I'm always courteous, even if I don't like the girl, I'll always text her and say it was nice meeting you, thank you, something like that. So it wasn't out of the norm for me to do the same to a girl I'm actually very attracted to. Her responses though? #confused anyone?

 

 

Me: Did you make it home safe?

Mar 22 3:44pm

 

Her: Yup I did! Thanks

Mar 22 3:44pm

 

Me had a great time and had fun meeting you ] I am really going to try and create a new spicy jam sauce (referencing a funny point in our date) Mar 22 3:56pm

 

Me: I hope you had a good dance session thing. You're very beautiful and are interesting, but definitely want to get to know you more do you have to work Friday and Saturday?

Mar 22 9:48pm

 

Her: Thanks!

Mar 22 10:22pm

 

Me: #needmorewords

Me: It's kinda hard to gauge your interest from one word/non answers lol

 

 

WHAT KIND OF RESPONSE TO A TEXT IS THAT?!?!?! "Thanks!"? When I say you're pretty and when are you free etc?

 

And then after a minute of sending that last text, I thought I'd better call and clear this up before texts get misinterpreted or whatever, stupid me, so I call and it rings once and goes to her voicemail. And then I stupidly left a message saying "hey, I like you, just hard to read the text back and forth thing, etc".

 

So there's that.

 

I had an emotional high for half the day, now I'm back down again. I got excited for a date in general, even more excited that she was real and was hot and smart etc, excited at chance of seeing her again, and now feeling disappointed or just "let down".

 

I guess I wasn't good enough for her or something. Maybe it was the car I drove, my recent haircut, what I was wearing to work that day, something I said, the fact that I kissed her a little - maybe that was too much or too little - maybe that I gave her a twirling hug, who knows. All I know is that rejection kinda hurts. And girls aren't as direct as guys. I guess girls try to just hope "he goes away silently" or something.

[TheSpoon2Big]

A good close guy friend of me called me out on this most recent girl and my behavior. Told me to chill and lay off it, should have been more patient, etc. As I got more and more frustrated with her lack of response/interest, the more I became frustrated with the whole dating process and my experiences combined to date and said more stupid things to shoot myself in the foot. Last exchange (probably forever) is as follows:

 

 

ME: OK, maybe I can get some feedback. Something I could've done better/not done or was it a chemistry-mismatch? Physical? Thanks! Mar 23 12:09pm

 

ME: This is BS, you could have just been an adult and told me you aren't interested or something. Kinda immature to ghost like that. Your loss. Best of luck

Mar 23 2:15pm

 

Her (finally): Jeez I got called into work for an extra shift

Mar 23 2:21pm

 

Me: Sorry, stay safe out there!

Mar 23 2:35pm

 

 

You can the dates/time stamps. However, she was already acting sort of strange the night prior with that one word non-answer reply "Thanks!" to me tell her she was pretty and asking when she had to work etc. So it's not until I call her out or say something like "this is BS" that I finally get a reply?

 

I'm more than certain that is dead now. Ugh. Does anyone see a way to revive this particular situation or a way I can redeem myself now?

 

I guess I need to read "The Game" and learn how to behave better with women. All I do, a lot of the time, is be super nice, get walked on and used, am not respected, don't behave like an alpha male sometimes. This entire thread has been nothing but a catalog of repeated situations where I liked a girl and couldn't tell if she was interested in return and was just playing games with me. I'm not going to apply "The Game" in a vengeful type of way. I just want some more tools to add to my kit to aide with attraction and social dynamics.

[Ms Darcy]

Re: Your last post - I'm not really sure what to say here. This - "This is BS, you could have just been an adult and told me you aren't interested or something. Kinda immature to ghost like that. Your loss. Best of luck" - is an unacceptable way to speak to someone. I mean, I like you and I would block you forever for that.

 

I think you have more of a chance to get back with your ex than this girl.

 

I would strongly suggest you get your personal/emotional ducks in a row before you try to date. I've noticed people have to keep telling you to calm down, relax, not get over-eager. But I think when you have a tendency towards the unhealthy, those tips don't mean much when someone triggers feelings of abandonment.

 

Have you ever read: "Journey from Abandonment to Healing"? I think that might be very helpful for you.

[browneyedgirl36]

A good close guy friend of me called me out on this most recent girl and my behavior. Told me to chill and lay off it, should have been more patient, etc. As I got more and more frustrated with her lack of response/interest, the more I became frustrated with the whole dating process and my experiences combined to date and said more stupid things to shoot myself in the foot. Last exchange (probably forever) is as follows:

 

 

ME: OK, maybe I can get some feedback. Something I could've done better/not done or was it a chemistry-mismatch? Physical? Thanks! Mar 23 12:09pm

 

ME: This is BS, you could have just been an adult and told me you aren't interested or something. Kinda immature to ghost like that. Your loss. Best of luck

Mar 23 2:15pm

 

Her (finally): Jeez I got called into work for an extra shift

Mar 23 2:21pm

 

Me: Sorry, stay safe out there!

Mar 23 2:35pm

 

 

You can the dates/time stamps. However, she was already acting sort of strange the night prior with that one word non-answer reply "Thanks!" to me tell her she was pretty and asking when she had to work etc. So it's not until I call her out or say something like "this is BS" that I finally get a reply?

 

I'm more than certain that is dead now. Ugh. Does anyone see a way to revive this particular situation or a way I can redeem myself now?

 

I guess I need to read "The Game" and learn how to behave better with women. All I do, a lot of the time, is be super nice, get walked on and used, am not respected, don't behave like an alpha male sometimes. This entire thread has been nothing but a catalog of repeated situations where I liked a girl and couldn't tell if she was interested in return and was just playing games with me. I'm not going to apply "The Game" in a vengeful type of way. I just want some more tools to add to my kit to aide with attraction and social dynamics.

 

Oh dear. Yes, I'm afraid this one is dead. I think you should leave it alone.

