Online dating again journal

[janut1]

Update:

 

I met Guy #2's daughters last night. I met the 11 yo first when I went up to meet him for dinner. she was sweet. Didn't act spoiled at all. She is shy and a bit quiet. She went to the movies with her friends, then his other daughter, who is turning 18, texted him because she needed a ride to her concert she was singing in at school. He asked if it was okay with me, Im like sure! So we go pick her up. I met her and instantly liked her. She is really cool. I know she gives him attitude, but she was really sweet to me of course. She likes jazz, so I was showing her this group that I liked and she was all into it. So we have some things in common. Anyway, we stayed for her concert and didn't eat dinner till about 10pm. It was fine though, it was nice seeing him with his kids. When I got there, he gave me a hug and a kiss in front of his 11 year old, so that was cool as he isn't afraid to show affection in front of her. I was really nervous but it all went real well.

 

So this morning, I was worried a bit about the feedback he got and was going to ask him, but he texted me good morning and said that both his daughter like me! I was like YES. I know if they didn't it would be difficult, although we did talk about that and he said they will just have to get used to it. He did say that his youngest takes awhile to warm up, but I think we are going to be just fine. I can see taking her to get her nails done or something fun at some time which would be fun to do.

 

I know I wasn't sure I wanted to meet them yet, but then I thought.. you know this shows me that he does feel good enough about me to introduce me to his kids. So I'm going to go with it and just see how it goes. I'm glad I did now. This means that I can hang with him when he has her sometimes now.

[janut1]

Update:

 

I had a great weekend with Guy #2. I have noticed a change in him lately, he is flirting more in person and over text and last week started sexting me too, which I was shocked about at first, because he seems so conservative, and then relieved... just a side note, I really like it. I asked him what made him start the sexting and he said he wanted to get to know me better first and had a hunch I would be okay with it. When I met him, as has been documented here, he moves at a slower pace then I am used to. We have been dating a bit over 2 months now and have had several hot make out sessions, and there is definitely chemistry or I wouldn't still be with him, but there was a big shift to more of a sexual nature last week.

 

Part of me feels like meeting his daughters and getting the thumbs up that they like me might have made him feel like he wanted to move forward in the relationship with me and that it was time to get more intimate.

 

So...I went to his house after my mothers day dinner with my mom on Saturday and watched a movie, talked and yes, it finally happened, we had sex. It was really awesome and now I am sooo happy we waited. I did go home after because I have a dog, and was worried about her being alone all night, so I got home about 1AM and she was just fine. I could of stayed the night. LOL Oh well...next time I will or he can stay here.

 

Then I wondered how he would react to it all the next day as we all hear that men sometimes pull away. Well happy to say there was none of that. He texted me that night to be sure I got home alright and said he had a great time with me and all that. The next day we were going to his moms house for Mothers day, which is a 2 hour drive, so I knew I was going to see him. His mom and dad are really great people and I feel at home there. This is the second time I have met them. On the way home, he had talked about his oldest daughter that has the twins and he said you should come with me next time I go visit them and I said sure, that would be nice. We also discussed his birthday that is at the end of this month. He is not into big parties, so I suggested maybe a family get together with a BBQ and he thought that might be fun. We also had talked about his car show coming on this weekend. He wants me to go with him and his daughter. I have my kids so I would probably take them too if they want to go. So that might be the plan for this weekend.

 

So as you can see all is well and I am a very happy girl right now.

[janut1]

Update:

 

Well Guy #1's mediation with his X wife about custody was today. His X didn't show up and stated that she never got the letter about the mediation, yea right! He checked with Legal Aid and they said they sent it and it was never returned to them, so sh is probably not speaking the truth. So all the time and effort he put into this not to mention the nerves and anxiety he has had was a waste of time for him.

 

So now we are waiting to hear what happens since she didn't show up. Do they reschedule or just go to court? I hope for a reschedule. The good news is he is getting his daughter when he is supposed to and everything has been peaceful. But, if she didn't get the letter, which I doubt, that would be cause for the quietness and cooperation, or maybe she is cooperating because she knew about the mediation.

 

We are going to a car show where he will be displaying his chevelle on Saturday with his youngest daughter. Its at a area that has a beach close by, so we will be visiting the beach as well. I'm really looking forward to spending the day with him and his daughter.

[WithLove]

So glad that everything seems to be going really well for you!!

