Husband took off his wedding ring

[Buggybean]

Hi everyone, I am hoping for some quick advice here I'm kind of spiralling with rage and I don't know how to approach this with my husband!

 

My husband and I got married 6 months ago and have been together 5 years in total. We have recently started trying for a baby and everything is great with our marriage. Or so I thought....

 

Recently my husband went away on a boys trip. I was a little concerned about this trip knowing that he was going with single friends (he was the only married guy) and that there was going to be strip clubs involved. In the end, my husband is aware of my feelings on lap dances and I felt like that's all I needed to say. He's a grown man, I trust him and he is going away to have fun with the boys! Time with the guys is healthy and I encourage it as much as possible!

 

Now comes my issue:

He came home telling me lots of fun stories, kind of "over sharing" if you will and seemed nervous! He also brought back an expensive gift for me, which is super out of character. Now the clincher- he sent me a video the next day of a friend of his being funny and drunk, my husband is in the bAckground without his wedding ring on!!!!!!!! It is plain as day!!! He hasn't taken his wedding ring off in months since we got it resized because it was too big. There is absolutely no reason why he would need to take his ring off on a boys trip!!!! I am gutted!!!!

 

My gut is telling me something is terribly wrong.. I just don't know how to approach this. Obviously I think he's cheated on me, or was attempting too. Why else would a guy take of his wedding ring?!?

 

What do you guys think? Is this proof he was unfaithful or attempting to be?

 

Thank you so much for your advice.

[Tayla92]

I'd go with your gut on this one, I think you should definitely talk to him about seeing the video without the ring on.. He could make up an excuse though. So it's really up to you how you're going to handle this.

[RainyCoast]

there is a very similar thread about that on here.

 

 

 

maybe you could find something helpful in there.

[j.man]

I'll probably never get married because I loathe the idea of wearing a ring all day every day.

[Buggybean]

Thanks everyone for your responses. There are many excuses as to why someone would take off their wedding ring whilst out at a nightclub. I can't wait to hear his.

[boltnrun]

Well, I had one friend wanting me to remove my wedding ring because it was interfering with her "game". She thought no men would approach us if they thought the both of us were married ladies.

 

I refused BTW.

 

Maybe your husband's buddies ragged on him to take it off?

[alldaisies]

Ask him why he took the wedding ring off. I understand why you are worry and doubtful, I will be like you if something like that happens to me.

 

Now, there are men that do not like to use wedding ring. And it ok, if there are love and trust in relation, love cannot be measure by a ring. My husband never wanted to wear a ring, and he never buy me a ring either. I brought my own ring, because I believe a ring is like a promise, it has a meaning. And others around could stop looking at me as a single woman. I brought the ring after a man at work asked me to go out.

[mhowe]

Maybe his fingers were swollen from too much alcohol and Chinese food.

[Buggybean]

Hahahaha 👆👆👆

[Knot2loud]

Could be several reason he didn't have his ring on. From what mhowe stated to whatever. It's pretty obvious you were looking for his wedding ring on the video he showed you. Maybe while he was gone you had a few little doubts as to "what is he doing with a bunch of eligible single friends." I see it like this... You can either continue having a cow over the situation or you can trust him at his word. Was he unfaithful? Who knows? No one here does and neither do you.

[redswim30]

FLASHING RED SIGN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

This is bad. It's one thing if a guy flat out says, " Babe, I love you but I can't wear the ring every day. It's painful, not comfortable, etc."

 

It's another thing for him to take it off without mentioning it, especially around his single friends, and this can only spell trouble.

There's no other reason to take it off unless he's trying to attract attention.

 

Some men get this way when the reality of having children begins to set in. He may be feeling trapped or worried about the impeding pregnancy, and this is his way to feel " free".

 

The only way to know for sure, is to ask him. It may be uncomfortable, but you deserve to know.

 

Having guy friends is one thing, it's quite another to pretend you aren't married.

[Buggybean]

It is a huge red flag.