 

Here's the thing: People we barely know don't owe us anything. You went on ONE date with this girl. She has a right to decide not to date you again, and she really doesn't owe you any explanation, even if it seems as though explaining or wrapping things up cordially would be the kind, considerate thing to do. So many posters on here have recounted stories of first dates that seemed to go well, only to have the person disappear, or decide he or she wasn't interested. One of the posters here has often suggested that people go on first dates -- and even second or third ones -- NOT focused on whether or not it was going anywhere -- not even assuming there would be another date -- NOT over-investing in someone they barely know.

 

I've been where you are -- frustrated with dating. I had been "set up" on blind dates dozens of times in my life, and not ONE had worked out (only one ad gone past one date/meeting -- the rest had all never called again, or we had been mutually uninterested in each other). I admit, at one point, I wondered what I was doing wrong. I showed up, looked pretty, was interested in the conversation, and tried to be my "best self" each time. Most of the time, I never heard from the guy again (though, admittedly, in most cases, I had little to no interest in him, either). I got into the mindset of "set-ups never work," for awhile, and I had given up on meeting anyone in that way and feared I'd have to resort to online dating if I wanted to meet someone (nothing against online dating sites, but it's just not for me). One day in early 2015, a friend messaged me asking if I'd want to meet a friend of hers. I sat on my couch, reading her message, sighing dramatically and rolling my eyes, "Oh, boy. THIS again?" But then I thought, "What the hell? I might as well just go. It'll be an hour out of my life. What have I got to lose?" I went to the meeting expecting NOTHING -- no expectations about how it would turn out. I wasn't dressed like a bag lady or anything, but I hadn't spent a lot of time choosing an outfit (whereas in the past I would've gone and bought a new one) or applying makeup. I just wore a regular outfit that I'd wear to work, put my regular makeup on, did my normal hair, and showed up. I was super tired because I'd had to be at work early and hadn't slept well the night before, I'd spilled something on my shirt at a work potluck and had a stain on my shirt, and I was feeling like I just wanted to go home instead of meeting the guy after work. But...I went, no expectations, and we talked over coffee for about 90 minutes. The guy has now been my boyfriend for a bit over a year, and he's the best guy I ever met (and, it took me until I was 44 to meet him!)

 

My point is this: If you're all worked up over it, it's not gonna happen. At least nothing good or healthy is going to happen. The good stuff comes when we relax, back off of all of our lofty expectations, and just say, "Whatever happens, happens." It seems like you're NOT in that mindspace right now and that maybe you need more time to sort things out -- sort out, for example, why you felt the need to send such an over-the-top response when you didn't hear back from that girl right away. Unless you get to the root of your feelings and behaviors, you'll keep doing the same stuff over and over again. You'll just keep shooting yourself in the foot. I don't think that reading "The Game" is really the answer; all that stuff is is just smoke and mirrors. It means nothing if you're not truly relaxed, truly confident, and feeling truly peaceful with whatever the outcome is.

 

Just the two cents of someone who's spent a great deal of time NOT in a relationship and is glad she did. It really puts things into perspective.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Re: Your last post - I'm not really sure what to say here. This - "This is BS, you could have just been an adult and told me you aren't interested or something. Kinda immature to ghost like that. Your loss. Best of luck" - is an unacceptable way to speak to someone. I mean, I like you and I would block you forever for that.

 

I think you have more of a chance to get back with your ex than this girl.

 

I would strongly suggest you get your personal/emotional ducks in a row before you try to date. I've noticed people have to keep telling you to calm down, relax, not get over-eager. But I think when you have a tendency towards the unhealthy, those tips don't mean much when someone triggers feelings of abandonment.

 

Have you ever read: "Journey from Abandonment to Healing"? I think that might be very helpful for you.

 

I will look that up. I'm always looking for good books like that. I have one my therapist recommended I read that I'm reading right now. You hit the nail on the head when you said the bit about triggers fears of abandonment with me. I have known about it/been more aware of and how it destroys a lot of relationships in my life only in the last few years... I guess it's something from childhood (according to my therapist) where I was abandoned in some fashion and I think now I react really bad to "real or perceived fears of abandonment" - perceived seems to be key. Many people maybe DON'T actually want to leave my life, but then I go and act stupid and essentially force them to leave my life because I took something the wrong way.

 

It's not that I am simply just ignoring all the advice here telling me to calm down, relax, and to not get over-eager... and I'm not trying to make excuses whatsoever, but I feel almost helpless sometimes to these feelings, especially the abandonment part. For example, in this most recent scenario, where I meet a girl that is really stunning and we have a great time and I'm really excited about seeing her again and I then somehow feel "rejected" by her, whether that was her intent or not, the rejection REALLY hurts. Maybe hurts me more than people who don't suffer from the same type of "disorder" I do, which according to my therapist makes me feel these things way more intensely than more "normal" people.

 

I'll put that book in my Amazon shopping cart for the next round of purchases...

[TheSpoon2Big]

duplicate post, oops

[TheSpoon2Big]

You might think that someone who is getting their degree in psychology and is planning to dedicate a career to helping counsel people with mental and relationship issues in life would have the ability to effectively employee conflict resolution. Or they’d be able to assertively tell someone that they went on a date with that they’re sorry and aren’t interested anymore. Maybe they’d recognize how someone might feel that their behavior is somewhat immature in an adult dating world. Granted, everyone is different perhaps and all approach dating with their own rules, set of expectations, and history of relationships they bring with them. Still, it’s a little unfair to a fellow human being to just pretty much leave them hanging for no reason. You leave them wondering, “did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong?” especially when the first date went well, ended with a nice kiss, and you told that other person “You’ll see me again”. And you proceeded to later contact this individual, letting them know you were happy for the meeting and hoped they made it home safe, etc. Even semi-complimented them slightly by telling them that they were “just as impressive” in real life with a big smiley face. In fact, here's what you said, verbatim: " It was super nice to meet you, hope you got home safe! You were just as impressive in person

 

You continued to initiate contact via text, keeping the conversation going late into the night. Goodnights were exchanged, and when this person told you that he’d like to see you again soon, you replied “Yes, please! Me too!”.