 

Glad you finally had sex

[janut1]

Update:

 

I went to the car show with my guy and his daughter and friends yesterday and we had a blast. We hit the beach for awhile and had lunch and then I took the girls shopping for graduation dresses briefly on the way home. I was concerned about how everything went with his daughter. She is shy and hard to read, so I asked him afterwards and he said she really likes you. Her friends like you too. So I felt great about that. My feelings are growing deeper for Guy #2 and Im also a bit scared about that. Im not in love yet, but its not far off for sure.

 

On another note. When I got home last night I had a message on my home phone, and usually its just spam calls, but this time it was actually a message from my X boyfriend. Yes, not sure why he called my home phone, I never use it for personal calls, but needless to say I was in SHOCK!!!

 

He called and said Hi, its G, just calling to see how you and the kids are and Roxie too (my dog). Call me. So I texted my sister right away and told her about it. I wonder if he broke up with the women he started dating right after me? No clue why he called, so I looked up his number and texted him out of curiosity. He text me right back, but it was a brief exchange because he was working. I really have no desire to see him or anything, Im quite over him, I was just nosy and thought he might just apologize for the way he treated me in the end. But nothing so far.

 

This month has been quiet funny since I have had 2 X's contact me. In my life, it seems they all come back at some point. Even my X husband has been wanting to reunite, which will never happen of course. My sister said she feels its because they realize they lost a good women and now after being out there dating and stuff, they want to come back to that good women.

 

I have to say I struggled quite a bit with R coming back to me. He was someone I really cared for, and could say was falling for before he just stopped contacting me 3 months ago. But I know deep in my heart that he is just not good for me. He is emotionally unavailable, and is not relationship material. He's the guy you just have lots of fun with, without any commitment at all. If I wasn't dating Guy 2, and could handle something casual he would be that guy. (this is the guy I started this journal about) He wanted to meet me on Monday, most likely for sex, but I cannot do that to myself or risk losing guy #2 just for sex. Its not what Im looking for at this time in my life.

[notalady]

I may have missed this, are you and guy #2 exclusive yet?

[janut1]

Yes we are exclusive and been dating for 3 months today.

 

The weekend sucked but first...

 

I met his X wife last weekend. My BF's youngest daughter invited me to her end of school year BBQ and his X was going to be there too. We both feel she asked his daughter to invite me so she could meet me. This women is a piece of work and this is going to be a long post. She is remarried. She sat with us at the BBQ which was uncomfortable for me. I didnt talk much at all. She asked me about my kids and I answered her, etc. More people came and sat with us which made it better. When she was leaving, she shook my hand and said nice to meet you my girls say nice things about you. I said nice to meet you, and thats great to hear. Whew I was so glad she left. She texts my BF the next day to discuss graduation. The youngest wants to go to breakfast after her graduation and she tells him that she only wants her and him, and the two girls at breakfast NOT Janut1 (she says my name). When he tells me that, I feel pretty hurt. I mean wow. I wasn't planning on being there cause I had to work. He says don't be hurt, she does this stuff all the time. He ignores her and tells me she is just looking for a reaction.

 

Friday - I knew we wouldn't see each other all day. My son is graduating and he has 2 daughters graduating, work and a family party to host. We are both going to be with our X's too which is stressful as well. I don't hear from him all day, at first Im bummed about it, but realize his day is really full. We have never gone a day without checking in, so it felt weird. He texts me around 10pm and all is well. He tells me how stressful his day was. His X didn't show up for the party till late, all kinds of weird things happen. My day seems so calm and quiet next to his.

But all is well we are both exhausted and say goodnight.

 

Saturday - He texted me good morning like usual, he is on his way to an emergency call. We haven't seen each other since Tuesday and I am hoping to see him today. So I ask him, do you want to do something later today? He said, not sure, I have lots to do at home, chores, paperwork, mow lawn blah blah. Yikes, what is going on that he doesn't want to see me? So I think about it and say, I understand that you have lots to do today, I was thinking more about tonight. Its been awhile since we have had alone time. So he says that sounds good, do you want to go out to dinner or a movie? I say dinner sounds good.