 

I asked him about it, calmly and non accusatory. Instantly he went bright red and looked like he was going to puke! He said he took it off to put product in his hair and forgot to put it back on. When he realized he was already out and he was too far away to go back. It's a typical excuse and it seems far fetched but I asked him if it was the truth. He assured me it was. I said ok.

 

We had further discussions about it later that night.. He feels really bad and knows how bad it looks. I just asked that he respect me enough to tell me the truth.. Hes swearing it is. He cried and told me he would never do anything to sacrifice our marriage.

 

Honestly, the guilty reaction and fact that there were tears makes me doubtful that I'm getting the 100% true story.

 

But what more can I do? Nothing but take his word for it.

[WithLove]

It seems strange that he'd break down in tears and go as far to say that he'd never do something suspicious. Added to the expensive gift when he came back - idk, it seems like he's feeling very guilty about something.

 

I can't think of why he didn't address it with you right away, except maybe he was hoping you wouldn't notice.

[redswim30]

It seems strange that he'd break down in tears and go as far to say that he'd never do something suspicious. Added to the expensive gift when he came back - idk, it seems like he's feeling very guilty about something.

 

I can't think of why he didn't address it with you right away, except maybe he was hoping you wouldn't notice.

 

My thoughts exactly. If what he says is true, he would not have had such an extreme reaction. That is a " I just got caught reaction".

 

I would even give him a huge benefit of the doubt but then he brings home an expensive gift that you say is out of character for him. And the overwrought crying? I smell guilt.

 

Also, my husband puts product in his hair everyday, it washes off. There's no need to take your ring off. Does he take his ring off every time he eats something sticky, too?

 

It's up to you if choose to believe him or not. You may never know the full truth. And truthfully, you can never know what your spouse does 24/7. You just have to decide if you trust him and believe him or not.

[alldaisies]

I believe he cried because he felt remorse. He does not want to hut your feelings and he does not want you to know what happened. He does not want to lose you. He must probably will never do something like that again or he will get better doing things like that.

 

You can either trust him again and forget the event. Or you can continue torturing with the idea of what happened. It is evident that he does not want to be sincere.

 

Or you can try to insist and tell him that you prefer the truth and that you will be open to hear and pardon him.

[RainyCoast]

Any news Buggybean? Did he offer an explanation?

[Buggybean]

His initial reaction, the crying ect makes me doubt he gave me the truth and he's aware I feel this way. He continues to swear it's the full truth, so I have accepted it and am moving on. Things are not "ok" between us. The damage is deep. It's a hard reality to face that you married a guy who goes on stripper vacations, takes off his wedding ring and then lies to his wife. A harsh reality indeed.

 

And I agree, I believe he cried due to a feeling of remorse to to the way he made me feel, he cried cos he doesn't want to lose me and I believe he cried cos he realises he is 👆that guy👆 and he looks like a total dirtbag.

 

As far as cheating goes, I don't think he slept with someone else. But I think he definetly crossed the line whilst on the trip. maybe there was a lap dance or 10, definetly lots of flirting, maybe some wingmanship that went a little to far.. Without a doubt in my mind he has something to feel guilty about. But if he doesn't tell me, what more can I do?

 

Thanks everyone

[Fudgie]

Hmm, okay, here is what I'd do: There are companies who offer polygraphs for civilian use. There's a high initial fee usually (hundreds of $$) but nevermind that. Find the one closest to you and print out the website/map. Talk to him again (calmly) and show him what you've printed out. Tell him that his reactions and circumstances make you suspicious, so you've decided you want him to take a polygraph and the questions will pertain to what happened. Tell him if he refuses or he takes it and it shows deception, you're going to have to seriously reconsider the marriage.

 

He's clearly feeling guilty, maybe remorseful, so use it to your advantage here. I think if you do this, he may just crack.

 

Tell him he can avoid the poly by coming clean with you, completely, and if he does, you two can reconcile and move on. Think of it as the marital equivalent of offering him the choice to plead guilty. You know something happened, c'mon now. Make it so coming clean is the BENEFICIAL (for him) move, and staying silent may = death of marriage.

 

That's what I would do.

[metrogirl]

Was the gift at least nice? lol