Coldarmy13 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 She's made more plans to get together than I have id say. That's the one thing that would give me hope, because why ask me out so often if you weren't interested. I do strongly agree that she is the type that wants the upper hand or control. I put it all on the table though, and I'll eventually get more annoyed by it and leave if nothing changes with time. I was really entertaining it earlier when I posted though. Especially if she hadn't contacted me. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 When she said Tony sent an uber, I was thinking, Tony better b blood related or come in like "Hey gurrl!" With a limp wrist. And u answered my question. I was about to say oooh inappropriate . She all nonchalant. That would truly irk me. I remember the time u said u missed calling her or something and she was wondering where u were....It's crazy how some ppl can't step into ur shoes, but have dbl standards Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 It's definitely frustrating, more than confusing as time goes on. Oh and another wrench in the works, she should have two roommates to split the rent in her house with but has only had one for a little while and hasn't had luck finding a third. Now she heard yesterday that her roommate she has now is thinking about moving out.. Which will leave her screwed. I know.. ColdArmy .. DONT offer to move in to help. Just saying that that isn't going to make things any easier. Link to comment
notalady Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Do not offer to move in with her under any circumstance. I agree her nonchalant attitude is what irks me too. Like this is no big deal. It's inconsiderate and lack manners to say the least that she didn't even think of telling you she decided to hang out with friends instead. Link to comment
luxurylover Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Do not offer to move in with her under any circumstance. I agree her nonchalant attitude is what irks me too. Like this is no big deal. It's inconsiderate and lack manners to say the least that she didn't even think of telling you she decided to hang out with friends instead. Agree with everything said here Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 She knows how her actions are affecting you, and in turn says she's a terrible person (joking or otherwise). I suspect she's doing this on purpose to feel superior or in control of this relationship. I doubt it's this sinister. I just don't think she is that into him. She's made it very clear who she is and he sticks around. When you know who someone is and you are incompatible with that, you have three options: 1. Walk away 2. Accept it 3. Talk to her about it and hope it will change* I put a star on #3 because ... that never works when the change is "be into me." Personally, when you are bringing up bad experiences with an ex, it says she's not over him. I think that's where her heart is. There are many people around here who believe you have to go out and date to move on. It may be she thinks that. Who knows? But that's what I suspect. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 ColdArmy .. DONT offer to move in to help. Just saying that that isn't going to make things any easier. It's pointless to offer to move in. I don't think she'd want you to move in with her to be honest. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 "Personally, when you are bringing up bad experiences with an ex, it says she's not over him. I think that's where her heart is." That's an interesting point, and perhaps you can elaborate more on it. I.e. What's the sample size and percentage of people who fall into this category? Is your definition of getting over an ex the same as if one forgets about her ex? If she is not over her ex, what will truly help her move on if it's not a new relationship? Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Doesnt matter. I think im done reaching out anyway. Ive done what i could. Switching to casual, obviously thats wheres shes comfortable anyway. If she want to talk to me she can text/call me. My interest is clear, balls in her court from here. We'll see how long im able to wait. Not as if shes blocking some other potential women anyway. Ill need to get back into the mindset and go back to the activities and who i was when i was single. Plus the gym, i had a really great workout yesterday afternoon by the way. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 "Personally, when you are bringing up bad experiences with an ex, it says she's not over him. I think that's where her heart is." That's an interesting point, and perhaps you can elaborate more on it. I.e. What's the sample size and percentage of people who fall into this category? Is your definition of getting over an ex the same as if one forgets about her ex? If she is not over her ex, what will truly help her move on if it's not a new relationship? Id be suprised if shes not over him. Its only come up in the beginning when we discussed past relationships and she spoke very unkindly about him. Then not again until recently asking about her issues with trust. Its been a couple years. Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hey man, what's up? Judging by the lack of posts I assume you are doing well in your relationship. Holler a "yay" if I'm right =) Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Thank you for your interest ghost. Its actually quite the opposite. ill post more soon. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hi Coldarmy... Im curious as well and will be watching for your update! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 We hung out last night and I stayed over. She was her usual distant and cold. I decided to talk to her about things and she kept saying nothing was wrong. We haven't had sex since her birthday (Feb 13th) and I was feeling like a complete bother. This also after we hadn't seen each other in a week and I pulled back texting and almost didn't hear much from her at all during that time. Anyway she said she was going through a menstrual cycle for the last 3 weeks. I took that at face value and encouraged her to see her doctor on one of her days off. Heres but I sent her when I got to work today because I felt bad for being overbearing. Me: I didn't know you were going through that until last night. Im sorry for any unnecessary pressure last night. Her: I appreciate that. But you are being a little overbearing lately in general.. Me: I appreciate you telling me that. How so? Her: Because lately I feel like youre hanging on me a lot and always ask me if everything is ok and want to have these dramatic talks.. Her: I just want to hang out and have fun im already stressed and really don't need another thing on my plate right now.. Me: I understand you've had a hard time lately, I didn't text you much last week because I thought you wanted some space. All ive wanted to do is make you happy, im sorry if I haven't. Me: Youre special to me, so ive made you a priority and want a relationship. Im not an overbearing person by nature but if I feel like youre pulling then it caused me to push. Me: If you don't feel the same way, I guess I should know though. Me: Please let me know one way or the other when you get a chance. Im more than open to discussing it. Her: I think that you want something more serious and I want something less serious and need space and I don't think that's going to make you happy. Her: I think what we both need right now is very different and I don't think either of us should have to compromise on what we need. Conversation is still going.. but yeah shes breaking up with me over texting, when last night I tried to talk about this in person. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 She is breaking up with you. Sorry. Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Im well aware. Holding back tears at work since this conversation. With a few small break downs where I needed to go hide someplace. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Awww coldarmy, I am so sorry to see this text. She is cold and has been for awhile. I know that I have said this before, but you both have different communication and relationship needs. It would take both of you to compromise to make this work. And since you did pull away a lot and she didn't push forward, it does seem that she is just not that into the relationship. It does make me wonder why she agreed to be exclusive and your girlfriend. That means she was either appeasing you or lying about her feelings. I also think that the 'amazing sex' you had on her birthday scared her because she has been sexually distant since then. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Im well aware. Holding back tears at work since this conversation. With a few small break downs where I needed to go hide someplace. Perhaps you can break up with her very clearly buddy ... to give yourself closure. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Perhaps you can break up with her very clearly buddy ... to give yourself closure. Yes!!!! I agree with this 100% Link to comment
notalady Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Perhaps you can break up with her very clearly buddy ... to give yourself closure. I also agree with this. Time to take back some control and end things on your terms. Continuing this conversation hoping she'd change her mind is painful and pointless. Leave yourself a little dignity and just end things gracefully now. Link to comment
okane24 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Sorry to hear that man... You put in way more effort than she did. If it does happen to be a break up, you'll be fine in the long run. Learn from this and come back stronger. I don't know her, but you probably deserve better bro. Someone who is willing to give as much as you do. I'm like you, I have done a lot for others with not as much return and it sucks. It will be a world of difference when they're reciprocating the time, love, and affection that you have been giving her. I just read this article. Hope it helps a little. link removed All the best Cold Army, we're here for you brotha'! Link to comment
luxurylover Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I'm sorry to hear this to. It makes me wonder if she didn't want something serious y say yes to a relationship in the first place! I don't get some ppl Link to comment
GhostB88 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I'm sorry to hear that, and I am glad to poke this out of you as I have mistakenly took your silence as a sign of pleasure rather than pain. I agree with the others that if you guys are breaking up, break it up for good; do it cleanly, it'll be extremely painful for a split second, but you'll feel a lot less pain afterwards. Also do this in person and not through text, get rid of all possibilities of misunderstanding. I hope one day you'll realize this ending is a rather good one as you'll realize that you had a good time while being with her, entertained us all with one of the best (though short) love stories, and the best part is that she is rational enough to agree to let you go for the Benefit of BOTH of your futures. That is one luxury you should not take granted for... Believe me... So please think positively, and we are all here for you in your time of need. Link to comment
janut1 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Let us know how it went yesterday when you can. Thank you! Link to comment
Coldarmy13 Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I wish i could break up in person but she had the opportunity to do that so many times as I've asked her if anything was wrong or bothering her. She's always insist no. Then sends me what you saw through text a couple of hours after I left her house yesterday afternoon. We haven't officially broke up, but my heart is already there. I was okay enough last night, but woke up today and just started crying for about 10 minutes. she was supposed to text me when she got home last night from doing God knows what, then I'd get my closure. She texted me at midnight saying she was sorry and thought she'd be home by now. Then nothing else until about an hour ago she said sorry and that she fell asleep. Real nice. I asked her if she had anything to say about what I said yesterday, which was her saying she didn't have her mind made up necessarily and wanted to talk about it. So I said fine, and told her everything. If I was important whatsoever she would've made sure to drop me a call or even a text when we were supposed to talk about things. It's great that she was always terrible about texting me but opted to send what she did yesterday through text without even a call. I'd send her the one big goodbye text right now, but I almkst want it to be in response to something of hers so I know she'll see it right then. I know I won't have total closure until then, but I know the book is closed. Link to comment
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