Out with OLD and in with....older. Or....Matchmakers, why not?

[LoveSoDeep]

It may or may not be for you, and that's okay. I think it's good that you're giving it a go. I have a lot of nerdy interests and I find that nerds fit me pretty well. I also find that they are a bit more laid back, very smart, able to put up with my messy self, etc.

 

I am with a nerd now and while we are both really into Star Wars and other things, I'm sad that he's not into Star Trek like I am. Can't have everything though, right? haha.

 

Hey if Nerds are cool with messy people then maybe I should date them all the time!

 

Yeah it's not that I dislike any of those things....I'm sure I could watch Lord of the Rings or Star Wars or Star Trek and have an enjoyable time but I just don't get that into them. My ex that I dated for almost 4 years occasionally he would get me into some random anime or cartoon and we'd watch together. I was cool with that but It's not like I read up on them in my spare time or anything. I geek out about things like theater, musicals and sometimes music, but at the same time I can also talk for hours about baseball or football.

[LoveSoDeep]

Hmm so I need something fun to do this weekend and there's an Octoberfest thing gong on...however, I don't want to go drinking alone...but I saw there's a 5K as part of the weekend and it looks like people dress up to run the 5K. I have beer garden costume I made for my sister one year. I think eventually she let me keep it because I did all the sewing, but I'm not 100% sure I have it now so I'll have to check. If I do have it I might do the 5K in which case I should probably jump on the treadmill tonight or tomorrow to prepare. I guess that kills 2 birds with one stone.

[Rosti87]

I absolutely love nerds and that's all I date, for the most part. I am wishing you luck with him!

Yup. Ditto here. Love nerdy men.

[saluk]

It can be fun to have different interests that don't turn you off to expand your horizons a bit - as long as you have things in common as well. It depends on if he is ONLY into lord of the rings or has other interests as well (which I'm sure is the case). He can teach you some fantasy and you can teach him some broadway.

 

P.S. You should watch lord of the rings, it's good! I don't think it's for nerds only, although the whole trilogy might be a bit long for some people. I remember my sisters and their friends going all gaga over the cute guys lol.

[Batya33]

Think of it this way - if you don't want guys making assumptions about you based on your age, I wouldn't be so quick to label someone as "nerdy" -most people are an interesting combination of different qualities and it's harder to find those if you pre-label.

[LoveSoDeep]

Think of it this way - if you don't want guys making assumptions about you based on your age, I wouldn't be so quick to label someone as "nerdy" -most people are an interesting combination of different qualities and it's harder to find those if you pre-label.

 

I think you're missing the point I'm not saying Nerdy or geeky are bad....they just explain part of his personality. Just like I would say he's blonde or brunette....neither is good or bad they are just descriptors.

 

I'm not counting him out based on this label it's just something to consider and ultimately good to know.

 

Also he was the one who pre-labeled himself, in his profile he states that he is nerdy/geeky and wants a woman with at least a little of the same in her personality.

 

However, if there were a guy who's entire profile centered around things I care nothing about or do not particularity like I would not choose to date him whether those things were considered nerdy/geeky or not. It's about being well rounded. Everyone has their interests or hobbies that may be a little off the beaten path shall we say....and that's totally cool but obsession with any one thing or subject just isn't attractive to me even if that one thing is something I like. Let's say football. I like football but if a guys profile is 100% about football and he's wearing his team gear in every picture and it's clear he's obsessed....then no thank you.

 

This guy has nerdy/geeky hobbies and tendencies....but they aren't the only thing he talked about in his profile or his messages he mentioned several other things....he seems well rounded and a few of the things he likes I like or can relate to as well.

[LoveSoDeep]

It can be fun to have different interests that don't turn you off to expand your horizons a bit - as long as you have things in common as well. It depends on if he is ONLY into lord of the rings or has other interests as well (which I'm sure is the case). He can teach you some fantasy and you can teach him some broadway.

 

P.S. You should watch lord of the rings, it's good! I don't think it's for nerds only, although the whole trilogy might be a bit long for some people. I remember my sisters and their friends going all gaga over the cute guys lol.

 

Oh, I missed this one. Yes, exactly it's all about the balance!