 

This was on a Sunday (first date Sun afternoon/night). You’re very busy during the week with full time graduate school all day long. Obviously this guy (me) didn’t bug you or blow up your phone calling and texting or anything. Was respectful of your time and your schedule and wasn’t trying to smother you, even though you seemed just as if not more interested in me. So this guy (me) called either Tuesday or Wednesday night to say hi. You were at dinner with friends, you texted me immediately as were unable to answer the call. You said, “Call you soon! Just got done with class and now at dinner with friends!!” To which I simply replied, “OK!”. Then 3 hours passed by with no phone call. I texted you at 10/11pm saying “OK, goodnight!”. NO reply. Next day, no commo. Following day, I initiated contact saying Hey! To which you said “Hi yes! I’m so sorry! I really wasn’t kidding when I said Tues-Thur”. I guess that’s understandable, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt, trying not to put too much thought into it. I later asked you’d be free to get together and hang out, when you’d be free, telling you I’d like to see you again To which you replied, “Yes pls! I can't during the week but how's your weekend look?” I advised my weekend is fairly open, I asked if you’d be free Friday. You said you had something going on with a professor from college, so that was off the table I guess. I asked if you’d be free after that on Fri or if Sat/Sun would be better, you didn’t respond at all. I waited, then said, “Alright well you just let me know when you're free, and I'll make a plan!” – No response whatsoever. And that was essentially the last thing I ever heard from you. That was, Weds/Thurs I think? And today is Sat.

Either something grave happened or lord forbid you are hurt/in the hospital or something, which I pray is not true, or you obviously gave up on me or something. Most likely the latter…

 

I summed this up in a text to one of my best guy friends. We each suffer the sad reality that is online dating and share our stories with one another:

 

 

“You might think that someone who is getting their degree in CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY and is going to dedicate a career to helping counsel people with mental and relationship issues in life would have MAYBE a shred of decency and recognize how immature it is to PAY for a dating site, go through the trouble to talk to and be interested in someone online, straight up tell them "I read your profile and I have to say, I'm impressed", go through more trouble of meeting up, having a date where you spend hours walking and talking, kiss the guy two times during the date once in the park and another as saying goodbye, then texting said guy later saying "awesome to meet you, hope you made it home safe, you were just as impressive in person" and repeatedly say that you want to see this guy again for a second date, but then basically disappear off the face of the planet no rhyme or reason and I'm just supposed to "get the hint" that she changed her mind???? EFFING FEMALES BRO”

 

 

 

So what gives? I thought this girl liked me! And NO, unlike other situations I’ve had where I have acted a fool and done or said things to completely turn a girl off and I either knew that myself or it was pointed out by close friends or even strangers online (i.e. you guys), this was NOT one of those times. I re-read the conversations we had, thought back to the date many times, and couldn’t/still can’t for the life of me figure out WHY she would behave this way, if she really indeed is ignoring me.

 

To be fair, I went on the online site that we met each other the other day and noticed that she has not even logged in/been online (I wish the site wouldn’t tell you these things, and you can’t turn this particular feature off apparently) for 5+ days. Maybe something DID happen to her? That’s why I’m holding off on sending her something long and “nasty” and emotionally fueled like what I’ve written her to here for fear that she will eventually make it back to her phone/online and see my long rant.

 

I still hate that this was done to be by someone who’s in graduate school for clinical psychology who you’d think would be better equipped to handle dating situations perhaps by politely declining future/further interest. Even though that would suck and would hurt to hear, at least you’d have some finalization to the whole ordeal and wouldn’t think about it so much. Alas, no, if she truly wasn’t/isn’t interested, she handled this like a 16 year old girl might. Who knows.

 

Dating SUCKS, I swear!

 

Does that old adage still hold true, about how you find someone when you least expect it, when you're not actively looking anymore?

[Ms Darcy]

She doesn't like you. What I mean is, after one date neither of you know enough about each other to really like the other person. You had a good impression of her representative and vice versa. I would really try not to get too invested in first dates. I had so many one date wonders it's not even funny.

 

But what I would also suggest is (I've said this a thousand times and no one listens to me lol) STOP TEXTING. Don't text to make follow-up plans. Call. Call once ... maybe twice. If she's interested she'll either answer or call back. It's when you talk on the phone you can get to know each other better and ask her out. You'll know immediately if she's game or not. Otherwise you'll keep playing this frustrating text game.

[TheSpoon2Big]

She doesn't like you. What I mean is, after one date neither of you know enough about each other to really like the other person. You had a good impression of her representative and vice versa. I would really try not to get too invested in first dates. I had so many one date wonders it's not even funny.

 

But what I would also suggest is (I've said this a thousand times and no one listens to me lol) STOP TEXTING. Don't text to make follow-up plans. Call. Call once ... maybe twice. If she's interested she'll either answer or call back. It's when you talk on the phone you can get to know each other better and ask her out. You'll know immediately if she's game or not. Otherwise you'll keep playing this frustrating text game.

 

Hey Darcy, I appreciate your input! I remember you from "back in the day" when I used to post a ton on here about my now-ex (later 2013). I always liked your input!

 

For this girl, I did call though! Lol I mean yea we texted initially, and after our first date, SHE was the one who texted me "Hey great meeting you, hope you made it home safe, you were just as impressive in person!

 

I agree with the least amount of texting possible. It's just that our generation is all to often prey to it and fond of it. Knowing how to strategically text with regards to dating almost seems to be "thing" you have to be good at or at least have some tact. But I am with you, I much prefer a phone conversation because it's more personal, more real, and you can hear tone inflection and in general it leaves much less room for interpretation of words.

 

That said, I DID call her though too! I wanted to say hi, and to make definite plans to see her again. She didn't answer because she was "at dinner with friends" and would call me after. Of course, she didn't call me afterwards.

 

I guess yea, it's pretty clear that she doesn't like me. Bummer, adding her to the list of all the girls I've "dated" since starting this thread for example that haven't worked out, mostly because the majority of them "don't like me".

