Please stop me from just walking out...

[Heather Dawn]

For the first part:

 

So, I'm biding my time while I look for a new job - and have an interview on Wednesday - but I'm slowly dying inside. This just happened:

 

My bosses are both out of town again today and tomorrow, leaving us technically with no managers here. Today, one of the sales people are our parent company came by looking for them because he was having trouble with the CRM (and one of my bosses is still CRM Manager for the parent company).

 

I told him (the sales guy) that they weren't here but that I'd help him if he wanted. He said he'd just keep trying and left. I figured I'd let the bosses know, so I emailed this:

 

N--- came over - he's having issues with the CRM. I told him if he wanted to try and recreate the issue with me, I'd be happy to get on the phone with DDC for him - but thought you guys would probably want to know, in case it's not just him. (He said something about replying to emails via the CRM and it not showing up as sent.)

 

The boss who's the CRM manager responded:

 

Appreciate your offer, but please focus on your client websites. Again, this goes back to what we discussed last week.

 

(He's referring to the fact that during the conversation last week - mentioned in my previous thread - they told me that I spend too much time helping my clients problem solve and strategize, and not enough time maintaining their websites...even though I was not hired to be a webmaster/designer.)

 

I wrote back:

 

Just trying to help while you're gone.

 

He replied:

 

Not trying to be mean here, but seriously you don't get it.

 

Get what?! But I wrote:

 

Yes, I do. I was letting you know that N--- came looking for you - that's basically it. And that since you're not here, if there was an issue that needed major handling, I'd be happy to help.

 

That's all. Nothing more.

 

His response, which I have not answered:

 

I rest my case.

 

WHAT THE EFF JUST HAPPENED?!

 

I have not changed a single word in these email exchanges (except to edit the sale guy's name). This is EXACTLY how the email conversation went - nothing has been omitted.

 

I'm now being rebuked for helping.

 

I sat there, trying hard not to cry (I failed and had to go take a walk), heart palpitating.

 

I'm desperately trying to NOT just walk out and quit before I find another job - but I don't know how much more I can take. We'd be fine financially if I left and spent a few months (it wouldn't take that long) looking for work, but I know you're more employable if you're currently employed.

 

But I just don't know what to do, anymore.

[mhowe]

They want your focus on maintaining the web sites. Period. Showing initiative is not rewarded. Doing anything besides what they have told you is counterproductive.

 

Keep your head down and only work on the websites.

[WithLove]

I'll just point to your signature.

 

Hang in there. You're making the right choice - it's just going to be a few days. Deep breaths. Pick your battles.

[j.man]

Now I strongly maintain you should leave your job the first offer you get elsewhere, but mhowe's on point here with the assigned duties.

 

I get that in smaller start-ups, it's easier to feel more inclusive with operations, but the structure is the same as anywhere else: he's your supervisor and his job, whether he's good or bad at it, is to assign tasks to maximize productivity. Even if you're miles ahead of him with your insight (again, not something I'd doubt), it's simply not your place. In cases like this, initiative is seen as an offense.

 

Based on your client-centered ethic, I'm sure you'd absolutely thrive elsewhere, but these guys aren't really having it. Keeping your head down and doing only what's necessary will be how you get through this hurdle on your way to your next job.

[DoF]

They want your focus on maintaining the web sites. Period. Showing initiative is not rewarded. Doing anything besides what they have told you is counterproductive.

 

Keep your head down and only work on the websites.

 

This is all you need to do OP.

 

DO NOT do anything else.

 

Time and time again I've seen and continue to see so many people trying to go up and beyond, help, be proactive and time and time again those people end up being the bad guy.

 

This happens in most companies I have ever worked at.

 

"Don't do too little, and don't do too much"

 

I would start looking for another job as well. Especially since they hired you for one thing but are asking you to do another (unless you failed miserably at what they hired you for and they are just trying to be nice and keep you employed).

 

Good luck

[boltnrun]

Don't ever try to argue, defend yourself or state your case with a manager. They never appreciate it when you try to point out why you did something, when they specifically told you not to. It's viewed as being argumentative and sometimes even insubordinate.

 

As MHowe said, only do what they are telling you to do, even if they officially hired you to do something else.

 

And yes, going on interviews is smart, so you can find a place where your service skills are appreciated and utilized.

[Heather Dawn]

Thanks, everyone.

 

DoF - no, they hired me to be a digital marketing account manager. They EXPECT me to be a web designer. That wasn't what I signed up for (I was supposed to be in charge of marketing strategy, but I guess that was just a lure), but it's not surprising knowing what I do now.

