Operation Finding Girlfriend

[TheSpoon2Big]

I just now learned what "Netflix and chill" really means. I had an idea, but didn't really know for sure.

 

Small update/chronicling my journey. Since last post, Girl B in the previous posts has gone away. After not talking to her for a few days, she randomly sent me a text super late at night saying, "Hey you're having a good night. Sorry about my baggage of sorts. I will say you made me smile big first time in a long time. Thanks!" I thought she might have been hinting at reopening things between us, but when we talked about it more, she said she was sorry for wasting my time and had too much going on in her life, blah blah blah. So she's out! Not too much lost.

 

Girl A from same above posts has continued talking to me, but she "isn't much of a phone person" i.e. talking on the phone, so we just text and hangout about once a week on the weekend. She's slept over twice, doesn't seem like she wants anything more serious and I'm sort of a casual thing for her, I think. These days girls use guys for youknowwhat too it seems!

 

 

I met a new girl too though, let's call her Girl C lol. We hit it off immediately, and I thought she was awesome. She had me over for dinner on the first date, and we watched Netflix... she even said she just wanted to "watch a movie" and "NOT Netflix and chill". But she got touchy fast, couldn't keep her hands off of me. We stayed up late, until like 3-4am and she had to be up at 7! She wanted to see me immediately the next day and even kinda got upset when I came over later than she wanted. She kept going on and on, telling about all of her past relationships, unsolicited. She kept hinting at things that I took as her trying to have a relationship with me on day 2! I do like her though. She has a lot of my desirable "preferences", if you will.

 

She was texting me all sorts of stuff like "if I could make dinner and watch a movie with you every night I wouldn't complain" and "I hope you like me because I really like you and "I woke up this morning thinking about you I kinda backed off, but still went over to her place a 3rd time the other night, and we watched a show and only that, even though she kept trying for more. I think she got butt hurt, and since then she barely talks to me. I have tried contacting her and she's distant and "busy". I called her out on thinking she only wanted to smash, she says she's "new to this, have been single for almost 2 years". I don't know what to think of her now, and I've probably already ruined it by continuing to try and talk to her the way she was already talking to me!! Ugh. Any women want to chime in?

 

She lives like walking distance from my job, and I have thought about just surprising her after work with flowers, but I think that might be creepy in this day and age...

 

That's it for now... Sometimes I think I am meant to be single for the rest of my life.

[notalady]

Girl C came on way too strong, wanted an instant relationship without even getting to know you first, big red flag. You didn't ruin anything, you dodged a bullet. People who take things too fast fade away just as fast. Next time run when you see one like that.

 

Girl B had too much drama going on, as soon as someone tells you they're still going through a divorce/custody battle/goes on about the ex/shows that they are carrying baggage, run immediately. No not everyone has baggage, and you don't need to take on or be involved with someone else's baggage.

 

Girl A only wants casual hence the low contact. As long as that works for you, go ahead.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Girl C came on way too strong, wanted an instant relationship without even getting to know you first, big red flag. You didn't ruin anything, you dodged a bullet. People who take things too fast fade away just as fast. Next time run when you see one like that.

 

Girl B had too much drama going on, as soon as someone tells you they're still going through a divorce/custody battle/goes on about the ex/shows that they are carrying baggage, run immediately. No not everyone has baggage, and you don't need to take on or be involved with someone else's baggage.

 

Girl A only wants casual hence the low contact. As long as that works for you, go ahead.

 

Yea, Girl B really had a lot of baggage, and some more of it came on when she started talking to me. At least she had the "courage" to tell me, I guess, and not act like she could handle any of that while trying to date.

 

I too thought Girl C came on super strong, it even freaked me out a little, and I'm used to the occasional "come on too strong" campaign by women here and there. However, once she said all these sweet nothings to me and propped me up, etc, and then just flat out has suddenly stopped talking to me and every time I try to contact her, it's "I'm sorry, I'm busy" and "I'll try and text you later" etc. She had invited me over to her place to celebrate her son's 1yr birthday which is today a few days back, and last night when I asked her if she still wanted me to come over, she just didn't respond at all. But she wasn't so busy that she didn't upload pictures to Instagram/Facebook and even talk to me briefly telling me she had finally had time to eat dinner and sent me a picture of what she was eating.

 

It sounds crazy, but I got kinda high on the girl strangely enough. She did some things with me on an intimate level that I had always fantasized about Her incredibly sudden drop-off has shocked me. Not sure how you can go from so hot to so cold so fast. I feel like if I leave her alone completely, it'll just fade away like you said. Oh well, I guess. I woke up pretty depressed about it though, for some strange reason. I haven't been this bummed about a girl for a long time, to the depressed level. Not even the ending of my last serious live-in relationship made me that bummed out. Maybe I've been holding it all in for so long. Girl C liked the same sports team as much, had the same political views, was super into fitness/yoga and very very fit, and was my ethnical-pref on top of her hot sexual prefs that I kinda always wanted to try. I didn't think all those things would exist in the same person haha.