[Batya33]

Oh I didn't mean you thought it was bad -I think it is a bad idea even to label someone in a positive way -the more open minded the better. I understand people label themselves in profiles as a way of advertising, etc -I have found over the years that while someone might have what you think are "nerdy" interests when you get to know the person you're surprised that you are wrong or the person changes his interests etc.

 

Labeling too much too soon hampers the getting to know you process IMO whether it's a positive or negative label. People used to label me by my chosen career and I would remind the person that I was alive for over two decades before I started, had a different career before that, and I was also an Aunt, sibling, daughter, friend, volunteer, etc - I really didn't like being boxed in even in a "positive way".

 

I completely agree that if someone's interests don't align with yours at all then that's a dealbreaker -but that's a fact, not an opinion such as "oh she likes football so I bet she's not too bright" or "she went to see ___ band twice so she's probably a [insert label]". Blonde hair is a fact, but making an assumption about the person's personality based on hair color is the label.

[notalady]

I agree it is all about balance. I dated geeky guys when I was in my early to mid 20s, because I was really into computer games. But that's was pretty much all we had in common.

 

And with my ex, he's really into movies, as am I, but it all got too much because going to the movies ended up being our primary dating activity and he wasn't that interested in trying other things where we can actually interact with each other.

 

I always identified myself as geeky/nerdy (I'd do an excel spreadsheet to analyse which arcade gaming package is better value for money) and always leaned towards dating geeks/nerds, thinking he's a nerd too, that's great! We must have a lot in common! In a way that was true, but for the most part (compatibility wise) it was wrong.

 

I don't see that as a defining feature of myself anymore nor look for it in a guy. If he likes LOTR or Star Wars (both of which I didn't enjoy btw lol) or super heroes or games, that's fine, if he likes sports, that's fine too. I'm happy to give their interests a try. But if the important stuff like aligned values and goals, compatible personalities are not there, then none of that matters.

[Batya33]

Sometimes the labels can be helpful -often I find they are limiting and box people in so that it makes it harder to discover what is unique about the person.

[thejigsup]

My dream guy: Tall, light brown hair, athletic, loves sport, doesn't smoke or drink, can watch basketball and football all weekend long, can fix my computer or build me a new one, loves biographic films and comedies, laughs a lot, can cook like a fiend, sensual, believes in equality of the sexes, loves amusement parks, skiing, and the beach, is in love with his career and works hard at it, loves day trips and weekends at 4 star hotels, hates camping, loves boating, has pets and loves animals, and, lastly, loves me.

 

Yeah, I'm gonna find all of this. Hey wait, this is me! I've already got it!

[itsallgrand]

Stop everything.

I want to take you to watch a screening of LOTR now!

The reason it was such a big deal was because so many of us grew up reading all the books and loving them. And to see to see that world come to life on screen and done well = awesome!!

 

Because this was the most important part of the conversation ...ha.

[LoveSoDeep]

Okay I agree too much labeling is a bad thing.

 

However we're typing messages on the internet here. I called him the geeky guy form PoF because well...what else am I going to call him....it's like giving him a name or an identity that you one ENA might understand and relate to for future stories.

 

Labeling is a part of life I don't have to like it but everyone does it and some more than others. I am not perfect and I do label people sometimes incorrectly but that's just life. I do however have the humility to admit when my label was wrong and I'm not afraid to find out if I'm wrong by giving someone a chance.

 

 

 

I agree....so far the balance here seems okay to me. If it were way off in one direction or another I might have declined....and it would have had to have been WAY off not just a touch of "He might like LOTR a touch to much" That's something I'm going to give a guy a chance to show me....not something I decide on my own.

[Batya33]

Never wrote anything about perfection. It's all about the degree of labeling -I agree.

[notalady]

I agree....so far the balance here seems okay to me. If it were way off in one direction or another I might have declined....and it would have had to have been WAY off not just a touch of "He might like LOTR a touch to much" That's something I'm going to give a guy a chance to show me....not something I decide on my own.

 

I think it will only come out over time if someone is too into something or not willing to try other things. Quite often not obvious at the start.

[LoveSoDeep]

My dream guy: Tall, light brown hair, athletic, loves sport, doesn't smoke or drink, can watch basketball and football all weekend long, can fix my computer or build me a new one, loves biographic films and comedies, laughs a lot, can cook like a fiend, sensual, believes in equality of the sexes, loves amusement parks, skiing, and the beach, is in love with his career and works hard at it, loves day trips and weekends at 4 star hotels, hates camping, loves boating, has pets and loves animals, and, lastly, loves me.

