Lonely With Her: Ramblings of a madman.

[Coldarmy13]

I've given up on the idea of seeking closure long ago when it comes to ending a relationship. A lot of the time you can't get it from the other person, and you should get closure from yourself rather than leave it in the other person's control. It's good that you already have a plan of what you would do if you don't end up meeting tonight. I would simply text then delete her from my social media and everywhere. don't have a drawn out text chat about it.

 

Thank you, it really sucks but I do feel its the only way ill get closure.

[notalady]

That's way too much explaining in my view. I would cut out the majority of all that, but that's just me.

 

What's the point of explaining all this when a) you know she's already checked out. b) she isn't going to change her mind because of this text.

[Coldarmy13]

That's way too much explaining in my view. I would cut out the majority of all that, but that's just me.

 

What's the point of explaining all this when a) you know she's already checked out. b) she isn't going to change her mind because of this text.

 

I don't know how else to say it..

[mhowe]

Silence is an option.

[Coldarmy13]

Silence is an option.

 

That would be the least painful option short term.

 

She just texted me.

"Well I had to leave work early so probably not tonight again. Im sorry..."

 

Im thinking its a good time for silence.

 

Or maybe just telling her that she obviously has a lot going on and that im probably not helping. So I should just back off for now.

[mhowe]

Silence. She knows exactly what is going on.

[notalady]

I don't know how else to say it..

 

There are many ways to say it. You don't need to dump your every thought and feeling and what you thought this was going to be on her, which is pointless now anwyay.

 

Her cancellation isn't a surprise at all. And given this, I think you will be greatly underwhelmed by her response if you send her what you originally drafted.

 

I don't know why you are still talking about backing off when there is nothing left to be savoured here. I would simply send something along the lines of "You are clearly very busy, so looks like a talk face to face won't be realistic. In which case, while less than ideal, I assume we will just have to part ways through text. thank you for a great 3 months together, I wish you well in the future."

 

Simple, elegant. walk away with your head held high.

[Coldarmy13]

Well she left early because she must still be sick. But yeah, still thinking about silence.

[boltnrun]

"Closure" is a myth. It's what people say they need when what they really want is to make just one more attempt to "save" the relationship.

 

Also consider that she doesn't want to meet in person because she fears an emotional "scene" involving crying and declarations of unending love, not to mention the possibility of begging, pleading, promises to "change", etc...all those things people do (even if they don't usually behave that way) when they're brokenhearted and hurting.

 

Would you ever, EVER blow her off the way she's blown you off? If the answer's "no, of course not", then I'd conclude she just doesn't feel the way you do. There's your "closure".

[Coldarmy13]

I know. I even saw it coming, and I still feel hurt, abandoned. To not even have the common courtesy to simply end things, and basically, string me along.. stings.

 

I know ill hear from her again, just my gut feeling. The sad thing is that I do believe her that she is just ill. Its going to be very hard to go NC. Ill miss her.

[ballerinababe]

I've been in situations where I felt a little under the weather but if a guy I really liked wanted to see me to talk, of course I would see him. On the other hand, if it was a guy I wasn't interested in, I'd use my health as an excuse to put off meeting. I didn't want to end things totally because I didn't want to burn any bridges, and that was selfish of me.

[Coldarmy13]

I appreciate your honesty, but how would that be a bridge worth not burning?

 

Doesn't make sense to me, but I get what youre saying.

 

What I planned on sending her, the long message I posted previously, even though its exactly how I feel, it may have been giving her way too much credit.

 

If I don't hear anything over the weekend, ill remove her from facebook.

[boltnrun]

I wouldn't send the long emotional message. Imagine how she'd feel receiving it. Either she'd feel annoyed or she'd feel guilty. Not exactly the reactions you'd be wanting.

 

I think Facebook is the least of your worries. However, if you're hoping removing her will send a message...it would be better for you to simply send her a message saying you wish her the best, but that you realize you two are incompatible. No more and no less.