 

I like Girl A, not as much as Girl C, but I still like her. I've thought about bringing up more serious talk, if you will, but I figure I'll leave that up to her, if she ever wants. I'm not used to girls who just want something casual from me though.

 

Maybe I did dodge a bullet. That's what my guy friends told me about Girl C after I told them how strong she was coming on.

[notalady]

I think you should stop trying anything with Girl C. She's already lost interest, you have no other choice than to leave her alone and let her fade away.

 

I think you're just depressed because you got swept up in the highs of someone seemingly so into you, and your own fantasy of how good this could be, all without actually knowing her. So once that fantasy and hope is crushed, it feels even worse than a long term relationship ending (where you would've experienced the lows and see why it doesn't work).

[TheSpoon2Big]

I feel crappy today.

 

 

Ended up going over to Girl C's place last night after work to celebrate her son's 1yr birthday... It was incredibly awkward though. All day she ignored me. I left her a message telling her that I had a fun time with her, but I get the message/vibe by now. I felt a knot in my stomach as I went to knock on the door. Being in there was almost even more uncomfortable. She didn't hug me or say hi very much. Just went straight to the middle of her unwrapping presents with her son. After that was done, she picked up his toys and put him to bed. I took my phone out because my football team was playing TNF, and I couldn't believe how badly we were losing. She got mad and said "can you not do that I'm trying to put him to bed" and closed the door in his room, I said I was sorry. Afterwards, she just began doing a million things at once, bouncing around from laundry to dishes to putting away toys and cleaning them, etc. I asked her if she wanted any help and she said no. At one point I finally hugged her, and she put her head on my chest and I gently stroked her hair. Then she went back to doing a billion things. I was making small talk, trying to lighten the mood. She said "This is why I'm so busy, I'm not trying to be mean or ignore you, I'm just very busy during the week". I said I totally understand and wouldn't mind helping her if she ever needed. I offered to take her trash/recycling out, etc. I asked her if she wanted to do something this weekend, like today (Friday) and she said she had a lot going on and that since she had her son all day Sat that it probably wouldn't work very well. So I said what about Sat night, and she said "aren't you leaving?" - I'm going out of town for a week for work - and I said "Not until Sunday"... she said "maybe" on Sat night, but that she can't "stay up late", so I said that's fine, I can't either. She seemed constantly hesitant. That's funny because last weekend, she couldn't get enough of me and was clammering all over me either in person or on text saying she wanted to see me ASAP as soon as I left her place and was still walking to my car.

 

We were off and on affectionate but only if I initiated it. One time I tried to be sweet in the living room and pick her up and said "no no no" so I stopped, kinda felt bad. Then she came up closer to me and put her head on my chest briefly, then took off again. She paid me no mind, and she said "see this is what my life is like". Such a 180* turn of her behavior since last week when was going on and on to me about how she "hoped I like her because she really liked me and wanted to keep seeing me". Ugh!!! I text her when I got home, said it was good to see her and hoped she got some rest. No reply. I figured she went to bed. Nope, 2 hours later she posted a bunch of pictures on social media about the son's birthday, etc. I guess she was too busy to write me back. No response the next morning when I said good morning, hope you have a good day! At one point too last night, I approached her and we hugged, and I said "let's start over" and she said "OK" sweetly, I said "I really like you" and she said "but you don't know me, we just met" jokingly. I said hey my name is...she said the same in return, I thought maybe we'd turn the corner, but by the end I felt tossed aside.

 

 

I guess I should stop racking my brain, not sure why it's so hard to do.

 

 

Ironically, out of nowhere, Girl A from original posts texted me again late last night, after we last exchanged those "sorry for wasting your time" texts 4-5 days ago. She said "Hey" and "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I was confused about my ex". So frustrating, she must have a ton of crap in her life.

 

 

I have a tentative routine date with "casual" Girl B tonight, I think, even though she hasn't been responsive. Otherwise, I set something up with a new Girl D tonight/this weekend. I'm sure Girl C just wants me gone and will disappear if I don't talk to her anymore. I don't get why it was so hot/so fast then BOOM total flip.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I think you should stop trying anything with Girl C. She's already lost interest, you have no other choice than to leave her alone and let her fade away.

 

I think you're just depressed because you got swept up in the highs of someone seemingly so into you, and your own fantasy of how good this could be, all without actually knowing her. So once that fantasy and hope is crushed, it feels even worse than a long term relationship ending (where you would've experienced the lows and see why it doesn't work).

 

That's a good way to put it.

 

She's definitely lost interest and I keep thinking it was something I did to upset her, like when I was over at her place on Monday night and accidentally broke the handle on one of her chairs, or because we didn't have sex and she kept trying to get me to do it, etc. Oh well.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I have officially lost my mind. I tried texting this chick, asking how her day was. Tried calling, nada. Then, at the SAME TIME, I see her "Online now!" on the site I met her from. Someone told me that she is probably having sex with more guys than I want to know about.

 

Screw it!!!!!

 

Girl B, the "casual" one, we were supposed to have a date tonight, but she hasn't responded to me tonight either. The only girl showing interest is now Girl D. I don't have much money, but I'm going to take her bowling/play pool, have some fun. I hope I don't get catfished...