 

Thing is, I DO the websites. But I guess that's ALL I'll do until I'm out of here.

[DoF]

Thanks, everyone.

 

DoF - no, they hired me to be a digital marketing account manager. They EXPECT me to be a web designer. That wasn't what I signed up for (I was supposed to be in charge of marketing strategy, but I guess that was just a lure), but it's not surprising knowing what I do now.

 

Thing is, I DO the websites. But I guess that's ALL I'll do until I'm out of here.

 

Swallow your pride, do what you are told. Don't go up and beyond (causes you already know this place doesn't give a ).

 

Meanwhile, start looking for a new job. No better time to look for a job than while you have one.

 

Also, I would recommend that you stay away from upper management all together.....there is VERY few places I've seen where that was advisable. Most of them are arrogant, selfish, spoiled, know it all/can never do wrong types.

 

You are just a # to them, a pawn IF that.

 

 

[Heather Dawn]

Swallow your pride, do what you are told. Don't go up and beyond (causes you already know this place doesn't give a ).

 

Meanwhile, start looking for a new job. No better time to look for a job than while you have one.

 

Agreed. And that's what my friends and family are saying, too: "Stop going the extra mile for them, all they do is kick you in the teeth for it."

[DoF]

Agreed. And that's what my friends and family are saying, too: "Stop going the extra mile for them, all they do is kick you in the teeth for it."

 

That seems to happen wherever I go. Just how it is. VERY few places will appreciate it, reward you or praise you for it.

 

Heck where I work, ANYTHING ANYONE ever steps up to do = their responsibility from that point on (on top of other things as well)! And no, no one cares if it's too much, you are not responsible.

 

BIG no no

[Heather Dawn]

That seems to happen wherever I go. Just how it is. VERY few places will appreciate it, reward you or praise you for it.

 

Heck where I work, ANYTHING ANYONE ever steps up to do = their responsibility from that point on (on top of other things as well)! And no, no one cares if it's too much, you are not responsible.

 

BIG no no

 

My guy and and I were discussing that. Seems the harder you work, the more that's expected - and the worse they treat you! The people who do very little remain under the radar and coast.

[ParisPaulette]

Oh man, Heather Dawn, what a jerk. Yep, definitely line up that other job and GTFO. The fact is the manager doesn't want you helping clients, because they don't want clients to be depending on you. That manager was all but baring his teeth as if the client was a bone and he was a dog.

 

So at this stage of the game you do exactly what your job duty is, nothing more. You keep and and all communications to a flat zero, do not express any assistance, and do what they have given you and not an ounce more. Simple, yes, no, okay. Muzzled one-line communications and if anyone brings up something you keep the emails or policy where it says this is your schedule, these are your duties, you point to that and you keep working. A sweet, "Well, if something has changed please let me know," is about as far as it's safe to communicate there.

 

Please understand this will likely change next week and they'll then find a reason to chew you out for NOT showing initiative/helping the client.

 

In short, you can't win, because it's not about doing what's best for the company. For whatever reason the manager sounds threatened by you. A simple, "Thanks for letting me know, I'll take care of it when I'm there," would have sufficed. But he couldn't just do that, he had to make you wrong and basically sort of bared his teeth "leave my client alone."

 

Having been there, I can tell you that you need to find a way to disengage. That's right, I'm telling you to no longer give a flying F about your job beyond doing the tasks assigned to you with not a word to anyone and collecting a paycheck. And getting out of there to find someone who can appreciate the kind of employee you are. Seriously, it's all you can do. Too bad I'm not a manager anymore, I'd snap someone like you up in a heartbeat.

 

Unfortunately the hardest, brightest workers are often the ones chased off by bad management. So yep, do the websites. When they ask you to do anything else a simple, "Well, so and so emailed me and instructed me to only focus on the websites, so that's what I do." Collect your pay, stop caring, look for work elsewhere, when it comes up be gone and breeze out of there stating, "I am not staying as they need me to start right now. Bye."

 

And I'm kind of serious about that too. If they complain about you staying two weeks this is where you look at them, shake your head and say, "We both know full well why I'm not doing that" then go. Because unless you signed a contract that says they can sue you for not putting in two weeks notice, (which wouldn't be binding anyways in most places) the harsh fact is two weeks notice is a courtesy. And employers would do well to remember that, it's not an obligation, it's a courtesy if the employee is leaving that they agree to stay and train someone else.