 

I go and meet him at his house dressed for going out to dinner. I curled my hair did my makeup and feel like I look good. I arrive at his house he is in his shorts and is ready for sex. I was like wow, thats great cause this is a rare thing with kids and schedules we hardly have time for each other. So hair makeup oh well. After we take a shower and he tells me that he bought ribs and would I like to just BBQ for dinner. Im like yea that sounds great. I get dressed and help prepare dinner, it turns out great and all is going well. At about 10:30pm Im getting tired so I ask him am I staying or going home? He says going home. OUCH!!! WOW that hurt. So I take a few minutes and say why don't you want me to stay? He says Im not ready for sleepovers. So I ask why? He says I didn't sleep the last time you stayed over. TO me that is normal it takes time to get used to sleeping with someone new. I didn't sleep either, but don't really care about that. So again Im hurt. I have no idea how to process this, I feel like a caged animal and wanted to attack but knew I couldn't so Im trying to control my emotions and deal with it all at the same time. So I ask him, is something wrong? He said no, everything is going well with us. So I say, is there someone else? HE said NO Im not like that. He says, wait are you seeing someone else? I said NO. I say, do you even like me? I mean this is just so weird feeling Im searching for reasons. He said yes I like you. So I get up, gather my stuff and start walking out the door. I have no idea how to react as Im hurt and feeling rejected. I walk out the door, and he follows me and says don't I get a hug? And I said, Im feeling really weird right now and just want to go.

 

So, we text as Im going home. He said I asked him a question and he answered it, I was offended, but he is not ready for sleepovers or shacking up. Im thinking shacking up? I never said I wanted that its way to soon to even think of that and Im not ready for that and won't be for a very long time. I was just talking about sleeping over. OMG. He said, I know you are really nice, but I didn't expect that from you. It felt like you were leaving me and thats that. I don't want to make you feel angry. SO at this point IM feeling like things are not going well, everything is falling apart. He doesn't seem to understand that he hurt me. We text for awhile and things calm down and we come to a understanding. He knows it hurt me. I don't sleep all night feeling bad about how I reacted. I could of given him a hug and just went home. Thought about it and decided how to move through it. But Im human and yea I have emotions and feelings. Its going to happen sooner or later then we disagree of have some sort of issue we need to work through.

 

Im glad this happened in a way cause he never asked me to stay, it happened once cause we were in bed and it was late and we both fell asleep. I asked him to stay once and he did, but didn't sleep that night either and seemed uncomfortable. I feel like thats a normal progression in a relationship and have never had a guy not want me to stay. Even my FWB stayed over. Since we are exclusive Im thinking thats just part of it all. Then I realize after talking to my sister about it all that his X is/was very abusive to him. He is probably gun shy and thinking OMG, I really can't handle another relationship like this and thinking my reaction is really not a good sign. I realize that I have always been many steps ahead of him in this relationship. I have decided to slow my roll, see how it goes. He moves very slow and maybe I should of not even slept with him yet, but its to late to go back on that now. But I won't initiate that either. The ball is in his court and he will have to make the effort.

 

Sunday - I text him good morning. All is fine, we apologize to each other and its over. His X starts a rampage. Accuses him of being cheap cause he bought his daughter a inexpensive laptop for graduation. She wanted a $1900 computer. His X involves all the kids, including the younger one. What a mess. She calls him and swears at him for 10 minutes telling him how cheap he is. Drama. We talk it through, he is used to this so it barely bothers him, Im like WOW I just would hang up on her. She is a piece or work. Things settle down, and all is well now.

 

But I have decided that Im going to give this another 3 months to see how things go. I will go home always and never ask him about it again. I won't initiate sex or anything else. He will have to let me know if he changes his mind. Im going to take it more easy and not be too emotionally attached to him. I never really ask him to do anything and when I do I get that response of I have so much to do. I feel like he is set in his ways and likes his routine and will see me when he feels its best. I could be wrong and putting way to much thought into this but I have to protect myself and take a few steps back. I am seeing some things Im not happy about. He is not touchy feely kind of guy. He is not a cuddler. We cuddle on the couch sometimes when we watch tv or he will grab my hand and its getting better, but Im so used to just being close to the man Im dating. Its just the way he is. Im touchy feeling and like to be close. His daughter is spoiled and he caters to her because he is so afraid she won't like him and not want to be with him. I finally saw him take some control last weekend, but its rare. She walks all over him. His X is full of drama. Last night I even thought that maybe I should date other people. I thought about how I missed aspects of my X BF. I always knew where I stood with him. He always wanted to be with me. Maybe too much, but I felt wanted. He was very touchy feely and loved to cuddle and spoon. Yea he had other faults though, but it would be nice to combine these two together. I was thinking that maybe he was falling for me, but I doubt that at this point. Im not in love with him yet, that takes time. This has made me take a few steps back to just liking him. He has a lot going for him. He has a great business, a nice house, treats me great, takes me out. Never gets angry with me and seems to have his emotions in check. I am emotional and reckless at times. So I have to learn to manage that and realize that he has been hurt and gun shy I am sure. Lots to think about.