[notalady]

I have officially lost my mind. I tried texting this chick, asking how her day was. Tried calling, nada. Then, at the SAME TIME, I see her "Online now!" on the site I met her from. Someone told me that she is probably having sex with more guys than I want to know about.

 

Screw it!!!!!

 

Girl B, the "casual" one, we were supposed to have a date tonight, but she hasn't responded to me tonight either. The only girl showing interest is now Girl D. I don't have much money, but I'm going to take her bowling/play pool, have some fun. I hope I don't get catfished...

 

Which one is this "chick"?

 

I thought Girl A is the casual one, Girl B was the mum who's not ready to date yet.

[notalady]

You've known girl C for just a couple of weeks (maybe not even that) and already all these drama and problems, why do you bother? If you're looking for a serious relationship, you're doing this all wrong. Don't waste time on any of these girls who've proven themselves to be either having issues/baggage/too busy or not ready to date. Any red flag at all, you need to bolt. Otherwise, yea you have no one other than yourself to blame for your own frustrations in dating because you chose to accept these sub-standard treatment and you put yourself in these situations.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I thought Girl A is the casual one, Girl B was the mum who's not ready to date yet.

 

Sorry, I know it gets confusing.

 

Girl A the girl who's a mom with a 2-3yr old daughter with all the custody and child support issues who's not ready to date.

Girl B the "casual" one who seemingly only wants to talk to me to have sex. The one who refuses to talk on the phone and is extremely scarce in the text communication department. In fact, we had a date set up for Fri night ever since the beginning of the week. By the time Fri came, she didn't answer me, the next day I brought it up and she said "Oh I forgot what day it was, Fri or Sat, and I had to take a friend to the airport last night. She has to take and pick up lots of people from the airport, I've noticed... lol

Girl C: the one with a 1yr old boy, the one I've been talking about most lately, the one who came on incredibly strong and then just blew me off.

Girl D: new one... ended up going on a date with her on Fri night instead, since Girl B flaked.

 

 

Which one is this "chick"?

 

"This chick" was referring to Girl C, the one I've acted a fool on. The one who was super into me from the get-go and then when I wouldn't have sex with her one night and after we watched a movie I went home, she stopped talking to me as much. She kept saying she was "busy", "swamped at work", "sorry I'll try and text you later", all this crap, and I got upset, called her out on it. Started accusing her of only wanting sex from me, etc. Now there's even more to the story, thanks to my pure stupidity.

[TheSpoon2Big]

You've known girl C for just a couple of weeks (maybe not even that) and already all these drama and problems, why do you bother? If you're looking for a serious relationship, you're doing this all wrong. Don't waste time on any of these girls who've proven themselves to be either having issues/baggage/too busy or not ready to date. Any red flag at all, you need to bolt. Otherwise, yea you have no one other than yourself to blame for your own frustrations in dating because you chose to accept these sub-standard treatment and you put yourself in these situations.

 

Now that some more time has passed, I've definitely started to reflect on Girl C in a more negative light. I mean, I'm not as hurt by it. I was upset that she kept ignoring me though, and made things worse by assuming she blocked my number (since she never responded to anything nice like "hey, how was work?" or my phone calls) and went on her social media sites (two), and made a**hole rude and offensive comments on 2 pictures. She then finally texted me. Of course, it wasn't nice, but at least she acknowledged my existence. She said "You are beyond immature and need to grow up. Post crude and inappropriate content, any information about me anywhere else and I'll file charges against you" etc etc. We went back and forth arguing, I just wanted to know why she flipped 180 on me and was rude by ignoring me constantly whereas prior to that she was all over me like crazy. I said "You're a fake, telling me you wanted to make me dinner and watch a movie every night. Why did I even buy your BS?" and she said, "Because you went f***ing crazy when I got busy". I said, "And I apologized. When you told me something about watching Netflix and chill in French a few days ago, I thought that's what you wanted. I didn't do the translation to English (I don't speak French, but she was texting me in French and I was responding in Spanish, my other language, just for fun when we first started talking) until later and that's when I realized you said, in French that you wanted to watch a movie and NOT Netflix and chill, so when you stopped talking to me, I figured you just wanted me for the sex only".

 

I then apologized for the comments I made on her social media and said they were out of line and was sorry, but she said "It's a little late for the sanity act" and that "I know where she lives" and is going to protect herself and her son against me. I told her I'm not going to do anything, that's ridiculous, I NEVER made any threats or remarks and NEVER wished her ill-will or harm AT ALL. In fact, I'm not even in town, I'm out of state for awhile anyways. I blocked and deleted her from all avenues we had communication channels through, social media or the dating site we met on, etc.

 

 

Yep, officially lost my mind.

