Operation Finding Girlfriend

[FlashEng1]

Man... it seems to me the bigger picture here is that she is not over her ex, nor ready for a relationship, and neither are you.

 

Why do all of this? Why put yourself through this type of stress?? Does the "idea" of being in a relationship with a girl give off that much dopamine and fill you with enough happy emotion that it overrules every red, yellow, and orange flag being thrown out in the field??

iv. This is an incredible amount of stress for me considering we’re just a month into this “relationship”.

 

You're right in believing and feeling this way. In fact, let it be your number 1 reason on why you need to let her go or at least give her so much space that she's the one calling you first, texting you first, trying to make time for her.. This is way too much for one month into a relationship... but it's understandably so into a relationship that shouldn't have moved this fast as well either.

 

She has major life events going on: Education/school. As do you: New home and getting your life back together.. If anything, for this to truly work, you both really shouldn't kid yourselves about a "relationship" and simply take things slow.. Date exclusively if you must, but learn that all that really means is your day is your day to work on YOU. They are there to compliment it. It's not so much you going out and dating other people or "getting back out there." In your case, dating exclusively is a much better option than being in a relationship over some title.

v. Maybe I’m coming around and/or to my senses and listening more to the logical mind and realizing I was letting my emotion mind control and dictate everything.

 

And it was that emotional side that's driven you into a relationship that's not right for you... You deserve to be with someone that will give you what you want. Why settle, hoping the one you're with will "come around to their senses?"

vi. How do I get to “wise mind”, that perfect balance of the logical and emotional side of our brains?

 

It starts with learning to bite the bullet, and making the tough decisions that you know are right, in the beginning, and accepting the events to come afterwards.The emotions come as a result of your actions (healthy), though many allow their actions to then reflect their emotions (unhealthy)... However, as my parents would always say: Bought sense is better than told sense.

[Ms Darcy]

However, as my parents would always say: Bought sense is better than told sense.

 

This is EXCELLENT!

 

Flash said it best really. The only points I would add are:

 

1. The opposite of love isn't hate; it's indifference. The fact she keeps a) talking about her ex and b) complaining about him are the big red flags that she's not over him.

 

2. You two became "bf/gf" pretty quickly. I don't really think you knew each other well before you did and that often makes for rude awakenings as you get to know the other person. It's not about "hey women are you as judgmental as her?" It's about why didn't you take the time to take it slow, date, get to know each other, and test compatibility?

 

3. You need a paradigm shift around how you define a "relationship." Once you got the title, your expectations increased even more (if that's possible). What struck me is that you were looking from validation from her. If you look for validation in a relationship (most notably a new one ... because some/moderate validation is a long-term relationship is totally normal), then you are going to be disappointed. Relationships should largely be fun and as Flash said an addition to your life. What you have is something you want to validate you and isn't. So what you are looking for isn't happening. And, worse, you aren't even getting what you were looking for.

 

The healthy thing to do would be to take a step back and not be exclusive. But I don't think you would be up for that. I suspect you are going to try to change her/change her behavior.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Good points everyone. Trust me, I'm keeping your advice/comments in my mind as I proceed forward right now. Especially the bit about her being "not ready" for a relationship due to her school, which I did call her out on 2 weeks ago. She said she was, just because she neglected school work for her 2-month long ex that she went into extreme crunchtime mode and therefore neglected any hanging out with me until she finished her final bit of this class.

 

I'm also replaying that piece of advice about if she's complaining so much about the 2 month "ex" (she said she doesn't even call him an "ex" because 2 months didn't count and she didn't consider it serious or whatever). And if she's truly "over" him. It was only 2 months long, so how could she still be wrapped up in all that now? It does bother me a little that she talks about it so much. She also talks about her prior 4yr long term relationship which she broke off and moved across the country back to here from.

 

I don't know what a healthy amount of discussion about an ex (2 months or 4yrs, regardless) is. I certainly myself wouldn't bring up my ex that much in conversation. Idk, maybe she thinks it's a starting point and/or a chance to discuss her distaste with them aka vent, who knows.