[missmarple]

I would probably react like you in a similar situation..or, rather, much worse..lol. I'm quite hot-tempered!

 

Not sure what you can do from now on..it seems like you might have different relationship styles? Or he's just been too hurt and maybe not ready for things you are ready for? I don't know. It's difficult.

[janut1]

Yea, I think he is gun shy and I can't blame him after seeing how she treats him even now. She used to hit and verbally abuse him during their marriage too. He had the belief that marriage is forever and would not even thought of leaving her despite all that. Went to counseling, and church pastor to work on it for years, nothing changed and then she left him for someone else who she is now married too. That hurt him pretty bad. If it were me, I would of run for the hills and fast in that situation!

 

So I have to remember this as I react to him if things come up. Talking rationally is the way to handle him. Yes we have different relationship styles, but that can be worked on with talking about needs.

[ballerinababe]

I can empathize with your boyfriend. I can't sleep over with my bf, either. He's lying there fast asleep and I am awake all night, miserable and desperate for sleep. In the morning he wakes up refreshed and I feel absolutely horrendous. It's terrible for one's physical and mental health to be so sleep-deprived. It's nothing personal, but I do not want to share a bed with my bf at this time. Once I got a bigger and more suitable bed, then we could give it another try, but right now, that's not feasible. So I really wouldn't let this issue hurt your feelings. It was good that your BF felt he could be open with you about this, but if you react so strongly when he opens up, he might not feel comfortable sharing other things with you in the future.

 

Your BF has treated you really well (I've read your whole journal) and this sleep arrangement issue is one thing you don't have in common (at this point in time). I guess you need to decide if you can accept it or not.

[janut1]

Thank you for your feedback. I also don't sleep well at first with a new relationship, but it gets better as you get used to each other. I like hearing your side of this and how you feel it helps a lot! I do want to stay with him, this is not a deal breaker yet. I just need to slow it down a bit on my end to keep pace with where he is at.

[ballerinababe]

Yes, I think some people can handle sleep deprivation better than others... In my experience, it's much easier to adapt to sharing a bed if you're doing it consistently, but when it's a sporadic thing, that's another story. So maybe for him, he only would want to share a bed if you two were "shacking up" as he (insensitively) phrased it -- so he could get used to it and hopefully learn to sleep beside you -- but neither of you is ready for that now. On a similar token, I recall he sort of shuts down and isn't able to communicate much when he is sick. Again, that was nothing personal against you...

 

Just out of curiosity, did he only say "Love you" that one time?

[janut1]

Yea that makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you again for your perspective. Its good to see other points of view and you can be completely correct about what he is thinking about sleeping together if and when we are shacking up. Yea "shacking up" what the heck? I haven't heard that term in ages. LOL

 

Yes, he said Love you once. That has not happened again.

 

Yes when he is really sick, like he was with the flu, he did shut down. That has not happened since, but I am aware of it now. Its all a learning process.

 

Yes, I think some people can handle sleep deprivation better than others... In my experience, it's much easier to adapt to sharing a bed if you're doing it consistently, but when it's a sporadic thing, that's another story. So maybe for him, he only would want to share a bed if you two were "shacking up" as he (insensitively) phrased it -- so he could get used to it and hopefully learn to sleep beside you -- but neither of you is ready for that now. On a similar token, I recall he sort of shuts down and isn't able to communicate much when he is sick. Again, that was nothing personal against you...

 

Just out of curiosity, did he only say "Love you" that one time?