 

Yeah, I'm gonna find all of this. Hey wait, this is me! I've already got it!

 

Hehe! You're all set!

 

I really don't think I know what my dream guy will be like....I'm always surprised by the people I really connect with. There are a few things that have just never worked for me but I really think I'm more open minded than a lot of people are in this world of dating over 35.

 

Stop everything.

I want to take you to watch a screening of LOTR now!

The reason it was such a big deal was because so many of us grew up reading all the books and loving them. And to see to see that world come to life on screen and done well = awesome!!

 

Because this was the most important part of the conversation ...ha.

 

I'm all for it! Actually I hear the cinematography is amazing, I'm sure I'd enjoy it and I bet it is better on a bog screen.

 

Never wrote anything about perfection. It's all about the degree of labeling -I agree.

 

Yes, so many things are all about the degree. I know, sometimes my writing makes it seem like I have forgotten that....but I promise, I have not forgotten.

 

I think it will only come out over time if someone is too into something or not willing to try other things. Quite often not obvious at the start.

 

Yes, sometimes these things come up over time. That would be the thing to watch for in this case. As of now it seems it's not a overreaching obsession, so we'll see where it goes.

[LoveSoDeep]

So he texted me with only "Go " just before the football game.

 

We had talked about football and my team but lots of people know my team so I replied "Yes! Just to be sure which xxx fan is this?" He said P from PoF. Okay....not even sure I ever even got his first name from our messages on PoF.

 

So a little banter about the game and he asks when it would be a good time for a drink. I say maybe Saturday if we make it an early night if not next week. He says that works and lists a possible location. I say I need to look it up.

 

Then I get a text saying "No like to see the day games though with you" then "sorry wrong person" then "Sunday planning with my friend that's all" Um not that I'm in any place to care but that didn't sound like a message a guy would send to another guy. I say no worries and he says...."so let me know if or hen Saturday works." I'm like I told him Saturday works if we keep it early because of the possible run on Sunday.

 

I dunno all I'm going to say is I'm not all that impressed right now.

 

AND I ordered pizza because nothing I had sounded good. It took 2 hours to arrive and I ate WAY too much. UGH pizza tummy ache. Won't do that again any time soon!

[LoveSoDeep]

Hmmm and I just got a text from M ....all one text I'm breaking it up for commentary and some paraphrasing:

 

"That sounds exciting!" (regarding me showing him my favorite place in my neighborhood)

"I'll keep you posted. Maybe next week during the week b/c next weekend we are both flying back home for a wedding (don't worry neither one of us is getting married but we're both in the wedding party!) So after that though for sure! How's your little pup enjoying the rain?"

 

Haha...I have to say he follows a pattern....Thursday night was when he texted me last week.

[notalady]

So is the Saturday date on?

[LoveSoDeep]

So is the Saturday date on?

 

Yes, so far. We decided on 4pm at a local pizza place that also has a good beer selection. I don't think one "oops" text even if it as to another girl is reason enough to cancel...I mean I'm texting other guys too.

[LoveSoDeep]

I responded to the text from M with a pic of my dog wearing her raincoat (don't worry I'm not torturing her by dressing her up, she loves to be dressed up and sometimes won't even go out in the rain or cold without her raincoat or a sweater....she's hilarious). I said this is how she stays dry on the rain and then let him know if we do next week Tues and Wed look like good evenings for me and just to keep me posted. He said she was adorable and that he would keep me posted for sure.

 

So maybe I'm on the back burner....but really I don't care. He's not on my front burner either....no one is really.

 

I'm borrowing this form WithLove's journal because it spoke to me today. Thanks faraday! I think the bold part is why I'm okay with a standoffish approach to dating in the beginning. I really value a guy who has priorities and honestly I shouldn't be a priority after 1 date. I think what I need to work on sometimes is that he shouldn't be my priority too early either. Which is hard because I feel like I have to make finding a meaningful relationship a priority...and sometimes it's hard to keep that separate from each single date I go on. It's not the guy who is (or should be) a priority in my life it's the process overall.