 

If this girl didn't or doesn't like me, WHY would she tell me that I was impressive in person via text AFTER our date? Why would she tell me during the date that she wanted to see me again? Why did she say "Yes please! Me too!" when I said I wanted to see her again? Why just fall off the face of the planet like that? And maybe this has no bearing, but I find it odd that this is from a girl in clinical psychology grad school. She didn't have the courage or balls to just tell me she's actually not interested after all? It's just super weird?

[Ms Darcy]

Well, I wouldn't think too much about her field as clinical psychology can be very similar to other scientific fields, focused on trials and research more than fostering touchy feely people. But I agree that it is weird for anyone to say.

 

It's good you did call. Next time I would just leave the ball in her court after you call and leave a message. She knows how to reach you.

[musicman777]

OP, at least you are meeting women and getting out there, some of fail extravagantly at that. It sounds like you aren't really meeting any good ones, though. From your last story I read, these people sound like screwballs.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Well, I wouldn't think too much about her field as clinical psychology can be very similar to other scientific fields, focused on trials and research more than fostering touchy feely people. But I agree that it is weird for anyone to say.

 

It's good you did call. Next time I would just leave the ball in her court after you call and leave a message. She knows how to reach you.

 

OP, at least you are meeting women and getting out there, some of fail extravagantly at that. It sounds like you aren't really meeting any good ones, though. From your last story I read, these people sound like screwballs.

 

Thanks to both of you. Yea, Darcy, in the future I'll just stick to one message/voicemail... you're right, she knows how to reach me. If I was Brad Pitt or James Bond, I'm sure she'd figure out a way to "call me back" or message me, haha.

 

And Musicman, thanks, you're right that some people struggle to get out there and meet women. I mean, I'm still in the ups and downs of my last breakup/getting over her. And yea, I've certainly been pushing myself to meet new people and get out there. Yea, not everyone I meet is going to be drop dead awesome. Just puzzling me sometimes when I encounter a situation like the last one.

[TheSpoon2Big]

So that last girl mentioned in the thread was a bust. She finally got around to telling me about a week later "I'm not interested. Now leave me alone or I will report you." Why/how you can tell someone they were "impressive" in person, you had a good time, you wanted to see them again, you said you'd call them back but forgot, etc and then say "I'm not interested" is beyond me. Oh well.

 

Had 3 other girls since around since before/after/currently this girl mentioned above. One I liked, had two dates with her. I asked for a third date, and she said we "needed to talk". She told me on the phone that she has problems with commitment or something, and actually admitted that she was having trouble deciding between two guys, one of them being me. I thought that was strange. Basically she said she'd get back to me on that.... and you can guess what she got back to me with, that she decided to go with the other "option" as she felt more of a connection with him. She said sorry.

 

Other one I had been talking to online for about 2 weeks because it turned out she was in another country on a work/volunteer thing and the only thing we could do was email. It went great, we had a good connection as much as you can. Exchanged numbers, had our first date last night once she got back home and settled. Well, her pictures weren't exactly an honest portrayal of her in real life. Extremely overweight. I'm not trying to be shallow, but it was not even close to what she provided online. And despite a good time, I thought, SHE was actually the one to tell me "Sorry I don't think it's going to work out between us" via text a few hours after the date.

 

Anyways, the last one on the list, we're still at it! She actually out of all of them is the most attractive, the most in-line with what I look for in a woman. First date was great, and we've had long phone conversations since, with a second one set up tomorrow. She is really cute/pretty/hot and actually her personality jives well with me, it's almost like I met a really good friend, sense of humor is awesome, everything. She makes me smile. She even said we can't hang out at her place or mine for right now because she wants "it to be special" referring to what you probably have all figured out lol. She's cool.

[ATTACH=CONFIG]11021[/ATTACH]

But if I've learned anything, it's that a girl could fall all over me today and tell me she wants to have my kids and marry me but tomorrow change her mind for no reason and tell me to leave her alone.

 

 

PS: In other news, I got into a very bad car accident this weekend. Guy changed lanes into me, pushed me off the highway and nearly dead head onto a crash barrier guardrail and then kept driving/sped away while I hit the barrier and spun around on the highway a few times. My poor car which is still pretty new is easily a total loss. Now I have to start from scratch in finding a new car suddenly, and I really wasn't in the market for that.....

[TheSpoon2Big]

Had our second date of sorts tonight with above mentioned girl. Flowers, picked up her, went out to eat. She had made it clearly previously that there was to be no going to her place or mind because she didn't want sex to happen.

 

After dinner, it was pretty late and not a lot of stuff to do in Denver, so she actually said we could go back to her place. Oh the drive back, she asked if I had been on my online dating app/site lately. I told her no, because actually the website itself "terminated" my account because it said I violated the terms of service, but won't give specifics without a subpoena, the email says. I googled it, I'm not the only one who's had that done to do for no real reason apparently. Anyways, she meant to say that she had a date set up with another guy for this upcoming Sunday. I was like "Oh, OK....." trying not to let emotion show through? I just thought that was weird. Like maybe people do that, sure, but they don't actually specifically tell the other person they're dating that they're going on a date with another guy lol. I couldn't figure it out if she was trying to say it to make me jealous, see what reaction I might have, or that she was just honest and wanted me to know, I don't know. I didn't freak out, but I just thought it was weird. She immediately said she probably wasn't even planning on going anyways.

 

We ended up back at her place, she invited me in, it was nice. Sat on the couch for a minute and talk about her date on Sunday thing, then she went into how she can't date multiple people at once and how she's going to cancel it and tell the guy she is seeing me or whatever. Not sure if I should take that as a compliment because she almost took me over him? Who knows.

 

We kissed heavily and "petted", on her couch and I picked her up, carrying her to her bed, and she said "no no no no" that's where trouble and "funny business" happens. I told her that's not my plan. And it really wasn't I just honestly wanted some cuddle time, sometime I haven't had in a long time. Wanted an "oxytocin fix", if you will. Eventually our kisses turned into a little morning grinding, etc. She kept getting closer and closer to sex. At one point she was asking me when I last "got checked" if I had BC, etc. We'd get close, then stop. Then she said about 2-3x under her breath that she was like "ughhhhh I really want to have sex with you, I'm debating if I should or not"...