[notalady]

Sounds like he's just not ready for anything too serious yet. A lot of the stuff he said reminds me of Z (maybe I'm not an objective observer at this stage haha), like excuses to not spend time together and not making the effort to see each other more, and the sleepover (Z also cited the fact that he couldn't sleep well, which is not a legitimate excuse to me since all new couples have to get used to sleeping together in the start) and his overreaction about "shacking up" which you said nothing about and not your intention this early in the relationship (but clearly is on his mind and he's probably feeling pressured in his mind to move that way), that reminds me of the time where Z was trying to describe how marriage to him is a feeling and he needs to get there etc, and saying we don't know each other enough, it was totally unprovoked and I didn't say anything about wanting to rush marriage (I don't!!), obviously both need to be ready to do that and need to get to know each other more first, it was a weird statement and clearly something that was on his mind (aka he wanted to slow things down).

 

I wouldn't say your reaction was inappropriate at all. You don't owe him a hug or a peaceful goodbye pretending like you are not hurt when you in fact are. Again I'm probably not being objective but Z would have flashbacks of his last relationship when things progress and told me this near the end of the relationship, and that he has to remind himself that I'm not his ex and this is a different relationship. Sometimes people find it hard to move on and still act in the new relationship the way they did in the last one, and I doubt it is anything you did that reminded him of his ex, it's probably just on his mind regardless, yet another thing pointing to he is probably not ready yet.

 

You're wise to a step back and reassess and also good to have that timeframe.

[janut1]

Im not sure how long your relationship was, but its only been 3 months. If he was too serious at this point, I probably would run fast. My X asked me to marry him at 2 months, that was way to fast for me. We lived together at 1 year and I was not ready for that and it was a big mistake and I had to ask him to move out. Our relationship collapsed after that. I am not interested in marriage or living together at this point at all and I don't know if I ever will want to remarry. I've done it twice and Im not a fan. We both have a kid under the age of 18, so it would have to be a pretty solid foundation and relationship to even think about going in that direction. I would say NO to any of that cause I'm still getting to know him and really just want to have fun with a companion without lots of stress.

[notalady]

Mine was 6 months but it's been like this since about 3 months onwards. He came on strong at the start and cooled off around 3 months so not the same situation as yours.

 

I'm not suggesting AT ALL that he should move fast like your ex or mine, there is a middle ground you know I'm just saying based on the stuff he said, and the fact that I don't think a sleep over is too much to ask at 3 months, maybe he's not ready for a serious relationship yet. I also don't think there's anything wrong with being serious at this point, not get married or live together right now kind of serious but as in you have the same relationship goals and both want to spend more time together and get to know each other better with a view that if all goes well, there may be a future together down the track.

 

Anyway since he also move extra slow at the start as well, that is consistent with how is he now so maybe that's just him. As long as you are comfortable with the pace and on the same page about where it's headed then it's all good.

[Batya33]

I don't think I understand -is the problem that he won't do a sleep over because of the sleeping arrangements or that he doesn't want to be serious in general? For example could you sleep over and sleep in another room so he can get his sleep?

[janut1]

I don't think I understand -is the problem that he won't do a sleep over because of the sleeping arrangements or that he doesn't want to be serious in general? For example could you sleep over and sleep in another room so he can get his sleep?

 

He can't sleep when Im in his bed with him, so its about getting sleep. Im not going to stay the night in a different room when I can go home and sleep in my own bed 10 minutes away. The only reason to sleep over for me is for the connection.

[Batya33]

He can't sleep when Im in his bed with him, so its about getting sleep. Im not going to stay the night in a different room when I can go home and sleep in my own bed 10 minutes away. The only reason to sleep over for me is for the connection.

 

But what about cuddling before bed and when you first wake up and then having the morning time together? I completely understand if that is not your thing and I hope it's ok to ask more questions about this.

[WithLove]

Okay, from your past on the last page - I have to say that I think you overreacted a little bit. I also would be disappointed if he said he'd rather me go home and stay - but he explained that he doesn't sleep if you're over, and you admitted that you don't, either. You're also only three months into this relationship, so I think maybe his expectations and yours are not on the same level as far as intimacy goes. Sharing a bed all night and sleeping with someone is oddly intimate, because you have to deal with all sorts of weird quirks that you'd normally never see with someone - snores and snorts and bathroom trips and weird noises and drool and who knows what else. Plus everyone's morning routine is different as well, and perhaps he has one that he's not ready to share with you yet.

 

I would let this go and not get discouraged. He has brought you into his life by introducing you to his kids and ex, plus his family, so it's obvious that he cares about you and sees some sort of future with you. Take comfort in that and just try to understand that he's simply not ready for the sleepover portion yet.