 

 

 

 

 

In other news, Girl D is pretty cool. A little hyper energetic, but cute. Not as "hot" necessarily as say, Girl C that I'm dealing with all the crazy problems with, but she is nice. After our first date, she said she'd like to see me again. We kissed on the first date, and that's not something I usually do. She wanted to see me the very next night because I was going to be out of town. We had a fun night last night, she stayed over, but we just slept, nothing else. She actually paid for our second date, which surprised me. She didn't seem to have any qualms about it, even though I felt awkward because the guy is supposed to pay for everything forever, jk.

[ManyDates]

Sounds to me like you are talking them right out of liking you - the phone and texting is only to be used to set up dates once a week, do that and right away your odds will improve. Stop being so needy and desperate, it's what's getting you continually kicked to the curb and until you get that under control it's just going to keep happening.

Needy and desperate is feminine behavior - women want a masculine man.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I’m writing this now, before and in case there have been any posts in response to prior post(s). I am mostly chronicling this journey as I go. I hope one day it will serve as a good read, and a way to see all the mistakes I made, and hopefully some things I did right.

 

There have been no recent updates regarding Girl C since my last post about that situation.

 

I have been doing a lot of reading and watching Corey Wayne’s videos online, and I’m beginning to learn more about how attraction and how women communicate vs men. I won’t go into a speech about it, but I’ve begun to see how I’ve unintentionally talked women right out of dating me.

 

I have an interesting update though, in a way.

 

Girl D that I went out with on a date the last two days before I left town that showed so much interest in me (I thought), has dropped off. It’s frustrating. She spent the night at my place the last night before I left, and it was HER idea to go back to my place. She had said “let’s just go back to your place” and then “I don’t think I even want to drive home now, it’s so late”. If that wasn’t a sign… The next morning, she drove home and I left town. I had texted her a picture of the long security line at the airport and got no reply. I thought I would get a “have a safe flight!” or “how was the flight, did you arrive OK?”, something like that. Nada. I called her when I got to my hotel, and she took her lunch break at work and talked to me, very enthusiastic to talk to me. I then let her go and told her to call me after work (like she was doing on her own the last few days when I was still in town). She didn’t. The following ensured:

 

How was your nap

Dec 06 8:14pm

It was nice, but now I can't sleep! Plus the time difference

Dec 06 8:15pm

Did you finally escape from the dungeons of the flatirons mall?

Dec 06 8:16pm

Ha ha yup laying in bed right now

Dec 06 8:21pm

Then I called her to talk before she went to bed, and she was incredibly short with me.

Dec 06 8:23pm

Yo!

Dec 07 12:08pm

What's up

Dec 07 12:22pm

How are you?

Dec 07 12:52pm

Has anyone told you today that you are pretty? If not, you are

Dec 07 12:57pm

(and anyone who hasn't told you sucks at life)

Dec 07 12:57pm

Um thanks I'm doing alright how are you

Dec 07 12:58pm

I'm good. How's your day off?

Dec 07 1:02pm

It's good getting a lot of stuff done

Dec 07 1:03pm

That's good

Dec 07 1:09pm

How's your work boot camp going

Dec 07 1:27pm

I'm learning about the electrolytes in a nickel hybrid battery, and cryanoarcrylate plastics lol

Dec 07 1:31pm

Fun

Dec 07 2:24pm

 

I then called her later in the day to say hi. This was by far the worst conversation yet. She was giving one word answers, very short. I got the hint, said “I’ll let you go, just wanted to say hi” and her response was “For sure, alright bye!”.

 

Haven’t bothered contacting her since. I figure she lost attraction for me somewhere, somehow. I guess if she comes back, great. If not, I’m not going to do all this chasing.

 

ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIPS HERE ON EARTH ARE NOT THE WAY THEY ARE SO OFTEN PORTRAYED IN THE MOVIES!

 

I’ve almost written off Girl B as well. She flaked on me on our last date, never wants to talk on the phone, only text. HOWEVER, she did text me asking how my flight was, which I thought was nice. She also said she was sorry that she couldn’t see me before I left. She is busy for the next two weekends, but said “I’m always free after work”. Meh, ugh, all of those things.

 

 

 

The most curious “update” to this post is the original Girl A in this thread. She’s the one with a young child that had child support/custody issues, etc. The more I left her alone and virtually wrote her off, the more she has begun “chasing” me now, it seems. The stuff they talk about in dating advice is turning out to be true!

You can just see the dates/times on these texts to give you an idea of how things have gone down over the last week+. I left her alone for 4+ days, didn’t respond to her, and she continues to attempt to contact me. Look at this:

 

I can take no for an answer, it's OK. I thought you had a great personality and are very pretty and I wanted to get to know you more and try to show you that there are some nice guys out there! I feel pretty stupid getting any hopes up now lol.

Nov 30 6:33pm

I liked your personality as well, and your also pretty cute.

Honestly, I'm very overwelmed and confused right now.

I've had some pretty recent setback

Nov 30 6:39pm

s, and I just realized that I am just trying to build my life back. I'm trying to find a better job, and I'm also still not sure how I feel about commit

Nov 30 6:39pm

ting to someone. With everything I got going on, I don't feel like I can manage a really focusing on anyone else right now.

Trying to improve my life tha

Nov 30 6:39pm

t is all!

