Hangingon33 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 My husband and I have recently learned that the only way we will be able to conceive a child is through in vitro fertilization, which neither of our insurance plans cover. We have also been saving up for a house as we live in an apartment right now. Over the last couple of years we've become good friends with a couple who my husband met through work, and they are aware of our fertility and housing goals. They're now engaged and have kindly invited us to their wedding in Mexico in March 2016. The problem is that the resort they booked is upscale and expensive and the best deal we can get (through the wedding planning process or through our own research) is $2,600 per person, air and hotel for a basic all inclusive room package. Spending over $5,000 when we have large fertility and home purchase bills ahead of us is such a difficult pill to swallow. We explained this to them last weekend and they were really upset with us. They ended the conversation with "well I guess we know where we sit on your list of priorities." That was a dagger to the heart because we love these two very much but $5,000+ is a huge sum of money for us right now. Honest opinions, please: are we being bad friends by foregoing this wedding in favor of IVF and buying a home? Thanks in advance. Link to comment
Movingforward3 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If that is your only option, that would be a pricey bill for most people. Are there any other lower cost choices that you could choose instead? Otherwise, I would just state you have a family budget that you can't afford this and will give a great wedding present. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 They are being unreasonable. It's a destination wedding and it's reasonable to expect that some people can't afford it. Your reasons for why you don't want to spend the money are irrelevant and none of their business. However, if you do decide to do it, is it required that you stay at their upscale resort? Or for as long as they'd like you to? $2600/person seems steep. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 They ended the conversation with "well I guess we know where we sit on your list of priorities. That would be followed by the sound of me putting the phone down on the friendship until they were over their wedding fever. Saying that, even if you weren't saving for your future is completely unacceptable. Expecting someone to shell out 5k to be at your wedding is completely unacceptable. Link to comment
j.man Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Having people spend $5,000 to attend your wedding is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Feel free to screenshot my post and email it to them so that they know. Make sure they see my smile when they read it. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 They are self entitled and nuts! Link to comment
Hangingon33 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 Having people spend $5,000 to attend your wedding is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Feel free to screenshot my post and email it to them so that they know. Make sure they see my smile when they read it. HAHA this completely made my day. Thank you! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I would've said yes ,I'll tell you exactly where you are on my priority list beneath my future children that's for sure. And if you would place my wedding over your future children I would call you flat out a liar. You know for sure they wouldn't have paid $5000 for your wedding if they were saving for invitro . Link to comment
dave_1966 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 And you've known them a couple of years? Good grief, drop them. Link to comment
Hangingon33 Posted November 6, 2015 Author Share Posted November 6, 2015 I would've said yes ,I'll tell you exactly where you are on my priority list beneath my future children that's for sure. And if you would place my wedding over your future children I would call you flat out a liar. You know for sure they wouldn't have paid $5000 for your wedding if they were saving for invitro . Thank you very much. These were my initial feelings but they were so adamant about us being selfish I began to second guess my instinct. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 THEY are selfish and completely unrealistic. Thank you very much. These were my initial feelings but they were so adamant about us being selfish I began to second guess my instinct. Link to comment
Dottieflanogon Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 You're not being unreasonable at all.That's ridiculous for them to expect you spending $5,000 for their wedding. You are not obligated to attend Link to comment
Unreasonable Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 What's unreasonable is expecting people to pay 5 grand to grace you with your presence. Link to comment
overthemoon86 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I mean they must know when planning a destination wedding that some people will not be able to go...and $5,000?? that sounds so expensive! Especially for a vacation that isn't really a vacation... When we get married, we are going to be doing a destination wedding and they only people I really care about being there are my immediate family and best friends. Of course I will extend invitations to others, but will completely understand if people can't go. Link to comment
superfan Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 My husband and I got married in Scotland (where he is from) and aside from my parents, my own family could not make it due to travel costs. None of my friends came. I TOTALLY understood that because shelling out money for plane tickets, hotels, and then the wedding itself is generally WAY too much for most people these days. Your friends are being complete jerks by calling you selfish. If I were in your position I wouldn't go even if we weren't saving up for a house/in vitro. They are basically calling YOU selfish for wanting to be able to afford to start a family. Drop them and don't give it a second thought. They are the selfish ones. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Another vote for "these people are nuts." A destination wedding is fine, if that's what a couple wants to do, but they should NOT expect a lot of people to be able to attend. $2600 a person for Mexico? Yeah...nuts. You DO have priorities -- your own future home and children -- things that absolutely SHOULD be placed above your friends' wedding. I mean, I hate to sound mean, but...a lot of people treat their wedding like it's some earth-shattering, universe-altering event that *everyone* should drop everything for and care so much about. I hate to break it to them, but...other peoples' weddings aren't high on most people's priority lists. If they are going to be so hurt that you can't shell out big bucks for their over-priced wedding, they aren't people you want for friends. Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 7, 2015 Share Posted November 7, 2015 We explained this to them last weekend and they were really upset with us. They ended the conversation with "well I guess we know where we sit on your list of priorities." wow, what a bunch of jerks. You just found out you have fertility issues and that's what they had to say? Not, "I'm sorry" or "How are you guys taking this?" good riddance. Link to comment
Hangingon33 Posted November 9, 2015 Author Share Posted November 9, 2015 Thanks for all of your responses. We've decided this is a friendship we're going to let die. Link to comment
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