[Batya33]

I love this post for it's stark reality among other things. Also reminded me that when I had sleepovers it was never involving kids/family routine -we were both single, living on our own (maybe occasionally a roommate my then boyfriend had). That does add another level. I also love "oddly intimate" because for some people it is no big deal, for example if in their past they were used to random people crashing/sleeping over (not necessarily involving sex) while for others sleep is precious and sleep deprivation a potential nightmare.

[missmarple]

I think what would annoy me the most in this case wouldn't be so much the fact that someone wouldn't be ready/willing to spend the night with me but the way he replied when the OP asked.

I can't imagine my bf asking am I staying or going home and myself answering 'going home' just like that. It just sounds cold..of course, I wasn't present and I don't know how exactly he said it..but it would be different (for me - I don't know about the OP) if he had said something like 'I'm sorry hun, I'd like you to stay the night but you know I have a problem with (whatever reason he has for wanting to sleep alone).'

[WithLove]

I think what would annoy me the most in this case wouldn't be so much the fact that someone wouldn't be ready/willing to spend the night with me but the way he replied when the OP asked.

I can't imagine my bf asking am I staying or going home and myself answering 'going home' just like that. It just sounds cold..of course, I wasn't present and I don't know how exactly he said it..but it would be different (for me - I don't know about the OP) if he had said something like 'I'm sorry hun, I'd like you to stay the night but you know I have a problem with (whatever reason he has for wanting to sleep alone).'

 

Yes, this I do agree with. Like I said, I feel that there's a bit of a disconnect as far as him knowing what Janut is comfortable with when it comes to intimacy. But I think it's something you learn with time, and 3 months doesn't seem like enough time for him to learn about all Janut's discomforts and how to address them. (not trying to make it seem like there's tons! lol)

[janut1]

Yes, I agree now looking back at it that I did overreact a bit with what he said, he wasn't being mean at all, he was just stating a fact. It hurt though as I like spending time with him. Unfortunately, I had other things going on too, which were unrelated to him, my X coming back talking all sweet to me, then announcing he was in a relationship on Facebook added to my feeling of rejection. Should of never talked to my X, big mistake and lesson learned. He is blocked everywhere now.

 

I have let this go with my BF already. We are back to normal and all is good. I'm just going to dial it back in my head and take it as it comes. He has always been slow. I mean it took weeks for him to hold my hand and then kissing me was another wait. I'm just used to men moving faster, sometimes too fast. And you are right, we are only 3 months in and I have met his whole family so that shows that he does care about me.

 

I do know too that if this happens again, he will be on high alert with me and watching how I handle stuff, so breathing, taking a walk or just going to the bathroom to collect my thoughts before reacting will be what I do from now on.

[janut1]

Ramblings:

 

Funny he talked to me a lot yesterday, more then usual. He is initiating more lately too and I wonder if this fall out has something to do with it.

 

When I talk to my therapist about him she always points out how we are a great team and she is right. We work well together, whether its cooking dinner, working on his mediation with X, or ordering gifts for his kids, helping him with invoices for his business, we do it together and its all smooth. He even gets involved with my kids stuff, like working through my oldest daughters need for a job. He met someone while out and about who was in the same industry my daughter is and got his card for me to give to my daughter. He told the guy all about my daughter and what was going on with her. He sees that my break light is out on my old BMW. He rushes to the store and gets a new one and replaces it for me. He buys weed killer and comes over to spray weeds for me. He helped me set up my new bed and headboard. He carries things for me when I have heavy stuff. He asked me my opinion on things he is going through. There is more, but I have to keep this stuff in mind if I get discouraged.

 

He is also a open book. He shows me his texts, never hides anything which I also like. My sister thinks he shouldn't tell me everything but I disagree. I think its a good sign that he feels comfortable enough and trusts me to share things that are going on in his life. Im not as open as he is, but yea, its really good that he isn't hiding anything from me. He is certainly comfortable around me now too.

 

What I would want more of is: Cuddling. He is not a big cuddler. He is not touchy feely, so his love language is not touch, I believe it is words, acknowledgement, approval. My X was a big cuddler. He loved to spoon, which I didn't like but eventually got used to. My X was more outspoken. I knew where I stood, no guessing. My current BF talks a lot, but not about relationship stuff. Again this could be because it is still new. I watch how he acts because that is how I know how he is feeling.