Nov 30 6:39pm

Sorry for wasting your time. ... I'm not ready move on I guess.....haha I have baggage sort out.

Nov 30 6:42pm

Hey

Dec 03 10:52pm

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was confused about my ex

Dec 03 11:04pm

That's OK, anything getting better for you?

Dec 03 11:12pm

Slowly....

Dec 03 11:13pm

Are you still confused about your ex?

Dec 03 11:21pm

Hope you have a good Friday!

Dec 04 10:11am

You too tgif!

Dec 04 10:41am

How goes it?

Dec 07 8:25pm

Hey you

Dec 07 8:51pm

How have you been

Dec 07 8:52pm

Alright-to-good lol, you?

Dec 07 9:05pm

Not too bad

Dec 07 9:08pm

What are you up to?

Dec 07 9:08pm

I wish I could say something exciting. But I'm doing laundry

Dec 07 9:09pm

How was your final?

Dec 07 9:12pm

It's on wednesday

Dec 07 9:22pm

Did you finish your paper?

Dec 07 9:24pm

Yes awhile ago

Dec 07 9:26pm

Tired?

Dec 07 9:30pm

I meant several days ago

Dec 07 9:32pm

I know, I asked if you are tired

Dec 07 9:33pm

Oh kind of

Dec 07 9:33pm

 

 

So I called last night, talked briefly, and this time I was direct, saying this weekend at a specific time, I’ll grab the wine and we’ll make dinner together. She didn’t resist at all and said “OK!”.

Women aren’t as direct as men. She wouldn’t text me if she wasn’t interested in continuing something, which is what she said previously that she had to get her life together and couldn’t date anyone. Funny, I saw her “online” on the site we met on the other night, so she’s clearly either really confused or is actually “over” her ex and realizes I might not be such a bad guy after all

 

We’ll see…

[TheSpoon2Big]

Sounds to me like you are talking them right out of liking you - the phone and texting is only to be used to set up dates once a week, do that and right away your odds will improve. Stop being so needy and desperate, it's what's getting you continually kicked to the curb and until you get that under control it's just going to keep happening.

Needy and desperate is feminine behavior - women want a masculine man.

 

Man you sound EXACTLY like Corey Wayne. Sorry if you're a woman, just didn't know by your profile lol. And yes, I think you're exactly right. I touched on a little of that in my long post above/below. Yes, needy and weakness behavior contacting a girl too much pushes them away. I wish I would learned a lot more of this 5+ years ago.

[notalady]

In regards to Girl D, sorry I lost track, how many dates have you been on? Can't have been more than three? If so, dude, you're way too clingy for dating so early on! I mean calling her during lunch break at work, then wanting her to call you again after work (why do you need to speak to her so much?? It's only been a few dates or not even that?), and the constant texting, sorry that is waaaay too much after just a few dates. I'd lose interest fast too if someone did that to me. You also seem to have a lot of expectations of how your date should behave (eg you expected her text you "have a safe flight" or similar), after just a few dates, that is again waaaay too much! You are practically strangers, she's not a girlfriend you've been dating for months or years, why does she need to text you that or speak on the phone with you (twice a day no less)?

 

I'll tell you what, one guy I went on a couple of dates with would text me daily before and after our first date, just small talk, nothing in particular to say. And it really turned me off. I'm interested to get to know a new date in person, by going on dates, but not interested in texting back and forth when I don't even know them.

[notalady]

And I'd cut Girl B loose. She's not ready for anything serious and said so repeatedly, she's confused and she's in a messy situation.

 

Don't be deluded, it's not some trick or game that you played that made her contact you, she's just bored and want companionship, happy to have someone take her out on dates, and text with to kill time, but anything more than that, she's not able and/or willing to offer.

 

So proceed at your own peril, don't be surprised when you get burned, you've been warned.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Funny bit... not long after I posted my last rant, I was out with some guys from work at the store, and Girl D called me. I didn't answer in the store, and she left me a message saying "hey (my name) it's (her name), wanted to see what you were doing, haven't heard from you all day, I just got off work, call me" - that type of thing.

 

I called her back briefly and we talked for about 10-15min, and then I let her go, and we have a date set for this weekend per our last conversation two days ago now?

 

So funny, when you back off, then the attraction kicks in and if a woman likes you, she'll contact you and put herself back in your "orbit" (Corey Wayne) and it's the man's job to create a "fun filled romantic opportunity for sex to happen".

[TheSpoon2Big]

In regards to Girl D, sorry I lost track, how many dates have you been on? Can't have been more than three? If so, dude, you're way too clingy for dating so early on! I mean calling her during lunch break at work, then wanting her to call you again after work (why do you need to speak to her so much?? It's only been a few dates or not even that?), and the constant texting, sorry that is waaaay too much after just a few dates. I'd lose interest fast too if someone did that to me. You also seem to have a lot of expectations of how your date should behave (eg you expected her text you "have a safe flight" or similar), after just a few dates, that is again waaaay too much! You are practically strangers, she's not a girlfriend you've been dating for months or years, why does she need to text you that or speak on the phone with you (twice a day no less)?