 

So we didn't have sex. I respect that, especially if she really does like me and wants to make it more special. I actually like this girl. I hope it goes well.

 

I left her place, got home and texted Hey beautiful just wanted to let you know I made it home. I hope your bed smells like me a little bit ] sweet dreams hope to see you soon

 

And she texted back: " It definitely smells like you. Mmm. Glad you made it home, sweet dreams."

 

 

No "handsome" or "can't wait to see you soon too" etc. She said she has to go to this thing with her sister et. al. on Fri and then something Sat am/afternoon, but said she'll be free Sat night? So hopefully I'll get to see her then. I joking said I don't want to keep you up too late Sat night if you have your date Sun and she laughed and she I'm not going on/to that!

[Ms Darcy]

Why would expect her to say "handsome"? Because you said beautiful? Don't fish for compliments. That's a little insecure. Just focus on enjoying the moment.

[TheSpoon2Big]

No you're right Darcy, I know, I was fishing. Also will admit some insecurity on my part that I'm in the process of working on.

 

That night, Thurs, of that post about her, we had a great time. She said "god I really want to have sex with you right now". But we didn't.

 

Yesterday, Fri, we texted briefly throughout the day, she had plans to go to a UFC/MMA live event last night with her sister and her husband. She was texting me at the event a little last night and then just stopped. Didn't hear anything back all night, not even when she got home, nada. I texted her late, before I went to bed, "Sweet dreams!".

 

Kicker is, I logged onto the dating site we met on last night while hanging out with my friend and his place and saw her profile said "Active within 24 hours". I had not logged on to the site in nearly a week, or at least from our first date. Not because I was instantly putting exclusivity on her, but just busy with work and the my bad car accident and me trying to find a new car to buy etc. Anyways, it was weird to see her "Active within 24 hours", but I tried not to think anything of it.

 

When we were on the date the other night, on the way back to her place from dinner as were holding hands in the car a little, she mentioned something about how she had a date planned with another guy from online for Sunday (tomorrow). I really didn't get it. What the heck? Why would you tell someone that you're CURRENTLY on a date with about a future date planned with another guy from the same online dating site you met on?!?! That was weird. Sure, I'm certain those things go on, but you don't TELL your date about it, do you!?!? She asked me if that was weird or how that made me feel. I didn't know what to say??? I said, um OK... but then she mentioned how when it comes to dating she can't date multiple people/spread her feelings around etc. Then she also said she wasn't going to go on the date on Sunday with the other guy. She said "of course I'm not going to go, I'm going to cancel" and made it seem like she thought highly of me and wanted to spend time getting to know me etc etc, I just thought it was weird for her to bring it up, but then when she made me feel more "special" or whatever, I guess that made me feel better.

 

Call me insecure, call me whatever you want, I'm starting to develop an intuition about girls like this. Maybe call it paranoia. But I started to get a sense of this girl yesterday during texts, last night and the "Active within 24 hours" online dating site, and her behavior thus far today.

 

When I was looking at her profile on the dating site last night, it changed from "Active within 24 hours" to "ONLINE NOW!" and stayed that way the entire night!!! ???

 

This morning, I was hoping I would wake up to a text from her like "Hey good morning!", I don't know, something like that? Since I said sweet dreams to her last night. So I called her a bit ago, she didn't answer. Now my intuition is really kicking in. She called me right back though, said she was in a grocery store and we talked a few minutes. She told me "I didn't text or call you last night because I had been drinking and when my sister and her husband and I are together we all just put away our phones to spend quality time together". OK, that's noble. No one does that anymore, so that's cool, if that's the truth. Still, could have said good morning? That is asking too much though. I get attached too easily I guess. But when she acted like she liked me so much and said some of the things she said and we had some passionate make out sessions at her place, on her bed, me kissing her lower back, etc, and then acts this way, I can't help but think she's interested.

 

She said she'd call me back after the grocery store, which still hasn't happened. We made plans for today/tonight on Thurs/our last date, so if she calls me back like she said she would, hopefully we'll make some plans. Otherwise, I don't know about this one.

 

 

So between the distant behavior text/no call behavior last night, me seeing her online dating profile go from "Active within 24 hours" to "ONLINE NOW!" and staying that way from like 11pm-2am, her not texting me this morning, the thing where she TOLD me on our last date that she had a date with another guy planned for Sunday, and me feeling that there is suddenly a general lack of interest in me anymore, I'm starting to get really bummed out.

 

Would any of you find any or all of those things weird to you?

 

 

 

PS: I did do some Googling and found that many many users complain that they see their partner's online dating profile say "ONLINE NOW" when they haven't logged on in weeks! And of course, I'm NOT going to confront her about this. But hey, a few hours after OUR FIRST DATE, this girl found and added me on Facebook. What gives?

[Ms Darcy]

I don't know what to say dude. It's only been one date. It doesn't matter if there was sex or a bunch of texts or whatever. You are still strangers so just take it easy buddy.

[browneyedgirl36]

I don't know what to say dude. It's only been one date. It doesn't matter if there was sex or a bunch of texts or whatever. You are still strangers so just take it easy buddy.

 

I agree. It seems like you have a pattern of getting WAY too involved, too quickly, investing WAY too much into someone you barely know.

 

She probably DOES like you, but honestly, I really do believe that online dating sites foster a lot of stuff that is NOT conducive to healthy relationships -- fast-tracking of intimacy (not just sex, but a sense of emotional intimacy that really doesn't exist), pre-mature attachment, "kid in a candy store" mentality, etc. There's just way too much instant gratification -- put up a profile, get some messages, go on six dates in a week, keep them all hanging on till you decide which one you like best, etc. I know a few folks HAVE met their s.o,'s -- including husbands and wives -- on online sites, but the ones that works for, I think, are the extremely selective people who are NOT super desperate but are actively looking to find someone and who encounter the same people -- very selective, not in a rush, etc.

