browneyedgirl36 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I actually knew he would contact you all along; how? I was in a similar situation for several years with my ex -- he always re-appeared in some way, whether by phone, text or e-mail. And yes, sometimes, he "wanted" me in the sense that he missed me and had been thinking a lot about me, and he wanted the sex and companionship, but...as soon as I gave him another chance, it was 'lather, rinse, repeat,' just like on the shampoo bottle. I think this is one of lessons we all need to learn the hard way. I'll be you didn't listen to anyone during this time. I know I didn't! It isn't till you walk away from running into the same wall over and over and wiping the blood off your forehead that you finally say `Ohhhh, , I get it!' Yep. It took me FIVE years with the same guy, and I finally "got it." Now, I'm with a GREAT guy who thinks the world of me and feels lucky to have me (and I feel the same way about him). I could never have gotten to this point if I hadn't given up on my ex for good. This relationship is SO different -- no drama, no anxiety. I always wondered WHY I went through all that crap with my ex. Now I know. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I know he's too old to change and he is what he is. That is part of what I liked about him. I think he truly misses me because it takes a lot for an emotionless lizard to tell someone what he did in that email. Others here say it was lazy. It may be lazy from a normal man. For him, it's a miracle he wrote that. I think you're giving him WAY too much credit. Just my opinion, though. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 What can you say? You can say this: I am seriously considering seeing him again even though I know in the back of my mind that he really hasn't changed and I will more than likely end up right back where I am today in some amount of time. Hey there is no shame in any of this. Like TOV said "sometimes people have to be bloodied to learn" There are plenty of people on this forum and this thread that went back to an ex. It may have not been the smartest move but it was done just the same. Sometimes you have to touch the pot more than once to believe it is hot even though your mother told you not to and sometimes you build up an immunity and can hold your hand on the pot longer and longer each time. Everyone has their own truth, in this case you need to find yours when it comes to the lizard. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I will say to you what I say to others. If you feel you are in a place where you handle more of the same and not feel it compromises you in anyway, then go for it! My bet is you will return wanting support working through the same disappointment - again. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Anyway I can still say NO, if or when he asks me out. And if he says why, then I can do balls-to-walls then. I just don't feel it's appropriate to be calling for chats when he knows exactly why I left nor has he asked to see me. Naomi, he put out a carrot to you. It's your move, and you're moving it back into his court. Balls-to-the-wall means just that: you say, stop farting around with me. What are you proposing? Or is that just a random compliment you gave me? What is your intent? What do you want? If you both "know what's going on", it's that he's dancing his way back, inch by inch. Right now, you are playing by his rules and your passivity. You are kind of kidding yourself, Naomi. First, you have no idea what might happen, now you say you both know what's going on. This buys you time to look as noncommittal as him. Beat him to the punch and stop stalling what you know is the inevitable. These are sort of cat-and-mouse games, and I see that as a problem. That you would rather play them than be direct since you know what's going on. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 It's this very attitude that got you into the predicament you were in. So which is it? You are both working towards the same end goal or he's looking for more of the same? After all you just said 'we both know what's going on' If it's so clear then this post if for nothing, right? You are both clear on everything. I'm clear where I left off, but not sure what he's been up to the last two months or if his intentions have changed, and that's why this post. But it's premature to assume he's got interest in me after getting an email after two months of silence, assume all this and ask him for a chat. I don't want to chat with him about this until the situation calls for it and I don't see a brief email note calling for it. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I read your previous thread. it seems like you were a big secret in this guy's life. You rarely go out, but spend time at one another's homes for your dates- he doesn't even allow you to spend the night. You haven't met the friends, nor the family. This man has no intention of including you in his life now, or ever. All this amounts to is weekly sex. Good god, you only hear from him a couple of times a week. Honestly, I don't know how much clearer this scenario could be. You are f*%k buddies. Period. I hope that you wake up, and realize that you deserve more for yourself, as this guy is not into you. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Correct me if I am wrong but if I remember correctly he was always capable of throwing her a bone. But that's about it. This is not throwing a bone. You throw someone a bone when it costs you nothing, because they're already around scratching at your pantleg. This is him going out on a limb to be rejected, to show he needs something. It's a risk -- not a cavalier bone. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I personally don't believe that someone suddenly develops feelings for someone in their absence. Especially when they couldn't while in their presence. Nostalgia maybe. . fantasy too. Not genuine feelings backed with integrity. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 He hasn't even asked for anything. What if he truly just wanted to say hello and he thinks of me often? Why do we think he has a dubious nature behind his kind comments? Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 He hasn't even asked for anything. What if he truly just wanted to say hello and he thinks of me often? Why do we think he has a dubious nature behind his kind comments? Cat, Mouse, and Ostrich -- by Naomi "Once upon a time..." Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Look, I totally agree with Vampire and Reinvent and a lot of you, that I have to quit being so passive and I WILL NOT BE! I PROMISE, but the timing in which you all want me to exercise my newfound testicles seems inappropriately out of time. I WILL be stronger and more assertive, I know I can be and will be, but not yet. I don't want to say this in an email nor do I want to suggest a f-ing "CHAT" right now. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 He hasn't even asked for anything. What if he truly just wanted to say hello and he thinks of me often? Why do we think he has a dubious nature behind his kind comments? Has He Changed His Tune Has he had a change of heart or pulling my heartstrings? Or both? Because you yourself is thinking the same thing or you wouldn't have started the thread like this. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 It's possible that experiencing you not being in his life plus perhaps changing his mindset triggered the text. I would respond with "nice to hear from you -how are you?" and see if he responds in a direct/sincere way. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Cat, Mouse, and Ostrich -- by Naomi "Once upon a time..." ….there was an mouse who wanted a piece of cheese, but she had to lug it all the way from down the block to share it with the dubious cat. And this is after she couldn't find parking. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes he has asked you something but in a very cowardice way. He asked: Do you still think of me?, Do you have a bf?, Do you want to re-connect in some way?, are you still interested? do you miss me enough to resume what we had going" For a man...errr I mean lizard that was pretty blunt and to the point when you were together he sure is beating around the bush. He wants to know all those things I mentioned. Trust me on this one. Just call him out on his B.S. and see what happens. If nothing else it will be more material for a thread Lost Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes he has asked you something but in a very cowardice way. He asked: Do you still think of me?, Do you have a bf?, Do you want to re-connect in some way?, are you still interested? do you miss me enough to resume what we had going" For a man...errr I mean lizard that was pretty blunt and to the point when you were together he sure is beating around the bush. He wants to know all those things I mentioned. Trust me on this one. Just call him out on his B.S. and see what happens. If nothing else it will be more material for a thread Lost REALLY??? Is that really what he's thinking? Jesus Christ. In my response, I didn't say one damn thing about me. I just said thank you for the kind words and by the way you look exactly like that cartoon character. (It's true. My GFs and I were dying, they look dead on.) I'm guessing he is going to respond in a few days. Maybe by then I'll grow some balls to do my balls-to-walls move on doctor. Or maybe he'll never respond and I won't' have to worry about dropping my balls. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Look, I totally agree with Vampire and Reinvent and a lot of you, that I have to quit being so passive and I WILL NOT BE! I PROMISE, but the timing in which you all want me to exercise my newfound testicles seems inappropriately out of time. I WILL be stronger and more assertive, I know I can be and will be, but not yet. I don't want to say this in an email nor do I want to suggest a f-ing "CHAT" right now. I understand your reasoning. You don't want to look presumptuous. You don't want to jump the gun. You don't want to look like you're reading too much in, because that makes you seem too eager to lap up his compliment and make something of it. What I'm suggesting is that you cut through what is about to be a long, drawn-out "courtship", where he gets to slowly bide his time and you, yours, in this "dance", which you know will result in you seeing him anyway. Fact, is, you want him to do it, so it doesn't look like you're falling into at trap until he sets it. And I'm saying, asserting yourself means actually taking the initiative and expediting this BS: you're being perfectly polite to ask to see him. Because it's going to happen anyway, do it on your terms. And then you politely say, you don't know what the email means. He thinks you're an incredible woman and he thinks about you all the time. So now he can think about and see you -- and answer your question, so that there is no dancing around the issue. That would shock him. And it would bring you probably clearer answers, because it's clear that you're not coming to negotiate. You wait for him, and there will be a lot of vague negotiating, with you asking him the right questions and leaving, thinking, "How is it that I asked such clear questions and yet still feel this is unresolved? I guess the only answer now is to sleep with him and see how I feel." But that's just my 2 cents. If I was advising you to be the strongest woman you could be, not 50% of the woman you could be, standing in your power. My point is that by waiting for this to be more obvious as a move on his part, you already are giving up some power. He made a gusty move to reach out as he did. The lazy/slimy part is that now he's going to let that momentum carry him to his goal. He's just prideful enough that he saved himself that much rope by being vague. He's wound up his girl, like a wind-up toy with his nebulous email, and if he knows her, it's now only a matter of time. Hard part's over for him. You can be polite, assertive, and confrontational all at the same time. It'll blow his mind. But you know, you're just asking what he meant by that. If he just meant to say hi, you'll have a nice mocha and leave it at that, and he'll have to go back to beating off and thinking of you again. So he'll have to think about that one. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes he has asked you something but in a very cowardice way. He asked: Do you still think of me?, Do you have a bf?, Do you want to re-connect in some way?, are you still interested? do you miss me enough to resume what we had going" For a man...errr I mean lizard that was pretty blunt and to the point when you were together he sure is beating around the bush. He wants to know all those things I mentioned. Trust me on this one. Just call him out on his B.S. and see what happens. If nothing else it will be more material for a thread Lost Thanked, Thanked, Thanked, Thanked, Thanked!!!! Saw this while I was posting -- And better from a guy! CALL HIM OUT ON THE BS!! This waiting stuff is part of his scheme. You're behaving exactly as he is betting. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 How about I wait for him to respond to my last email, and then call him out on his BS? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 How about I wait for him to respond to my last email, and then call him out on his BS? Just beat him to the punch. Don't wait for a response. Heck, for all you know he might not respond. It may have been a one time drive by. How's that going to feel while you check your email daily? Tell him you've moved on and ask him what exactly are his intentions for having contacted you. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Just beat him to the punch. Don't wait for a response. Heck, for all you know he might not respond. It may have been a one time drive by. How's that going to feel while you check your email daily? Tell him you've moved on and ask him what exactly are his intentions for contacting you. I'm not that desperate where I'm checking my email. Sheeze, I'm checking ENO more for all this wonderful interaction than I am email! If he never responds, then great. I don't have to worry about any of this. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I'm not that desperate where I'm checking my email. Sheeze, I'm checking ENO more for all this wonderful interaction than I am email! If he never responds, then great. I don't have to worry about any of this. Not buyin' it! Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Dated someone casually for nine months. I abruptly ended it when he said he couldn't offer more than what we were right now. He said he wouldn't contact me, I guess, to give me some space to move on. 2.5 months later, he contacts me saying I'm an incredible woman and he thinks about me all the time. I haven't responded. Not sure what to do. Has he a change of heart or pulling my heartstrings? Or both? Your response should have been: I know. Glad you finally saw that. Link to comment
Naomi99 Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 I swear since I sent the response email, I've checked one time. I promise to the Christian Louboutin Gods. Trust me. Your posts on ENA are much more interesting reads than whatever he will write back. I think my wit is wasted on him, to be honest. Link to comment
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