 

The thing is...emotionally healthy people communicate in a balanced way. They have a lot of good things going on in their lives, and they aren't going to drop everything for a new person...because they have their priorities straight. You don't want to be with a guy that drops everything in his life to be with you- that says he doesn't value his life...and he'll leave just as fast as he came in (when he finds something else shiny). The flip side is the emotionally distant person that you can't get close too. They're no good either- not emotionally healthy.

[Batya33]

Is M the younger guy? I didn't like being a top priority to a guy either early on - I wanted to see that he had a busy, fulfilling life and respected that. I also wanted him to call me and plan another date within a week or so of the first if possible (or if not possible make it clear that he'd like to plan something as soon as he could) . I didn't see that as making me a priority, just a typical expression of his interest in seeing me again and not letting too much time pass between dates if possible. I did not like if he started calling me every day even if I was really into him (but I didn't text back then and didn't have a cell phone -just a blackberry for email).

[LoveSoDeep]

Is M the younger guy? I didn't like being a top priority to a guy either early on - I wanted to see that he had a busy, fulfilling life and respected that. I also wanted him to call me and plan another date within a week or so of the first if possible (or if not possible make it clear that he'd like to plan something as soon as he could) . I didn't see that as making me a priority, just a typical expression of his interest in seeing me again and not letting too much time pass between dates if possible. I did not like if he started calling me every day even if I was really into him (but I didn't text back then and didn't have a cell phone -just a blackberry for email).

 

Yes, M is the younger guy.

 

When he said he was going to be busy for 2 weeks with a friend in town everyone said he was blowing me off and I thought...well maybe. I think this shows that maybe it is what you describe above. He has a life and he really is busy right now. He has said twice he does want to meet up again and this time even gave a possible time before his previously state "busy" 2 week period is even over. I'll take that as a positive but I'm also not holding my breath.

 

Yeah I think texting and cell phones have changed things people make contact more often now...but it's less personal. Texting is a way of contacting someone but without being "intrusive" because the person you are texting can choose when to read and respond...much like leaving a voicemail was years ago...people screened calls or let it go to voicemail if they couldn't or didn't want to talk and they would call you back when they had time or wanted to.

[Batya33]

What I find difficult sometimes is whether I am supposed to "match" the other person -if a new person texts me does that mean I cannot call back but must tet (I have an ancient phone, hard to text plus texting limit on my current plan) .

 

In my personal experience if someone is busy for 2 weeks and want to see you they make a plan in advance and sometimes with the disclaimer "Saturday should work but since it's so far off we'll reconfirm a few days before). I think it's positive that he's progressed to mentioning a possible time. Good for you for mostly leaving the ball in his court!

[LoveSoDeep]

What I find difficult sometimes is whether I am supposed to "match" the other person -if a new person texts me does that mean I cannot call back but must tet (I have an ancient phone, hard to text plus texting limit on my current plan) .

 

In my personal experience if someone is busy for 2 weeks and want to see you they make a plan in advance and sometimes with the disclaimer "Saturday should work but since it's so far off we'll reconfirm a few days before). I think it's positive that he's progressed to mentioning a possible time. Good for you for mostly leaving the ball in his court!

 

It's even harder when their communication level is different.....do I have to text more or less to accommodate and they always text can I not call them? It's sad but if a guy texts me all the time and then randomly calls just to chat I feel like it's a treat. lol

 

Sure I think it would be nice if he had more of an idea when we could get together but with his schedule, which I believe depends on bookings that he does not control, it seems like it is hard to guess. So I'm kinda glad he doesn't say "maybe Friday" only to have to come back and change it later. Because then I kinda look forward to that day and if it gets moved or canceled I'm disappointed. I'd rather make plans on short notice that I know are going to happen than make plans far in advance and have them get canceled. That's just me.

 

So today we had an office outing about half of our office took a water taxi to a cool place for lunch. Before the first taxi over we had to wait and they ushered us to this tent and gave us free chowder and cupcakes....this is not usual but hey we'll take it. Well apparently they were commissioning a new water taxi boat today so our ride out was free. Then on the way back we're maybe halfway back and the captain comes over the loud speakers and says because of the new water taxi they are doing a photo shoot and we're taking a detour to join the other boats for the photo shoot. We went faster than I have ever seen a water taxi go in my life! It was so much fun! I think I need a nap now. lol