 

I'll tell you what, one guy I went on a couple of dates with would text me daily before and after our first date, just small talk, nothing in particular to say. And it really turned me off. I'm interested to get to know a new date in person, by going on dates, but not interested in texting back and forth when I don't even know them.

 

You are right. I am looking back and in retrospect, I see my mistakes. I'm learning though, and it's not too late with a few of these girls, especially the more I just back off. Funny that when I DIDN'T call or text Girl D half of yesterday or all day today, she calls and says "haven't heard from you all day".

 

I'm starting to realize the way women operate a little, and how little guys "get it", it seems. I am learning so much through this process now that I wish I had probably 10 years ago, I would have never lost some of the few beautiful and great women I've dated in my life.

[TheSpoon2Big]

And I'd cut Girl B loose. She's not ready for anything serious and said so repeatedly, she's confused and she's in a messy situation.

 

Don't be deluded, it's not some trick or game that you played that made her contact you, she's just bored and want companionship, happy to have someone take her out on dates, and text with to kill time, but anything more than that, she's not able and/or willing to offer.

 

So proceed at your own peril, don't be surprised when you get burned, you've been warned.

 

Did you read the conversation I had with Girl B? I just thought it was weird that she told me she wasn't ready, all that, so I respected that and didn't talk to her, and 4-5 days later she contacts me again, trying to make conversation. I wasn't playing a trick or game with her, I literally just STOPPED talking to her and then after time passes, SHE reaches out and contacts me, which I thought was her just maybe trying to get my attention again and see if I was still available, etc.

 

However, you are more than probably right, with regard to the drama that could potentially ensue if I got seriously involved with her....

 

Where is Girl E and F?!?!?! Ugh

[notalady]

Did you read the conversation I had with Girl B? I just thought it was weird that she told me she wasn't ready, all that, so I respected that and didn't talk to her, and 4-5 days later she contacts me again, trying to make conversation. I wasn't playing a trick or game with her, I literally just STOPPED talking to her and then after time passes, SHE reaches out and contacts me, which I thought was her just maybe trying to get my attention again and see if I was still available, etc.

 

However, you are more than probably right, with regard to the drama that could potentially ensue if I got seriously involved with her....

 

Where is Girl E and F?!?!?! Ugh

 

It's not that weird, like I said she's bored and want companionship or something casual. It's not inconsistent with not wanting commitment / serious relationship. More people than you'd think so that.

[tallydoo]

I’m writing this now, before and in case there have been any posts in response to prior post(s). I am mostly chronicling this journey as I go. I hope one day it will serve as a good read, and a way to see all the mistakes I made, and hopefully some things I did right.

 

There have been no recent updates regarding Girl C since my last post about that situation.

 

I have been doing a lot of reading and watching Corey Wayne’s videos online, and I’m beginning to learn more about how attraction and how women communicate vs men. I won’t go into a speech about it, but I’ve begun to see how I’ve unintentionally talked women right out of dating me.

 

I have an interesting update though, in a way.

 

Girl D that I went out with on a date the last two days before I left town that showed so much interest in me (I thought), has dropped off. It’s frustrating. She spent the night at my place the last night before I left, and it was HER idea to go back to my place. She had said “let’s just go back to your place” and then “I don’t think I even want to drive home now, it’s so late”. If that wasn’t a sign… The next morning, she drove home and I left town. I had texted her a picture of the long security line at the airport and got no reply. I thought I would get a “have a safe flight!” or “how was the flight, did you arrive OK?”, something like that. Nada. I called her when I got to my hotel, and she took her lunch break at work and talked to me, very enthusiastic to talk to me. I then let her go and told her to call me after work (like she was doing on her own the last few days when I was still in town). She didn’t. The following ensured:

 

How was your nap

Dec 06 8:14pm

It was nice, but now I can't sleep! Plus the time difference

Dec 06 8:15pm

Did you finally escape from the dungeons of the flatirons mall?

Dec 06 8:16pm

Ha ha yup laying in bed right now

Dec 06 8:21pm

Then I called her to talk before she went to bed, and she was incredibly short with me.

Dec 06 8:23pm

Yo!

Dec 07 12:08pm

What's up

Dec 07 12:22pm

How are you?

Dec 07 12:52pm

Has anyone told you today that you are pretty? If not, you are

Dec 07 12:57pm

(and anyone who hasn't told you sucks at life)

Dec 07 12:57pm

Um thanks I'm doing alright how are you

Dec 07 12:58pm

I'm good. How's your day off?

Dec 07 1:02pm

It's good getting a lot of stuff done

Dec 07 1:03pm

That's good

Dec 07 1:09pm

How's your work boot camp going

Dec 07 1:27pm

I'm learning about the electrolytes in a nickel hybrid battery, and cryanoarcrylate plastics lol

Dec 07 1:31pm

Fun

Dec 07 2:24pm

 

I then called her later in the day to say hi. This was by far the worst conversation yet. She was giving one word answers, very short. I got the hint, said “I’ll let you go, just wanted to say hi” and her response was “For sure, alright bye!”.