 

I'm going to be honest: I think you're trying too hard. And I think you're trying too hard because you're a bit desperate for a girlfriend, and I think you're not being as selective as you could be, and that you're getting WAY too invested in people you barely know. You've GOT to slow it down a bit. Don't think of everyone you meet as a potential girlfriend. Go on the first few dates thinking you're going to use those dates to determine whether you want to go on more dates with that person -- not "is she my girlfriend yet???? Where is this going????")

 

I think this girl you just wrote about is interested, but she may also be interested in others and just dating different people to find the "best" one for her. Personally, I don't have the stomach for all that, which is why I never did online dating, but that's pretty much the nature of the online dating beast, and if you're going to do it, you have to have a thick skin, not put all your eggs in one basket (no matter how pretty/hot the basket is!) and not be in a huge rush. And, you need to be resilient. If one isn't interested, you move on right away.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Yea @browneyedgirl36 and @ms darcy, I admit I find myself getting attached very quickly, and I am trying to understand why the more I am in therapy etc. I even order a few books on Amazon tonight about things like Childhood Abandonment and Healing etc so as to try and learn more about why I have such a deep craving/need to be in a relationship and to have love and affection, etc. The logical part of my brain is screaming at me that I am rushing things too fast, I push people away unintentionally when all I really want deep down is to love someone and to be loved. I am really a caring and loving person when it gets into a relationship.

 

Re: online dating sites, yep, hit or miss. Ironically, I've found most of my relationships via online, one way or another. Every "serious" one I've had has come from online. Thought I struck gold with the most recent ex who I posted on here about ad nauseam back when we first met in 2013. She actually went sneaking through my phone one night when I was asleep and fumbled upon all my posts/thread I had about her and I and my experiences/doubts/worries, etc. The moderators I think were kind enough to remove the thread entirely when I asked. That was almost 3 years ago now though.

 

 

Anyways, all that freaking out via my last post about this new girl, we'll call her "D"... we did end up hanging out the following day/night (Sat), after the Fri night situation where she was distant/didn't reply or call me back etc. We ended up sleeping together at her place. Did it again the following day. She still has some sort of "rule" about not wanting me to sleep over at her place just yet. She was afraid she was going to dump me or become disinterested after sex because (her words) she will have "conquered me", or removed less of the mystery, something like that.

 

Also, on Sunday, we were headed back to her place after brunch, and while sitting stuck in traffic in my car, she randomly blurted out that she was going to deactivate/delete/cancel her dating profile account on the site we met on. I was surprised. She said well the whole point is to find someone to date, and isn't that what we're doing right now - dating? I said yes still, that's nowhere near an exclusivity gf/bf talk. I do like her, but I am finding myself almost scared to get into a relationship just as nervous and scared as I get when I get this little paranoid impressions that she doesn't like me.

 

She's busy, full time work and grad school. Doesn't have a ton of free time. Her car wouldn't start this morning and asked if I could come over after work to look at it. Turns out her brother in law was able to help her a little, but didn't fix her problem. We played phone tag so I could try and help her with her car problem (I'm very knowledgable about cars as a hobby and it's my job anyways), but didn't catch up. She said her sister and bro in law were over and if she had time she'd call me, otherwise "hope you have a good night". I told her that's OK, I understand, but would love a call to hear her voice. Otherwise, sweet dreams! No reply.

 

I'm on the fence. Don't want to get hurt, so now I find myself a little afraid to go too far or get in too deep with this girl only to have her dump me 2 months later, which is what she said she just got done doing with the last guy she met online.

 

I deleted my online dating account profile from where we met, and I told her. Asked if she was serious about deleting hers and she said "I probably will". But at least I don't have the urge to get on there and check to see if she's online.

 

Going to play it by ear. If she's interested, if she truly does like me, she'll find time to talk to me.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I meant to post on here a week or so ago maybe, just to make an entry and catalog how good this little "seeing someone" thing is going so far with this most recent girl! It was the one most recently posted about above. I haven't been this "excited" per se for awhile, and I like her a lot. She says she likes me too...

 

 

We took down our respective dating website accounts and sort of made a semi-commitment to each other? If that makes any sense. She doesn't want to use the label "girlfriend/boyfriend" just yet, it seems. She said she likes it when the man asks though, which I was really close to asking about 1 week ago and she stopped me because I think she read my mind at one point, so those words were never uttered and we didn't get to that topic/subject.

 

 

So things have been good so far, right? No red flags? I don't see any "red flags" necessarily for me, but of course I'm wary and although trying to tread lightly in the beginning stages, I'm prone to falling too fast, I know this about myself.

 

 

We've slept together, but she won't let me actually sleep over at her place, which I found sort of maybe backwards or strange. She said she didn't want to move things too fast.

 

 

On our very first date, she told me she was only a few weeks single from a "relationship" with a guy she dated for 2 months, if you can call that a relationship? A lot of our conversations together have been her telling me things that she did not like about her ex(es), most specifically the more recent one. She told me she never saw herself falling in love with him, couldn't see a future, etc. She said he wouldn't open the car door for her, didn't do gentleman like things. And she said as soon as they slapped the "bf/gf" tag on them, he "acted differently". She said he would "belch" loudly, spoke very loud especially in public like at restaurants. She said every time they hung out, they were either drinking or on marijuana, neither of which I do.

 

 

She always asks me why I don't drink. She also says it's "refreshing" to find someone who doesn't drink or smoke though... her really long term ex was an alcoholic and the 2 month guy was just, weird to her, I guess. She said he was clingy and demanding of her time. He didn't have much of a social life and always wanted to spend time with her. Her friends/family also thought he was a little socially awkward or something too. Big turn off.

 

 

I'm guessing that's why she's hesitant to have me sleep over, or put a label on us... not sure....

 

 

 

 

And now, there's this part....

 

 

She is in grad school, kind of. She has to take some regular graduate level classes in order to get into PA/Med School, which is her goal. I find that drive and progress seeking behavior sexy and attractive, of course.