 

I would write more, but I'm off to the dinner date thing to meet her sis and bro in law.

 

You who hit on the point that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship are onto something as well. I'm not sure I even know what a red flag is, or if she's displaying any of them that I'm missing.

[FlashEng1]

Good points everyone. Trust me, I'm keeping your advice/comments in my mind as I proceed forward right now. Especially the bit about her being "not ready" for a relationship due to her school, which I did call her out on 2 weeks ago. She said she was, just because she neglected school work for her 2-month long ex that she went into extreme crunchtime mode and therefore neglected any hanging out with me until she finished her final bit of this class.

 

I'm also replaying that piece of advice about if she's complaining so much about the 2 month "ex" (she said she doesn't even call him an "ex" because 2 months didn't count and she didn't consider it serious or whatever). And if she's truly "over" him. It was only 2 months long, so how could she still be wrapped up in all that now? It does bother me a little that she talks about it so much. She also talks about her prior 4yr long term relationship which she broke off and moved across the country back to here from.

 

I don't know what a healthy amount of discussion about an ex (2 months or 4yrs, regardless) is. I certainly myself wouldn't bring up my ex that much in conversation. Idk, maybe she thinks it's a starting point and/or a chance to discuss her distaste with them aka vent, who knows.

 

I would write more, but I'm off to the dinner date thing to meet her sis and bro in law.

 

You who hit on the point that maybe I'm not ready for a relationship are onto something as well. I'm not sure I even know what a red flag is, or if she's displaying any of them that I'm missing.

 

:shocked!:

 

 

I'm also replaying that piece of advice about if she's complaining so much about the 2 month "ex" ............................... It does bother me a little that she talks about it so much. I certainly myself wouldn't bring up my ex that much in conversation.

 

Red flag. You've also answered most of your concerns with sound advice/thinking, only to retract on them further down the line.

 

Healthy amount is subjective I suppose, but any ex talk would have been completed during the dating stages, and would have been kept to a minimum anyway when moving forward and you're truly over the person. By the time you're in a full on relationship, ex talk is pretty non-existant. You're in a new relationship, new direction, no need to look back or concern yourself with the past in that sense.

[browneyedgirl36]

Lots of red flags here, I think. I think you are WAY more invested than she is here, and I think you're way too invested for only a month in.

 

RED FLAGS (in my mind):

 

Talks WAY too much about her ex, particularly as it was such a brief relationship (I think this is the #1 red flag I can see); even if she's bad-mouthing him, she's still talking about him to a degree that would make me extremely uncomfortable;

 

She's awfully "busy." I get that she was in school, etc., but honestly (and I'm speaking as a woman here), I am NEVER too busy for a guy I'm crazy about. If I have other obligations, I just manage my time better so that I can see him. That's what I've been doing since I met my boyfriend last year. I'm very busy. I have a lot going on at work and in my life outside of work, but I always manage to make time for him, several times a week. I just have had to learn to manage my time better and use it more efficiently. It CAN be done. Your relationship with this girl is VERY new, though, which is maybe why she's not doing that yet. I don't know.

 

She sounds judge-y and condescending. Granted, I admit that it would give me pause if a man I was dating was in his 30's or beyond and didn't have proper cups and silverware, or if he had his mattress on the floor, but I wouldn't tell him it was "ghetto"; if it really bothered me that much, I wouldn't date him in the first place. My boyfriend lives in a very modest rental and doesn't have much "stuff," but I really don't care. He has all the essentials -- plates, towels, a bed, a couch, a car to get around in, etc. Nothing fancy, but that's fine with me.

 

 

I think you're trying WAY too hard here, and over-thinking WAY too many things. I think this is all way too new for you to be doing so much twisting of your mind into pretzels over this girl -- way too much agonizing here. Worst case scenario, she ends up not being all that into you, and it ends. You have to develop a thick skin and bounce back from these kinds of things and not let them hold you back -- just keep moving forward. And, you've got to learn to NOT put all your eggs in one basket for anyone or anything.