 

Haven’t bothered contacting her since. I figure she lost attraction for me somewhere, somehow. I guess if she comes back, great. If not, I’m not going to do all this chasing.

 

ROMANCE AND RELATIONSHIPS HERE ON EARTH ARE NOT THE WAY THEY ARE SO OFTEN PORTRAYED IN THE MOVIES!

 

I’ve almost written off Girl B as well. She flaked on me on our last date, never wants to talk on the phone, only text. HOWEVER, she did text me asking how my flight was, which I thought was nice. She also said she was sorry that she couldn’t see me before I left. She is busy for the next two weekends, but said “I’m always free after work”. Meh, ugh, all of those things.

 

 

 

The most curious “update” to this post is the original Girl A in this thread. She’s the one with a young child that had child support/custody issues, etc. The more I left her alone and virtually wrote her off, the more she has begun “chasing” me now, it seems. The stuff they talk about in dating advice is turning out to be true!

You can just see the dates/times on these texts to give you an idea of how things have gone down over the last week+. I left her alone for 4+ days, didn’t respond to her, and she continues to attempt to contact me. Look at this:

 

I can take no for an answer, it's OK. I thought you had a great personality and are very pretty and I wanted to get to know you more and try to show you that there are some nice guys out there! I feel pretty stupid getting any hopes up now lol.

Nov 30 6:33pm

I liked your personality as well, and your also pretty cute.

Honestly, I'm very overwelmed and confused right now.

I've had some pretty recent setback

Nov 30 6:39pm

s, and I just realized that I am just trying to build my life back. I'm trying to find a better job, and I'm also still not sure how I feel about commit

Nov 30 6:39pm

ting to someone. With everything I got going on, I don't feel like I can manage a really focusing on anyone else right now.

Trying to improve my life tha

Nov 30 6:39pm

t is all!

Nov 30 6:39pm

Sorry for wasting your time. ... I'm not ready move on I guess.....haha I have baggage sort out.

Nov 30 6:42pm

Hey

Dec 03 10:52pm

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I was confused about my ex

Dec 03 11:04pm

That's OK, anything getting better for you?

Dec 03 11:12pm

Slowly....

Dec 03 11:13pm

Are you still confused about your ex?

Dec 03 11:21pm

Hope you have a good Friday!

Dec 04 10:11am

You too tgif!

Dec 04 10:41am

How goes it?

Dec 07 8:25pm

Hey you

Dec 07 8:51pm

How have you been

Dec 07 8:52pm

Alright-to-good lol, you?

Dec 07 9:05pm

Not too bad

Dec 07 9:08pm

What are you up to?

Dec 07 9:08pm

I wish I could say something exciting. But I'm doing laundry

Dec 07 9:09pm

How was your final?

Dec 07 9:12pm

It's on wednesday

Dec 07 9:22pm

Did you finish your paper?

Dec 07 9:24pm

Yes awhile ago

Dec 07 9:26pm

Tired?

Dec 07 9:30pm

I meant several days ago

Dec 07 9:32pm

I know, I asked if you are tired

Dec 07 9:33pm

Oh kind of

Dec 07 9:33pm

 

 

So I called last night, talked briefly, and this time I was direct, saying this weekend at a specific time, I’ll grab the wine and we’ll make dinner together. She didn’t resist at all and said “OK!”.

Women aren’t as direct as men. She wouldn’t text me if she wasn’t interested in continuing something, which is what she said previously that she had to get her life together and couldn’t date anyone. Funny, I saw her “online” on the site we met on the other night, so she’s clearly either really confused or is actually “over” her ex and realizes I might not be such a bad guy after all

 

We’ll see…

 

Ahh so much texting/talking!! It's so early in the relationship. Save those conversations for the actual dates--leave a little mystery and a little dance. Don't text or call every single day: it feels like a relationship way too quickly this way before the women have even had a change to figure out if they like dating you yet.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Since last post(s)…

 

Came back from the business trip on Friday, and I had set up 3 dates because I knew at least 1 of them would flake/fall through. I had something set up with each Girl A, Girl D, and Girl “E”.

 

Girl D, ever since we last spent time together, when she slept over before I left town, has been increasingly distant and “off”. We had previously set the date for Fri night, but when I contacted her to get her address when I returned home so I could come pick her up, she never responded. Didn’t answer my text or my phone call, so I just left it alone. Later that night, I sort of confronted her about it, saying that I thought she was cool and wanted to get to know her more, but I can take a hint. She finally responded saying that she thought I was really nice but the last time we hung out, we just didn’t click. I mentioned I’d like to see her again, this time without a movie so we could spend more time talking. She said that the movie didn’t bother her, but what did bother her was what happened. She said, “I drove 40 miles to see you and ended up paying $50 on a date that you planned”. And that stung. I forgot my wallet, all I had was my ID. She seemed fine with paying, and I spent a lot of $ on her on the previous date. I guess that turned her off though. I get it, since I planned it it’s only fair, and I felt horrible, I just didn’t think that would deter her from me 100%, but oh well…