 

Disengage, stop giving an F, get another job. And yes, I know how hard that is, because if it weren't for the management you likely love your job. I went 16 years loving my job, we got new management, the last 2 years were awful. The day I left I never looked back and I have never regretted leaving, they were just that awful to work for.

 

Sorry you're going through this kiddo, I agree it sucks. But it is what it is. Chin up, disengage any emotions, start thinking in terms of what else you're going to do next.

[Heather Dawn]

Oh, I will be out of there so fast they won't know what happened - except that they'll suddenly be very, very shorthanded. Nope, no two weeks for them.

 

I'm trying so hard to disengage - I'm very checked out, mentally, but only in regard to them. I'm attempting to do the bare minimum - as you said, do what I need to in order to get my paycheck - but I'm at a point where I'm afraid to breathe too loudly for fear of incurring wrath. So I've disengaged and yet...I'm completely on edge.

 

And get this - they just called me from Vegas (they're there again for a second conference), after hours, to ask if I could help them with something via Twitter during their presentation tonight (7:20 my time)! Yes, they once again sh*t on me, then ask me to go above and beyond. I wish I hadn't answered without thinking, because now I've agreed to help and for what?

 

I forgot to mention earlier that they also emailed me some things and left stuff on my desk for me to distribute and convey to the rest of the team tomorrow at our staff meeting. So they want me in their stead, but not for the things that really matter. (They've often complained I'm too independent. I think what they really want is a puppet who doesn't mind having a hand up its a--.)

 

 

 

Thank you!

[jenny_mcs]

I went to read your previous thread to get a little background, and as soon as I saw that they were pushing you to go to Landmark, I thought "ugh, get out of there." One of my first jobs, the CEO and several VPs were totally into Landmark and it was the most toxic workplace ever.

 

As others have suggested, keep your head down, don't do anything above and beyond, don't work beyond normal hours and spend every spare minute trying to find something else. I read in your previous thread that you turned down another job offer when your current boss gave you a raise...you should email your contact at that company. Who knows, the person they ended up hiring might not have worked out!

[sleepingdonut]

Do you have any vacation days? If so, I'd take them all now and not come back at the end of it. You don't need to be abused that way. In any case, I don't think you should defend yourself anymore. Like the other posters said, if you're going to hold out a while longer, just do what you're told and nothing else. But if management is rude and abusive to you any more, you should call them on it and leave.

[Movingforward3]

Do the job you were told to do. Continue to look and take a job as soon as possible. Do not quit before you have anothe job.

[ParisPaulette]

Oh yeah, put your bosses on a special ringtone. Then just never hear that gosh darn phone, you know? Terrible reception, really you are going to have to speak your cell phone carrier about it.

 

I get the being on edge thing, because you never know when or where the H or what they'll do or say. I looked up Landmark, because I'd never heard of it. Sweet dear lord, it so inappropriate for them to even bring that into the workplace it made my head hurt. I want to say more, but it's a public forum so I'll bite my tongue.

 

Yes, it's time to expand those horizons and leave these jerks behind.

[catfeeder]

I read in your previous thread that you turned down another job offer when your current boss gave you a raise...you should email your contact at that company. Who knows, the person they ended up hiring might not have worked out!

 

Really good idea.

 

For my own head and toolbelt, I'd also flip this experience on it's head and stop viewing it in ways that eat my own stomach lining. I was a consultant for over 20 years, and my most necessary and valuable skill is resiliency.

 

View these people as the temporary clients of yours that they are. View every employer that way. They're your customer, and you either agree to supply them with the services they want, or not--but don't personalize it and turn it into a drama. That only defeats YOU.

 

Perform what they want while seeking your next customer, put their mistakes in your pocket as learning experiences without taking them as personal affronts.

 

Work is not a therapeutic environment. Once I got that, I was golden. I watch myself perform as directed, I evaluate my own performance, and this includes how skillfully I can 'humor' my customer regardless of whether I believe they're taking good advantage of my talents.

 

It's all a resume, experience and confidence builder if you view it that way. If you view your professional interactions as traumas and tragedies, the only person you harm in that process is yourself. Skip vindictiveness, and thrive instead on the idea that you can see the harm they cause themselves--but you don't need to engage it beyond that observation.

 

Head high, and trust that this won't be your last rodeo. Learn how to thrive regardless of the limitations of others. Build the skill of resiliency and the confidence that nothing can touch you emotionally unless you allow it--and when a customer is not worth your time any longer, you can fire them. But do it professionally to build a strong network of satisfied customers, and you will thank yourself later.

 

Head high.