 

I'm not saying it won't work out, but...I think you want it to be more than it is right now. SLOW. DOWN. Keep your eyes open. Don't stick with it just because you want to have a girlfriend. There are 3.5 billion other women in the world if this one doesn't work out.

 

 

 

It's only been a month. What's the worst thing that could happen? It doesn't work out. Yeah, that won't feel good, but....it's one month out of your life.

[Wiseman2]

Take this the right way but she sounds kind of witchy.

she said “so your mattress is on the floor? Wow that’s ghetto”.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm not sure I even know what a red flag is, or if she's displaying any of them that I'm missing.

 

No wonder all of your relationships have failed dude. You don't understand basic stuff, no disrespect, about relationships. Red flags are warning signs that the relationship will not be healthy and/or you are not compatible with the other person.

 

Educate yourself! You have an internet connection and the ability to do searches. Look up "relationship red flags."

 

Here is what a 2 second search get me. /

 

At the very least red flags from either YOU and/or HER have been laid out in many many posts to you (that you haven't really understood as pointing out red flags even though they use those specific words) such as: posts 127, 126, and 97 are good examples.

[TheSpoon2Big]

Before I read/react/respond to any of the posts right before my last one and immediately following, I just wanted to get this in while it’s still fresh.

 

 

 

I just got home from her place. Ended up staying way past her bedtime. The dinner/meeting date of her sister and bro in law went well. Nothing awkward and felt good about everything. According to my gf, they told her that I seemed like a really nice guy, etc and got their thumbs up.

 

 

 

Drove her back to her place, and I wasn’t sure that she wanted to hang out further since it was already 8pm or so and I knew her bedtime was soon and that’s big a point of hers, that she gets her 8hrs of sleep etc. I did end up going into her place though. Was too late to watch the Game of Thrones TV show, even though she promised we’d do it today which was after she promised we’d do it yesterday!

 

 

 

We sat on her couch and then laid in her bed. She could tell something was on my mind, and I think I just made this whole thing worse by telling her how I was feeling actually. Our next “date” for tomorrow got cancelled too, apparently my gf has to “run errands” and “be an adult” tomorrow and has no time to hang out. Friday she might have time because I asked her about 1-2 weeks ago to set time aside for this Fri night. But Sat she also has “adult things to do” and can’t hang out. She said MAYBE Sat night. And she also said maybe for Sunday to watch the next episode of the TV show together.

 

 

And then Monday is my birthday. I wasn’t expecting anything, but I figured I might be able to get her or some of my friends all together and go get dinner somewhere, but I guess that’s out of the question too.

 

 

 

While laying and talking with her, she kept trying to get closer to my physically and asking what was on my mind etc. I slowly sort of told her how stupid I feel that I want to see her more than it seems she wants to see me, and that I hate feeling like I’m the one who is doing all the chasing. She said it just takes time, and had I known her 1yr ago I wouldn’t have recognized her because she was “needy” and “dependent” on her ex of 4yrs and had no sense of self and now she has swung the complete opposite almost, putting herself first in everything.

 

 

 

We ended up having sex, but only after I sort of just gave in. I wasn’t feeling it, even though she kept asking me to kiss her more and said “I’m in the mood”. Eventually I figured if I didn’t have sex with her and/or just left in time for her bedtime that might cause more problems than anything?

 

 

 

I’ll leave with this, which really weirded me out a little. You know the whole 50/50 thing they say about each person in a relationship to make it work? Well I also heard that you can’t just give 50/50, and each person has to put in 100% respectively to make it work and last. My “gf” however, said she thinks/heard that you put in 90% and you always leave 10% for yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

I want to back off and let her come to me. But I don’t want to do it in a manipulative or passive aggressive way since she now knows sort of how I feel like I’m getting the run around from her etc. I guess just not initiating texts would be a start? Or a phone call? It’s all I can think of, I don’t know. And maybe let her make the next suggestions for a date to hang out?