 

And as Ballerina said above, I've been one day out of a six day hospital stay for a very serious illness and a few days out of major surgery and I made time for my guy. I even flew to Vegas to be with him right after I left the ER. If you want to see someone you make it happen. Not to mention, hasn't she been sick before and you brought her soup or ice cream or something? At the very least, she could pick up the phone, especially since she knows you're stressed and anxious over the relationship. Nope, I believe she's avoiding you, hoping to avoid a "scene".

[Coldarmy13]

Im starting to realize that.

 

The reason id want to remove her from facebook is not to send a message.. rather I don't want to see what shes doing.

 

Yes last month I brought her a care package of ice cream and snacks when she told me how bad her period was that month.

[Coldarmy13]

Its very frustrating that shes acting cowardly. Talk break up talk over text, then say we should talk about it just not over text, then avoid talking. Mixed signals and selfish. Wouldn't be hard to give me a call like you said.

 

Ive decided to just not talk to her. See what happens until after the weekend.. where hopefully ill be busy.

[mhowe]

And waiting for a call/text...that won't come.

[ballerinababe]

I appreciate your honesty, but how would that be a bridge worth not burning?

 

Perhaps I didn't want to burn the bridge because 1) I hate disappointing good people that I care about, and I guess in my warped mind, leaving them with hope was better than killing all hope, and 2) maybe I liked having guys like me even though it was still a sort of nuisance when they wouldn't leave me alone? I am not sure why exactly myself!

[Coldarmy13]

And waiting for a call/text...that won't come.

 

Then so be it. Nothing id say or do will change that anyway.

[janut1]

Then so be it. Nothing id say or do will change that anyway.

 

No matter how you look at it, its going to be a rough weekend and a rough couple of months. I so sorry you are going through this and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It makes me think twice about dating again. But I guess if we don't take the risk we will never meet anyone that is truly compatible and treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

Hang in there and keep us posted.

[Coldarmy13]

Despite a couple of short episodes where i cried, ive been more numb than anything. I fear when the numbness goes away.

[Coldarmy13]

This is a journal right? So doesn't matter what I post or how often.

 

Tonight's been pretty difficult. I wish I didn't care for her as quickly as I did and wish I acted aloof and didn't push her away. I must've. I was so happy with her, then something in my brain just changed. I was at least still happy when I was around her.. Then I started to care too much now it's all gone. Posting here and wondering what could have been. Eyes glossing over with the sudden sadness that just came over me. Why couldn't I have just been different and not needed attention and affection all of the sudden. I'm so sorry and Im not even sure for what.

 

Inside I know I'll be okay and continue to live and breathe without her, I just wish I didn't have to. My world is still there and present around me, it just isn't and won't be nearly as bright.

[janut1]

Yes you can post your thoughts all day here - Its your journal.

 

Don't beat yourself up over this. I have been with you since the beginning of your journey with her and if you read back on your posts you will see a pattern. You need someone who is more communicative, more affectionate too. She is cold and distant. I believe she has either not gotten over her X or is just not a warm fuzzy person.

 

You will find someone who makes you happy and gives you what you need, through a willingness to compromise or just because they are that way. That I promise you! There are so many women out there, me being one, that would love to have a guy like you in their lives.

 

You will go through the pain, it will hurt, but you will survive and come out of this even better. Keep working out, getting with your friends as much as possible. My therapist gave me this idea. To put a rubber band or or band on your wrist and every time you start negative self talk, pull that band and let it snap on your wrist. Its working for me, so I thought I would share that.

[Coldarmy13]

Reminders everywhere. When I used my lighter today, I realized it was actually hers. Here was blue mine was yellow they must've gotten switched. I got sad, but I threw it away and got a new one today. I've never paused so much throwing away a lighter.

[boltnrun]

I wish I didn't care for her as quickly as I did and wish I acted aloof and didn't push her away. I must've...Why couldn't I have just been different and not needed attention and affection all of the sudden.

 

You were just being you. Sure, you could have pretended to be some guy who doesn't enjoy expressions of love and affection and possibly "kept" her, but wouldn't you be in the exact same boat? Wanting and wishing for more and not getting it? Do you really think that would have made you happy?

[Coldarmy13]

"Hope you're having a good day"

 

NC being tested already.