 

PS: Your next customer will also have their flaws. You'll encounter many of the same archetypes in every work environment, so learn how to master your dealings with them as they present themselves. This is about building you and your soft skill capabilities, it's not about whether they own the vision to recognize you. Minimize the importance of that--recognize how this experience can serve YOU.

[DoF]

My guy and and I were discussing that. Seems the harder you work, the more that's expected - and the worse they treat you! The people who do very little remain under the radar and coast.

 

Actually, the most worthless, none productive people that don't have a clue seem to succeed if anything.

 

We have # of peeps like this where I work. Nobody knows what they even do, yet they are #2 or #3.

 

Don't try to make sense of any of it, you will be wasting your time.......

[DoF]

All great advice right there.

 

Think of it as a un-penetrable shield. NOTHING at work can EVER make you feel ANY WAY. Your happiness, emotion etc remains and is NEVER effected.

 

Best advice I have ever heard: Just Laugh

 

Think of it as comedy.

 

When I leave work, I spend 0 seconds thinking about it. It's not worth my time, my worries or ANYTHING really.

 

Do you know why things are the way they are at these places? Because it's a direct result of what they have created! They don't want change, if they did, they would've done it from the get go or long time ago.

[Heather Dawn]

I went to read your previous thread to get a little background, and as soon as I saw that they were pushing you to go to Landmark, I thought "ugh, get out of there." One of my first jobs, the CEO and several VPs were totally into Landmark and it was the most toxic workplace ever.

 

As others have suggested, keep your head down, don't do anything above and beyond, don't work beyond normal hours and spend every spare minute trying to find something else. I read in your previous thread that you turned down another job offer when your current boss gave you a raise...you should email your contact at that company. Who knows, the person they ended up hiring might not have worked out!

 

Interesting! Yes, Landmark is - in my mind - the root of at least one of the boss' problems (the other has not attended; he's quite religious so I believe it sort of clashes in his mind). I remember he even called in reinforcements when he could tell I wasn't into the idea, and the conversation with that person (the comptroller at our parent company) went like this:

 

Him: Landmark made my relationship so much better.

 

Me: My relationship is already the happiest part of my life.

 

Him: Well, after Landmark, I finally booked the family trip to Hawaii that I'd been putting off for years.

 

Me: I just booked an 11-day trip to Europe and surprised my boyfriend with it.

 

Him: Huh. OK, but Landmark is why I've been progressing in my career!

 

Me: I just got accepted to [my school] and am finishing my degree in PR & Advertising.

 

Him: ...

 

It was actually funny to see him deflate, but once I definitively turned them both down, it got ugly.

 

Do you have any vacation days? If so, I'd take them all now and not come back at the end of it. You don't need to be abused that way. In any case, I don't think you should defend yourself anymore. Like the other posters said, if you're going to hold out a while longer, just do what you're told and nothing else. But if management is rude and abusive to you any more, you should call them on it and leave.

 

I've got a sick day and a about three vacation days left (or maybe the other way around; we get one week vacation and three sick days - not sure exactly what my current status looks like). I think I'll use those AFTER I get a new job since I don't plan on giving my current job two weeks' notice at this point.

 

Do the job you were told to do. Continue to look and take a job as soon as possible. Do not quit before you have another job.

 

My plan, exactly.

 

Oh yeah, put your bosses on a special ringtone. Then just never hear that gosh darn phone, you know? Terrible reception, really you are going to have to speak your cell phone carrier about it.

 

I get the being on edge thing, because you never know when or where the H or what they'll do or say. I looked up Landmark, because I'd never heard of it. Sweet dear lord, it so inappropriate for them to even bring that into the workplace it made my head hurt. I want to say more, but it's a public forum so I'll bite my tongue.

 

Yes, it's time to expand those horizons and leave these jerks behind.

 

Haha, greaaaat idea about the ringtone. And yes, the level of inappropriate boundary-crossing in this place is through the roof - and not just regarding Landmark. (Nothing sexual at all, but in every other way.)

 

Really good idea.

 

For my own head and toolbelt, I'd also flip this experience on it's head and stop viewing it in ways that eat my own stomach lining. I was a consultant for over 20 years, and my most necessary and valuable skill is resiliency.

 

View these people as the temporary clients of yours that they are. View every employer that way. They're your customer, and you either agree to supply them with the services they want, or not--but don't personalize it and turn it into a drama. That only defeats YOU.

 

Perform what they want while seeking your next customer, put their mistakes in your pocket as learning experiences without taking them as personal affronts.