 

 

After sex, I keep nodding off just laying in bed next to her, but she would shake me and say my name (I hate being called by my name in a relationship, I don’t know why) and wake me up and say “you can’t sleep here you have to go”. Said said “eventually, it’s just a boundary I have right now”.

[TheSpoon2Big]

PS: She actually also said during tonight's hangout that she isn't going to bring up the 2 month ex guy because she's sick of talking about it and (her words) doesn't want me to compare myself to him etc. I thought it was weird that she brought this all up out of nowhere and I had not even uttered a word about it prior.

[Coldarmy13]

This date sounds like it went well. Met some family and she even saved plenty of alone time for the two of you and was affectionate. Seems like you're turning all these small positives into negatives and making yourself miserable while around her with all of this OVERTHINKING. It hits home because I did all of this I'm reading here with my ex from a year ago. Eventually I turned into a weak weak person and just complained about trivial things because I stopped doing the things I like to do because I was so focused on her. PUSHED her away big time when it might been able to work. She just sounds busy with things, this is why you should stay busy with things so that you both can share what you've been up to when you see her.. Instead of just talking about how "dumb" you feel and how you wish this and that. It's VERY early in this relationship, can't stress that enough. She even agreed to not talk about exs anymore.

 

It does bother me if she only says she's doing adult things. Does she tell you what she's up to or just disregard it with those terms? As far as her not letting you stay over, that isn't an uncommon thing so I wouldn't let that bother you.

 

Either way, her actions when you both were together sounded good to me, but you're bringing yourself down with all of this. I know it's easier to tell someone but take it from someone in a very similar spot not all that long ago. Live in the moment and show confidence and have fun when you see her in person. Spilling your guts to her like this is going to come across really needy this soon.

 

Please try to get busy with your friends and hobbies or develop new ones. I ignored this advice from the good folks on this board too and it led to my relationships downfall in a matter of 3 months.

[FlashEng1]

Hmm, she's too busy for you tomorrow. Not even for lunch in between errands? Dating, normal; Girlfriend, red flag.

 

No initiating a plan (either by me OR her) for my birthday, not even a question about it? Dating, eh, normal; Girlfriend, red flag.

 

Comfortable enough to have sex with me, but I HAVE to go, as a defense mechanism?? Dating, normal; Girlfriend, red flag! (many other excuses would make sense here, but come on, you're comfortable enough to have sex with your boyfriend, but not comfortable enough yet to have him stay!?)

 

As long as you're happy BigSpoon, and enjoy having her as your girlfriend, then I wish you the best my friend

[Coldarmy13]

That's a good point flash. To my understanding though they jumped into the girlfriend boyfriend title real fast so to me they are technically still dating in a way. Still a lot to learn about one another. It's possible she likes him just fine and didn't want to say no(assuming op was the one who asked?)

[browneyedgirl36]

From my perspective, this doesn't sound like it went well at all. I'm with Flash on this one -- not being able to squeeze in even a lunch in between doing all her "adult" stuff isn't necessarily a red flag if you're casually dating someone, but if she's your girlfriend? And all the cancelling? And kicking you out after sex? I mean, I get it -- my boyfriend stays the night at times, and it does make it harder for me to get up in the morning because we're up later, etc. but because I'm an adult with responsibilities, I just do it anyway. Every night, no, but sometimes is fine.

 

I don't know. I feel like I'm reading about an entirely different situation than a few of the others who responded. The ONLY thing I think is good about this is that she seems to not be rushing things, and she DID introduce you to family members. Maybe she is just trying to move things very, very slowly. I guess time will tell. Keep us posted!

[Wiseman2]

She sounds pretty interested but maybe not in weeknight sleepovers. Does she know it's your bday?

After sex, I keep nodding off just laying in bed next to her, but she would shake me and say “you can’t sleep here you have to go”.

[TheSpoon2Big]

She sounds pretty interested but maybe not in weeknight sleepovers. Does she know it's your bday?