 

 

However, apparently, because she was so enmeshed with the 2 month guy at the start of this semester (think it started in Jan and goes through May), she neglected a lot of her school work. She didn't study really or take it seriously, according to her, because this guy demanded so much attention and so much of her time. Why she let this happen, I don't know. One thing I do know is she self-admitted to me that one of the attractive things to her about the 2 month guy was that he made like $300k a year. She told me that after that experience, she realized that money isn't as important to her as she thought, in a man. The fact that she even slightly considered that to be a factor of attraction is slightly unsettling to me, but it sounds like she figured it out quickly and isn't concerned about hitting the jackpot with a guy in a relationship.

 

 

Back to my issue right now at least.... Because she neglected school to much during the 2 month gig with him, she's had to play serious catch-up, studying every single night, going into work early or leaving early to take her exams on campus (she works full time and work happens to be right next to campus ironically), etc. When we first met, about a month ago now, we saw each other more. We had usually a Thurs night date, followed by something on the weekend. Last Thurs, we made dinner together at her place and she had a glass of wine and we watched a movie on the couch together afterwards, no sex. It was romantic and fun, right? That weekend, we also hung out on Sun to catch our favorite TV show, Game of Thrones! But I still was never allowed to spend the night.

 

 

Now she's pulled back. She says it's the school that's doing this and that she "did this to herself" referencing how she neglected school when dating the 2 month guy. So we couldn't have our date this week (which would have been last night), we discussed earlier this week. How about the weekend? Nope, same, too busy. How about our TV show, Game of Thrones on Sunday? Not even, has a final exam on Monday.

 

 

Earlier in the week we discussed all of this, and I expressed how I felt about my desire to see her. It wasn't what you might be thinking, some sort of me begging and looking pathetic to her. I was strong and confident, just told her I would like to have a date, etc. I asked her if school is going to do this all the time, I asked point blank "are you ready for a relationship?", and she said yes. I do find it ironic somehow that she meets a guy on the same we met on, dates for 2 months, neglects her school, breaks up with him, goes BACK on said dating website, meets me, then realizes how stressed she is and is in crunch time mode for school, and can't see me at all until school is over basically.

 

 

The last time I saw her, which would have been over a week ago now, I was leaving her place late at night, and I told her some of the things I said previously, about my interest in seeing her more than once every other week or something. Her response is that she just has to focus on school right now and she promises it won't be like this forever. She said "it's only 6 more days" of study, labs, tests, final exam, etc. I can respect that, and I certainly don't want to be like her 2 month guy, demanding of her time and taking her away from her studies, etc. But I also have my own desires and want to see her, so how do I proceed? Just wait, I guess?

 

 

The conversation we had where I asked her if she was ready for a relationship took place a few days ago, so I'm sort of putting this in reverse order because below is a text I got from her when I got home after the last time I saw her in person. This was as I was leaving her place like I said, and I basically told her that I don't want to be used or whatever, and that I'm not going to be like that 2 month guy but that we have both taken down our profiles, we're not seeing other people, yet we're still not on "gf/bf" label, only been "dating" a month, but this isn't a casual thing. We both have goals in life i.e. marriage, kids etc. I mean those are our future respective goals, not like we're talking about that with each other after a month (in case you read that wrong).

 

 

"Please don't feel like I'm taking advantage of you because that is not the case. I’m just trying to stay focused and be responsible and part of that is making sacrifices. It sucks but the gain is so much more. I'm almost done with this semester, so just know it's not always going to be like this. I hope you have a goodnight.

Apr 28 11:37pm"

 

 

I'm just a little frustrated. Part of me feels like she doesn't like me or something anymore, and is using the school thing to slow things down even more, I don't know. I mean, I know she's not lying about being busy with school. I just don't understand how we went from seeing each other a few times a week, have had sex plenty of times, she won't let me sleep over at her place, and now she can't see me at all basically because of school. The logical part of my brain says "yea, she's in school, she told you it'll be over soon, then it'll be better" and the emotional side is saying "I want to spend more time with her, I like her, I am not sure I get the same vibe in return". She literally goes to bed at like 8-9pm every night. This weekend she said she will be spending it entirely on studying and has a test tomorrow AM on campus too.

 

 

I guess the way I see it, and please chime in someone (?!?!?!?), is that if she chose to hang out with her friends or do something instead of studying on a Fri/Sat night or this weekend and not want to see me, I'll take that as some sort of sign that she's not that into me. But if she's telling the truth, and she just needs to study and get this out of the way because she neglected it for so long, and that after next week she'll be more free and open to spending time with me, I'll take that as a sign that we're moving in a good direction.

 

 

I mean, even since that text from her I posted above, we text throughout the day a little and I try to call her before she goes to bed or she'll ask me to call her to talk when I'm off work, etc. She has said things out of the blue via text like "I like you and "Thinking about you" etc. That's positive, yea?

 

 

 

 

Comments/suggestions/advice?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PS: I wanted to surprise her somewhat unorthodoxically by calling her mid-day today and left a short sweet message saying she was pretty, was thinking about her, hope she's having a good day". Then she actually called me back later and I was able to get her to agree to have me come stop by her place tonight for a minute. I told her "I'm just going to come over, hug you, pick you up and twirl you around, kiss you, and leave" and she chuckled.

[gp11a]

Childhood Abandonment and Healing

 

..

 

A lot of our conversations together have been her telling me things that she did not like about her ex(es), most specifically the more recent one.

 

...

I guess the way I see it, and please chime in someone (?!?!?!?), is that if she chose to hang out with her friends or do something instead of studying on a Fri/Sat night or this weekend and not want to see me, I'll take that as some sort of sign that she's not that into me. But if she's telling the truth, and she just needs to study and get this out of the way because she neglected it for so long, and that after next week she'll be more free and open to spending time with me, I'll take that as a sign that we're moving in a good direction.

 

Almost had a panic attack reading that, but I got through it. I'd hang back and wait until classes are over... Don't read into things too much. She's known her friends for longer and probably hopes to see you more after classes end. That's atleast what I got out of it - from the text you highlighted in red, looks like she is trying to reassure you so you don't jump ship. Don't push things since she seems to be recovering from the past "relationship" and what she experienced.

 

Also, if you guys don't have a label or are "committed", don't see why the conversation of deleting dating profiles took place. Could she have taken it down because she is busy?