 

Work is not a therapeutic environment. Once I got that, I was golden. I watch myself perform as directed, I evaluate my own performance, and this includes how skillfully I can 'humor' my customer regardless of whether I believe they're taking good advantage of my talents.

 

It's all a resume, experience and confidence builder if you view it that way. If you view your professional interactions as traumas and tragedies, the only person you harm in that process is yourself. Skip vindictiveness, and thrive instead on the idea that you can see the harm they cause themselves--but you don't need to engage it beyond that observation.

 

Head high, and trust that this won't be your last rodeo. Learn how to thrive regardless of the limitations of others. Build the skill of resiliency and the confidence that nothing can touch you emotionally unless you allow it--and when a customer is not worth your time any longer, you can fire them. But do it professionally to build a strong network of satisfied customers, and you will thank yourself later.

 

Head high.

 

PS: Your next customer will also have their flaws. You'll encounter many of the same archetypes in every work environment, so learn how to master your dealings with them as they present themselves. This is about building you and your soft skill capabilities, it's not about whether they own the vision to recognize you. Minimize the importance of that--recognize how this experience can serve YOU.

 

I love this - thank you! What a great way to view the situation and any moving forward. I think my only issue right now is how, as stated above, I'm always on edge waiting for their moods to shift with the breeze. One moment I'm their golden child who they will do anything to keep, the next I'm their punching bag - sometimes all in one day. It's so mentally and emotionally taxing! But I will certainly try to use your mindset starting right now.

 

Wow, you guys have been so incredibly helpful throughout this, beginning with my first thread. Thank you so much!

[Heather Dawn]

All great advice right there.

 

Think of it as a un-penetrable shield. NOTHING at work can EVER make you feel ANY WAY. Your happiness, emotion etc remains and is NEVER effected.

 

Best advice I have ever heard: Just Laugh

 

Think of it as comedy.

 

When I leave work, I spend 0 seconds thinking about it. It's not worth my time, my worries or ANYTHING really.

 

Do you know why things are the way they are at these places? Because it's a direct result of what they have created! They don't want change, if they did, they would've done it from the get go or long time ago.

 

Shield engaged! I do laugh it at sometimes - usually after the acute hurt/anger has subsided and I'm relaying the latest story to someone. And yes, not wanting to change is absolutely true. It will be their downfall (this company is only about three years old).

 

Actually, the most worthless, none productive people that don't have a clue seem to succeed if anything.

 

We have # of peeps like this where I work. No body know what they even do, yet they are #2 or #3.

 

Don't try to make sense of any of it, you will be wasting your time.......

 

Good point.

[sleepingdonut]

I agree with much of catfeeder's post, but when employers are manipulative and verbally abusive, I don't really like staying completely silent about it. I agree that it would be better for me, but it's also cynical in the sense that I'd be conceding that their human nature is so bad that nothing I say could have any effect on them. Often confronting someone with the truth will cause more trouble, but sometimes I feel it's just the right thing to do.

 

I can't really speak for you because I don't truly know how bad they're making you feel or how they may be mistreating you aside from the glimpse you've provided. But I would like to add that if you feel mistreated, confronting them isn't wrong. It may do no good, it may make things more difficult for a while, but it still doesn't mean it's the wrong choice.

[Heather Dawn]

I agree with much of catfeeder's post, but when employers are manipulative and verbally abusive, I don't really like staying completely silent about it. I agree that it would be better for me, but it's also cynical in the sense that I'd be conceding that their human nature is so bad that nothing I say could have any effect on them. Often confronting someone with the truth will cause more trouble, but sometimes I feel it's just the right thing to do.

 

I can't really speak for you because I don't truly know how bad they're making you feel or how they may be mistreating you aside from the glimpse you've provided. But I would like to add that if you feel mistreated, confronting them isn't wrong. It may do no good, it may make things more difficult for a while, but it still doesn't mean it's the wrong choice.

 

This is my boyfriend's stance on it - he thinks I should be confronting them and telling them that I'm not going to take the abuse any longer. But my fear is that it WILL make things much worse and whatever time I have left here (while searching for a new job) will become even more miserable.

[sleepingdonut]

This is my boyfriend's stance on it - he thinks I should be confronting them and telling them that I'm not going to take the abuse any longer. But my fear is that it WILL make things much worse and whatever time I have left here (while searching for a new job) will become even more miserable.

 

Well, if you don't want to confront them, that's of course perfectly OK. Only you know your circumstances, and you're the one that has to deal with any backlash. Just make the best choice for you. Whatever happens, I'm sure you'll land on your feet