Yes actually (and I don't think I mentioned it here) she asked me last weekend if I had any plans for my birthday. It's on Mon so not really. She said "OK well I'd like to do something special for you if that's alright" and that melted my heart, never have been told that by a girlfriend at least one I haven't know too long...

[TheSpoon2Big]

o I have been giving that bit about turning small positives into negatives a lot of thought, and I can see where I do and/or have done that. I’m going to watch that now. I do not want to turn into that weak weak person and complain about trivial things.

 

o Problem is, what’s trivial? I see some of you guys telling me to just slow down and chill out and let her come to me sort of thing and not push or rush her into hangouts/dates/anything. But I’m also hearing that it’s a red flag or bothersome that she has no time for me for even a lunch date or something. So I can’t figure that out.

 

o This morning she texted me first, but only to tell me how sick she’s feeling. She says she has an insane sore throat, etc. Of course I hope she feels better, but can’t help but think “it’s just one thing after another with this girl, we always hang out on her time”. What gives?

 

o She’s too busy for me today because she says she has errands to run after work. I get off about 2-3hrs after she does too. That’s what I/she meant by “adult things”. She mentioned things like groceries etc and how she has to clean her place, stuff like that…. When I showed a little disappointment with that last night, she tried saying “hey we’ll see each other Fri night and then Sun for Game of Thrones”. Originally this week was to go as follows: Tuesday night date as being first day out of school for the summer. Wednesday double date/meet her sis and bro in law, Thursday play volleyball with and meet some of her coworkers after work. Friday have another date just her and I that I planned 1-2 weeks ago.

 

o She has to drive 1hr away to another city in the state on Sat to give her dad his bday present and take him out to lunch and may sleep there at her old house, she doesn’t seem to be able to give me a clear answer on that.

 

o This is also after dropping her sis and bro in law off at the airport as they're gone for wedding anniversary thing for a week

 

o And no, I’m not exactly happy and don’t get how we can be “bf/gf”, have sex, but not be allowed to sleep over. I’m also hearing you guys say that’s not uncommon though, so I shouldn’t be so put off about it?

 

o When I semi confronted her about it again last night laying in bed next to her, she just kept saying stuff like “it’s just a boundary I have” and “patience is key with me” and “you’ll see” regarding more affection/time/attention later down the road?

 

o She could tell I was a little down/irritated as I put on my clothes to leave and said “I like you” as I was getting off the bed. She said it again at the door when saying goodbye to me for the night.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent, maybe she's planning something really nice for your bday.

She said "OK well I'd like to do something special for you if that's alright"

[FlashEng1]

o Problem is, what’s trivial? I see some of you guys telling me to just slow down and chill out and let her come to me sort of thing and not push or rush her into hangouts/dates/anything. But I’m also hearing that it’s a red flag or bothersome that she has no time for me for even a lunch date or something. So I can’t figure that out.

 

Everything in life is subjective. The key is to remember what's important to you. Trivial to some may be something like someone not texting back immediately or within the hour, while others may feel entirely hurt if they feel that person read the message and doesn't want to reply back for whatever reason. In your case, a red flag to ME is having a girlfriend that gives me the "I'm too busy to meet up with you" excuse that you're receiving. At the same time, it's a trivial thing to me as well simply because the women I date are genuinely saying that while expressing interest for a later date and time. In your case it's exactly how you put it in your next bullet point:

 

but can’t help but think “it’s just one thing after another with this girl, we always hang out on her time”. What gives?

 

Now making things a red flag... Again, even your brain is trying to tell you something.. As much good as you're trying to do and build all of this out of, in the back of your head you are arguing the same thing other posters are saying: "Geeze, it's one thing after another with this girl.. Why did you even rush into a relationship with her? Why was it so difficult to wait another couple months to be sure she was the one worth progressing things with? Am I being strung along here or something!??" etc etc...