 

There was sort of a “Girl E”, but that never really materialized so I didn’t bother mentioning her much in here, but I figured I’d throw it out there at this point anyways. Technically, she should have been Girl A if I were to date them chronologically since I was talking to her before I met Girl A/B/C/D etc., but that’s beside the point now! I started talking to her again before I came back home, and we made plans for the evening. However, when I reached out to her for her address as well to pick her up for the date, she never wrote me back. After awhile, I just said, “OK, maybe tomorrow night then?” and she got mad, texting me “Forget it, you always bail”. For some reason, my text asking her for her address didn’t go through. I showed her the screen shot, but it was too late and she felt stupid and was still angry. So that fell through, and she told me to delete her number because I got her hopes up. That one was not my fault though!

 

Girl A was the success story, if you will. The daughter was being watched by her mom, and we met up for dinner and then went to a bar. Ended up back at my place and she stayed the night, read between the lines J I had no designs on that happening, it just did! Girl A, for anyone following, was the one with a very young daughter who had all the child support problems, etc and couldn’t commit to dating but would still reach out to me every 3-4 days. So that was fun, and I like her. We had a good time together, capped out by today meeting her daughter (2) for the first time as we all went to a museum. Girl A has told me more and more of her story, mostly regarding her most recent ex. They’ve been broken up for awhile, but he won’t leave her alone. The whole time we were hanging out, and especially later when we were trying to sleep, he had her on speed-dial constantly, from a blocked number. I guess he was telling her if she didn’t talk to him that he was just going to show up at her place. She even told me a story once when she was on a date with a guy and this crazy ex showed up where they were having the date and the two guys got into a physical fight. Sheesh!

 

So where there was ambivalence before, the attraction for me has seemingly increased. When lying in bed, she told me how weird this all was for her, how she hadn’t “been” with anyone in 2+ years. Today, we met up somewhere neutral before getting in my car together, because she’s afraid to tell me where she lives because of her experience with drama. After, dropped her and her daughter back at her car, brief kiss, then left. She called me a few hours later to chat. We talked for a little while, laughing and having a good talk. She said her daughter liked me and she hopes I wasn’t weirded out by her or anything “so soon”, and I said that was fine, I had a good time, no worries! In the middle of our good conversation, the phone disconnected. I think her battery died, I’m not sure. I tried her back but it went to voicemail 2x. I texted her, letting her know I didn’t hang up on her and to call me back if she wanted, etc. To this moment, no call back, no text. Not sure what’s up with that.

 

Anyways, that’s it for now. Still no word on the Girl C harassment crap, and no news is good news.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Ex boyfriend drama! The reason Girl A hung up on me incredibly abruptly and didn’t call me back or answer me I guess was because her stalker ex just showed back up at her place knocking on the door again last night. Ugh!

 

She called me this morning, but only on accident, then sent a follow up text saying, “sorry, I pocket dialed you”. I said “What happened to you last night, I was worried lol!” and she said she had “another knocking” at her door and “drama”.

 

I had another knocking at my door.....

Drama

Did you answer again?

3 hrs

Well..... I'm sure it's not what you want to hear. I think I need to move.

3 hrs

So yea? You guys talk or something? I'm so confused

3 hrs

No.... just peesistent

2 hrs

Persistent

2 hrs

You could have let me know, I was worried about you

2 hrs

Yeah...

2 hrs

Sorry

2 hr

 

 

This ex of hers found out that we slept together somehow. After I had taken her back on Sat, I guess he showed up and she let him in. He also came back yesterday during our phone conversation and I guess she thought it was appropriate to just hang up on me and leave me hanging. I thought that was a little rude. I would have appreciated a text in the morning or something like “hey, sorry about last night”, something!

 

Needless to say, yet another hornets nest of drama in my ongoing operation finding girlfriend!

[notalady]

You must love drama and trouble to continue to engage with Girl A.

[TheSpoon2Big]

You must love drama and trouble to continue to engage with Girl A.

 

I thought that we had "turned a corner", if you will. Her reaching out to me last week even after she said she was still "confused" over her ex, then I seized the chance to try a date again. She took me up on it, and we had a great time. I thought she was getting back in touch with me because she finally realized she didn't want to do anything else with her ex anymore, etc. I thought it was awesome that we had dinner and fun night, ended up back at my place, we slept together. The next day I met her young daughter and we all had a good day together.

 

I didn't see what is happening now coming exactly. Not the crazy ex who apparently keeps stalking her, but she's equally to blame I realize now... clearly, if she really was "OVER" him, then she wouldn't be entertaining his advances and letting him in when he persists and knocks at her door and calls her until 4am.

 

What she did to me last night, hanging up on me and basically acting weird ever since then, has put me over the edge. Screw her, screw that behavior. I will not tolerate or allow someone to treat me that way. That was disrespectful and rude and she didn't even acknowledge it or apologize. If she wanted something more to do with me, she would have apologized at the very least, or maybe NOT HAVE ANSWERED THE DOOR.

 

F*** it.