 

 

Almost had a panic attack reading that, but I got through it. I'd hang back and wait until classes are over... Don't read into things so much. She's known her friends for longer and probably hopes to see you more after classes end. That's atleast what I got out of it - from the text you highlighted in red, looks like she is trying to reassure you so you don't jump ship or give up. Don't push things since she seems to be recovering from the past "relationship" and what she experienced - have fun and take it slow?

 

I do kind of see it as a red flag that she talks about exes so much... It still bothers her a lot, from what I can tell. I don't know if she's ready for a relationship, but if you take things slow, maybe it will get better.

 

Disclaimer: I only read your last two posts. But I dealt with abandonment issues too and I'm in my head a lot. Next time you write a post, take time on it and narrow it down to the important stuff. It'll help you get your thoughts together and maybe have a different perspective. It helps me. I've found the more I take it cool and casually, the better others respond to that... but still remain mature and strong.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Thanks gp, I appreciate your comments and I certainly will try to keep my posts more clear and short/simple/to the point. I guess that's why I have less followers on this thread, if you will, as I did once back here in 2013. I had the most in depth back and forth and mostly helpful advice from so many awesome people here. But when my now ex-gf went through my phone when I was sleeping one night a few months into our relationship, she went through my email and found her way to that thread. I had to ask the moderators to delete it.

 

But guess what?!?!

 

I guess this girl I've posted about here these last few times, we are now "girlfriend/boyfriend"!!!!! I am slightly more happy about it than her she seems. I am in the process of moving this weekend, and it sucks. She's also in the midst of studying hard for her final exam and therefore we haven't hung out much. But she told me she had some boxes to give me for moving, so I stopped by her place a little while today and we made out and had a few more intimate talks. She's definitely got a wall up. She self-admittedly told me she's not like that all the time, it just takes time and patience with her, so that's fine. That's why I asked her if she was not really liking the whole label title thing of "girlfriend" now, but she says she is. And that officially makes the first girl I've asked to be my "girlfriend" since my ex! And that was back in the fall of 2015, so it's been a long time...

 

In case anyone is wondering, I was the one to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I didn't just come out and say it out of nowhere. She was talking about how some of her friends/coworkers etc kept teasing her about the title, like "so is he your boyfriend now or what?" and she just skirted around it or something. I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend a week or two ago when I felt this urge to, especially since she said she wanted to take it slow. So I backed off and let her sort of come to me with it. She wasn't outright asking me, but my EQ isn't so low that I can't pick up on things, so I could sense/feel where that conversation was going and it was the perfect time to bring it up, so I did.

 

She said starting Tues she wants to see me because she'll be done with school. Then Weds she wants me to meet her twin sister and brother in law, which is a big deal because they are very judgemental and look out for her best interests and she's afraid they will look for anything negative about me to tell her or something, but I'm not worried. From the horror stories of social awkwardness she had with her last "boyfriend" of 2 months, that won't be a problem for me. I'm going to be myself, respectful, polite, engaging, having manners, etc. That's not faking anything, that's just me.

 

Headed to bed now. I shouldn't have posted this much, ugh! I told myself I wouldn't. But TLDR: I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

[FlashEng1]

Thanks gp, I appreciate your comments and I certainly will try to keep my posts more clear and short/simple/to the point. I guess that's why I have less followers on this thread, if you will, as I did once back here in 2013. I had the most in depth back and forth and mostly helpful advice from so many awesome people here. But when my now ex-gf went through my phone when I was sleeping one night a few months into our relationship, she went through my email and found her way to that thread. I had to ask the moderators to delete it.

 

But guess what?!?!

 

I guess this girl I've posted about here these last few times, we are now "girlfriend/boyfriend"!!!!! I am slightly more happy about it than her she seems. I am in the process of moving this weekend, and it sucks. She's also in the midst of studying hard for her final exam and therefore we haven't hung out much. But she told me she had some boxes to give me for moving, so I stopped by her place a little while today and we made out and had a few more intimate talks. She's definitely got a wall up. She self-admittedly told me she's not like that all the time, it just takes time and patience with her, so that's fine. That's why I asked her if she was not really liking the whole label title thing of "girlfriend" now, but she says she is. And that officially makes the first girl I've asked to be my "girlfriend" since my ex! And that was back in the fall of 2015, so it's been a long time...

 

In case anyone is wondering, I was the one to ask her to be my girlfriend, but I didn't just come out and say it out of nowhere. She was talking about how some of her friends/coworkers etc kept teasing her about the title, like "so is he your boyfriend now or what?" and she just skirted around it or something. I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend a week or two ago when I felt this urge to, especially since she said she wanted to take it slow. So I backed off and let her sort of come to me with it. She wasn't outright asking me, but my EQ isn't so low that I can't pick up on things, so I could sense/feel where that conversation was going and it was the perfect time to bring it up, so I did.

 

She said starting Tues she wants to see me because she'll be done with school. Then Weds she wants me to meet her twin sister and brother in law, which is a big deal because they are very judgemental and look out for her best interests and she's afraid they will look for anything negative about me to tell her or something, but I'm not worried. From the horror stories of social awkwardness she had with her last "boyfriend" of 2 months, that won't be a problem for me. I'm going to be myself, respectful, polite, engaging, having manners, etc. That's not faking anything, that's just me.

 

Headed to bed now. I shouldn't have posted this much, ugh! I told myself I wouldn't. But TLDR: I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND

 

I should be in bed too right now; but after this surprise party I found myself replying to POF profiles, which 3:30 AM is a horrible time to be doing all that, so here I am.

 

CONGRATS!!! Just be careful Spoon and enjoy the ride. It's never fun being the one who's more involved or more in love, so be sure to take your time getting to know her more (can't believe I'm saying this as advice AFTER getting into the relationship) and continue to look out for your #1 Person in this world: You.

[gp11a]

]TLDR: I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND [/b]

 

Congrats! Sounds like with school over, things will normalize a little more! It's cool that she recognizing that some patience is required for her right now, as is understandable, and good she recognizes that things need to go a little slow. Good luck meeting some of the family, sounds like you're ready for that.