 

o She’s too busy for me today because she says she has errands to run after work. I get off about 2-3hrs after she does too. That’s what I/she meant by “adult things”. She mentioned things like groceries etc and how she has to clean her place, stuff like that…. When I showed a little disappointment with that last night, she tried saying “hey we’ll see each other Fri night and then Sun for Game of Thrones”. Originally this week was to go as follows: Tuesday night date as being first day out of school for the summer. Wednesday double date/meet her sis and bro in law, Thursday play volleyball with and meet some of her coworkers after work. Friday have another date just her and I that I planned 1-2 weeks ago.

 

So this is another example of what's either trivial, or a red flag. Again you have to ask and answer it all yourself.. To some, having plans for the upcoming week that get changed around is a trivial thing. To others, having plans repeatedly changed and cancelled is a red flag. Either way, it's up to how much of it you'd like to continue putting up with.

 

o And no, I’m not exactly happy and don’t get how we can be “bf/gf”, have sex, but not be allowed to sleep over. I’m also hearing you guys say that’s not uncommon though, so I shouldn’t be so put off about it?

 

I wouldn't be either! I side with both sides in that sure, while I don't expect to spend the night, every night that I come over. But in your particular situation, things just feel backwards. You guys want to get into a full on relationship, but still get to know each other --something reserved for dating--, then you guys don't necessarily even have time for one another, her with school, and you with work, talk about a rough start immediately into a relationship, and then it's followed by her being comfortable enough to --and forgive my bluntness-- spread open for you (when you were clearly upset, mind you!), and then continue to wake up and shoo you away because.. well.. she wants to "take things slow" while acknowledging her defense mechanism in letting you stay over one night?? This would be a last straw for me in this particular relationship!

 

o When I semi confronted her about it again last night laying in bed next to her, she just kept saying stuff like “it’s just a boundary I have” and “patience is key with me” and “you’ll see” regarding more affection/time/attention later down the road?

 

And while we're at it, why not respectively take our times with everything. The sex, the relationship committment, the showing affection or making time.. Why not, out of respect, slow down and date one another properly, so you can safely and accurately assess whether this person is a true match for you or not. It seems like quick steps were taking to save face and satisfy emotion, but they were prematurely done, and now it's starting to show just how bad things can be when you do things like that.

 

o She could tell I was a little down/irritated as I put on my clothes to leave and said “I like you” as I was getting off the bed. She said it again at the door when saying goodbye to me for the night.

 

Well damn, she BETTER "Like you" if she's your girlfriend!! And THAT'S what I mean by every former post and point of view made in this topic when it comes to red flags dating vs red flags in a relationship.

[TheSpoon2Big]

You know what's funny... One of the things that led to the demise of my last relationship at the end was that I didn't give her enough attention and we didn't spend enough time together. This was despite the fact that we lived together and worked virtually the same shift and worked very close to each other geographically. She would want to see me every single day for lunch and I pushed her away because I wanted space we already live together but every weekend she wanted there to be a planned activity or date and that was one of her main issues was that we didn't have enough time together or whatever.

 

Maybe I can't compare these two relationships but maybe karma is a .

[Ms Darcy]

o I have been giving that bit about turning small positives into negatives a lot of thought, and I can see where I do and/or have done that. I’m going to watch that now. I do not want to turn into that weak weak person and complain about trivial things.

 

o Problem is, what’s trivial? I see some of you guys telling me to just slow down and chill out and let her come to me sort of thing and not push or rush her into hangouts/dates/anything. But I’m also hearing that it’s a red flag or bothersome that she has no time for me for even a lunch date or something. So I can’t figure that out.

 

o This morning she texted me first, but only to tell me how sick she’s feeling. She says she has an insane sore throat, etc. Of course I hope she feels better, but can’t help but think “it’s just one thing after another with this girl, we always hang out on her time”. What gives?

 

o And no, I’m not exactly happy and don’t get how we can be “bf/gf”, have sex, but not be allowed to sleep over. I’m also hearing you guys say that’s not uncommon though, so I shouldn’t be so put off about it?

 

o When I semi confronted her about it again last night laying in bed next to her, she just kept saying stuff like “it’s just a boundary I have” and “patience is key with me” and “you’ll see” regarding more affection/time/attention later down the road?

 

I can understand your confusion, but I don't think it ever hurts to slow down and chill out. Slow down is tamping down the expectations a bit and focusing on getting to know her. Chilling out means not getting down/irritated at everything she does. Maybe try to negotiate BEFOREHAND. So, before you go over, decide if you would be fine leaving after sex. If not, then talk to her about it (in person) before having sex and getting kicked out again.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I thought I’d throw this in here somewhere too. When we have sex, it’s so weird/different to me that she wants no kind of foreplay and there is little to no buildup of anything. It’s just pretty much strip all your clothes and go at it. First girl I’ve ever met that didn’t want to take THAT part slow!

 

Like last night, she just kept telling me to kiss her, no, really kiss her. In retrospect I was being a little passive aggressive when I think about it how I kept looking at the clock and telling her what time it was when she was trying to have sex with me basically saying “you sure you have enough time for this?”. She said she can stay up as late as she wants to accommodate and just really wanted it.

 

TMI? Sorry.

[gp11a]

I thought I’d throw this in here somewhere too. When we have sex, it’s so weird/different to me that she wants no kind of foreplay and there is little to no buildup of anything. It’s just pretty much strip all your clothes and go at it. First girl I’ve ever met that didn’t want to take THAT part slow!

 

Like last night, she just kept telling me to kiss her, no, really kiss her. In retrospect I was being a little passive aggressive when I think about it how I kept looking at the clock and telling her what time it was when she was trying to have sex with me basically saying “you sure you have enough time for this?”. She said she can stay up as late as she wants to accommodate and just really wanted it.

 

TMI? Sorry.

 

I'm not a believer of TMI here, unless it becomes personally identifiable or off-topic unnecessary... but what you described sounded like sexual incompatibility? Everyone has preferences. You said it's weird/different, but are you into it and feel a connection? Does she know what you like? This is one of the things that I cue into as a sign if things will continue to go well if I get to that point with someone (not sure what flag color that would be

[TheSpoon2Big]

After work, knew she told me she was sick and had a sore throat this morning. I called her after work, no answer, didn’t leave a message. Instead texted her, “Can I bring you any medicine or do anything to make you feel better?”. No reply. Did I leave it alone? No of course not, just bring on the pain being an idiot and text this: “I could bring you some soup and medicine and my magical kisses to make you feel better and we can watch Game of Thrones!” And then “Well I hope you are resting and taking care of yourself tonight”.

 

I’m going for broke. Something is off about this/her to me.

 

She’s either out running errands and doing “adult stuff”, or is legit sick and in bed, or just doesn’t want to talk to me. Maybe she’s not sick and thinks if we talk on the phone I will try and push for us to hang out.

 

Mark my words she’ll call in about an hour or two now acting like she just woke up from a nap.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I'm not a believer of TMI here, unless it becomes personally identifiable or off-topic unnecessary... but what you described sounded like sexual incompatibility? Everyone has preferences. You said it's weird/different, but are you into it and feel a connection? Does she know what you like? This is one of the things that I cue into as a sign if things will continue to go well if I get to that point with someone (not sure what flag color that would be

Yea I'm just going to chalk that one up to different preferences or whatever.

[TheSpoon2Big]

I can understand your confusion, but I don't think it ever hurts to slow down and chill out. Slow down is tamping down the expectations a bit and focusing on getting to know her. Chilling out means not getting down/irritated at everything she does. Maybe try to negotiate BEFOREHAND. So, before you go over, decide if you would be fine leaving after sex. If not, then talk to her about it (in person) before having sex and getting kicked out again.

That's a good idea about whether or not I would be comfortable knowing if I went to her place and had sex that I wouldn't be able to spend the night actually.

 

In a passive way last night that's what I was doing kinda. Meaning, I kept asking her if she was sure that she had enough time to have sex with me last night because she's always harping on her sleep and her own schedule and how I fit into that.